Chapter 15 - Worlds Apart.... Last Chapter....

Chapter Fifteen

She remained close-mouthed for the rest of the morning, not willing to tell her mother about her last dream. God, he had been so frightening! Never in her life had she imagined to be so scared, petrified with horror because of Riku! She knew exactly what Holly would make of this: Of course Riku had scared her! It was her bad conscious gnawing because she kind of was in love with one of his mates. Blabla. Grunting angrily Elena took a long shower, washing and even blow-drying her hair to calm down a little, impatiently waiting for her appointment at Holly’s practice. To avoid Riku she had only sent him a short message, that she needed a bit of time to calm down and closed her mobile right after. Right now she couldn’t confront him. Not after her dream and the icy way he had stared at her.
She definitely needed some time without him now.

It all happened the way she had foreseen it and Elena had to bite her lower lip from time to time to prevent herself from screaming at the other woman and throwing into her face that she would never admit that her dreams and her husband weren’t real.
Unfortunately she couldn’t return to Samu, even during her hypnosis. Something seemed to block her, keep her away from the hospital room and him and when she woke up on the couch she felt frustrated.
Maybe tomorrow. She tried to tell herself. Maybe her mind needed a rest. She would come back the next morning and give it one last shot. If it didn’t work again she had to try and find another way.

Walking around the empty house she ended up in her mother’s private study, slowly sitting down in one of the armchairs. Staring out into the backyard she gave her whole situation another thought. There was no way for her to see Holly again she suddenly realised. It was no help for her and she wasn’t in the mood to feel even more like a crazy person. Samu was real to her. He felt real and it felt nothing but right to be with him. She had to make a decision.
Without even thinking about it properly she got up all of a sudden, walking over to her mother’s writing table. The prescription pad had always been in the first drawer of the desk and Elena found it without searching. Throwing a quick gaze around, she listened to the quiet house before she grabbed one of the books from the shelf behind the desk. Maybe some Benzodiazepines could help her to prolong the phases of her dreaming and by that also give her more time to orientate and get everything back in order. Her fingers were shivering but Elena opened the book. Maybe it should be some Non-Benzodiazepines, she wanted to use them for a while but not get addicted quickly. Zopiclon. Perfect. Hastily she wrote two of the medicaments down on the pad, placing her mother’s rubber stamp on it. When she took one of the pens from the pencil holder to also fake her mother’s signature, she felt her bad conscious gnawing but tried to ignore it. She had to be with Samu. Only for a little while but she had to be with him.

The little note from the prescription pad was burning in her pocket when she took her bike to meet her mother for lunch. Caitlyn seemed shocked and even anxious when Elena broke to her that she wouldn’t stay in Finland for another day but take a flight back to London the same evening. Trying to convince Elena to stay for a couple of days, she felt again all her worries churning inside of her, almost making her feel sick. Schizophrenic disorder. That was only one of the possible psychological illnesses that had come to her mind during the last days with Elena. Was her daughter sick? Did she need help? Strong, independent Elena? Her smart little girl. Did she unknowingly suffer from the fact that she had lost her twin-sister, her identical twin, even though she had been in her mother’s womb for another three months? Caitlyn gave her best but there was no way for Elena to stay. She insisted that she had to leave as soon as possible and said her goodbyes.
She had to get out of town, buy the meds and... well, face whatever happened when she took them. Using Riku as an excuse for her quick take off, Elena took leave, her heart still pounding in her chest when she arrived in London, entering the airport pharmacy to hand over the prescription to the friendly woman behind the desk. No questions were asked and only a few minutes later she took a cab to her apartment. Riku would be out of town for another night, doing some promo-work in Bristol so she had some time on her own.
It was already after 11 but she decided to call him anyway to wish him a good night. He seemed happy to hear her voice and somehow she felt eased and enjoyed their quick chat. Her mind on the other hand was already far away, planning her next steps.
Right after hanging up, she closed her mobile, sitting down on the couch with her new pills. The instructions on the package insert were quite clear, advising to take four pills a day in case of medical anxiety or sleep disorder. Calculating the best dosage for her intentions and potential over dosage and risks from the instruction leaflet, Elena decided to take six pills as a bolus and lay down on the couch, wrapping a blanket around herself. ‘Here we go.’ She thought, nervously closing her eyes.

