22.12.
„Breakfast, you bloody lot!“ her father’s voice resounded in the hallway for the third time and Elena turned around in her bed, burying her face in her pillow. Family gatherings weren’t as “sleeping in” as she had hoped. As usual. Especially with her family. Sighing she dragged herself up on her feet, rubbing her eyes.
On the corridor she bumped into someone, cursing lowly. “Damn it, Kilian!” she murmured still rubbing her eyes, staring up at her younger brother in his boxers.
“Sorry, Gigi.” He ran his fingers over his face, putting his towel around his neck. “Looks like we’ve lost the race against Lilly anyway.” Pointing at the closed bathroom door, he yawned.
“Lilly’s in the bathroom already?” Elena groaned in annoyance. Just perfect! Her younger sister took an eternity in the bathroom, so there was no chance for her to get a refreshing shower before breakfast. Sighing she turned over to the stairs. “Very well then, I’ll be downstairs. No chance to get in there any time soon!” over her shoulder she pointed at the bathroom again, running her fingers through her messy hair.
Grinning Kilian did the same. “I’m gonna try though.” He took a penny between his fingers, playing around with it. “Gonna open up, wanna join? Just a little catlick to annoy her, ou come on, Gigi! She’s gonna be sooooo pissed off!”
Elena returned his grin. “I’m in!”
Five minutes later the two siblings made their way downstairs, still giggling from Lilly’s complete outbreak in the shower. Their parents were awaiting them in the living room.
Andrew looked up from his newspaper, raising his eyebrow at them. “Late as usual! Pancakes are cold by now.”
“They’re good anyway!” Kilian climbed over the backrest of the huge corner seat, grabbing a pancake right away to stuff it into his mouth. “Morning folks!” he blew a kiss at his mother. “Lovely to be home!”
“How nice you’re still calling it home, dear!” Caitlyn handed the coffeepot over to him with a happy smile.
“Home’s where the people are, right?” he blinked his blue eyes, making his sister next to him snort.
“That one you stole from Christian Morgenstern, you little braggart!”
“Who the heck’s Christian Mogenstan?”
“Morgenstern, you nag! He’s a poet. Very famous. ‘Home is not where your house is but where the people that understand you are’. Sounds better in German though.”
“Now who’s the braggart, sis?” grinning Kilian sipped his coffee, dodging a blow.
“Know what?” Elena tried to change the subject. “I had the weirdest dream last night!”
“You always have weird dreams, Gigi!” her brother mumbled, half of his roll in his mouth.
“That one was different! It felt so real!” Elena tucked up her leg, putting down her foot immediately when she caught her father’s gaze. “It felt like I was there, you know?”
“Where were you?” Lilly had entered the living room as well, a towel wrapped around her head. “Coffee, Mum!” she begged, slumping down on the wooden bench. “God, traffic was so bad last night!” she sighed when she sipped the coffee her mother handed over to her.
“So, your dream, dear?” Caitlyn returned to the subject, smiling at Elena that was playing with the cereals in her bowel.
“I was married to this guy from a rockband, we had a huge house!”
Lilly giggled. “That Howard guy from Take That? Hell, he’s hot!”
“Nope, it was from a local band. D’you remember Sunrise Avenue? They started a couple of years ago, mostly rocky and mainstream music. We went to school with two of them, I think. There was this one from the old cafe downtown, he was in Cedric’s year or maybe one class above and another one in the year below him, I can’t even remember their names! They used to live somewhere in town but I was never friends with them and I really have no idea how they ended up in my dream!”
“So what happened? Were you rich and happy?” Lilly grabbed a roll.
Elena shrugged her shoulders indifferently. “Dunno actually. I was alone in the house, the huge house!” she corrected. “He was on tour I assume, but there were pictures of us all over the place. I had an enormous wand robe with hundreds of dresses and jewellery.”
Chuckling Kilian choked on his coffee. “You, and a wand robe and jewellery? I really wanna see that!”
Her mother laughed along with them before she reached out her hands over the table. “You wanna hear my opinion on this as a psychologist?”
“Spare me, Mum, please!” defensively Elena raised her hands and laughed before she put them into her mother’s. “Come on, Mum, wanna read my hand as well?”
