Samu closed the door, chuckling at the sight of his naked wife with her hands on her hips.
“What’s wrong with ye, Peter Pan? Want another grip at Captain Hook?”
“Awwrr!” she stomped with her foot. “You are unbearable!”
“You married me for it!” grinning he stepped closer, slapping her bottom. “Come on, join me in the shower, I got a little something for ye!” he grabbed the squealing woman and dragged her over to the bathroom. “It’s actually a big something, I hope you don’t mind!”
“Ou! Don’t give yerself too much credit, love!” she nudged him playfully before she entered the shower, closing the translucent glass door.
He was standing outside, putting his hands on the glass. “Why don’t you just admit it?” grinning he pointed at his fully erected member. “No one has ever satisfied you the way the two of us have!”
Giggling she opened the door again. “Is that so, hum?” she pulled him closer. “Prove it!” smiling she wrapped her arms around his neck.
When they finally got out of the shower, Elena felt her legs trembling. She slumped down on the bed trying to catch her breath.
“Don’t you wanna get dressed?” Cocking his eyebrow Samu softly kicked her foot that hung down from the bed.
Lifting her arms from her face, Elena tried to focus on him. “So you think that you and this Captain Hook of yours can do something like that to me and expect me to get up right after?” weakly she pointed at the bathroom door before she shut her eyes again and shook her head. “No way, boy!”
“Boy?” he chuckled, sitting down next to her, gently caressing her wet hair. He couldn’t resist placing soft little kisses on her cheeks and her arm that was wrapped around her forehead.
“Do me a favour and tell Hook that I don’t intend to let his boat sail in again any time soon!” she mumbled, trying to shove him away, but he slipped his hand inside her towel, opening it to kiss his way down her neck and her belly. With a little grin he felt her arching slightly into his kisses. “So no more Hook for tonight?” he whispered and shifted his weight a little, softly running his lips over her breasts.
“I didn’t say tonight, I said any time soon!” shoving her hands into his hair she pressed her lips into his gentle kiss. “Just do me a favour and get me something sugary from the minibar, I can’t move!” sighing dramatically she put her arm back over her eyes. “I’m exhausted!”
With his arm wrapped around her firmly, Samu entered the bar of the hotel short after seven. His friends were sitting at a table in a corner, sharing chips and chickenwings, the whole table full of snacks and pints.
“Hey!” Osmo flashed a smile at the two of them, moving a little on the bench he was sitting on, making space for them.
“Have some, we ordered too much!” Raul offered, emptying his pint to refill it and two empty glasses to hand them over to his friends. “So, did you have a good time waking up?” grinning he took a few chips, stuffing them into his mouth after dipping them into a plate with ketchup. Quickly he wiped his mouth, grabbing a few more chips. “We were just planning our new year’s party a little.” He continued with his mouth full of fries. “You don’t have plans, do you?”
“We don’t.” Samu took a sip of his beer before he took one of the chickenwings. “We are at my parent’s tomorrow and hers the day after. Actually we were thinking about a little holiday, something warm, you know?”
“Maybe we could all go somewhere.” Osmo suggested. “So what’s your plan then?”
“Dunno.” Samu leaned in, brushing his salty lips over Elena’s. “Any ideas?”
“Well, we have two options.” Resting his elbows on the wooden table, Raul continued eating. “We could take a little hut somewhere in the snow and go skiing, or,” pointing at all of them with a chickenwing, he grinned. “Or we could take something warm, like the Bahamas or something.”
“Is it warm on the Bahamas at this time of the year?” Osmo asked carefully, making Raul nudge him with his elbow.
“We will figure out, right? Wikipedia is your friend!” he leaned back, tapping Riku’s shoulder. “What about you, mate? You in?”
Riku shrugged diffidently. “Dunno, maybe.” He mumbled, staring down at his pint.
“Why are you so quiet, man?” Raul shook his arm. “What’s bitten you tonight?”
“Nothing.” Quickly he shook his head, trying to hide a blush in his glass when his gaze fell on Elena for a second. “Just tired, you know?” he leaned back. “Looking forward to getting home tomorrow. But I’m in for a holiday.” Nodding he refilled his pint. “Whatever you chose, I’m in.” He drew a deep breath, looking up at a waiter that approached the table and cleared his throat.
“Excuse me,” again the young man cleared his throat. “Some of the other guests made a request if you don’t mind.”
