Chapter 3 - Where does Timetraveling take you?

Chapter 3

“Everybody, follow me!” an obviously gay and very happy young man with a clipboard waved his hands. “Press conference is about to start in 10 Minutes, take your seats and wait for the band. Everybody without this,” he pointed at his own backstage pass, “will be escorted outside and to the stage to wait for the band and take some pictures. I got…” checking his board again he let his gaze run over the small crowd in front of him. “Radio 7, Neue Woche and Flashlight for separate interviews and a small shooting.” With a smile of satisfaction he turned around. “Room four, be quick!” he drove the waiting reporters on like a herd of cattle.

I shouldered my bag, drawing a deep breath. Time to meet my husband.

Winking at the woman by my side, I grabbed her arm to pull her along.

“Elena, whatever you have gotten me into, I want out!” she whispered, making me giggle like an eleven year old. Luckily Martha had been quick to accredit her as well and so my younger sister was right now magazine-staff with a camera that we had borrowed from our oldest brother.

“Don’t wet yourself, it’s gonna be fun!” I whispered back, still pulling her along the corridor and into the little conference room we were shown to by the young man with the clipboard.

I had given my whole situation a few more minutes of thinking, suddenly realising, that my sister Anna had met the worst of her boyfriends at a party that very evening. So why only do something for myself? I had called her right away and invited her to join me at the concert and for the interview as my private photographer.

Of course at this instant she had ants in her pants and wanted out, but I knew for sure that the lads would win her over like they had won me so many years ago… well, that very day to be more precise.

Smiling and also a little excited I started sorting my notebook and pens on my lap, throwing little gazes at the door at the other end of the room. Soon they would walk inside. Raul first, followed by Samu, a smile on his full lips. Then Osmo and SAMI, still in some conversation and then Riku, my Riku with his incredible eyes. The last time I had been in that chair, I had been so baffled, staring at Samu the whole time, but not this time, smiling to myself I looked at the door again. Oh yes, this time I would give Riku a closer look.

At least I had thought so. But when the door suddenly opened, I felt my heart skipping a few beats. My mouth went dry and all I could do for a few intense seconds was staring at Samu. He threw a look across the room, his typical smile on his face but then is eyes were locked with mine and everything else suddenly faded. Look at Riku! A little voice inside my head yelled at me. Look at Riku, he is walking by! Look!

But Samu was already seated at one of the three tables at the head of the room and somehow he held my stare. Trying hard to breathe, I managed to bite my tongue and turn my head. Damn. I still felt his intense blue eyes on me.

Riku on the other hand didn’t even waste one look which made it even harder to try and look at him. God, he was so young! Had he ever been that young? His hair was full and fluffy and he looked like a cute schoolboy!

Quickly I shook my head a little. SAMI was talking already and I intended to listen, hastily making notes for the upcoming interview with Samu and Riku. “Take a few pictures!” I told Anna and she woke up from staring, lifting the camera with blushing cheeks.

It was all over in a split second and I gathered my stuff to walk over to the friendly little man with the clipboard but suddenly Anna beside me stumbled. We had just passed the conference tables where the lads were still standing and I saw a hand reaching out for her. She was grabbed and pulled back to her feet by a smiling Sami. Without letting go he slid over the table top, standing between us. “Well, hello, beautiful press-girl! Want an interview?” he said with a huge smile, pushing me further aside, whilst Riku was as well pushed farther away from us by another group of reporters. This wasn’t happening! He hadn’t even given me one proper look! Grumpily I turned on my heels, running into something that felt virtually solid. “Au!” holding my nose that definitely hurt from the contact with his ribs, I looked up into a broad grin.

“And hello to you too, sweet pie.” Holding me at arm’s length for a second, Samu looked down at me. “Neue Woche Frankfurt.” He managed to read from the little card on my top. “Well, lucky you, I got time.”

What on earth…? Staring after Riku that was already about to leave the room, I cleared my throat. “Well…” I mumbled, shouldering my backpack.

He laughed but it sounded surprised. “Well what? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to impose myself on you.” Stepping back he put his hands into the pockets of his pants and I was quick to grab his arm. He was still by far my best chance to make contact with Riku and for all I knew by now he was my only chance, because this was definitely not going the way I had expected it. “You didn’t.” I smiled at him, feeling the soft tingle in my stomach I always got from his amazing smile. “Come on, let’s find some private place to talk, I have loads of questions!”

“Very well then, lead the way.” Nodding at Sami that followed with Anna by his side, we left the conference room and headed for a little corner table by a window only a few corridors ahead.