Squeezing her hands, Caitlyn laughed. “I won’t need that talent right now! It’s too obvious!” chuckling she leaned back, grabbing her cup. “Well, dear, I assume you miss that boyfriend of yours around!”
Elena felt a little pain in her heart and nodded slowly. “Maybe I do.” She was still angry and a little disappointed that Rob wouldn’t make it this year. Again. He had to work over the whole Christmas holiday and she had to come to her parent’s place alone. Again. “So now I get married to a nice rockband bloke in my dreams, aye?” a little smile raised the left corner of her mouth. “He was a nice pick, though!”
Suddenly the doorbell rang and her mother jumped up. “That must be Cedric!” excitedly she rushed over into the entrance hall. “Finally we are complete again!”
With Cedric, his wife Lea and their son Jamie in her towline she re-entered the living, clapping her hands. “Now let’s have breakfast, kids!”
The breakfast turned into brunch and even into lunch because none of them wanted to leave the table. They kept chatting along, ignoring the passing time completely.
Although Elena enjoyed being home with all of them her mind drifted away to her dream every once in a while. It had been so real! As far as she could remember she had been completely aware of everything. She could walk wherever she wanted, prepare coffee and sit on the huge brown leather couch in the living room. She had tried on some of her dresses and even taken a shower, smelling the scent of the flowery shower gel she had used. There had been no strange things like pink mice or a huge Gorilla to tear down the house. It had been like... Quickly she shoved the thought aside. It hadn’t felt like a dream at all and the feeling of it sent little shivers down her spine.
---------------------------------------------
“So tell me, little one!” Cedric put his arm around Elena and offered a small red paper bag with sugarroasted almonds to his younger sister while they were following their parents and siblings along the tiny alleys of the local Christmas market. “What’s new with you? Still with this doctor-guy? What was his name again? Terence?”
Elena nudged him softly. “It’s Rob! God damn it, Cedric! I know he doesn’t join me for family gatherings, but you could at least start memorizing his name after two years!”
“Just making fun, sis. So,” he pulled her closer. “Any plans? How’s work going?”
“It’s good, it’s good. I got this new project back home in London. It’s about the influence of different parasites on the digestion. Very interesting actually.”
“Very disgusting actually!” Ced laughed. “Well, as long as you’re happy, little one!”
“So how ‘bout you? How’s Lea doing?”
“Growing bigger and bigger every day! The baby’s gonna come in March.” Smiling he gazed at his wife that walked only a few meters ahead, linking arms with Lilly while the two of them were rummaging around a booth with woollen children’s wear. Jamie was trying to escape his mother’s grip when she started pulling different hats over his head.
“We’re actually quite fine.” Ced continued, a huge smile on his face. “As long as I always have something sugary in my pocket she still adores me despite the hormone float.” Still smiling he kissed her cheek. “So how ‘bout you, little one? You’re 27, any plans with doc Terrence?”
“Ced! Nope, we have no plans. Not just yet.” Sighing Elena loosened her scarf. “Maybe next year, You’ll be the first to know, ok?”
“Don’t let your mother hear this!” he chuckled and looked up when he heard their father calling out for them. He beckoned all of them over. “Food, kids!” smiling he pointed at one of the little huts, where grilled meat, sausages and roast were sold. Following her father into the small and completely engarlanded and decorated room Elena couldn’t help smiling. It was lovely to be home. And although she missed Rob a lot it didn’t feel bad as long as she was with her family. ‘The people that understand you’ came to her mind and her smile grew wider when she picked a few fries from Kilian’s plate, getting her hand slapped immediately. “Never do this again!” he said warningly, sticking two fingers into her mashed potatoes, quickly licking them clean. “Now we are even!”
Elena burst into laughter. “I’d have given you my fork!”
“This way it was easier!” smiling he licked his fingers again. “And a little more disgusting, I needed to make an example of you!”
“I’ll give you a tenner if you stick that mashed-potato-fingers up yer nose now!” Lilly offered, leaning over the small round table.
“Kids, behave!” Caitlyn giggled. “And stop picking into each other’s food with any part of your bodies!”