                                                                                              ***

“Hey, mate, it’s me!”
“What’s up man, where are you?” Samu sat up on his bed. “We’ve been worried about you guys, Raul and I have arrived about an hour ago!”
“There has been an accident, we’re stuck and I was told that this is gonna take a while.” Riku sounded annoyed, but there was also fear in his voice, making Samu get up completely.
“Are you guys alright?” he asked alarmed, sighing in relief when Riku answered promptly.
“Of course we are! Listen, I’m a little concerned about Elena. She is...” an ambulance drove by, its horn swallowing the rest of his sentence. “She came back from Finland yesterday but I can’t reach her. Her mobile’s off and she doesn’t pick up at home, so I started to worry and wanted to be home quickly but now...”
He left his sentence unfinished but Samu was quick on the uptake. “Want me to drive by and check on her?”
“That would be grand, mate! Her keys are in my room, I put them on the night stand. Thanks a lot!”
“Of course! So I’ll see you guys in the afternoon, right?”
“Hopefully! They just said on the news that the street is going to be closed, maybe there is a by-pass for us. If not I’ll see you tonight. Call me when you have talked to her, I’m on tenterhooks at the moment!”
“Give me half an hour, I’ll call you back.” Samu hung up, grabbing his wallet and his jacket before he opened the connecting door between his and Riku’s room. All of a sudden he felt nervous. Elena had been on his mind far too often during the last week. Their talk, this little special something they had shared had affected him more than he would ever admit. Every outing with his friends had been weird with her around. He had felt attracted to her in an unusual manner, not knowing what to do or say, always feeling neglected by her. Perhaps this was his chance to finally talk to her about her cool and short spoken manner towards him. Although... Did he really want to know? Did he want to hear the words “I don’t really like you” from her lips? Taking a deep breath he decided to put a sock in it and close the subject. She was Riku’s girlfriend, maybe he had once had a nice talk with her, feeling connected and bound to her in an odd way, but if she had decided to keep him at arm’s length he would not be the fool craving for her attention.
He took the keys from Riku’s night stand, rushing outside to wave for a cab.

“Elena?” slowly he opened the door of her apartment, feeling his heart racing. There was no answer, so he stepped inside, closing the door. “Elena?” he asked again on the empty corridor, loudly. Still there was no answer, but all of a sudden he felt his hackles rising. There was definitely something wrong. The place seemed deserted but his inner voice kept yelling at him, forcing him to speed up his pace and almost running inside the living room.
There she lay. A little sleepyhead! Most probably she was using earplugs and simply ignored the phone because she was tired from her journey. For a split second he felt relieved. Then another shiver ran down his spine. She seemed only far away dreaming, but there were packages of pills he didn’t know on the table. He grabbed them, his hands getting cold instantly. Damn, why did he have to be a stupid bloke from the countryside with no idea about all those ell long substances of content? Zip... Zopic... Zopiclon. He kneeled down beside her, pushing the little table away. “Elena!” he whispered, shaking with panic when he grabbed her hands, her arms and cupped her face. She was breathing, at least. Swallowing down his fear he put his hand on her neck to feel her pulse. It was slow and unsteady. Again he grabbed the pills, putting them in his pocket before he wrapped Elena into her blanket, picking her up from the couch. As fast as his legs would allow it he ran down the stairs to get into the cab again and yell at the driver to take off to the hospital.
 

His fingernails were bitten down to the bottom and he felt his legs and feet still trembling nervously when he was suddenly confronted with a tall dark haired man.
The man in his white lab coat stopped short, starring down at Samu in his chair. “It’s not you.” Looking around the almost empty waiting area he called: “Who’s waiting for Elena Heikkinen?”
“That would be me!” hastily Samu got up. “Is she alright? Can I see her?”
“Where’s that other little bugger?” The doctor’s eyes looked him over, there was a lot of anger burning inside of them. “The Popstar-Dumbass she dates now?”
“He’s not here.” Samu blurted out. “Please, is she alright?”
“Did one of you dickheads give that shit to her?” the doctor almost yelled at him, grabbing the astounded man by the scruff of his neck.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Samu stepped back, shaking the other man’s heavy hands off. “I came to check on her and found her unconscious in her apartment! I brought her here right away, what the hell d’you accuse...”
With a low and disgusted sound the doctor let go of him eventually. “Fuck.” He whispered through his gritted teeth. “Fuck all of you!” with that he turned on his heels, rushing down the corridor.
Samu remained standing, rotted to the spot in total shock. What the hell had just happened to him? Slowly shaking his head, he ran after the dark haired man but he had disappeared. A friendly nurse helped him to finally find Elena.
“She will be fine.” The woman assured him, softly tapping his back. “But I was told that she will be taken to the psychiatric unit. We have to monitor her on the locked ward.”
“You have to... why? Can you please wait for...”
“Sorry, lad, no chance. She tried to kill herself, she needs to be monitored 24/7 now until the doctors release her.”
Samu felt his legs almost giving in. Putting his hands on his head as if he could by that stop his thoughts from racing on his mind, he sat down next to Elena’s bed.
“I’m gonna give you two a minute, dear.” Again the nurse softly rubbed his back before she closed the curtains around the bed.
Without giving it a lot of thought Samu took Elena’s hands, putting his face close to hers. “Elena?” he whispered. “Please, hun, I really need you to wake up and tell me that you are alright!” breathy and low the words came over his lips and he suddenly felt himself talking to her without thinking, simply whispering all his feelings into her ear.