“So.” Sami turned is chair around, facing us. “What secrets are you trying to extort from us?” Putting his feet on the table between us, he waved at another clipboarded young girl that came rushing along the corridor at an instant. “Can we get some coffee over here?”

Laughing inwardly at his very cool younger self, I pushed his feet aside a little. “He meant ‘I beg your pardon’ and ‘Can we get some coffee over here, please’.” I gave Sami a serious look and almost giggled, when he sat up straight, arranging his t-shirt.

“Of course.” He nodded at the assistant that was still standing next to him with big eyes and a stupid smile.

As soon as she was out of sight, he leaned over the table. “I don’t like you!” he simply stated with a half grin.

Softly I patted his arm. “You will soon enough, Sami.”

Samu broke into laughter, pulling his chair closer to rest his arm around the backrest of mine. “Well I do like you. A lot!” he gave me a smile and a wink, and I felt my stomach doing a few backflips.

At least I wasn’t close mouthed this time. I even managed to return Samu’s smile and give him a conspiratorial wink without being blown away from the familiar and intoxicating scent of his after shave. “Thanks for that.” With my pen I pointed at him. “So tell me, what is it like to be part of this band now that you finally broke through? You guys clearly broke the sound barrier during the last weeks!”

He chuckled at my word play (that I was really proud of) and leaned closer. “Well, my dear reporter-girl, it turns out that being part of this band is…”

“Really fascinating!” Sami interrupted, shooting a stern little gaze at his bandmate that had clearly been on the edge of telling me something inappropriate.

Sighing I nodded at Sami. “What changed? All the fans, hotel rooms, another town, another show every night.”

“Awesome!” was Sami’s answer, but Samu next to me snorted.

“Overwhelming and lonely.” He corrected and shot a look at Sami. “But maybe I just shut up and you give the interview, Osala. Thanks a lot, beautiful assistant!” he added, when the girl from before approached with a tray of paper coffee mugs. He gave me another wink before taking the tray and putting it in the middle of the table.

“We have visited half of Europe and will start another tour in Asia next year!” SAMI kept talking enthusiastically. “Our fans are great and supportive and it is exciting to be on the road.”

“Thrilling!” Samu obviously couldn’t hold his tongue. “I love small bunks and bad food on long flights.”

“Seriously, mate?” Sami pushed one of the cups in Samu’s direction. “Have a sip and put the whiny crybaby away, will you?”

“Sorry.” Samu mumbled after a few seconds, turning back at me with a smirk on his full lips. “Standing on the stage is actually the best feeling in the world. Well maybe beside the best feeling in the world.” He gave me another wink. “Unfortunately we haven’t seen much of the cities we visited so far, most of our time is filled with work.”

“How does your schedule look like? Can you give us a little insight into your ordinary tour-day?” I was still so totally overjoyed that I was confident in the presence of my biggest and most secret heart-throb, that I picked up speed. I even moved closer to Samu a little, putting my hand on his arm.

He gave me a bright smile, bending over in my direction. “Well, Osala over there gets up at six in the morning and does 100 push ups. Then he has a healthy breakfast, gives a few autographs and consecrates the concert hall with holy candles.”

Surprised I broke into laughter, knowing exactly why this guy had somehow become a special friend of mine despite all the weird longings and feelings that came to life in his company. Nevertheless I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt his hand on the naked part of my upper back. He obviously sensed it but didn’t remove his hand and kept playing around with some strands of my hair.

“You’ll come to see us play tonight, right?”

I nodded, torn between moving away and leaning into his touch. “Really looking forward to it. Now come on,” with some bother I finally managed to lean forward again and escape his weirdly soft fingertips. “Tell me some stuff, I need to write about you guys, give me insight! We don’t have all day.”

“Why don’t you join us for some clubbing tonight?” Samu suddenly offered, his hand on my forearm now, playing with the goose bumps he caused. “Bring the camera and your very silent photographer and get your own behind-the-scenes story.”

“Sounds great!” I flashed a gaze at Sami. “Are you alright with that?” I asked as politely as possible, knowing Sami and his temper after being ignored and even mocked. “It won’t be inappropriate and I will send you a first draft to get your blessings for it.”

The frown disappeared immediately and he even gave me a smile. “Fine with me.” He said and I sent a small thank you to the Gods above for giving me the advantage of knowing all of them inside out.