---------------------------------------------------------
Lilly had fallen asleep on her lap later that evening and after a while Elena put her book aside, carefully running her fingers through her sisters long blond hair. All her siblings, including herself had darker hair, Lilly was the exception and often she was the target of her older siblings’ jokes that she had been adopted from a Norwegian chicken-farmer-family. Enjoying the softness of Lilly’s hair Elena kept playing with it, half-listening to her brothers that were discussing some political issues with their father. Looking around the huge room with its open fireplace, the dark couches and armchairs and the enormous library that covered two entire walls of the room, Elena sighed. It was the place all of them grew up in. She loved the old house with all the memories it had been keeping for her, even now that she had not been living with her parents for over six years.
Everything seemed to remain the way it used to be, the old house was a place to relax and to calm, nothing from the outside world could bother her in here. Smiling Elena bent down to kiss Lilly’s cheek. The younger woman wrinkled her nose. Sleepily she ran her fingers over her face and narrowed her blue eyes. “You’re comfortable, sis! Better than a pillow!” smiling she stretched her arms and yawned. “You wanna go sleep?”
Elena nodded, getting up from the sofa to shake her legs and make the numb feeling disappear by moving. “Good night, folks!” she rubbed Cedric’s back before she bent over to kiss her father on the cheek.
“Night, love!” her mother gave her a tight hug. “Sweet dreams!” she winked at her, making Elena poke her with her finger. “Don’t you be so saucy, Mum! It’s Christmas!”
“See you at breakfast, dear!” Caitlyn giggled. “I’m looking forward to a little dream talk!”
“Dream on, Mum!” Elena laughed. “Night everyone!”
Upstairs in the bathroom Lilly sat down on the rim of the bathtub, her toothbrush in her mouth. “So tell me,” she tucked up her legs and grinned. “Your dream-guy, who was it?”
“I told you, it was one of those Sunrise Avenue blokes.” Elena answered evasively, washing her face.
“But which one? There’s two dark ones and three blondes, which one was it?”
“Puh, I can’t even tell! He looked different. His hair was a little darker and longer and also... Well, I only saw the pictures in the living room but he seemed quite handsome.”
“Is he small or tall?”
“I have no idea, Lilly! It was pictures! As I told you, he wasn’t at home.”
“And you were with him in those pictures?”
“In some of them, yes.”
“So why can’t you tell me whether he was tall or not?”
“God, Lilly! Stop it! Look, I am actually quite small, so each guy that is over 5.8 is tall for me!” she kept brushing her teeth. “He was definitely taller than me. On those wedding-pics I found he held me close and my nose was pressed to the middle of his chest, so...” she shrugged. “Why are you so interested anyway?”
“Well, I kinda like those guys and... hum... you know I like dreaming around, so... it’s in fact quite funny that you have those dreams, because you are so not into bands and mainstream stuff!”
“I know!” Elena laughed and rinsed her mouth. “Maybe I can arrange a dream about Wolverine tonight!” winking at her sister, she dried her face and threw the towel at Lilly. “Sleep well, lovey! I’ll see you in the morning!” Elena was about to leave when she suddenly stopped short, turning back at Lilly. “So tell me, d’you know his name? I think that I remember finding a letter for Haber, d’you know his forename?”
“Well if it was Haber his name’s Samu. Samu Haber.”
“Sound’s weird, don’t you think?” Elena giggled. “God, I was Mrs. Samu Haber in my dream!” she over-enunciated the name, making her sister giggle as well.
“He is definitely one hot piece of Finnish-man!” Lilly winked at her. “Sweet dreams, sis!”
Still giggling Elena switched off the lights in her room, burying her face in her pillow. ‘Good dreams never come twice.’ She thought to herself and closed her eyes.
„Breakfast, you bloody lot!“ her father’s voice resounded in the hallway for the third time and Elena turned around in her bed, burying her face in her pillow. Family gatherings weren’t as “sleeping in” as she had hoped. As usual. Especially with her family. Sighing she dragged herself up on her feet, rubbing her eyes.
On the corridor she bumped into someone, cursing lowly. “Damn it, Kilian!” she murmured still rubbing her eyes, staring up at her younger brother in his boxers.
“Sorry, Gigi.” He ran his fingers over his face, putting his towel around his neck. “Looks like we’ve lost the race against Lilly anyway.” Pointing at the closed bathroom door, he yawned.