“Sure, about what?” Osmo shifted in his seat, resting his back at the wall.
“Well, they asked whether you would maybe sing a song for them.” The waiter raised his hands. “Only if it doesn’t bother you.” He pointed ahead. “We have a piano and a guitar over there, so... if you are in the mood just let me know, ok?” he nodded politely, leaving the table.
“Well, guitar, hum?” grinning Samu tapped Riku’s arm over the table. “What’s up, mate? Wanna sing a little?”
“No way!” Riku shook his head and frowned. “I’m tired, no one’s gonna like to listen to me now.”
“Ou come on, you pussy!” Raul pushed him softly. “Go there and sing us a song!”
“Sing us a song, you’re the pianoman!” Samu sung lowly, raising his pint.
“Just gimme a few minutes, will ye?” downing half of his glass, Riku tried to smile. From the corner of his eye he kept watching Elena like he had for the last few minutes since she had entered the bar. ‘Pathetic, Rajamaa!’ he reminded himself, trying hard to remove his stare from her smiling face. God, why did she have to be so perfectly beautiful? And above it all: Why did she have to kiss Samu? Quickly he shook his head. He had to stop this right now! She was his friend! His best friend’s wife. He had given up on her long ago and there was no way for him to ever get her back. She wasn’t available. Getting up from his chair he tossed down the last sip of his beer. “Anyone up to join me?” again he frowned when they all shook their heads in unison. He tapped the table, turning around to head for the counter.
Only a few moments later he was seated on a small chair with the guitar up on his lap, running his fingers through his messy hair. “Alright. Actually I’m extremely tired, but my friend’s over there,” he pointed at the small corner table. “They wouldn’t stop bugging me, so here I am!” straightening his sweatshirt he put his fingers on the strings, drawing a deep breath before he started to play very softly.
Elena couldn’t take his eyes off him when he leaned forward a little, his soft voice resounding from the speakers of the bar. Hell, he was so sweet and handsome! Quickly she tried to remove her gaze from his face. He was beautiful with his eyes closed and his facial features lightened by the soft lights that surrounded the piano.
Hell, he was her friend! How could she have this small tingle in her stomach whenever she looked at him? Turning over to Samu, she rested her head on his shoulder, trying to suppress a little shiver when Riku continued singing ‘I am ready’ by the Counting Crows.
God, his voice!
I am colour...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptied
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
color...blind
Coffe black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am fine
I am fine
I am fine
Sighing Riku opened his eyes and cleared his throat. He got up from the small stool, taking a quick bow. “Thanks!” again he bowed when the other customers started to applaud. “Thank you very much. Merry Christmas.” Quickly he made his way over to his friend’s table, grabbing Raul’s pint to empty it in one big gulp, completely ignoring his friends protest. “Night everyone.” He put the glass back onto the table, drawing a deep breath before nodding at all of them. “See you at breakfast!”
Sipping her beer Elena remained sitting, staring after him when he left the bar. She felt tensed, his soft and husky voice was still swirling around on her mind and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Looking up at Samu she felt a small smile curving her lips. Actually he was everything she had ever been looking for in a man. She had dreamed about having someone like him by her side, actually she still dreamed about it, she reminded herself because she sometimes started to forget that she was actually lying in her bed at home, sleeping. Up ‘til now she had enjoyed every minute with him, every minute of this wonderful and ever returning dream.
What was it that attracted her so much to Riku? She had felt his eyes on her very often tonight and she wondered a little how he felt about her. She felt somehow bound to him and she couldn’t quite explain why she had all those feelings deep inside of her. Kissing Samu’s lips she got up after a while.
“Can you gimme the keys?” she
whispered into his ear, shoving a strand of hair away when he turned around to
face her astound.
“You tired, luv?”
She nodded, suppressing a little yawn. “I’m heading off to bed if you don’t mind.”
“Well, actually I do.” Smiling he pressed his lips onto hers. “Would you mind if I’d stay a little longer?”
“Of course not.” Elena smiled, rubbing the tip of her nose to his chin. “I just need a bit of rest now.” Getting up from the bench she smiled down at the three guys. “Night, my dears! Have fun, ok?” quickly she bent down to give Samu a soft kiss. “I don’t expect you to follow me any time soon, ok? Stay up for a bit, have fun.”
He returned her smile astounded. “Good to know. Thanks!” quickly he kissed her again, putting his hand on her hip to stroke it softly. “Sleep well, lovey!”