“Just answer a few more regular questions, I need material, alright?” giving both of them a Sunday-smile I even went one step further and secretly brushed my hand over Samu’s knee when I bent down to pick up my little tape recorder.

Now both of them were extremely compliant. Samu for obvious reasons, still trying to keep physical contact with me, and Sami for being in charge, flattered and treated like the little price I knew he was deep inside.

Suddenly someone rushed by, stopping in his tracks and almost running into us. “Thank God, normal people!” Riku exclaimed, quickly taking Anna’s chair that was free at this moment because she had started taking some more pictures of us. “I was in some room with a weirdo that was curious about my sexual orientation and asked a lot of really inappropriate stuff about me and SM.” Inhaling deeply he flashed a bright smile at me. “Now look at that!” his smile grew even wider and he offered his hand to me. “Riku, pleased to meet you! No, wait, delighted!” the smile grew another impossible inch wider and he leaned in my direction. “Wanna find out some secrets?”

At first I had been completely staggered and out of words. My husband! Riku. Confused I stared into his beautiful eyes for a second or two, almost touching his cheek and kissing him because I was so used to doing that. With my heart beating in my throat I managed to return his smile. “Well if you could confirm the existence of the Higgs-Boson-Particle, I’d be impressed. These are indeed still a secret but I would love to discuss God-Particles with you.”

Now he laughed along with me, resting his elbows on his knees to lower his head to the level of my little clipcard. “Well, well, Elena. Beautiful and smart, what a surprise.”

“Elena just agreed to meet up after the show and join us for a little clubbing.” Samu suddenly said. “You want me to show you around backstage now?” he offered, putting his arm around the backrest of my chair again.

Riku gave him a look and his brows furrowed slightly.

“I’d love to, why don’t we all go?” trying to sound a little more enthusiastic I gave Riku a smile. “And for the clubbing, I could give you my mobile number and we set something up.”

“Sure!” Samu jumped up behind me and felt around the pockets of his jeans.

“Leave it, I got this!” Riku said with a strange undertone in his voice and I saw Samu’s brows furrow now when Riku was quick to open his mobile and type.

“Your number?” he still smiled at me, but I saw the little glance in Samu’s direction. Secretly looking up at him as well, I found an unfamiliar look on the other man’s face, trying to remember the way it had been during my first interview with them. It hit me like a bolt of electricity when I realized that it had taken place almost precisely like that. Samu had asked for my number, but I had given it to Riku because he had been quicker with his mobile.

My eyes were locked with Samu for a brief moment of silence. This was it. The point of decision. Right here I had chosen Riku. Subconsciously maybe but from this point on, Samu had been out of the picture. He had not shown any interest in me any longer and I had soon been too involved with Riku and our conversations to even see him.

It was different this time. Riku had only joined us and I had definitely had a better start with Samu. Confusing feelings washed over me and I still watched Samu that now pulled a mobile out of his back pocket. “Your number, reporter-girl.” He demanded in his husky voice that sent a shiver down my spine. With a short look at Riku over my head, he nodded firmly. “I got this.” He insisted.

Chapter 2 - Where does Timetraveling take you?

Chapter 2

I awoke with a start, sitting up straightaway. My fingers ran over my face and touched my head. Nothing. Only a bad dream. Breathing a sigh of relief, I lay down again, covering my face with my hands before I opened my eyes again, throwing a look around. I was at home. Slowly I let my gaze travel over the pictures on the walls again. I lay in my own bed under the stairs that leaded upwards into my tiny study under the roof of the little maisonette I had rented during my time at university. Carefully I sat up, walking over into the open kitchen nearby.

My legs were shaking, hell, what a dream! I rubbed my face with my hands, grabbing the door of the closet next to me to take a cup and put it under my coffee machine, stopping halfway. The machine was gone. Confused I threw another gaze around the kitchen. The stupid old yellow onion-pot was standing in the spot where only yesterday my very much beloved and expensive bean to cup coffee maker had been placed.

With my empty cup in my hands I sat down on one of the high kitchen chairs by the bar, staring at the pot. Riku had broken it over a year ago, it came to my mind and suddenly I felt numb. What the hell was going on? Starting to bite my nails, I jumped up from my chair, rushing over to the bed again to find my mobile on the nightstand. Something was very wrong here and I need to figure out why. Flipping through my address book again and again I felt cold sweat burning under my armpits. It wasn’t there, his number wasn’t there. Neither was any number of any of the lads, not even Juliane’s! Wrapping my arms around my shivering body I sank down on the bed.

