Chapter 15 - Worlds Apart.... Last Chapter....

Chapter Fifteen

She remained close-mouthed for the rest of the morning, not willing to tell her mother about her last dream. God, he had been so frightening! Never in her life had she imagined to be so scared, petrified with horror because of Riku! She knew exactly what Holly would make of this: Of course Riku had scared her! It was her bad conscious gnawing because she kind of was in love with one of his mates. Blabla. Grunting angrily Elena took a long shower, washing and even blow-drying her hair to calm down a little, impatiently waiting for her appointment at Holly’s practice. To avoid Riku she had only sent him a short message, that she needed a bit of time to calm down and closed her mobile right after. Right now she couldn’t confront him. Not after her dream and the icy way he had stared at her.
She definitely needed some time without him now.

It all happened the way she had foreseen it and Elena had to bite her lower lip from time to time to prevent herself from screaming at the other woman and throwing into her face that she would never admit that her dreams and her husband weren’t real.
Unfortunately she couldn’t return to Samu, even during her hypnosis. Something seemed to block her, keep her away from the hospital room and him and when she woke up on the couch she felt frustrated.
Maybe tomorrow. She tried to tell herself. Maybe her mind needed a rest. She would come back the next morning and give it one last shot. If it didn’t work again she had to try and find another way.

Walking around the empty house she ended up in her mother’s private study, slowly sitting down in one of the armchairs. Staring out into the backyard she gave her whole situation another thought. There was no way for her to see Holly again she suddenly realised. It was no help for her and she wasn’t in the mood to feel even more like a crazy person. Samu was real to her. He felt real and it felt nothing but right to be with him. She had to make a decision.
Without even thinking about it properly she got up all of a sudden, walking over to her mother’s writing table. The prescription pad had always been in the first drawer of the desk and Elena found it without searching. Throwing a quick gaze around, she listened to the quiet house before she grabbed one of the books from the shelf behind the desk. Maybe some Benzodiazepines could help her to prolong the phases of her dreaming and by that also give her more time to orientate and get everything back in order. Her fingers were shivering but Elena opened the book. Maybe it should be some Non-Benzodiazepines, she wanted to use them for a while but not get addicted quickly. Zopiclon. Perfect. Hastily she wrote two of the medicaments down on the pad, placing her mother’s rubber stamp on it. When she took one of the pens from the pencil holder to also fake her mother’s signature, she felt her bad conscious gnawing but tried to ignore it. She had to be with Samu. Only for a little while but she had to be with him.

The little note from the prescription pad was burning in her pocket when she took her bike to meet her mother for lunch. Caitlyn seemed shocked and even anxious when Elena broke to her that she wouldn’t stay in Finland for another day but take a flight back to London the same evening. Trying to convince Elena to stay for a couple of days, she felt again all her worries churning inside of her, almost making her feel sick. Schizophrenic disorder. That was only one of the possible psychological illnesses that had come to her mind during the last days with Elena. Was her daughter sick? Did she need help? Strong, independent Elena? Her smart little girl. Did she unknowingly suffer from the fact that she had lost her twin-sister, her identical twin, even though she had been in her mother’s womb for another three months? Caitlyn gave her best but there was no way for Elena to stay. She insisted that she had to leave as soon as possible and said her goodbyes.
She had to get out of town, buy the meds and... well, face whatever happened when she took them. Using Riku as an excuse for her quick take off, Elena took leave, her heart still pounding in her chest when she arrived in London, entering the airport pharmacy to hand over the prescription to the friendly woman behind the desk. No questions were asked and only a few minutes later she took a cab to her apartment. Riku would be out of town for another night, doing some promo-work in Bristol so she had some time on her own.
It was already after 11 but she decided to call him anyway to wish him a good night. He seemed happy to hear her voice and somehow she felt eased and enjoyed their quick chat. Her mind on the other hand was already far away, planning her next steps.
Right after hanging up, she closed her mobile, sitting down on the couch with her new pills. The instructions on the package insert were quite clear, advising to take four pills a day in case of medical anxiety or sleep disorder. Calculating the best dosage for her intentions and potential over dosage and risks from the instruction leaflet, Elena decided to take six pills as a bolus and lay down on the couch, wrapping a blanket around herself. ‘Here we go.’ She thought, nervously closing her eyes.

                                                                                              ***

“Hey, mate, it’s me!”
“What’s up man, where are you?” Samu sat up on his bed. “We’ve been worried about you guys, Raul and I have arrived about an hour ago!”
“There has been an accident, we’re stuck and I was told that this is gonna take a while.” Riku sounded annoyed, but there was also fear in his voice, making Samu get up completely.
“Are you guys alright?” he asked alarmed, sighing in relief when Riku answered promptly.
“Of course we are! Listen, I’m a little concerned about Elena. She is...” an ambulance drove by, its horn swallowing the rest of his sentence. “She came back from Finland yesterday but I can’t reach her. Her mobile’s off and she doesn’t pick up at home, so I started to worry and wanted to be home quickly but now...”
He left his sentence unfinished but Samu was quick on the uptake. “Want me to drive by and check on her?”
“That would be grand, mate! Her keys are in my room, I put them on the night stand. Thanks a lot!”
“Of course! So I’ll see you guys in the afternoon, right?”
“Hopefully! They just said on the news that the street is going to be closed, maybe there is a by-pass for us. If not I’ll see you tonight. Call me when you have talked to her, I’m on tenterhooks at the moment!”
“Give me half an hour, I’ll call you back.” Samu hung up, grabbing his wallet and his jacket before he opened the connecting door between his and Riku’s room. All of a sudden he felt nervous. Elena had been on his mind far too often during the last week. Their talk, this little special something they had shared had affected him more than he would ever admit. Every outing with his friends had been weird with her around. He had felt attracted to her in an unusual manner, not knowing what to do or say, always feeling neglected by her. Perhaps this was his chance to finally talk to her about her cool and short spoken manner towards him. Although... Did he really want to know? Did he want to hear the words “I don’t really like you” from her lips? Taking a deep breath he decided to put a sock in it and close the subject. She was Riku’s girlfriend, maybe he had once had a nice talk with her, feeling connected and bound to her in an odd way, but if she had decided to keep him at arm’s length he would not be the fool craving for her attention.
He took the keys from Riku’s night stand, rushing outside to wave for a cab.