“Lilly’s in the bathroom already?” Elena groaned in annoyance. Just perfect! Her younger sister took an eternity in the bathroom, so there was no chance for her to get a refreshing shower before breakfast. Sighing she turned over to the stairs. “Very well then, I’ll be downstairs. No chance to get in there any time soon!” over her shoulder she pointed at the bathroom again, running her fingers through her messy hair.
Grinning Kilian did the same. “I’m gonna try though.” He took a penny between his fingers, playing around with it. “Gonna open up, wanna join? Just a little catlick to annoy her, ou come on, Gigi! She’s gonna be sooooo pissed off!”
Elena returned his grin. “I’m in!”
Five minutes later the two siblings made their way downstairs, still giggling from Lilly’s complete outbreak in the shower. Their parents were awaiting them in the living room.
Andrew looked up from his newspaper, raising his eyebrow at them. “Late as usual! Pancakes are cold by now.”
“They’re good anyway!” Kilian climbed over the backrest of the huge corner seat, grabbing a pancake right away to stuff it into his mouth. “Morning folks!” he blew a kiss at his mother. “Lovely to be home!”
“How nice you’re still calling it home, dear!” Caitlyn handed the coffeepot over to him with a happy smile.
“Home’s where the people are, right?” he blinked his blue eyes, making his sister next to him snort.
“That one you stole from Christian Morgenstern, you little braggart!”
“Who the heck’s Christian Mogenstan?”
“Morgenstern, you nag! He’s a poet. Very famous. ‘Home is not where your house is but where the people that understand you are’. Sounds better in German though.”
“Now who’s the braggart, sis?” grinning Kilian sipped his coffee, dodging a blow.
“Know what?” Elena tried to change the subject. “I had the weirdest dream last night!”
“You always have weird dreams, Gigi!” her brother mumbled, half of his roll in his mouth.
“That one was different! It felt so real!” Elena tucked up her leg, putting down her foot immediately when she caught her father’s gaze. “It felt like I was there, you know?”
“Where were you?” Lilly had entered the living room as well, a towel wrapped around her head. “Coffee, Mum!” she begged, slumping down on the wooden bench. “God, traffic was so bad last night!” she sighed when she sipped the coffee her mother handed over to her.
“So, your dream, dear?” Caitlyn returned to the subject, smiling at Elena that was playing with the cereals in her bowel.
“I was married to this guy from a rockband, we had a huge house!”
Lilly giggled. “That Howard guy from Take That? Hell, he’s hot!”
“Nope, it was from a local band. D’you remember Sunrise Avenue? They started a couple of years ago, mostly rocky and mainstream music. We went to school with two of them, I think. There was this one from the old cafe downtown, he was in Cedric’s year or maybe one class above and another one in the year below him, I can’t even remember their names! They used to live somewhere in town but I was never friends with them and I really have no idea how they ended up in my dream!”
“So what happened? Were you rich and happy?” Lilly grabbed a roll.
Elena shrugged her shoulders indifferently. “Dunno actually. I was alone in the house, the huge house!” she corrected. “He was on tour I assume, but there were pictures of us all over the place. I had an enormous wand robe with hundreds of dresses and jewellery.”
Chuckling Kilian choked on his coffee. “You, and a wand robe and jewellery? I really wanna see that!”
Her mother laughed along with them before she reached out her hands over the table. “You wanna hear my opinion on this as a psychologist?”
“Spare me, Mum, please!” defensively Elena raised her hands and laughed before she put them into her mother’s. “Come on, Mum, wanna read my hand as well?”
Squeezing her hands, Caitlyn laughed. “I won’t need that talent right now! It’s too obvious!” chuckling she leaned back, grabbing her cup. “Well, dear, I assume you miss that boyfriend of yours around!”
Elena felt a little pain in her heart and nodded slowly. “Maybe I do.” She was still angry and a little disappointed that Rob wouldn’t make it this year. Again. He had to work over the whole Christmas holiday and she had to come to her parent’s place alone. Again. “So now I get married to a nice rockband bloke in my dreams, aye?” a little smile raised the left corner of her mouth. “He was a nice pick, though!”
Suddenly the doorbell rang and her mother jumped up. “That must be Cedric!” excitedly she rushed over into the entrance hall. “Finally we are complete again!”