Maybe I had simply jumped from one bad dream into another. Covering my body and head with the blanket, I closed my eyes. Go back to sleep, I told myself. As soon as you’ll wake up, everything’s gonna be just fine!

Unexpectedly the mobile next to my bed started to ring and I grabbed it from the floor, flipping it open. Martha. My friend and one of the editors of the magazine I worked for. Fighting with the bed covers for a second, I picked up.

“Hey.” I managed to mumble and heard a small giggle from the other end of the line. “Are you alright?” she asked, making me sit up straight and rub my face again. My heart was still beating in my throat but I tried my best to sound normal.

“Sure, I… just woke up, that’s all.”

“You know what day it is today?” she suddenly sang without responding to my words.

“Actually…” pressing my fingertips to my eyes I fell silent again, making her giggle once more.

“Elena, my friend, get your camera ready, the press ID’s just arrived and yours includes backstage and interview. Carl expects some decent pictures, well, not decent of course, try crazy. You are on at four, the concert starts at eight. Thank me tomorrow, I expect 1200 words for next week’s issue and a full report among friends on Monday!”

“Where am I… what… what concert?” God, my head hurt! What the hell was going on with me?

Again Martha only laughed. “Hun, just make some coffee, charge your camera and get to the concert hall at half past three, you are on the list for Sunrise Avenue.” She smacked a kiss over to me and hung up with another giggle.

Totally dumbfounded I stared at the mobile in my hand. On the list for Sunrise Avenue. Burying my face in the palms of my hands, I took a deep breath. What the fuck was happening? I had only been accredited for one Sunrise Avenue-concert in my life in June 2009. The big gig in Frankfurt. The day I had met them for the first time.

Feeling sick all of a sudden, I rushed over into the bathroom, turning the cold water on to squirt it into my face. There was only one way to find out the correct date right now. With wet and still shivering hands I walked over into my living room, switching on the TV set.

I still sat in front of my TV a few minutes later, unable to get up from the floor. It actually was the 24^th of June. And it definitely was 2009. Whichever way I looked at it, it didn’t make sense whatsoever. But anyway I sliced it, it was the 24^th of June 2009 and I was about to meet my husband for the very first time today. A husband that had told me that he had cheated on me. A man that had told me that he had cheated on me with his friend’s girlfriend because he had had commitment issues.

The thoughts were racing on my mind. What if…? What if – only hypothetically – some higher power gave me a little window for revenge with this? It was 2009 again, I wasn’t married, and obviously I had never met Riku before. Maybe this was my chance to undo some mistakes…

Giving my choices and opportunities a good think, I lay down on the wooden floor after a while.

Variation 1: I simply wouldn’t go. Variation 2: I could go. But without falling for Riku. Variation 3: Total revenge. Meet him, make him fall for me and kick his ass.

Hm…

I had chosen Variation 3 when I left my apartment at two o’clock. Remembering the dark jeans and a pink tank top that I had worn all those years ago, I had decided differentially, right now walking down the hallway with my favourite brown high heel sandals and a short green dress that I had once bought for a friend’s wedding. Since I knew that Riku was mad about my hair, I had washed it and pinned it back elaborately to make it fall over my naked shoulders. He would pay for it, pay for his mistake and the pain he had caused.

Smiling evilly, I put on my sunglasses, strutting past a surprised Mrs Linz from two floors below. Outside on the street, I decided to get some iced coffee before heading off to the concert hall. I couldn’t wait to finally start my little revenge-plan.

Checking my mobile, I didn’t pay attention for a second and ran into someone on the sidewalk. He grabbed my arm to prevent me from falling and I looked up into a pair of friendly brown eyes, surrounded by deep wrinkles. “I’m so sorry, are you alright?” he asked concerned and I put my sunglasses into my hair, nodding.

“Of course, I’m really sorry for bumping into you, Father…”

“Bergner.” He smiled and took my hand to shake it. “Totally fine, neither of us is hurt, right?”

“I guess you’re right.” I couldn’t help smiling back and looked at the old man in front of me. The idea came out of the blue but I didn’t hesitate when I asked him. “Father, this might sound strange, but… do you maybe have a minute? I was just about to grab some coffee, but there… there is something I would really like to talk about.”

“Of course.” He checked his wristwatch. “I have an appointment at four but there is still a bit of time left.” Cocking his head he pointed along the crowded street. “If you want, I would be pleased to offer you a cup of tea at the presbytery. We are not too far away. My housekeeper also makes a very fine iced tea.”

I nodded relieved. “That would be very nice, thank you!”

