Linnea’s POV
It was four in the afternoon and I was at the
diner with Jannis, impatiently waiting for Nicky’s return. He had called me
from the airport only 20 Minutes ago, telling me that he would right now take a
cab and be home soon.
Smiling I kept rocking the baby. I couldn’t wait
for him to see one little surprise I hadn’t even planned.
He looked tired, almost a little exhausted.
Maybe his friend had needed a lot of talking and he was now shattered with a
lot of missing sleep. I almost ran into him, ignoring his half-hearted smile.
“You wanna take him!” I simply stated, grinning
broadly.
He laughed surprised, the clouds around his head
suddenly disappearing. “Do I?” he asked, reaching out his hand to touch my
cheek before he took Jannis in his arms that started to clap and cheer at the
sight of him, his little hands grabbing Nicky’s pullover. “Icky!” the baby
suddenly gurgled. “Icky, Icky!” and I burst into laughter when I saw the stupid
broad grin that spread over Nicky’s whole face.
“Seriously, Icky?” he kissed the little boy that
kept gurgling and giggling.
“It is getting better!” I interrupted after a
little while, taking Jannis’ hand. “Jannis, who’s that?” I pointed at Nicky.
“Who’s that?”
Jannis smiled, tapping Nicky’s face with his
free hand. “Dada.” He said. “Daadady.”
From the corner of my eye I saw Nicky swallowing
hard. He pulled Jannis in for a tight embrace, hugging me with him.
“Jeez, you are killing me!” he whispered, his
lips searching for mine. Intensely he kissed me, holding me as close as
possible and I returned both his kiss and embrace, relieved that he was back
with us and that he seemed happy for the first time in days.
“You’re back early.” I whispered into his ear,
placing a soft kiss on his earlobe.
He moved away a little and I could almost see
the dark clouds coming back, biting my tongue. Damn! Maybe his friend’s status
was getting worse! Why was I unable to keep my mouth shut sometimes?
“Come on, let’s have some early dinner and go
home, what d’you say?” he rubbed my back but the sadness in his eyes was almost
tangible. I nodded, snuggling my face to his neck.
“I could definitely use some relaxation time
with you.”
And I got it. After some sandwiches we headed
home and I surprised him with his own fridge full of groceries and bottle of
good wine. I had cleaned out his place and prepared the bathroom for us to have
some private time (which of course we didn’t have because Jannis insisted on
joining us in the tub, but Nicky didn’t mind).
When the baby was finally asleep in one of the
spare rooms, where I had put a portacrib only yesterday, he totally made up for
every missing hour of the last two days. It was still weird for me sometimes to
look up at the man that was making love to me, finding Nicky, smiling, kissing
me so sweetly, his hands running over my skin softly, experienced and even
after only knowing me for such a short amount of time almost feeling anything I
needed.
Carefully I pulled him down to meet his lips, my
fingers playing with his soft blond hair. He was perfect.
But there was this tiny part of my brain that
without warning started firing pictures that blocked my sight. Another man,
another smile. His hands rougher, with calluses from his long years of guitar
playing.
Burying my face at Nicky’s neck, I tried to hide
the sudden rush of emotions. All of a sudden I could almost smell and taste
Riku’s skin. I couldn’t breathe, didn’t want to breathe because I didn’t want
his scent in my nose. Completely thrown off track I wrapped my arms and legs
tighter around Nicky before I let go, pushing the upper part of his body up
with my hands. Out of breath I blinked, nictating again and again for a few
heartbeats. The right picture occurred in the halflight of the room.
“Are you alright?” he whispered, all of a sudden
alarmed. “Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head no, trying to smile at him.
“I’m fine.” I whispered back, running my fingers
over his chest. He did the same and smiled at me. “A little wet with your milk,
hum?” his smile grew wider. “Didn’t the little one drink enough?” carefully he
ran his lips down my neck. “Why don’t you sit on top of me and let me have a
sip of it?”
Jannis was sitting on the bathroom rug the next
morning when Nicky and I had a shower together. In a weird way we had been
inseparable that night and even after we had made love twice, he refused to
move away only an inch. My neck was hurting from the unusual sleeping position,
but it had been worth it. Cuddling closer to Nicky’s wet and warm body I closed
my eyes, wrapping my arms around his hips.
“He’s watching us.” Nicky suddenly stated with a
smile, pointing at Jannis that had somehow managed to get on his knees and now
leaned at the glass of the shower, softly tapping it and showing his first six
teeth with his broad smile.
I laughed at his shoulder, peeping around him.
“You’re right.” I giggled. “Maybe we
should get out and prepare breakfast.”
“Or…” he pulled me in for a kiss, swallowing
another giggle with his mouth.
“Mr Byrne! Not with the baby around!” I joked,
deepening the kiss.
It was almost eight when we arrived at the diner
and I waved at Cate. She had been kind enough to take over the first part of my
shift to give Nicky and me some time together. Grabbing my apron, I kissed
Nicky’s lips. “Thank you for the lovely night.” I whispered into his ear,
finding him smiling back at me and kissing me again.
“Anytime.” He whispered, running his fingers
through my hair. Suddenly his mobile made a little sound and he started
searching the pockets of his jacket. When he looked at it, his smile froze on
his lips and he stepped back.
“Love, I… I gotta…” he threw a gaze around.
“There is something I need to tell you, before…”
“Lin!” a sudden shriek made me turn my head and
I found Cate sitting on the floor. For a second everything around me was in slow
motion, only to snap back into real time with the force of a sledge hammer.
Lou. It was Lou on the floor.
Running over to his table I combed back my hair
and grabbed his hand.