Upstairs in her room Elena felt everything but tired out of a sudden. Sighing she started pacing up and down the room, restlessly packing her suitcase for their upcoming vacation. She didn’t want to fall asleep, knowing that she would wake up only minutes after in her own bed. She wanted to stay. She didn’t wanna go back and wait for another day to see Samu again. Shaking her head she sat down on the bed after a while. She was definitely going crazy. This was a dream. Maybe she had to try to stop her dreams about Samu. But how? Maybe her mother knew something. Surely there were some medicaments to suppress her dreams, she had to ask her. This was all getting a little too close. Staring outside into the dark evening, Elena got up after a few minutes. She grabbed Samus coat and opened the balcony door, stepping outside into the cold darkness. When she buttoned up the coat she found a packet of cigarettes and a pocket lighter, playing around with it for a few seconds. She had quit smoking long ago and was now only having a cigarette every once in a while. Right at this second it felt like a perfect occasion, so she took one of the fags, lighting it. Enjoying the soft prickle of the nicotine in her body she rested her back at the doorframe.
“You’re back early.” A voice from the balcony next to hers made her flinch and she stepped forward.
“Why did you leave, mate?” the voice continued and Elena bent over the balustrade to look at Riku that stood behind the wooden fence that separated the balconies.
“Well, actually I was tired.” She rested her elbows on the cold metal, throwing a small smile into his surprised face.
“It’s you! Hey!” he chuckled nervously, taking a deep drag from his own cigarette.
“Hey.” Elena moved a little closer. “I thought you were tired as well.”
“Hum... yes, I was, but... I wanted to have a cigarette first.” He gestured with his right hand that held the fag. “So I went outside again.”
“Me too.” Elena sighed. “Life is strange sometimes, isn’t it?” she suddenly stated, inhaling deeply before releasing the smoke through her nose trills.
He chuckled again. “Tell me about it!” shaking his head he suddenly pointed ahead. “See that?”
Her gaze followed his outreached finger, pointing into the cloudy sky. “See what?”
“The star. Up there, see? Even though it’s cloudy, it is still there.”
Elena found the little bright spot he was aiming at before it disappeared again. “I see it. Venus, right?”
Riku drew a deep breath. “Well, for me it’s still your star.” He paused for a few seconds. “It’s always shining just as bright as your eyes.”
Completely taken by surprise Elena looked at him. Riku lowered his head, sighing silently. “D’you sometimes think about us?” he suddenly asked without looking at her, causing a little shiver to run down her spine.
“Do you?” she answered his question with another one, not sure about the things that had once happened between them.
“I do.” His answer came promptly. “I know it was long ago, but I still... well...” he let out a little sound through his gritted teeth, grabbing the rim of the balcony to lean back and stare up into the dark sky. “I like to keep my good memories close, you know?”
“So do I.” Elena smiled at him when his gaze met hers again, finding him smiling back.
“We had some good times, hadn’t we?”
“Sure!” again she tried to smile.
“Sometimes I can’t believe that I ever let you go.” He whispered out of a sudden, resting his arms on the cold metal of the handrail.
“Why did you?” she asked carefully, too curious not to ask him about it.
He chuckled. “Well, it was obvious that Samu had feelings for you and... well...” he made a quick gesture with his hand, throwing the stub of his cigarette down from the balcony. “You know all that!”
Elena couldn’t believe her ears. She had been with Riku first? And they had broken up because Samu suddenly had feelings for her? “You know that I’m a very loyal person, don’t you?” she stated in a very low voice, making him draw in a breath.
“I know that, Leni, that’s what you told me the night I broke up with you.”
“So... why did you?”
“Because I wanted you to be happy.” Helplessly he shrugged. “I knew you were... well, you were the perfect match for him, not for me, so...”
“You should have tried at least!” Elena felt anger rising in her stomach. That so wasn’t her! She was never unfaithful! “You had loyalty against attraction, I know the outcome of that equation!”
“Well, it didn’t end up too bad for you, right?” Riku gave her a chilly look. “You accepted his proposal the day after and only one day later you were married to him, right?”
“But...” completely out of words Elena stared at him, but he cut her off.