With Cedric, his wife Lea and their son Jamie in her towline she re-entered the living, clapping her hands. “Now let’s have breakfast, kids!”
The breakfast turned into brunch and even into lunch because none of them wanted to leave the table. They kept chatting along, ignoring the passing time completely.
Although Elena enjoyed being home with all of them her mind drifted away to her dream every once in a while. It had been so real! As far as she could remember she had been completely aware of everything. She could walk wherever she wanted, prepare coffee and sit on the huge brown leather couch in the living room. She had tried on some of her dresses and even taken a shower, smelling the scent of the flowery shower gel she had used. There had been no strange things like pink mice or a huge Gorilla to tear down the house. It had been like... Quickly she shoved the thought aside. It hadn’t felt like a dream at all and the feeling of it sent little shivers down her spine.
---------------------------------------------
“So tell me, little one!” Cedric put his arm around Elena and offered a small red paper bag with sugarroasted almonds to his younger sister while they were following their parents and siblings along the tiny alleys of the local Christmas market. “What’s new with you? Still with this doctor-guy? What was his name again? Terence?”
Elena nudged him softly. “It’s Rob! God damn it, Cedric! I know he doesn’t join me for family gatherings, but you could at least start memorizing his name after two years!”
“Just making fun, sis. So,” he pulled her closer. “Any plans? How’s work going?”
“It’s good, it’s good. I got this new project back home in London. It’s about the influence of different parasites on the digestion. Very interesting actually.”
“Very disgusting actually!” Ced laughed. “Well, as long as you’re happy, little one!”
“So how ‘bout you? How’s Lea doing?”
“Growing bigger and bigger every day! The baby’s gonna come in March.” Smiling he gazed at his wife that walked only a few meters ahead, linking arms with Lilly while the two of them were rummaging around a booth with woollen children’s wear. Jamie was trying to escape his mother’s grip when she started pulling different hats over his head.
“We’re actually quite fine.” Ced continued, a huge smile on his face. “As long as I always have something sugary in my pocket she still adores me despite the hormone float.” Still smiling he kissed her cheek. “So how ‘bout you, little one? You’re 27, any plans with doc Terrence?”
“Ced! Nope, we have no plans. Not just yet.” Sighing Elena loosened her scarf. “Maybe next year, You’ll be the first to know, ok?”
“Don’t let your mother hear this!” he chuckled and looked up when he heard their father calling out for them. He beckoned all of them over. “Food, kids!” smiling he pointed at one of the little huts, where grilled meat, sausages and roast were sold. Following her father into the small and completely engarlanded and decorated room Elena couldn’t help smiling. It was lovely to be home. And although she missed Rob a lot it didn’t feel bad as long as she was with her family. ‘The people that understand you’ came to her mind and her smile grew wider when she picked a few fries from Kilian’s plate, getting her hand slapped immediately. “Never do this again!” he said warningly, sticking two fingers into her mashed potatoes, quickly licking them clean. “Now we are even!”
Elena burst into laughter. “I’d have given you my fork!”
“This way it was easier!” smiling he licked his fingers again. “And a little more disgusting, I needed to make an example of you!”
“I’ll give you a tenner if you stick that mashed-potato-fingers up yer nose now!” Lilly offered, leaning over the small round table.
“Kids, behave!” Caitlyn giggled. “And stop picking into each other’s food with any part of your bodies!”
---------------------------------------------------------
Lilly had fallen asleep on her lap later that evening and after a while Elena put her book aside, carefully running her fingers through her sisters long blond hair. All her siblings, including herself had darker hair, Lilly was the exception and often she was the target of her older siblings’ jokes that she had been adopted from a Norwegian chicken-farmer-family. Enjoying the softness of Lilly’s hair Elena kept playing with it, half-listening to her brothers that were discussing some political issues with their father. Looking around the huge room with its open fireplace, the dark couches and armchairs and the enormous library that covered two entire walls of the room, Elena sighed. It was the place all of them grew up in. She loved the old house with all the memories it had been keeping for her, even now that she had not been living with her parents for over six years.
Everything seemed to remain the way it used to be, the old house was a place to relax and to calm, nothing from the outside world could bother her in here. Smiling Elena bent down to kiss Lilly’s cheek. The younger woman wrinkled her nose. Sleepily she ran her fingers over her face and narrowed her blue eyes. “You’re comfortable, sis! Better than a pillow!” smiling she stretched her arms and yawned. “You wanna go sleep?”