“Elena?” slowly he opened the door of her apartment, feeling his heart racing. There was no answer, so he stepped inside, closing the door. “Elena?” he asked again on the empty corridor, loudly. Still there was no answer, but all of a sudden he felt his hackles rising. There was definitely something wrong. The place seemed deserted but his inner voice kept yelling at him, forcing him to speed up his pace and almost running inside the living room.
There she lay. A little sleepyhead! Most probably she was using earplugs and simply ignored the phone because she was tired from her journey. For a split second he felt relieved. Then another shiver ran down his spine. She seemed only far away dreaming, but there were packages of pills he didn’t know on the table. He grabbed them, his hands getting cold instantly. Damn, why did he have to be a stupid bloke from the countryside with no idea about all those ell long substances of content? Zip... Zopic... Zopiclon. He kneeled down beside her, pushing the little table away. “Elena!” he whispered, shaking with panic when he grabbed her hands, her arms and cupped her face. She was breathing, at least. Swallowing down his fear he put his hand on her neck to feel her pulse. It was slow and unsteady. Again he grabbed the pills, putting them in his pocket before he wrapped Elena into her blanket, picking her up from the couch. As fast as his legs would allow it he ran down the stairs to get into the cab again and yell at the driver to take off to the hospital.
 

His fingernails were bitten down to the bottom and he felt his legs and feet still trembling nervously when he was suddenly confronted with a tall dark haired man.
The man in his white lab coat stopped short, starring down at Samu in his chair. “It’s not you.” Looking around the almost empty waiting area he called: “Who’s waiting for Elena Heikkinen?”
“That would be me!” hastily Samu got up. “Is she alright? Can I see her?”
“Where’s that other little bugger?” The doctor’s eyes looked him over, there was a lot of anger burning inside of them. “The Popstar-Dumbass she dates now?”
“He’s not here.” Samu blurted out. “Please, is she alright?”
“Did one of you dickheads give that shit to her?” the doctor almost yelled at him, grabbing the astounded man by the scruff of his neck.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Samu stepped back, shaking the other man’s heavy hands off. “I came to check on her and found her unconscious in her apartment! I brought her here right away, what the hell d’you accuse...”
With a low and disgusted sound the doctor let go of him eventually. “Fuck.” He whispered through his gritted teeth. “Fuck all of you!” with that he turned on his heels, rushing down the corridor.
Samu remained standing, rotted to the spot in total shock. What the hell had just happened to him? Slowly shaking his head, he ran after the dark haired man but he had disappeared. A friendly nurse helped him to finally find Elena.
“She will be fine.” The woman assured him, softly tapping his back. “But I was told that she will be taken to the psychiatric unit. We have to monitor her on the locked ward.”
“You have to... why? Can you please wait for...”
“Sorry, lad, no chance. She tried to kill herself, she needs to be monitored 24/7 now until the doctors release her.”
Samu felt his legs almost giving in. Putting his hands on his head as if he could by that stop his thoughts from racing on his mind, he sat down next to Elena’s bed.
“I’m gonna give you two a minute, dear.” Again the nurse softly rubbed his back before she closed the curtains around the bed.
Without giving it a lot of thought Samu took Elena’s hands, putting his face close to hers. “Elena?” he whispered. “Please, hun, I really need you to wake up and tell me that you are alright!” breathy and low the words came over his lips and he suddenly felt himself talking to her without thinking, simply whispering all his feelings into her ear.

She awoke slowly. Her body felt numb and she was dead tired and cold to her core even though someone had placed a blanket over her shivering body.
Then she heard his voice, feeling her lips curving into a small smile. “Samu.” She whispered, trying to lift her hand and touch his cheek that was still snuggled close to hers. He took her hand immediately, pressing his face into her palm.
“Thank God, you are back, love.” He whispered, tightly grabbing her ice cold fingers.
“Of course I am.” She turned her head, kissing his lips with a bit of effort. “I told you, I would be back. Whatever happens, I will always come back to you.” Softly she ran her free hand over his chin. “So did you manage to shave and shower?” still smiling she placed another kiss on his lips. “Your hair is shorter as well!”
“ Elena, I... What are you talking about?” snapping back into reality that had almost left him when he had tasted her sweet lips only seconds ago, Samu sat up on his chair. “I didn’t...” he started again but Elena softly put her hand on his mouth to stop him.
“Please, love, it doesn’t matter. I want to talk to you, but maybe the meds were not strong enough and I won’t be able to stay for long, alright?”
“Stay... what?” confused Samu furrowed his brows, running his hand through Elena’s hair. “Where are you leaving to? Is... did you really try... but why?” he was completely perplexed, a thousand thoughts running and echoing on his mind but she only smiled at him.
“I will try to find a better way, I promise!” she whispered with a lot of effort, closing her eyes again before she took a deep breath. “Samu, love, I... I chose you, I always will! What happened with Riku was only a mistake! I was drunk and I was mad at you and totally pissed off because of your behaviour.”
“But what... why...” Samu was completely out of words. She had chosen him? Riku had only been a mistake? Never! He had seen them together, they were a great couple! Good buddies, drinking pals, intimate friends and from what Riku had told him great lovers as well... What the hell was she talking about? Again he felt her hand running over his face.
“Help me up.” She whispered and sighed with relief when he helped her to sit up. “Thank God, all those tubes are gone!” smiling she turned over to him. “Come on, give yer wifey a little hug!” she opened her arms. “And then please scratch my back, this damn tattoo is itching like hell today!” with a displeased sound she took his hand putting it between her blade bones. “Right there, damn, it is burning like a fucking sunburn, can you check on it, love?”
“You ain’t got no tattoo on your back.” He blurted out, his face still pale with shock. “Damn it, Elena! What does... what the hell is going on with you?”
Elena laughed in surprise. “Of course I go a tattoo! The lilies on my back! How could you forget about it? You saw me naked about a million times, right? Now check on it and scratch my back, I’m dying here!”
When she turned a little and opened the white hospital gown, he gasped with disbelief. He had always fantasised about seeing her naked and also seeing and touching the tattoos Riku had told him about privately. He had imagined a daedal work of art on her back. Lilies from her shoulders down to her beautiful round butt cheeks. And now... his trembling fingers ran over the outlines of the flowers. They weren’t black or made of ink. The colours were changing, blurred, almost floating, and lotic like red and yellow liquid.
He grabbed her by her upper arms, turning her around to make her look into his eyes again. “Elena!” he whispered with his teeth gritted. “What happened? I found you in your apartment! Those pills, did...” he stopped short when her eyes became wide.
“I’m still here.” She whispered, instantly feeling tears welling up. “It didn’t work, did it?”
“Elena!” Samu’s voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper. “Love, you... you’re...” he fell silent, carefully running his fingertips over her cheek to wipe away the falling tears.
Suddenly her facial expression changed. She grabbed his shirt, crying out in pain. He tried to hold her, comfort her, and yelled for the nurse to come back. Elena seemed distracted with pain, her body shuddering convulsively. Whenever she stopped screaming for a few moments, he felt her teeth biting his arm, her low sobbing almost breaking his heart.
He couldn’t tell when the nurse finally came to help her. It seemed like an eternity. His body was covered in cold sweat, his eyes blurred from his own tears.
He looked down at Elena that was still screaming and crying in agony while the nurse tried to strap her to the bed, calling for more help. And what he saw when she looked up at him almost curdled the blood in his veins. All the noises, even her screaming faded and all he could see and perceive right at that split second their gazes were locked were her intense eyes. Then suddenly and without warning he experienced the most frightening moment of his life: Something broke inside of Elena. It broke down and he saw it with his own eyes, unable to stop it, to help her, do anything. All of a sudden her face was empty and she stared up at the ceiling expressionlessly. There was nothing in her eyes anymore. No colour, no life. Her body was still lying on the white hospital bed breathing, her heart beating but he knew she was gone. Her soul, the little sparkle that made her eyes shine and her smile lighting up a room... it was gone. She was gone.