“What happened?” I whispered alarmed, yelling at
everybody around to step back and call an ambulance at the same time.
“I don’t know!” Cate was close to tears. “He
just… I don’t know!”
Quickly I tried to lift Lou’s legs. They were
thin and felt almost weightless in an odd way. Stroke. Maybe a heart attack.
Everything I knew about first aid was all of a sudden gone and I reached out my
hand to touch Lou’s face. The old man was unconscious, maybe it was for the
best. But it didn’t make it easy to assess his vital status. Kneading my
fingers I decided to take off my pullover to fold it and put it under his head.
It was all I could do right now, but at least he would be a little more
comfortable.
“Ambulance is on the way.” I heard someone say
nearby.
A hand was placed on my back and it was Nicky
that got down on his knees next to me. He had an appalled look on his face and
I was more than thankful that he didn’t try to soothe me with platitudes like
“everything’s gonna be fine”.
Time dragged on like molasses on a cold winter
day but finally the ambulance arrived, providing first aid.
“You go with him.” Cate suddenly demanded after
I had given the doctor all the information I had on Lou. She even pushed me
outside in my thin t-shirt, insisting again. “Go, for fuck’s sake! He needs a
friend now and you two have been exceptionally close during the last months!”
My gaze found Nicky standing on the pavement not
far from us with his mobile in his hands.
“Go.” He agreed, nodding at the ambulance where
Lou was lying on a stretcher. “Call me in an hour, alright?”
I nodded quickly, grabbing the hand of the doctor
to let him help me into the car.
It was only a dizzy spell but nevertheless it
had almost scared me to death and I stayed with Lou for another three hours,
waiting for him to wake up and keep him company for a bit. Eventually I left
reluctantly, because his daughter and her kids arrived from Manchester and I
wanted to give them some time as a family.
One of the nurses had brought me an old pullover
and I was more than thankful for it when I left the hospital and walked over to
the next bus stop. When I was sitting on the bus I tried to call Nicky, feeling
a little sorry that I had not called him earlier. It was noon already. I also
felt my bad conscious gnawing because Cate was on her own at the diner with Jon
and right now the lunch hours were about to start. Nervously I played around
with my mobile. I had to switch busses soon and it would take me at least
another half hour to finally get there. Quickly I typed the landline number of
the diner, but it rang ten times until Cate finally picked up.
“JonsDinerCateSpeaking.” She whispered out of breath.
“Hey Cate, it’s me!” I closed my eyes, too tired
to keep looking outside into the foggy day. “I’m on my way back, Lou is doing
better, his family is now with him.”
“Lin.” Cate simply said, pausing far too long.
“Good… that is… that is good news.” Again she paused and I could almost see
that she was right now starting to bite her nails. Cate was always bad at
hiding her feelings or emotions and at this moment she was a bundle of nerves,
trying her best to hide it from me.
“It’s fine, Cate!” I tried to ease up the
situation. “It was only a little dizzy spell, Lou’s gonna be fine within a few
days.”
“Yah, right.” Cate sounded absentminded. All of
a sudden I heard that she was covering the earphone, exchanging a few sentences
with someone. What the hell was wrong with her today? “Cate!” I sounded sharper
than I intended, but somehow I my nerves were still on the edge and I couldn’t
stand my friend being weird and cryptic now. “Cate, what the hell is going on?”
“Lin, listen, I … there… you…” again the
earpiece of the phone was covered but this time I heard her shouting “Shut the
fuck up right now! All of you!” then she turned back at me. “Lin, I’m sorry. It
is a little hard to explain, will you just come back, we have a little…
situation here and you are definitely the only one to solve it.” With that she
hung up on me. For the rest of the ride I couldn’t sit still, impatiently
waiting for the bus to pick up his pace again after stopping at every dam bus
stop in town.
Almost rushing inside the diner I threw a gaze
around the place. It was full, nearly every seat taken and I saw one of the
kitchen boys running around with plates while Cate was simply standing behind
the bar, staring into nowhere. What the fuck? I closed the door behind, giving
the room another look. All of a sudden four people got up almost simultaneously
and I felt a block of ice forming in my stomach. The looks on their faces were
as different as chalk and cheese. Samu looked worried and tired, Jenna on the
other hand a little contrite even though she couldn’t quite supress her
excitement. Nicky was pale, rocking Jannis on his arm. His lips formed a thin
white line but he somehow managed to smile at me despite the man that was
standing at the other end of the table, showing a thousand emotions at the same
time, unable to hide anything of it. There was anger, fighting a smile. Black
despair and at the same time disappointment, rage and an insecure flicker of
hope.
I was rotten to the spot, not even managing to
breath.
Riku.
Torn between the urge to run away, run into him
or throw up right there and then I simply kept standing there, staring at them.
When Riku all of a sudden stepped forward, I
stopped him by only lifting my hands defensively, shaking my head no.
“What is this all about?” I managed to get out
of my mouth after a few seconds.
“I need to talk to you.” He simply said in
Finnish, his voice causing goose bumps all over my lower back. But I didn’t
miss the gaze he threw at Nicky that instinctively pulled Jannis closer and
turned further away from the other man.
“Well, I have been waiting for this talk months
ago and right now I don’t think I rather want it nor need it anymore.” I
lowered my hands, shaking my head again. “You might as well leave.”
He stuck to Finnish, most probably to annoy
Nicky and took off his jacket. “I think I won’t do that.”
Feeling myself getting more and more angry at
him, the other three dumbasses, sitting around silently and the whole
situation, I stepped back, pointing behind the bar. “Well then, backroom.” I
commanded aggressively. “And don’t get lost on the way as usual!” Without
waiting for his answer I turned on my heels, pushing the door open.