When we were sitting together in his small office, looking over the backyard of the presbytery, I suddenly realised that I was greatly relieved that I had met him. Even though I actually had no idea how to tell him about the weird things that were happening in my life.

“So,” he pointed at me with his glass. “What did you want to talk about?”

Not really knowing how to begin, I stared down into my own glass. “My husband cheated on me.” I heard my own voice all of a sudden and I looked up at the old man opposite me. He sat up at once, his facial expression changing from friendly and relaxed to serious. Compassionately he looked at me, clicking his tongue. “Go on.” He encouraged me to keep talking.

“We… we have been dating for three years, our wedding was only a year ago. But he… right after we got together, he slept with another woman. It was his friend’s girlfriend and he… only yesterday he told me about it and…” I fell silent again, not knowing how to continue.

The priest nodded and leaned forward. “And you are not sure what to do? You don’t know how to forgive him?”

“Actually…” stirring my tea with the yellow straw, I slowly shook my head. “Do you believe in destiny, father? In faith?”

“Of course I do.” He smiled and raised his hands. “What else can you believe in?”

“And do you think that it is possible that our faith sometimes… well reveals itself in odd ways?”

“So you think that there is a sign from God in this whole situation?”

“Maybe.” Again I feel silent for a few seconds and threw a look around the study. “Father I… Can I ask you… everything I am about to say must be under the seal of confession.”

“Of course, dear!” he nodded reassuring. “Just talk, I will listen, alright? Not a single word will leave this room.”

“If… if you ever had the chance to undo a mistake, would you?”

“Hypothetically? Yes. But I trust in God and for me there are no mistakes. There are events, sometimes series of events, influencing people and actions yet to come. But if…”

“In my world, Father,” I interrupted, looking at him straight. “In my world it was the 14^th of September 2013 only yesterday and… that was the day my husband told me, that he had cheated on me. We had an accident with our car because we were fighting while he was driving and… and this morning I woke up in my apartment, not hurt in any way but deep inside my heart, and the only thing on my mind right now is revenge. Today is the day I had met my husband for the first time.” I threw a quick look at the wooden clock right above the door. “In only one hour I am gonna meet my husband for the very first time but all I can think of is the way he lied to me and how much it hurt me. The thought of him with another woman and… It is so hard to know all this! I… I can’t go there and meet him with a smile, I… I only want to hurt him back for what he is going to do to me.” Letting out a shaky laughter, I shook my head. “God, I sound crazy!”

The priest had been silent for the last few moments, but now he cleared his throat. “Why would you wanna revenge something that has not taken place just yet?” he suddenly asked, bending forward. “If this is a chance for you, and I believe it is, why are you not there to prevent him from betraying you and his friend? He is your husband, or maybe he will be. You married him and surely you loved him, why would you throw this chance away for simple revenge? Revenge is only painful and it will hurt you as well as him.”

Totally astonished I looked at the old Father again, cocking my head. “I… I am telling you that I come from a distant future and you… you believe me?”

He shrugged with a smile, pointing at me with his straw. “Why would you lie to me? It does not really make sense, does it?” Bending forward in my direction again, he put his elbows on his knees. “Take this chance. Maybe God wants to tell you something. Maybe there is a possibility to undo some mistakes or at least give it a fresh start. Now go!” with a smile he shooed me outside. “Go and meet this husband of yours and live a happy life! And don’t forget to come back every once in a while and tell me about it.”

My thoughts were in a total whirlwind when I thanked the priest and left the church and the presbytery behind, walking back to my apartment like a sleepwalker. ‘Revenge is only painful and it will hurt you as well as him.’ The words from the old Father came to my mind and I knew deep inside that he was right. What was I thinking? In a weird way I had become part of a wonder and I seriously thought about wasting it.

Taking a deep breath I pulled the dress over my head, slipping into the pink tank top and my favourite jeans and a pair of flip-flops. Maybe this was my chance to change something. Throwing a quick gaze into the mirror, I nodded at myself. I was me again and my mind was all of a sudden crystal clear. I would fight for my life and damn it, I would fight for my man. 

Chapter 1 - Where does Timetraveling take you?

A little piece on time-traveling for you...

The "what if..?" 

Enjoy reading and dreaming :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where does Timetraveling take you? 

Time. We are running out of it mostly. We don’t have much time, miss spending time with a loved one. Maybe at some stage in our life we even wished to turn back time. I certainly did too. About two times a week sometimes. But if you come to think about it, would it truly help? Turning back time for a few hours, a few days, maybe years? What would it do, what would it change? What would YOU change? Would it be possible to change your life to the better?