She awoke slowly. Her body felt numb and she was dead tired and cold to her core even though someone had placed a blanket over her shivering body.
Then she heard his voice, feeling her lips curving into a small smile. “Samu.” She whispered, trying to lift her hand and touch his cheek that was still snuggled close to hers. He took her hand immediately, pressing his face into her palm.
“Thank God, you are back, love.” He whispered, tightly grabbing her ice cold fingers.
“Of course I am.” She turned her head, kissing his lips with a bit of effort. “I told you, I would be back. Whatever happens, I will always come back to you.” Softly she ran her free hand over his chin. “So did you manage to shave and shower?” still smiling she placed another kiss on his lips. “Your hair is shorter as well!”
“ Elena, I... What are you talking about?” snapping back into reality that had almost left him when he had tasted her sweet lips only seconds ago, Samu sat up on his chair. “I didn’t...” he started again but Elena softly put her hand on his mouth to stop him.
“Please, love, it doesn’t matter. I want to talk to you, but maybe the meds were not strong enough and I won’t be able to stay for long, alright?”
“Stay... what?” confused Samu furrowed his brows, running his hand through Elena’s hair. “Where are you leaving to? Is... did you really try... but why?” he was completely perplexed, a thousand thoughts running and echoing on his mind but she only smiled at him.
“I will try to find a better way, I promise!” she whispered with a lot of effort, closing her eyes again before she took a deep breath. “Samu, love, I... I chose you, I always will! What happened with Riku was only a mistake! I was drunk and I was mad at you and totally pissed off because of your behaviour.”
“But what... why...” Samu was completely out of words. She had chosen him? Riku had only been a mistake? Never! He had seen them together, they were a great couple! Good buddies, drinking pals, intimate friends and from what Riku had told him great lovers as well... What the hell was she talking about? Again he felt her hand running over his face.
“Help me up.” She whispered and sighed with relief when he helped her to sit up. “Thank God, all those tubes are gone!” smiling she turned over to him. “Come on, give yer wifey a little hug!” she opened her arms. “And then please scratch my back, this damn tattoo is itching like hell today!” with a displeased sound she took his hand putting it between her blade bones. “Right there, damn, it is burning like a fucking sunburn, can you check on it, love?”
“You ain’t got no tattoo on your back.” He blurted out, his face still pale with shock. “Damn it, Elena! What does... what the hell is going on with you?”
Elena laughed in surprise. “Of course I go a tattoo! The lilies on my back! How could you forget about it? You saw me naked about a million times, right? Now check on it and scratch my back, I’m dying here!”
When she turned a little and opened the white hospital gown, he gasped with disbelief. He had always fantasised about seeing her naked and also seeing and touching the tattoos Riku had told him about privately. He had imagined a daedal work of art on her back. Lilies from her shoulders down to her beautiful round butt cheeks. And now... his trembling fingers ran over the outlines of the flowers. They weren’t black or made of ink. The colours were changing, blurred, almost floating, and lotic like red and yellow liquid.
He grabbed her by her upper arms, turning her around to make her look into his eyes again. “Elena!” he whispered with his teeth gritted. “What happened? I found you in your apartment! Those pills, did...” he stopped short when her eyes became wide.
“I’m still here.” She whispered, instantly feeling tears welling up. “It didn’t work, did it?”
“Elena!” Samu’s voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper. “Love, you... you’re...” he fell silent, carefully running his fingertips over her cheek to wipe away the falling tears.
Suddenly her facial expression changed. She grabbed his shirt, crying out in pain. He tried to hold her, comfort her, and yelled for the nurse to come back. Elena seemed distracted with pain, her body shuddering convulsively. Whenever she stopped screaming for a few moments, he felt her teeth biting his arm, her low sobbing almost breaking his heart.
He couldn’t tell when the nurse finally came to help her. It seemed like an eternity. His body was covered in cold sweat, his eyes blurred from his own tears.
He looked down at Elena that was still screaming and crying in agony while the nurse tried to strap her to the bed, calling for more help. And what he saw when she looked up at him almost curdled the blood in his veins. All the noises, even her screaming faded and all he could see and perceive right at that split second their gazes were locked were her intense eyes. Then suddenly and without warning he experienced the most frightening moment of his life: Something broke inside of Elena. It broke down and he saw it with his own eyes, unable to stop it, to help her, do anything. All of a sudden her face was empty and she stared up at the ceiling expressionlessly. There was nothing in her eyes anymore. No colour, no life. Her body was still lying on the white hospital bed breathing, her heart beating but he knew she was gone. Her soul, the little sparkle that made her eyes shine and her smile lighting up a room... it was gone. She was gone.

Feeling sick and shivering to his bones, Samu turned around and threw up on the floor...