Feeling sick and shivering to his bones, Samu turned around and threw up on the floor...

Chapter 14 - Worlds Apart

Chapter Fourteen

 
“So...” Holly Russell was small, blond and a lively woman in her mid fifties. Smiling at her friend’s daughter that was still sitting on a long brown leather couch, kneading her fingers seemingly uncomfortable, she made a few notes. “So your boyfriend is Samu Haber from the rockband Sunrise Avenue! Congratulations on that, my daughter’s a huge fan!”
“It’s not Samu, it’s Riku!” Elena whispered through her gritted teeth, cursing herself for talking too fast. When she had entered Holly’s office she had blurted out everything without drawing a breath, talking nineteen to a dozen. “Samu is my husband in my dreams.” She added, trying her best to calm down.
“I’m sorry.” Holy gave her another smile. “So Elena, what exactly d’you expect from this session? How can I help you?”
“How... how can you help me?” Elena let out a shivering giggle. “Well, I’d not be sitting here if I had a clue to be honest!” helplessly she shrugged. “Mom said that you are a specialist on hypnosis, she thought that it might help solving this whole mess.”
“You’re calling it a mess.” Thoughtfully Holly crossed her legs, playing around with her pen. “Isn’t it mostly considered nice to have good dreams about famous persons?”
“It’s not dreams!” Elena shot back immediately, sounding a lot harsher than she had intended. Quickly she raised her hands, shaking her head defensively. “It’s not dreams!” she repeated in a lower voice. “They are affecting my life! And most of the time they feel a lot more realistic than my actual life!”
“And now that you are with Riku they seem even more disturbing.” The doctor assumed, nodding with a smile when Elena gave her a quick nod.
“They are disturbing. I feel too close to Samu, I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it! This part of me that is now in a coma, desperately wanting to wake up, this part of me is in love with him, not Riku!”
“Well, when it comes to dream interpretation, your coma seems quite logical, concerning the fact that you have now chosen to be with Riku.” Holly tried softly, but Elena shook her head forcefully, immediately denying her words.
“It’s not that easy!” she whispered. “I AM in love with Samu, but not actually the man I met at the recording studio! I’m in love with my husband! And I wanna wake up, tell him that I’m sorry and that I will never ever see Riku again! But...” again she shrugged, completely out of words for a few seconds. “But then again, I... I see Riku and the time we spent together. He is so lovable, he is such an amazing friend and I really, really love him! But... but I’m afraid that I’m more in love with my husband!” she buried her face in her hands. “I must be completely insane!” she mumbled through her fingers, shaking her head in denial.
“You are not!” Holly reassured gently, leaning forward to rub Elena’s back. “Why don’t you just lay down and we start your first hypnosis session right away? Most of the time the whole confusion and discomposure fades during hypnosis. You get the chance to rearrange your thoughts and feelings. Come on dear!” smiling she got up, starting a camera that was placed on a shelf on the opposite end of the room. “I’m gonna record this session for us to have material to talk about, but don’t be afraid, no one’s ever gonna see this tape, alright?” Sitting down on an armchair behind the couch, she smiled again. “Just lie down and relax, will you?”
Elena sighed and closed her eyes. Very well then!
“Your eyes feel heavy now.” The soft voice of the psychiatrist became lower. “Imagine you are standing inside an elevator. There is comforting music playing and you are watching the numbers over the door. They are decreasing as the elevator slowly sinks. 30, 29, 28... you are feeling more and more relaxed, leaving all your troubled thoughts behind. 27, 26, 25... your arms and legs are heavy as well and you sit down on the bench inside the elevator. 24, 23, 22, 21, 20.” The doctor’s voice started to fade, tenderly reaching Elena in her dim state between sleep and complete awareness. “10, 9, 8, 7, 6. You are about to reach the ground floor. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Now the doors slowly open up. You are stepping outside, throwing a look around. What is the first thing you see?”
“Nothing.” Elena whispered in a thin voice. “Everything is dark around me. There’s a voice, talking to me.” She drew a breath. “I can’t see anything!”
“Open your eyes Elena.” The doctor’s voice whispered back. “Look around. You have to open your eyes. Open them, Elena.”
Suddenly the voice changed. It became deeper. Husky. A man’s voice. “Elena!” it whispered. “Elena, love! Open your eyes!” she felt a hand caressing her face, soft lips kissing her cheek, hair falling over her, tickling her nose. With a lot of effort she wrinkled her nose, drawing another breath. His smell... familiar. The lips on her forehead, three day stubbles brushing over her cheek. “Samu.” She managed to whisper, feeling a rush of relief running through her body. He was here! Right here by her side! “Samu!” she whispered again, opening her eyes to focus on his face. The bright afternoon light hit her eyes and she moaned, closing them again. Immediately his hands cupped her face. “Love? Can you hear me?” his voice became higher. It sounded hoarse and he cleared his throat. “Elena! Please, talk to me, baby!”
“Thirsty.” Was all she could mumble, forcing her eyes open once more. There he was. Still his image was blurry, but it was him. She tried to smile at him, feeling her dry lips splitting a little. Instantly her head was lifted carefully and a cup was put on her lips. She tried to swallow eagerly, feeling her throat burning. Coughing she moved away after a few sips, closing her eyes again.
“Please, love, open your eyes!” Samu sounded urgent. His voice was still filled with fear and his hands shivering when he ran them over her face once more.
She blinked and his face became clearer. He looked tired, completely exhausted. Dark shadows lay under his eyes, his hair was messy and obviously unwashed for days. Elena breathed deeply. “ Samu.” She raised her hand, putting it on his cheek. Aware that she most certainly did not have the time to try to explain everything to him, she put her fingers on his lips to stop him from asking questions. “Listen, love, I... you...” she felt tears welling up. Finally she was back with him, the man she loved so deeply, but most probably she had to leave him again. Maybe they only had a few seconds before the doctor would wake her up from her hypnosis. “Listen, Samu, I... there are some things I need to solve, but... I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and that I will fight my way back to you somehow, you hear me?”
He nodded without interrupting her, a questioning look on his overtired face.
“I will come back to you, I promise, everything’s gonna be alright. Just trust me, will you? Whatever happens, you have to trust me.”
“I will.” He whispered against her fingers. “I love you.”
Suddenly everything became black again and she felt an invisible wave that seemed to capture her and drag her along, sweeping her away from Samu, the hospital room and her bed. With a low sound she sat up. Her heart was pounding in her chest. When she scrutinised the room she found Holly, looking at her with an astounded look on her face.
“Elena?” she repeated the young woman’s name, kneeling down beside her. Carefully she grabbed Elena’s shoulder, shaking her. “Elena! Where have you been?” she whispered, her face pale with shock. “Where have you been?”
“At the hospital.” Elena managed to smile weakly and lay back again, rubbing her face with her hands. “I talked to him. Needed to tell him that everything would be alright again.”
“You talked to Samu? Was he there? What did he say?” alarmed the doctor got up, making a few notes.