“Don’t but me, Leni! Please! It was for the best, ok?” he exhaled with a low sound. “I think that we both agreed on that.” Suddenly he turned around to face her, his eyes taking in every inch of her face. “I know you are loyal, Leni!” he whispered, reaching out his hand to touch her cheek. “But I didn’t want you to be mine for loyalty, I wanted you to stay for love. I wanted you to stay because you wanted it. Not for loyalty, babe.” Softly he ran his thumb over her chin. “Sometimes you just can’t have it all, right?” a small smile raised the left corner of his mouth and he moved in a little to kiss her cheek. “Goodnight.” He whispered before turning around and stepping back into his room. Elena remained standing on the balcony, her cheek still burning from his soft lips when she heard the door closing.
This dream obviously had a long history and she was still fighting to unravel the different layers of the past she seemed to share with all of the guys. Riku seemed special, their relationship was evidently differing from everything she had with the rest of the band. He had obviously sacrificed his own happiness to see her happy in somebody else’s arms. Elena felt a lump in her throat when she tried to grasp the whole extend of his selflessness, feeling uneasy considering her own quick change of mind. She had been with Riku but as soon as he had set her free she had gotten together with Samu. Not even a week had passed before they had gotten married. Staring down at the simple golden ring on her left ring finger, Elena swallowed hard. She felt tears burning in her throat and wished that Riku would come back outside to explain everything to her. Samu was of course attractive, he was a wonderful man and she seemed happy with him, but thinking back to the day she had spent with Riku, having lunch, strolling around London to find shoes and a dress for her, she felt a little aching inside her heart. They had been walking around arm in arm, sometimes even holding hands, not caring about the world. It was a perfect day. A special day. And she had felt so good with him. Closing her eyes, Elena leaned back at the wall. She needed a break from all of this but before she needed to clarify a few issues. Quickly she got back inside, shutting the balcony door. Still wearing Samu’s coat she made her way over to the door and out on the corridor. She drew a deep breath before knocking on the door next to hers carefully.
Riku’s eyes became round when he opened to find her on the corridor. “Everything alright?” he mumbled with his toothbrush in his mouth, before beckoning her over. “Just a sec!” quickly he rushed over to the bathroom to rinse his mouth. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at him when he returned.
“So...?” nervously he scratched his neck, feeling his cheeks blushing. “I... I hope I didn’t... I was too harsh, right?” Remorsefully he lowered his gaze. “Look, I... I’m sorry, Leni. I never meant to...”
He stopped astounded when Elena got up from the bed, softly putting her hand on his lips to silence him. “Shshsh.” She whispered. “You did nothing wrong, Riku.” Running her fingers over his cheek she tried to smile. “Long ago you did what you thought was best for me and I... Riku I want to apologize. I’m sorry I... God! I should have stayed. I should have fought for you.” She caressed his lips with her thumb, feeling tears welling up when she looked into his beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry Riku.” She whispered. “I want you to know that I’m really sorry.”
His lips still had a soft taste of mint when she got up on her tiptoes to kiss him goodnight. Instinctively he pulled her closer instead of stepping back, resting his lips on hers for a few intense seconds.
“I’m sorry!” she whispered against his soft mouth, the mere thought of hurting her friend, this wonderful and lovable man in front of her, ripping into the heart of her.
“Don’t be.” He whispered back with his eyes still closed, brushing his lips over hers again. “You’re happy, right?” not wanting to let go, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. “And as long as you are happy I know it was the right thing to give up on us.”
“Are you happy?” she whispered in response, softly cupping his face with her hands.
He smiled down at her. “Well,” kissing her forehead, he sighed. “Sometimes I wish that both of us had never met him, but I’m ok.” He leaned in to feel her lips one last time. “I’m ok.” He repeated, playfully nibbling her lower lip before he stepped back. “Thank you.” Forcing a little smile, he squeezed her hands. “You did nothing wrong, ok? I broke up with you.”
“But I...” Elena stepped closer again, shaking her head. “Riku, I ran off with your best mate! What could be worse?”
“You never betrayed me.” He rubbed her cheek. “You did not start something with him behind my back. That’s why we are still friends and I love you for it. Both of you.” He quickly added with blushing cheeks. “I don’t know if I would do it again though, it is a lot more painful than I expected, but I didn’t give you up for a little fling and you...” he rested his lips on her forehead. “You are happy, aren’t you?”
Looking up in those big and beautiful eyes, Elena felt her words caught in her throat. “I never meant to hurt you.” She managed to whisper after a few seconds.
He smiled down at her before pulling her into a tight embrace. “I know, baby. Your feelings for me were true, but not strong enough. I never blamed you!”