If you ever got the chance to turn back time, would you take advantage and do something good with it? Of course I know it is impossible, we can’t influence time. Time, the fourth dimension. But what if…? Would you try and re-live a certain wonderful moment? Maybe avoid doing a mistake?

But what happens if you are only driven by revenge? I definitely was. As the saying goes: Revenge is a dish best served cold. Well, in my case I was going to serve it hot, real hot.

Well… before everything got a little out of hand…

Chapter 1

Walking along the large white corridors of an enormous concert hall in Hamburg, I rearranged my blouse and skirt. I had chosen my clothes wisely today, hoping for the expected effect on my husband.

It was the last concert of this year’s tour and I was really looking forward to our vacation. Thanks to Gemmy, the cloakroom attendant, Riku’s bags would be packed already and I didn’t have to fuss around with all his dirty socks and the shirts he never managed to fold properly. His departure only three months ago had been enough for me already and after trying to give him a hand and him of course getting into a huff right away, I had given up like every year. He wasn’t able to arrange is stuff and pack suitably but he was too proud to admit it, even though we had been together for almost three years by now, even married for a year, and I knew him inside out. So like every time I let him finish, shutting my mouth and trying hard not to laugh when I heard the laundry machine at five in the morning because he had again forgotten to wash his two favourite pairs of jeans.

Still walking under the bright light of the disgusting neon tubes, I took out my mobile. The concert had ended only 25 minutes ago but instead of rushing to the hotel right away, the boys had decided to get their cars packed and parked right behind the hall to make their separate exits for the upcoming vacations.

A few minutes ago Riku had texted me to tell me that they would now have a shower and get dressed for a night out at a club. Inwardly sighing, I nodded at some people that were passing by. Always the same. The lads would never grow out of their celebration party after the last concert. Most probably I would be driving and taking care of everything tomorrow because Riku would be sick and whiny for the whole journey to his parents. Well, it had been his idea to take a ship to Finland, not mine.

Walking around the last corner, I heard music at the end of the corridor. Most probably they had started a shower party. A small smile crept over my face. Sometimes they were really cute.

I was about to open the door to the dressing-room, when it was suddenly yanked open and Samu popped his head outside, a bottle of beer in his right hand, a girl in his left. Quickly I tried to remember her name. He had been seeing her for a couple of weeks now, maybe she would last for the vacation. “Tammy, hey!” I nodded at her when I had finally remembered after a few seconds. “How’s life?”

She smiled back at me. “Well so far…” grinning up at Haber she raised her own bottle of beer.

Samu put a cigarette between his lips, stopping halfway when he was about to lighten it. His eyebrows furrowed and his grin grew wider. “Now look at that!” his gaze travelled over me again and it wasn’t the first time that I felt like he was mentally undressing me. “Hello you two’s.  Is it a little cold out there, sweetpie?”

With a low harrumph I nudged him with my elbow as I passed by, his chuckling following me until the door closed behind him and… Tammy, damn it! Tammy.

Breathing a sigh of relieve, I gave Raul a hug. “Still inside?” I nodded at the showers, making Raul nod and giving me a smile.

“Have you seen Juliane?” he asked, quickly buttoning up his shirt.

I shook my head no, checking my mobile. “She’ll be here in any minute.” I assured, straightening his shirt around the shoulders. “Where’s the rest?”

“SAMI took off, he is picking some friends up for tonight, Osmo’s outside on the phone.”

“Rutuu was first to finish his shower?” I whistled through my teeth in surprise. “Normally he and Riku are boiling their backs together.”

“Well, one of the two sausages for boiling obviously didn’t have time for that today.” Giving me a little grin, Raul offered a bottle of local beer to me. “Have one, I really wanna leave this place asap, it is depressing!”

He was right. I threw a look around. Even though the room was quite nice and comfortable, it was in the basement and there were no windows. “The club you picked should have a nicer view.” I sipped my beer, making him grin.

“37^th floor, it better should!” he grabbed his jacket, quickly kissing my cheek. “Gonna check on Juliane, see you in a few!”

Left alone in the dressing room, I sat down on one of the couches, pushing some magazines and wet bath robes aside. Why would they never clean up a little? Only a little! Punks. It took me weeks to get Riku back to picking up his damn socks or sneakers or teabags after a long tour. I was just starting to flick through a few messages on my phone, when I heard the door. It was Samu and giggle-Tammy and I put my feet down from the table, suddenly having the strong urge to rearrange my blouse again. Maybe I should have worn a bra. I had intended to give Riku a little kick tonight, not to be picked up by Samu!