“I told him that I was fine and that I will solve this and come back to him.” Elena felt eased. She would manage to come back. Everything would be fine. Maybe hypnosis was the key back to him. Smiling she sat up completely, stretching her arms.
Holly was still staring at her with disbelieve. “Elena, you... alright, first of all you need to... I need you to... to admit that... Elena!” her voice became serious. “It is only a dream, Elena! You need to accept that! I... I can’t help you, if...”
“Of course!” Elena said quickly and nodded. “But... but talking to him helped me... it... maybe it helps me to close this whole subject, to put an end to this!” she lied hastily, averting her gaze. Hoping that the doctor would believe her, she looked up after a few seconds. Holly nodded slowly, still staring at her with a strange look on her face.
“Well, maybe you are right.” She admitted hesitantly. “Maybe you should come back tomorrow and we continue the session. I will...” slowly she got up, walking over to her desk. “I will give you this prescription. I don’t... well, I don’t want you to take any antipsychotics. Not yet.” Her gaze travelled over the young woman on the couch. “This is something to help you sleep. Come back tomorrow, let’s say at ten? I’ll be waiting for you and we continue the session. Report any dreams you have, maybe you can write them down in the morning before you get up, alright?”
Elena nodded, taking the doctor’s note. “Thank you, Holly.” She smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, dear! Say hello to your parents, alright?”
“I will.” Elena promised, buttoning up her coat. “Bye Holly!”
Breathing a sigh of relief she left the office, heading for the next pharmacy. She knew the pills Holly had prescribed her. It was almost the same as the ones her mother had given her around Christmas. She wouldn’t take them. Maybe the dreams would return now and she could actually talk to Samu. Reality hit her when her mobile rang. Riku! Elena froze. Standing in the middle of the sidewalk she stared down at her mobile, before she picked up. “Hey.” She whispered hesitantly.
“Hey there, love!” she heard laughter in the background. “We’re having a break, how’s home?”
Elena tried to chuckle, hoping that it might sound happy at his end of the line. “It’s all white and snowy and sunny.” She answered, facing the bright winter sun.
He sighed. “Well, London’s pretty much the same, but not sunny at all without you!”
Low howling was heard from the other side and she could imagine his friends slapping him.
“Little Riku’s getting all fuzzy after a night on the looooove-boat!” she suddenly heard Raul’s voice and couldn’t help giggling.
“Hit that bastard!” she demanded. “Don’t make me come back, Ruutuu!”
Husky laughter and a few sarcastic and sexual comments were heard from his friends, then suddenly it all went quiet and she heard a door closing.
“Now.” Riku cleared his throat. “I shut them bastards out.”
“Where are you?” Elena listened a little closer. “Your voice is echoing in a weird way.”
“Locked myself into the restrooms.” He joked proudly, making her giggle again. God, he was such a sweet person! Feeling guilty and torn between her feelings for him and the deep love she had felt for Samu only minutes ago, Elena closed her eyes for a second, pressing her hand to her forehead as if this could help her to arrange her thoughts.
“How romantic!” she managed to whisper after a second, making him burst into laughter.
“Isn’t it!” he chuckled. “So how have you been? Is everything alright with you?”
“Sure.” Elena drew a deep breath, giving her situation another thought. Cards on the table or keeping it to herself? “Visited my parents, they are quite happy to have me around.” She answered, biting her nails.
Riku remained quiet for a second. “Alright.” He sounded astound. “Well, so... you went home to visit them, that’s nice.”
Without saying she heard the second half of his sentence. ‘But why did you have to leave now? I’ll only be here for a couple of days!’
“I know that you’ll only be in London for a few more days.” She said in a very soft voice, trying to sound apologetically, which wasn’t hard right at this moment. She felt sorry for leaving him, sorry for somehow playing with him without wanting it and loving him, but not completely. Sighing she closed her eyes again. “Riku?” she whispered, even more softly.
“Yes?” he had adapted the level of his voice to hers. Obviously he was waiting for an explanation, not knowing exactly how to ask her.
“I’m sorry I had to leave.” It was true and she put all her feelings for him into her words. “I never wanted to, especially after last night.”
He let out a low chuckle. “Now I start to feel better.” He admitted. “I thought I had scared you away!”
“Of course not!” she affirmed quickly and sighed. Cards on the table? Again she sighed. She didn’t have another choice but to be at least half honest with him. “I told you about those weird dreams I used to have, remember?”
“Yes?” he answered, making it sound more like a question to signalize her to continue.
“Well, when I met you it stopped all of a sudden, but... when... when I woke up this morning I was... They... Riku, they returned last night, I don’t know why or how, but... I got really scared!”
“Scared about what, love? What did you fear, I mean, the last dream you’ve had wasn’t that bad, right? It was about us, wasn’t it?”
“It was.” She agreed hesitantly. “But last night I... I found out why I had not been dreaming for such a long time.” Drawing a deep breath she rested her back against the wall of a nearby house. “Riku, I... in my dream I fell into a coma, I know it sounds weird, but... I... I didn’t know what to do and I felt that... You know, my mother’s a psychologist and I had told her everything that was going on in my weird brain around Christmas, so... well, she was the first person to go and talk to of course.” Sighing she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Riku, I... I didn’t know what to do, so I ran home like a child, asking Mummy for advice.”
“Don’t feel sorry, love!” Riku sounded calmative. “Those dreams, they seem to scare you a lot and now that you have told me about her profession, I know that your mother’s the best address to help you. We... well, we still have a lot of time after our promotion for the new album, right?” now the tone of his voice became a little helpless. He was lying and he knew that she knew it just as well.
“Hey!” she whispered. “First you need to finish the album, then you need to release it and then it is time for promotion! There must be a little bit of time somewhere in between, right?”
“Right.” There was a little smile in his voice and he sighed. “I like you a lot, you know that, crazy girl?” he whispered all of a sudden, making Elena squirm and bite her nails again. “Same here, sane boy.” She mumbled back. “Can you... please, Riku, can you try not to be worried about me? I... I’m gonna work this out and I will be back in London within a few days. Just... you’ve got my keys, you can stay at my place as long as you want. I’ll be home soon, ok?”
“Ok. Now would you please take care of yourself as long as I am not around?” he suddenly demanded in a joking tone. “I’ll expect you to be back with me within three days, you hear me? I’m leaving for France on Sunday, so you’d better be back on Wednesday!”
“Promise. Wednesday it is.” Elena threw a gaze around before crossing the street. “Now go back to your recordings, I’ll be home with you in no time.”
“Alright, talk to you later, ok? Just gimme a call before you go to sleep, I’ll call you back, ok?”
“Alright. Bye Riku! Say hello to the lads for me, will you?”
“Of course. Speak later! Love you, Elena!”
“Love you too.” She waited for him to hang up the phone and couldn’t help giggling again, when a loud thumping on the door was heard and Riku shouted something vulgar in Sami’s direction just before he hung up.
 