Lifting her face from his shoulder Elena looked up at him. “But I do!” she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I should have stayed!”
“You’ve been married eight years now, love. Eight years! Actually I’m glad you didn’t forget about the times we used to have so... please, stop feeling guilty! What I said outside before, I... I didn’t... I never wanted you to feel guilty! It was long ago, we’re friends, right?”
Elena nodded slowly. “We are.” She whispered back at him, softly tapping his chest. “I just wanted you to know that I am truly sorry for everything and that I never meant to hurt you in any way!”
“I know that and there’s nothing to forgive, Leni.” Smiling Riku cupped her face with his hands. “Now get some sleep, you look exhausted.”
Elena sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling her face into his warm palms. “Alright.” She whispered, hugging him again. “Sleep well, ok?” she lifted her face to kiss him goodnight before she stepped back. “Night, Riku.”
“Night, Leni.” He let go of her hand, waving her goodbye at the doorstep when she entered her own room again.
Samu was still downstairs and for the first time since she had started to dream about him, she was glad about it. She decided to go to sleep right away instead of having a shower, remembering that she had showered only a few hours ago with Samu.
Samu. Sighing she lay down on the bed. God, he was wonderful! But so was Riku and she couldn’t fight the feeling of being guilty because she had left him behind so quickly. Her head was spinning and she closed her eyes. As soon as she was awake again she would ask her mother to prescribe her some medication against her dreams. It had to stop. It was too much to bear, having two separate lives and she knew that she had to focus on her real life right now. Her work was going well, the new project sounded great and there was Rob. She needed to figure out how to deal with her real relationship instead of solving problems in a dream and feeling sorry for a person she had never met! God! This was all too much! Shutting her eyes firmly, Elena tried to force herself to sleep but it took her almost an hour to finally get her troubled thoughts under control again.
“You tired, luv?”
She nodded, suppressing a little yawn. “I’m heading off to bed if you don’t mind.”
“Well, actually I do.” Smiling he pressed his lips onto hers. “Would you mind if I’d stay a little longer?”
“Of course not.” Elena smiled, rubbing the tip of her nose to his chin. “I just need a bit of rest now.” Getting up from the bench she smiled down at the three guys. “Night, my dears! Have fun, ok?” quickly she bent down to give Samu a soft kiss. “I don’t expect you to follow me any time soon, ok? Stay up for a bit, have fun.”
He returned her smile astounded. “Good to know. Thanks!” quickly he kissed her again, putting his hand on her hip to stroke it softly. “Sleep well, lovey!”
Upstairs in her room Elena felt everything but tired out of a sudden. Sighing she started pacing up and down the room, restlessly packing her suitcase for their upcoming vacation. She didn’t want to fall asleep, knowing that she would wake up only minutes after in her own bed. She wanted to stay. She didn’t wanna go back and wait for another day to see Samu again. Shaking her head she sat down on the bed after a while. She was definitely going crazy. This was a dream. Maybe she had to try to stop her dreams about Samu. But how? Maybe her mother knew something. Surely there were some medicaments to suppress her dreams, she had to ask her. This was all getting a little too close. Staring outside into the dark evening, Elena got up after a few minutes. She grabbed Samus coat and opened the balcony door, stepping outside into the cold darkness. When she buttoned up the coat she found a packet of cigarettes and a pocket lighter, playing around with it for a few seconds. She had quit smoking long ago and was now only having a cigarette every once in a while. Right at this second it felt like a perfect occasion, so she took one of the fags, lighting it. Enjoying the soft prickle of the nicotine in her body she rested her back at the doorframe.
“You’re back early.” A voice from the balcony next to hers made her flinch and she stepped forward.
“Why did you leave, mate?” the voice continued and Elena bent over the balustrade to look at Riku that stood behind the wooden fence that separated the balconies.
“Well, actually I was tired.” She rested her elbows on the cold metal, throwing a small smile into his surprised face.
“It’s you! Hey!” he chuckled nervously, taking a deep drag from his own cigarette.
“Hey.” Elena moved a little closer. “I thought you were tired as well.”
“Hum... yes, I was, but... I wanted to have a cigarette first.” He gestured with his right hand that held the fag. “So I went outside again.”
“Me too.” Elena sighed. “Life is strange sometimes, isn’t it?” she suddenly stated, inhaling deeply before releasing the smoke through her nose trills.