He was still grinning broadly, giving me a wink over his girlfriend’s head. If only he knew! Quickly I lowered my gaze, feeling a slight blush. Actually he had always been my favourite of the band. Unfortunately it had at all times been one of my most prominent characteristic features that I didn’t seem shy or reserved, but inwardly I had been shaking to my very core to finally stand in front of him right before a concert over three years ago. My colleague had managed to get a backstage-pass for me and he had approached me when I had waited in line with some other reporters and photographers. “Elena from…” he had squinted his incredible eyes to read the name on my pass. “Neue Woche Frankfurt?” winking at me, he had beckoned me over. “Lucky you, I got time.” Like a sleepwalker I had followed him to a table, suddenly being seated right in front of the man of my dreams and completely out of words. Luckily Riku had joined us, making my caught up words return. He had been nice and funny and we really got into talking.

Another one of my very own characteristic features: Completely speechless in front of a man I am attracted to, totally fine with a guy that is not my type, even if he is a rockstar. To my surprise they invited me to party with them and even allowed me to write about it and take some amazing pictures that above it all got me promoted to assistance of the management of my department.

Riku and I exchanged phone numbers. We stayed in contact, even met again. I liked him but I could never help blushing like a teenager when Haber suddenly turned up. His jokes made me laugh and flush every time and I was out of words whenever I was close to him. Riku on the other hand was smart and fascinating to talk to. We had a lot of interests in common and our talks on the phone kept both of us awake for nights.

Whenever I managed to meet up with the guys during our first year I was again completely taken by Riku and the way we got along as if we had known each other for years. Samu on the other hand kept teasing me. He asked for a dance or bought me a drink to have me for himself from time to time, but it always ended with him making out with a random girl he had met. So after almost two years of loose contact with the lads and frequent phone calls with Riku, I had decided to spend a vacation with them in Finland after their tour of 2011. It came as it was somehow bound to come. And only a year later I had been married to Riku, still thinking about Haber sometimes and the life I could have had by his side. But I did not have illusions about it anymore. He wasn’t the guy to settle down with. He was hot, made me laugh, made me wanna kiss him so many times when we were dancing together or fooling around a little, but in the end he had never chosen me. So I grabbed the bull by its horns and chose what I thought was best for myself. Riku.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Samu approaching, another smirk on his full lips. To my deep relieve, Riku finally exited the showers, throwing a surprised smile at me. “You’re early!” he crossed paths with Samu and quickly he bent down to kiss me.

“You’re late!” I corrected, running my fingers through his wet and tousled hair.

“I’m always worth the wait.” He shot back with a grin, his hand brushing over the thin fabric of my blouse. His smile widened and his lips were parted already when Samu suddenly made a weird noise, laughing.

“Better keep her warm, they have been staring at me intently!” he trumpeted, chuckling when he saw my blush deepen.

“I certainly will.” Riku bent down again, kissing me softly. There was a glint in his eyes, when he sat down on the armrest of the couch without taking his lips from mine. “I’ve missed you.” He whispered close to my mouth his fingertips trailing along the buttons of my blouse from my neck to my belly.

Another noise from Samu was suddenly heard. “Come on, let’s go.” He said abruptly and I saw him pulling Tammy out of the room again. “Now take a few minutes of privacy to rub her nipples warm and soft.”

Riku let out a chuckle and lifted his head from my neck. “Those nipples are mine and they will stay exactly like this for the rest of the night. I’ll personally make sure about that!” Again he lowered his lips. “Now where were we?”

Half an hour later I was sitting next to him in his newly purchased BMW, the latest model of course and I had immediately been told that I was forbidden to drive it, park it and most of all eat in it. As if I cared. My own car was all I needed and I loved the cute Mini Cooper to bits, even though Riku was right, it always was full of junk and crumbs. Leaning back in my comfortable leather seat, I put my hand on Riku’s thigh, watching the lights of the city fly by. “So what d’you think, is it too theoretical?” I asked, picking up our previous conversation about the existence of different periodic elements and inert gases because he had suddenly fallen quiet.

Looking down at me astound, he changed the gear, shrugging. “Maybe.” He answered with his mind obviously still far away. He had been acting differentially for the last hour, somehow making me feel as if he wasn’t there completely even when we had been naked together on the couch in the dressing room just before. “What’s bothering you, love?” softly I ran my hand along his thigh. “Can’t be the Ununoctium, we only decided that it doesn’t exist.” I tried to joke but he didn’t even give me a proper smile.