The evening with her parents became a cosy yet odd thing. They had dinner together and Elena was glad that her father felt too tired to ask too many questions about the “whys” and “hows” of her stay. In a weird way she felt watched by him that night and wondered for a second if her mother had maybe told him about her problems. But he didn’t say a word about it. Later her mother sat with her in her room, trying to analyse the session with Holly and Elena felt bad for lying to her as well. She simply couldn’t tell Cait about the idea that was forming on her mind. Her idea of going back to Samu in every new session to see him, talk to him and hopefully explain everything to him. She even daydreamed about finally being back with him.
Thoughts like these are better kept a secret and Elena knew it as well as she knew that she had to find another way back to him without her hypnosis at Holly’s practice. She had to find her own way to get there and stay as long as she could.
Even though she wasn’t tired at all she asked her mother to leave after a while because she needed some rest. As soon as she was alone, she lay down on her bed, closing her eyes. She felt nervous, uncomfortable but yet excited and happy in a weird way. Nothing in her life seemed logical at this point and Elena seriously asked herself when exactly she had crossed the thin line to madness without completely realizing it. Dream and reality. Reality in her dream. What was real, what unreal? It all felt very realistic. And she couldn’t admit – even to herself... well, especially not to herself – that everything was only a dream.
With a lot of effort she picked up her mobile, calling Riku. He called back immediately, sounding very tired and Elena was glad that she only had to whisper some sweet nonsense to wish him a good night. As soon as she hung up, she buried her face in her hands, trying to slow down her breath and her heartbeat. Samu was waiting for her. She had to find him and tell him everything she knew by now. When the noises of the old house started to fade away Elena felt eased. It wouldn’t take long...

The room she woke up in was the same she had seen during her hypnosis. An ordinary but upscale hospital room with a single bed, a few chairs and two armchairs by the window. It was still dark outside but the sun was about to rise in the dim and foggy morning light. Much to her disappointment she was on her own. The room was empty. Samu was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was asleep somewhere.
Slowly Elena sat up, throwing a quick gaze around the room. She didn’t even know where exactly she was. Was she still on the Bahamas or had Samu taken her somewhere else? Her bed was modern, reaching every European standard as well as the equipment around her. Carefully she ran her fingers over one of the consoles that was monitoring her heartbeat and vital functions. When she tried to get up from the bed, she suddenly felt her neck aching for a second, touching it watchfully. A CVL? She stared down at her arm, finding a flexible tube that had been put into her shoulder, not peripheral venous as she had expected it, but central venous from her upper arm vein up into the vena subclavia and further up close to her heart. Quickly she checked her own medication and the parental nutrition that was given to her. It was all completely standard and Elena couldn’t help grinning. She would kick that doctor’s ass and tell him to change a few things. Never try to cure a medical researcher, they know best! Slowly she put her feet on the ground, flinching when she felt the cold linoleum. Supported by the drip stand she was connected to, Elena made her way over to the window, flinching again when she suddenly heard the door open.
“Elena!” his voice sounded hoarse and Elena felt her body freezing. It was Riku. Slowly she turned around, raising her hand to keep him away but he misinterpreted the gesture, quickly running over to her to grab her hand and pull her closer. “God, how are you? Is everything alright?” he whispered into her hair. “God, baby, I’m so glad you are back on your feet!”
Stepping back, Elena drew a deep breath. “Where’s Samu?” she managed to whisper, feeling her head spinning when Riku suddenly stepped closer again, his face turning into stone.
“He’s asleep.” he whispered back, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Please, love...”
“I need to talk to him!” again she shied away from him, folding her arms in front of her chest.
There was a glint in his eyes she couldn’t interpret properly. Was it anger? Resignation? For a second his intense eyes became darker and he starred down to the ground, his teeth and fists clenched.
“I also need a few answers, Elena.” He suddenly whispered soundlessly and looked up at her with burning eyes. “And I want them now!”
Elena stumbled backwards when he approached again, his hands reaching out for her. Her back hit the wall and she felt a sharp pain rushing through the back of her head. Suddenly everything became blurry and she tried to push Riku away. “Get off me!” she whispered with all the strength she had left. “Get off! I don’t wanna talk to you!” her voice broke and she stumbled across her own feet. Then all of a sudden it went black around her. Waking up by her own scream, Elena sat up in her bed, wrapping her arms around herself to stop shivering. Jesus Christ! She fell back onto her own bed, wiping her sweaty forehead. Now she was afraid of Riku! She felt another shiver. In a bizarre way she had actually felt threatened by him. Damn it! This had to stop! Yet she had no idea what to do...
 

Chapter 13 - Worlds Apart

Es wird langsam dunkler um Elena und ihren Riku... denn die Vergangenheit, eine längst vergangene Zeit, holt sie ein...