He chuckled again. “Tell me about it!” shaking his head he suddenly pointed ahead. “See that?”
Her gaze followed his outreached finger, pointing into the cloudy sky. “See what?”
“The star. Up there, see? Even though it’s cloudy, it is still there.”
Elena found the little bright spot he was aiming at before it disappeared again. “I see it. Venus, right?”
Riku drew a deep breath. “Well, for me it’s still your star.” He paused for a few seconds. “It’s always shining just as bright as your eyes.”
Completely taken by surprise Elena looked at him. Riku lowered his head, sighing silently. “D’you sometimes think about us?” he suddenly asked without looking at her, causing a little shiver to run down her spine.
“Do you?” she answered his question with another one, not sure about the things that had once happened between them.
“I do.” His answer came promptly. “I know it was long ago, but I still... well...” he let out a little sound through his gritted teeth, grabbing the rim of the balcony to lean back and stare up into the dark sky. “I like to keep my good memories close, you know?”
“So do I.” Elena smiled at him when his gaze met hers again, finding him smiling back.
“We had some good times, hadn’t we?”
“Sure!” again she tried to smile.
“Sometimes I can’t believe that I ever let you go.” He whispered out of a sudden, resting his arms on the cold metal of the handrail.
“Why did you?” she asked carefully, too curious not to ask him about it.
He chuckled. “Well, it was obvious that Samu had feelings for you and... well...” he made a quick gesture with his hand, throwing the stub of his cigarette down from the balcony. “You know all that!”
Elena couldn’t believe her ears. She had been with Riku first? And they had broken up because Samu suddenly had feelings for her? “You know that I’m a very loyal person, don’t you?” she stated in a very low voice, making him draw in a breath.
“I know that, Leni, that’s what you told me the night I broke up with you.”
“So... why did you?”
“Because I wanted you to be happy.” Helplessly he shrugged. “I knew you were... well, you were the perfect match for him, not for me, so...”
“You should have tried at least!” Elena felt anger rising in her stomach. That so wasn’t her! She was never unfaithful! “You had loyalty against attraction, I know the outcome of that equation!”
“Well, it didn’t end up too bad for you, right?” Riku gave her a chilly look. “You accepted his proposal the day after and only one day later you were married to him, right?”
“But...” completely out of words Elena stared at him, but he cut her off.
“Don’t but me, Leni! Please! It was for the best, ok?” he exhaled with a low sound. “I think that we both agreed on that.” Suddenly he turned around to face her, his eyes taking in every inch of her face. “I know you are loyal, Leni!” he whispered, reaching out his hand to touch her cheek. “But I didn’t want you to be mine for loyalty, I wanted you to stay for love. I wanted you to stay because you wanted it. Not for loyalty, babe.” Softly he ran his thumb over her chin. “Sometimes you just can’t have it all, right?” a small smile raised the left corner of his mouth and he moved in a little to kiss her cheek. “Goodnight.” He whispered before turning around and stepping back into his room. Elena remained standing on the balcony, her cheek still burning from his soft lips when she heard the door closing.
This dream obviously had a long history and she was still fighting to unravel the different layers of the past she seemed to share with all of the guys. Riku seemed special, their relationship was evidently differing from everything she had with the rest of the band. He had obviously sacrificed his own happiness to see her happy in somebody else’s arms. Elena felt a lump in her throat when she tried to grasp the whole extend of his selflessness, feeling uneasy considering her own quick change of mind. She had been with Riku but as soon as he had set her free she had gotten together with Samu. Not even a week had passed before they had gotten married. Staring down at the simple golden ring on her left ring finger, Elena swallowed hard. She felt tears burning in her throat and wished that Riku would come back outside to explain everything to her. Samu was of course attractive, he was a wonderful man and she seemed happy with him, but thinking back to the day she had spent with Riku, having lunch, strolling around London to find shoes and a dress for her, she felt a little aching inside her heart. They had been walking around arm in arm, sometimes even holding hands, not caring about the world. It was a perfect day. A special day. And she had felt so good with him. Closing her eyes, Elena leaned back at the wall. She needed a break from all of this but before she needed to clarify a few issues. Quickly she got back inside, shutting the balcony door. Still wearing Samu’s coat she made her way over to the door and out on the corridor. She drew a deep breath before knocking on the door next to hers carefully.