“Actually I… I wanted to talk to you about something.” His grip around the stirring wheel tightened and I felt the muscles of his thigh tensing under my fingers.

“What’s wrong?” I rubbed the back of his neck. “Are you alright?”

Flashing a look at me, he shrugged again. “Not quit.” He answered evasively, taking a deep breath. “I cheated on you.” He then said quietly, starring outside into the dark night.

For one second I thought I had heard wrongly, misunderstood something, but when I bent over in his direction and he avoided my gaze I all of a sudden knew it for sure. It hit me like a fist in my stomach and all the air escaped my lounges. Without making a single sound, I simply stared at him in disbelieve. “Why?” I managed to ask, suddenly realizing that my hand was still playing with the soft strands of hair on the back of his neck. Instantly I lowered my fingers, clasping the small bag on my lap. “Why?” I asked again, trying hard to remember how to breathe properly.

He looked at me for a second, turning his eyes back at the street. “Commitment issues?” he ask-answered, making me snort and finally wake up from my sudden stiffness.

“Commitment… commitment issues?” raising my eyebrow in disbelief, I bent forward. “You are telling me that you have cheated on me, your wife, the women you have willingly committed to because you have issues committing?”

“It was a while ago.” He stated, shaking his head. “Back then I… I…”

“When?” I interrupted.

“It was… it was… almost two years ago.” He fell silent again, but I didn’t give him a chance to gather himself properly.

“Are you kidding me? Two years that was… Jeez, Riku, that was around the time of our first vacation!” I couldn’t stop my hand from slapping his face even though he was still driving. “Are you seriously telling me that you cheated on me right after we got together? Why? Give me one good reason!”

“Commitment.” He mumbled again, making me snort.

“Yeah, right, Of course! I totally understand!”

“No you don’t!” he suddenly whispered through his gritted teeth. “I’ve known you for years, loved you and waited for you for months and when you were there it… it was perfect and… God!” once more he grabbed the stirring wheel, forcefully changing the gear. “We got together and it was perfect and… and I got scared.”

“But why?” I insisted helplessly. “Why did you…?”

“I was afraid of the commitment! I was scared that I had maybe made the wrong decision.”

“So you simply… you simply fucked another woman.” Disbelievingly shaking my head, I looked up at him again. “You… you proposed to me! God, Riku, we… we were friends, you… you were the best friend I ever had and… of course I agreed to marry you!” still shaking my head I grabbed his arm. “Why did you rush into our marriage then? You weren’t sure about it, why… And also, why are you telling me this? Now, after almost two years?”

He looked at me intently, all of a sudden grabbing my hand that still lay on his arm. “Elena, you… you are my best friend and you are my wife, the love of my life! That’s why I told you now. You deserve honesty. And I swear to you it was a one time event! She… she was one of Samu’s girlfriends back then and it simply happened. You should know that, you deserve to know it.”

“Honesty?” I stared at him completely speechless, trying to free my hand. “You fucking son of a rat, pull over!”

Shocked by my reaction he looked at me and back at the dark street. “This is a highway.” He stated in surprise but I cut him short.

“Pull over right now and stop the car, Riku. I am right now getting out of this car.” Loosening my seatbelt, I grabbed my jacket from the floor. “Pull over!” I yelled at him.

“Jeez, Elena!” soothingly he started to rub my arm. “I had to tell you, you are my wife!”

“Why? Why did you have to tell me?” shaking my head, I felt that I was almost ready to punch him really hard. “I know why. You wanted it off your chest. You wanted to confess and you wanted me to forgive you. It was a burden and you simply didn’t have the strength to carry it alone any longer. Guess what? That is the most egoistic and selfish thing that you have ever done. If you make a complete cock-up, suck it! Take it like a man and don’t make up some stupid bullshit about commitment two years later! You shit the bed, now lie in it!”

“You… you wanted to continue living a lie?” he asked astounded.

“I wanted to continue living our life! Now stop the fucking car and fucking let me get out of it, otherwise…”

Suddenly everything turned into slow motion. I saw Riku’s face, surprised and even enraged by now. Then all of a sudden there was a red light right in front of us and the power of the impact threw him into his seatbelt the second his airbag opened. My seatbelt had been unbuckled already and the consequences occurred to me during that one split second before I hit the windscreen, someway watching it break into a thousand pieces…