Chapter Thirteen

 
The time with Samu turned out to be far too nice and short and Elena felt her bad conscious gnawing when Riku finally arrived at the bar. She felt so close to Samu right at this second that Riku almost interrupted. He was a disturbing factor. Quickly she got up from her seat, nodding at Samu. “Thanks for keeping me company.” She tried to sound neutral but she almost felt her heart skipping another few beats when he got up as well, smiling down at her.
“Anytime dear!” he bent down to kiss her cheek. “You are indeed a very interesting person!” hesitantly he ran his fingertips over the thin snakes on her wrist. “You know what you should have?” he asked out of a sudden and stepped back, blushing a little. “Those snakes are too archaic for you.  You should have lilies.” His mouth curved into a shy smile. “Lilies would be perfect for you.” Still smiling, he patted Riku’s back. “See you guys tomorrow!” he waved them goodbye, his eyes still focused on Elena’s face. She saw him blushing even deeper but he quickly averted his gaze and rushed outside.
Lilies? Elena felt her heart pounding in her chest. How on earth did he hit on that? A shiver ran down her spine and she suddenly felt the outlines of the lilies burning on her flesh. It was impossible! This was real life! She had only dreamed about the lily-tattoo, nobody knew about it, not even her sister or her mother!
“So...?” Riku put his arm around her shoulder. “I’m really sorry for being late!” he kissed her cheek. “But now I’m all yours.” Smiling he pulled her along. “Hungry?”
“Yes... I... Actually I’m starving!” she let out a shaky laugh and put her hand on her stomach, snapping back into reality. “Whisky on an empty stomach wasn’t the best idea I assume!”
Smiling broadly he pressed the button for the elevator. “Let me produce relief, Mylady!” he kissed her softly. “Everything is settled.”
And he kept word. His hotel room was nicely set with a table by the window, napkins, flowers and food from the room service.
“Have a seat!” he pulled out the chair for her, kissing her neck. “Again, I’m so sorry for being late!”
During dinner with him, Elena felt herself returning from her short journey with Samu. Maybe his comment about the lilies meant nothing. She was here. She was with Riku. Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. And it wasn’t weird any longer. She reached out her hand over the table, smiling and listening to Riku’s jokes, completely ignoring the strange urge to jump up and run to find Samu. There was nothing between them but a few words, a conversation, maybe deep and thoughtful, but still... She was here with Riku. He was real and he really liked her. It was written all over his face, in his smile, his voice and his laughter.
Somewhere along the way she even forgot about Samu. Riku had opened a bottle of red wine, telling her with a grin that he had actually no clue whether it was good or not, but the taste was nice, a little dry, just the way she liked it. They kept sitting at the table, talking, joking and drinking. And when Riku got up after a while, offering his hand to her with a smile, she got up without hesitating, letting him kiss her and drag her over to the huge bed.
It felt familiar to kiss him and touch him. Elena had never been more confident with a man, and he let her lead the way, obviously enjoying it. After what felt like hours of well-known intimacy, she fell asleep in his arms, her forehead rested to his shoulder. Samu seemed far away, left to his own dreams. She wrapped her arm around Riku’s chest, caressing the soft skin of his stomach. “I love you.” She whispered, feeling him pulling her closer.
“Love you too.” He whispered in response, kissing her hair.
Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be and Elena felt the soft waves of sleep rolling over her. Life was easy. So easy without weird dreams.
 
“What the fuck d’you mean, no results?” she suddenly heard a low voice. “She’s been in this state for almost two weeks now! I’m not a doctor, but this can’t be normal.” He sounded desperate.
“I’m really sorry, Mr Haber.” Another man’s voice came in, sounding calmative. “We still have a few tests running, but up till now we have no idea what exactly happened to your wife!”
Samu snorted. “Well go and find out then!”
“I’m truly sorry, Sir! We do everything we can! We have already screened out a couple of possibilities such as stroke or an epileptic seizure, even cerebral haemorrhage and there is nothing to be found. All her blood results are normal, so...” he obviously shrugged. “Most probably the problem is psychological. At the age of two, long ago during her childhood your wife experienced a short phase of something we call catatonic schizophrenia. It was only a onetime event right after the sudden death of her youngest sister but the predisposition is given.”
“A psychological problem causes COMA?” Samu was clearly about to lose his temper. “How’s that possible?”
The other man cleared his throat. “Well, we... obviously you and Mr Rajamaa had some... well there must have been an issue between the three of you.” He tried to frame his answer as decent as possible. “You have been fighting for the last two weeks and... Well, I talked to one of our psychologists and also to... to your mother in law, and they both agreed that... most probably your wife’s brain is... her consciousness might... it might take a break.”
“A break?” Samu suddenly yelled. “Her brain is taking a break? You are kidding! Tell me you are fucking kidding!”
“Maybe you should try to sort this out first.” The doctor suggested, making Samu snort again.
“Sort it out, hum? Sort out that I convinced her to fuck my best mate? Now that’s easy!”
Elena felt a hand, shaking her. “Love? I’m sorry I convinced you to fuck Riku! Will you please come back and open yer eyes?” he cleared his throat. “Not helping.” He exhaled. “Are there some more brilliant ideas you wanna share? If not, I’d politely ask you to leave now.”
The hand was back, stroking her hair. With a low sound the door was closed.
“Love?” his voice was close to her ear now. “Please, hun, I... I’m so sorry!” he whispered, starting to sob silently.
She wanted to move, wanted to open her eyes, tell him that everything was fine, that it all had only been a bad dream, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t blink, couldn’t force her body to move, to do anything. Samu! The words formed on her mind. Samu I’m fine! Everything is fine! Samu!
She awoke with a start, gasping in shock. “Samu!” finally his name escaped her mouth and she felt her body shivering. What the hell was wrong? Schizophrenia? She had – as far as she knew – always been perfectly healthy! Mentally and physically. And now a schizophrenia-induced coma? She had not dreamed about Samu for so long and now it... it turned out that her dreams had stopped because in her dream she was... mentally ill?