Riku’s eyes became round when he opened to find her on the corridor. “Everything alright?” he mumbled with his toothbrush in his mouth, before beckoning her over. “Just a sec!” quickly he rushed over to the bathroom to rinse his mouth. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at him when he returned.
“So...?” nervously he scratched his neck, feeling his cheeks blushing. “I... I hope I didn’t... I was too harsh, right?” Remorsefully he lowered his gaze. “Look, I... I’m sorry, Leni. I never meant to...”
He stopped astounded when Elena got up from the bed, softly putting her hand on his lips to silence him. “Shshsh.” She whispered. “You did nothing wrong, Riku.” Running her fingers over his cheek she tried to smile. “Long ago you did what you thought was best for me and I... Riku I want to apologize. I’m sorry I... God! I should have stayed. I should have fought for you.” She caressed his lips with her thumb, feeling tears welling up when she looked into his beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry Riku.” She whispered. “I want you to know that I’m really sorry.”
His lips still had a soft taste of mint when she got up on her tiptoes to kiss him goodnight. Instinctively he pulled her closer instead of stepping back, resting his lips on hers for a few intense seconds.
“I’m sorry!” she whispered against his soft mouth, the mere thought of hurting her friend, this wonderful and lovable man in front of her, ripping into the heart of her.
“Don’t be.” He whispered back with his eyes still closed, brushing his lips over hers again. “You’re happy, right?” not wanting to let go, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. “And as long as you are happy I know it was the right thing to give up on us.”
“Are you happy?” she whispered in response, softly cupping his face with her hands.
He smiled down at her. “Well,” kissing her forehead, he sighed. “Sometimes I wish that both of us had never met him, but I’m ok.” He leaned in to feel her lips one last time. “I’m ok.” He repeated, playfully nibbling her lower lip before he stepped back. “Thank you.” Forcing a little smile, he squeezed her hands. “You did nothing wrong, ok? I broke up with you.”
“But I...” Elena stepped closer again, shaking her head. “Riku, I ran off with your best mate! What could be worse?”
“You never betrayed me.” He rubbed her cheek. “You did not start something with him behind my back. That’s why we are still friends and I love you for it. Both of you.” He quickly added with blushing cheeks. “I don’t know if I would do it again though, it is a lot more painful than I expected, but I didn’t give you up for a little fling and you...” he rested his lips on her forehead. “You are happy, aren’t you?”
Looking up in those big and beautiful eyes, Elena felt her words caught in her throat. “I never meant to hurt you.” She managed to whisper after a few seconds.
He smiled down at her before pulling her into a tight embrace. “I know, baby. Your feelings for me were true, but not strong enough. I never blamed you!”
Lifting her face from his shoulder Elena looked up at him. “But I do!” she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I should have stayed!”
“You’ve been married eight years now, love. Eight years! Actually I’m glad you didn’t forget about the times we used to have so... please, stop feeling guilty! What I said outside before, I... I didn’t... I never wanted you to feel guilty! It was long ago, we’re friends, right?”
Elena nodded slowly. “We are.” She whispered back at him, softly tapping his chest. “I just wanted you to know that I am truly sorry for everything and that I never meant to hurt you in any way!”
“I know that and there’s nothing to forgive, Leni.” Smiling Riku cupped her face with his hands. “Now get some sleep, you look exhausted.”
Elena sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling her face into his warm palms. “Alright.” She whispered, hugging him again. “Sleep well, ok?” she lifted her face to kiss him goodnight before she stepped back. “Night, Riku.”
“Night, Leni.” He let go of her hand, waving her goodbye at the doorstep when she entered her own room again.
Samu was still downstairs and for the first time since she had started to dream about him, she was glad about it. She decided to go to sleep right away instead of having a shower, remembering that she had showered only a few hours ago with Samu.
Samu. Sighing she lay down on the bed. God, he was wonderful! But so was Riku and she couldn’t fight the feeling of being guilty because she had left him behind so quickly. Her head was spinning and she closed her eyes. As soon as she was awake again she would ask her mother to prescribe her some medication against her dreams. It had to stop. It was too much to bear, having two separate lives and she knew that she had to focus on her real life right now. Her work was going well, the new project sounded great and there was Rob. She needed to figure out how to deal with her real relationship instead of solving problems in a dream and feeling sorry for a person she had never met! God! This was all too much! Shutting her eyes firmly, Elena tried to force herself to sleep but it took her almost an hour to finally get her troubled thoughts under control again.
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