First story up...

Let's call it a Song-Fic-OS (one shot)
It is actually very old but somehow it still touches me.
The song that I used is still one of my favourits. It is "zzyzx rd" by stone sour, a beautiful song with amazingly fitting lyrics. If you want you can listen to it on youtube:  Stone Sour zzyzx rd

Enjoy :)


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Broken Dreams

Putting his forehead onto the stirring wheel of his car, Samu tried to swallow down the tears that were burning in his throat. Without opening his eyes he felt his way over to the passenger’s seat, grabbing the bottle of whisky he had bought on his way. Tearing the plastic seal apart, he opened the bottle, taking a few deep swings. With both hands around the cold glass he swallowed again, repeating the procedure a few more times before he leaned back, coughing.

I don't know how else to put this.
It's taking me so long to do this.
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight.

He wanted to forget. Forget about his life. The misery it had turned into out of a sudden. Everything had been fine in the beginning! Singing was his life and he loved it. But out of a sudden everything had changed and Samu had no idea how he could ever cope with the things that had happened during the last few years.

My muscles feel like a melee,
My body's curled in a U-shape.
I put on my best, but I'm still afraid.

Nothing was real around him. There was no one to trust anymore. His family was far away, he had become a stranger in their eyes whenever he returned home for a few brief days. Living the focus of attention, he had learned to suppress his feelings with time. He had become dull, not caring anymore. But deep inside he had never managed to live with all the lies around him and the golden cage he had been put in to please people, let them stare at him and make them happy. Everything was a lie. Every word written in the papers, every syllable he said in interviews. It was all a lie.

Propped up by lies and promises.
Saving my place as life forgets.
Maybe it's time I saw the world.

He knew his vacation would be short again. Only a few days before he had to return to all of them, looking into their faces to see the same pain he was experiencing every day.

I'm only here for a while.
And patience is not my style,
And I'm so tired that I got to go.

Opening his eyes, Samu sat up, exiting the car. The wind was cold up here on the cliff and he buttoned up his jacket, sitting down on the bonnet of the huge black BMW he called his own. The bonnet was still warm from the ride and Samu climbed up to rest his back at the front windshield. The cliff was his only place to hide. It was far away from the bigger roads of the town and always completely deserted.

‘I don’t feel that I know you anymore, Samu!’ his wives words came to his mind and he gulped down a mouthful of whisky.

Of course she didn’t know him anymore! He felt like he didn’t know himself! Everything was so messed up and he had no idea how to cope with it especially after their last fight only one hour ago. She had threatened him to leave him, taking their kid with her because she saw no other way. Feeling tears welling up, Samu took another sip.

He couldn’t hold it against her. She was right. Sobbing silently he put his forehead onto his knees.

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I supposed to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?

He wished he could prove her wrong, wished that he could make everything up to her but he knew that they were far beyond making up.  He felt weak to his bones, suddenly feeling the urge to scream, yell into the icy nowhere of the ocean on the top of his voice. Curling up on the bonnet he let his tears flow freely.

Why wasn’t she fighting anymore? She had always been a fighter but right now she seemed just as weak and tired as him.

Tell me I should stick around for you.
Tell me I can have it all.
I'm still too tired to care and I got to go.

It was always the same, a few brief moments to see her, see his family, but before all of them had even gotten used to having him around he was gone again.

It had been this way for over six years and he had no idea how to deal with it any longer.

I get to go home in one week.
But I'm leaving home in three weeks.
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry.

His life was planned out completely. Every minute was occupied, prearranged and he didn’t have a single minute for himself. No spare time. Samu, do this, Samu, stand here, Samu, smile. He couldn’t. He couldn’t smile any longer.

Wrapping his arms around his chest he tried to suppress a shiver, coiling up in himself.

I'm following suit and directions.
I crawl up inside for protection.
I'm told what to do and I don't know why.

Who would be there for him when the time of the band was over one day? Who would be by his side to comfort him, sharing his life? He would be forgotten by the fans, forgotten by the people he had loved so desperately because he had not been there for them for so many years.

Crying over the emptiness in his life he realised that he had now most probably lost the one person that had been by his side for ages.

Wishing to disappear into nowhere he took a deep swing from his bottle. She was gone. Forever.

I'm over-existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I don't really mind if I just fade away

Darkness surrounded him and he choked on the liquor. Everything that mattered was her. He had known it deep inside but nevertheless he had risked their lives and their love for each other. Thinking that the band was everything he wanted and that she would still be there when he returned from flying high and careless, he had gambled and lost everything that was important to him and there was no turning back. She was gone even though he had never expected her to draw her conclusions from his behaviour so drastically.

I'm ready to live with my family.
I'm ready to die in obscurity
Cause I'm so tired that I got to go.

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I supposed to do?
You still don't think I'm gonna see this through.

Tell me I'm a part of history.
Tell me I can have it all.
I'm still too tired to care and I got to go.

He flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up he snivelled, wiping his tearstained face.

“I’ve been worried about you.” She simply whispered, the strong wind blowing her blond curls into her face. Carefully she wiped a few tears from his cheek, trying to smile at him.

“Come home, Samu, will you? What am I supposed to do without you, you stupid fool?”