“Samu!” she screamed his name again. Her legs almost gave in when she tried to get up from the bed. Something was very wrong! What had the doctor said? Her consciousness took a break because it refused to face the upcoming fights with Samu and Riku? Because of a predisposition for catatonic schizophrenia? God! She had made a terrible mistake. Sleeping with Riku had been wrong and now...
Stop!
Right now.
It was only a dream!
She had a life. She had a life with Riku! And she enjoyed living it! She wasn’t sick, she had never been anything but healthy!!
Maybe...
Maybe all of this happened now to her dream-self because she had made her decision. She had chosen Riku. Was it possible that her choice now affected both her dreams and her life?
But how?
And why?
Why hadn’t she just... well she could have chosen Riku in her dream as well! Everything would have been fine then!
Wait. Stop. She had chosen Riku, hadn’t she? She had slept with him at the beach... but... No. She had not chosen him, but given in to her feelings. Feelings of the moment. She was bound to Riku in real life, but she had never truly chosen him in her dream. Samu. Samu was the only one she wanted.
Elena gasped with shock, realising the extent of her decision. She HAD chosen Samu. Right now, right here. In Riku’s bed. In Riku’s bed after a night of love they had shared.
It would have been fine! Everything would have been fine...
A sudden ache in her heart made her gasp and she pressed her hand to her chest, trying to breathe against the pain.
It wouldn’t have been fine.
She was convulsed with pain and sank down on her knees.
Samu
Nothing was fine as long as she loved him.
She flinched.
As long as she loved him.
His picture occurred on her mind. His shining eyes, the boyish smile and his hands, strong but yet so soft.
As long as she loved him. With a lot of effort she managed to get back on her feet. She loved him. Her heart started to beat faster, fluttering in her chest. He was her husband. The love of her life!
What the fuck...?
She tried to breathe steadily.
He wasn’t, for Christ’s sake!
He wasn’t! He wasn’t her husband!
She had only talked to him a couple of times!
He wasn’t!
Yet... she had never felt better. Whenever he was around she suddenly felt whole again. Only thinking about him calmed her down. She... she loved him...
No!
No, she didn’t!
Dream, Heikkinen! What the fuck?!
Again she gasped from the pain in her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. She sank down on the bed. Fuck.
Nothing was right.
She loved him.
No!
‘Hell, I’m about to lose my mind!’ with shivering hands she picked up the phone on the bedside table, feeling eased, that Riku wasn’t around to see her in her current state. There was a note and a rose on his pillow, but she ignored it, grabbing the telephone receiver with both of her hands. “The next flight to Helsinki.” She managed to whisper. “Credit card?” gazing around the room she got back on her feet, trying to find her purse. “Here you go, it’s...” she gave the number to the staff member of the airport. “Thanks a lot.” Still breathing heavily she got up, getting dressed. Without even thinking about it she rushed outside, waving for a cab.
She loved him...
One hour later she was sitting on a plane to Helsinki, trying her best not to fall asleep. She felt exhausted. Tired. Scared. Everything passed by in a blur. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about Samu, Riku, this whole mess. Burying her face in her hands, she tried not to freak out. She was losing her mind. Breathing against the pain in her chest, she closed her eyes. Nothing was right. Everything was upside down.
 
She took another cab from the airport to her parent’s house. It was only two in the afternoon and she hated the house to be empty. Slowly she walked up the stairs and put her bag in her room before she picked up her mobile to call her mother at the hospital.
“Elena! I’m sorry dear, I’m about to see a patient, can I call you back?” her mother answered the phone of her office a little out of breath. Two fifteen. Her mother’s first patient after her lunch break. Elena took a deep breath, sitting down on her bed. “I’m at home, Mum.” She whispered, feeling her voice shaking. “Came here only a few minutes ago.”
“You are... you are...? What happened? Are you alright?” her mother shrieked.
“I’m not actually. That’s why I came.” Elena lay back, putting her free hand over her face. “Listen, Caty, I... I’m gonna take one of the bikes, I’ll be at your office in 20 minutes. Can you... can I talk to you after your appointment? I really need... some advice.” She tried to sound more confident. More strong. Her mother shouldn’t worry about her. This was her own fight; it had nothing to do with her family. All she needed was some advice and maybe the phone number of one of her mother’s colleagues to have someone to talk to properly. “Listen, Mommy, don’t freak out, ok? I’m alright. It’s just... I met this guy and... his... his best friend... he... I broke up with Rob and... achhhhh! Everything’s a little upside down, so I really need someone to talk to, ok? But I’m ok, you hear me? I’m good!”
Her mother sighed with relief. “I’ll be with you at quarter past three, ok? Just... just drop by, maybe get yourself some coffee before, bring one for me and we chat, alright? Everything’s gonna be ok, you hear me, hun?”
“I hope so. Thanks, Caty!” Elena took a deep breath, still not feeling relieved. It was actually a lot more complicated than it sounded...
“Hey! Comes with the package of being Mommy and Psychy, ok?” her mother giggled. “Come over, I’m happy to have you and your little love-troubles around!”
“Alright.” Elena whispered and sat up. “Talk to you soon.”
“See you, Kitten! Don’t worry too much, will you? We will sort this out. Love you!” her mother hung up and Elena put her mobile aside, rubbing her face with her hands. She wasn’t too sure about the sorting out part, but at least her mother would be there for her. Picking her mobile up again, she tried to text Riku. Had to leave without leaving a note because I think that I’m crazy?
Tempting.
And true.
But not the words she should actually send to the man that was supposed to be her boyfriend! ‘I had to return to Helsinki.’ She paused, staring at her message. ‘Need to sort out a few things here. Talk to you soon.’ Again she paused, adding ‘sorry I had to leave so quickly’ at the beginning of her text message. A little hesitant she also added ‘love you’ in the end, pressing the sending-button.
He was quick to answer. ‘Take your time. Hope you are alright, love! Miss you around. Even more now ;)’
Slowly Elena got up, trying to balance herself with her outstretched arms.
Alright. What a lovely word. Easily used. She wouldn’t tell him she wasn’t. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose, Elena closed her eyes.
Lunatic.
Another lovely word.
And suitable. Very suitable.
 
“So this was... love, you... are you telling me that you are in love with this guy from your dream?” her mother raised her coffee cup, forgetting to sip it. “Or are you actually in love with the friend of your new... boyfriend?”
“That’s the point, Mom!” Elena shook her head. “I have no idea!” she buried her face in her hands. “I lie awake in bed at night with him by my side and I... I really... I love him, Mom! I really do! He’s amazing! But somehow I feel like... I feel like he’s just... this whole relationship is only... it’s a lie to be honest! It feels perfect but underneath the surface, I... yes, I feel that I’m more in love with this guy from my dreams.”
“Maybe... maybe Riku, his name’s Riku, right? Maybe he’s not the one for you. Maybe this Samu-guy is!”
“MOM!” Elena let out a moan, leaning back. “That’s the whole point! We already had this! I was with Riku, breaking up with him because somehow Samu was the one for me!” she rubbed her eyes. “And that was how this whole mess with Riku in my dreams started! I tried, Mom, I tried so hard! But... somehow... I don’t know, I love him, but there’s Samu and he... He’s my husband, Mom! And he is right now sitting at my hospital bed and he is devastated because I fell into a coma after I.... because we had a fight and I... I ran away to spent the night with Riku!”
“In your dreams!” her mother affirmed. “It all happened in your dreams, dear!”
“I KNOW, Mom!” frustrated Elena threw her arms up into the air. “But somehow dream and reality seem quite close these days! Tell me: Do I see my future? Do I actually see my future in my dreams? Is it possible?”
“Please, love!” Caitlyn took her daughter’s hand. “Try to stay calm! I know it must be confusing, but you have to try to stay calm and focused, alright?” carefully she squeezed Elena’s hand and smiled encouraging. “We need to get to the bottom of this, you hear me?” she leaned forward. “I know it must be hard for you to talk about this with your mother, but I need you to tell me more, ok? Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Like what?” a little irritated Elena wrinkled her nose. “I have not smoked pot since high school if this is one of our next topics! And I never took anything else!”
“That is actually one point I needed to exclude from my list.” Caitlyn leaned back. “Would you feel more comfortable if I’d refer you to one of my colleagues in town?”
“Mom!”
“Please, love!” her mother grabbed her phone from one of the side tables next to her armchair. “This is nothing personal, I know! Maybe it would be a bit easier for you! Easier to talk to a stranger, a professional stranger of course! I have a colleague; she has a very good reputation. I’ve known her for years and she recently specialised on hypnosis as well. From my point of you this would bring you closer to the core of your problem.” She signalised her nervous daughter to be silent for a second and dialled a number. “Holly!” she leaned back in her chair. “Thank you, I’m good. Listen I need to ask you a favour. Yes. No, it’s not a big deal. Remember Elena? Yes, she finished university and is now doing her doctors degree. Listen, she just came by because she had some really disturbing dreams and I thought that she would be in good hands with you. Maybe your hypnosis technique could help her to find some answers.” Caitlyn smiled at her daughter that was now nervously twisting her hair between her fingers, chewing on her lower lip. “I could send her over right away!” she threw a gaze at her wristwatch. “Four o’clock sounds great. Thank you so much! Yes, greetings to Gregory and the kids! Sure. How about next Saturday? Just give me a call then, alright? Thanks Holly! Bye!” Caitlyn put down the phone, smiling encouraging. “Perfect timing! She will wait for you at her office at four.” Quickly she made a few notes, handing them over to Elena. “This is the address.”
“Caty, d’you really think that this is a good idea?” a little unassertive Elena moved around in her armchair. “Maybe it’s only a waste of time!”
“Of course not!” her mother leaned forward, grabbing Elena’s hand. “I can’t help you, I wish I could, but I know you too well dear! No surgeon in this world would agree to carry out an operation on his own child! I can’t do this for you, but Holly can! Trust me!” with another heartening squeeze of her daughter’s hand she got up. “Come on, try it! There’s nothing to lose for you, right? And I’ll see you at dinner. Maybe we can talk about your session. In private of course, your father doesn’t need to know, hum?” smiling she winked at Elena. “Now come on, love! Stay for a couple of days, maybe you can solve this quickly and go back to your life with everything sorted out!”
Still hesitantly Elena got up as well, staring down at her mother’s notes. “Riku will only be in London for a few more days.” She pointed out in a low voice, feeling her heart aching in her chest again. “And then I won’t be able to see him for a very long time!” looking at her mother she found Caitlyn shaking her head.
“Maybe that is a good thing, love! Take a break. There’s plenty of time after your return!” she affirmed, hugging Elena. “Now go, will you? I really wish I could do more for you.”
“You did enough, Mom. Thanks for helping me out of this mess!” Elena returned her mother’s hug, grabbing her bag and jacket. “I’ll see you guys tonight, ok?”
“Alright, love. Say hello to Holly, will you?”
“Of course.” Elena tried to smile, waving her mother goodbye when she headed for the elevator.
Caitlyn remained standing on the corridor, staring after her oldest daughter. There had never been any kind of problem with her! She had always been a good student, not as communicative and outgoing as her younger sister, but she never needed help with anything and was very self-confident and goal-oriented. The short rebellious phase during her high-school time with black hair, punk music and piercings had only lasted for a couple of years and left her with a lot more life experience and a few tattoos she still claimed to like. This was the first time Caitlyn had seen her daughter confronted with problems she couldn’t solve on her own. Dreams. Feelings. Problems of the heart and mind. Shivering all of a sudden, Caitlyn wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her shoulders. Rose came to her mind, the baby she had given birth to so many years ago and that had died only a few days later. Cedric had been old enough to talk about it and explain everything to him, almost five, but two-year-old Elena had been in complete shock when she had suddenly lost her little sister. She had been diagnosed with schizophrenia but soon they were told that she was cured completely. Only a mental shock, nothing to worry about.
Now again, Caitlyn hoped for the best. Holly was one of the finest persons and psychiatrists she knew. Maybe she could get to the centre of Elena’s problems and with it hopefully help her to avoid another seizure of schizophrenia after all those years. They had never really talked about it with Elena. The doctors had advised against it. Maybe she had to tell her sooner or later... Maybe Elena needed inpatient care for a while... Another shiver ran down Caitlyn’s spine. ‘We should have talked to her about it.’ She thought, fighting her tears. ‘About Rose and everything else that had happened before.’
Walking back into her office, Caitlyn closed the door, trying to concentrate on her next patient, but her mind was still far away working on her daughter’s problems. 

Right after the next session she called her husband, telling him in a shaky voice everything Elena had just told her. Blowing her nose she finally managed to sit down after pacing up and down the room for the whole call. Andrew fell silent for a few brief moments. Then he sighed. “You are right, we should have told her.” He admitted, sighing again. “God.” He whispered. “Do you think it might be a new attack? After more than 25 years? Is that possible?”
Slowly Cait shook her head from side to side, still trying to calm down. “I have no idea. Medically, yes, it is possible. But I’m afraid that there is more.” She took a deep breath. “We also never told her about Kylah.”
“What does Kylah have to do with it? They were unborn children, you weren’t even seven months pregnant!” Andrew interrupted, sounding rigorous.
“I know.” Cait tried to stay calm and reasonable even though her heart was beating out of her chest. “But the latest results in twin research suggest that they can feel each other, they know about the other and even communicate in very early stages of pregnancy. I’m afraid she... I’m afraid that Elena is now living two lives. One of them is completely full of studies and flowed with responsibilities in this world and the other one is full of life and love and fun. She created a whole new life, a husband, she... She created it for Kylah.  And I’m afraid that she started to drift away and now descends deeper and deeper into this other life, the life she unknowingly wants her twin-sister to live.”
Again Andrew fell silent. “Is that possible?” He whispered, completely taken aback.
Helplessly Caitlyn shrugged, feeling tears welling up. “I have no idea, love.” She whispered in response, sobbing silently.