Elena nodded, getting up from the sofa to shake her legs and make the numb feeling disappear by moving. “Good night, folks!” she rubbed Cedric’s back before she bent over to kiss her father on the cheek.
“Night, love!” her mother gave her a tight hug. “Sweet dreams!” she winked at her, making Elena poke her with her finger. “Don’t you be so saucy, Mum! It’s Christmas!”
“See you at breakfast, dear!” Caitlyn giggled. “I’m looking forward to a little dream talk!”
“Dream on, Mum!” Elena laughed. “Night everyone!”
Upstairs in the bathroom Lilly sat down on the rim of the bathtub, her toothbrush in her mouth. “So tell me,” she tucked up her legs and grinned. “Your dream-guy, who was it?”
“I told you, it was one of those Sunrise Avenue blokes.” Elena answered evasively, washing her face.
“But which one? There’s two dark ones and three blondes, which one was it?”
“Puh, I can’t even tell! He looked different. His hair was a little darker and longer and also... Well, I only saw the pictures in the living room but he seemed quite handsome.”
“Is he small or tall?”
“I have no idea, Lilly! It was pictures! As I told you, he wasn’t at home.”
“And you were with him in those pictures?”
“In some of them, yes.”
“So why can’t you tell me whether he was tall or not?”
“God, Lilly! Stop it! Look, I am actually quite small, so each guy that is over 5.8 is tall for me!” she kept brushing her teeth. “He was definitely taller than me. On those wedding-pics I found he held me close and my nose was pressed to the middle of his chest, so...” she shrugged. “Why are you so interested anyway?”
“Well, I kinda like those guys and... hum... you know I like dreaming around, so... it’s in fact quite funny that you have those dreams, because you are so not into bands and mainstream stuff!”
“I know!” Elena laughed and rinsed her mouth. “Maybe I can arrange a dream about Wolverine tonight!” winking at her sister, she dried her face and threw the towel at Lilly. “Sleep well, lovey! I’ll see you in the morning!” Elena was about to leave when she suddenly stopped short, turning back at Lilly. “So tell me, d’you know his name? I think that I remember finding a letter for Haber, d’you know his forename?”
“Well if it was Haber his name’s Samu. Samu Haber.”
“Sound’s weird, don’t you think?” Elena giggled. “God, I was Mrs. Samu Haber in my dream!” she over-enunciated the name, making her sister giggle as well.
“He is definitely one hot piece of Finnish-man!” Lilly winked at her. “Sweet dreams, sis!”
Still giggling Elena switched off the lights in her room, burying her face in her pillow. ‘Good dreams never come twice.’ She thought to herself and closed her eyes.
She awoke with a start when
her mobile rang. Cursing lowly she felt her way over the bedside table.
“Hm?” she mumbled, putting her arm over her eyes.
“Hey babe! Did I wake ye up? Sorry, love, of course I did!”
“Rob? D’you have any idea what time it is?” she sighed.
“Rob, hum?” A husky chuckle resounded from the other end of the line. “So tell me, love, who else is calling you babe? Confess!”
Appalled Elena sat up, all of a sudden realizing that she was speaking Finnish as well as the man on the other end of the line. “Who’s this?” she whispered nervously, running her fingers through her hair.
Again he chuckled. “Deep asleep, aren’t we? It’s your husband speaking. I just got back to the hotel, we were out after the show and I kinda missed my little wifey. Wait a sec.” She heard him rummaging around for a few seconds. “Alright, luv, I’m back. Just needed to get my shirt off. So how are you?”
Completely out of words Elena swallowed and switched on the little lamp on the bedside table, gasping in shock. She was back in the room she had dreamed about the night before! The bed was huge and she kicked the soft silken bed sheet away with another gasp. How could that be? Was she dreaming again? Puzzled she rubbed her face.
“Babe? You still there?” his soft voice resonated from the speaker again, making her clear her throat.
“Sorry.” She managed to whisper. “I’m still here.” And I’m dreaming again! She added silently, trying hard to gather herself. “So how are you?”
“Well, besides a little drunk and hungry for my lovey I’m fine.” He chuckled huskily and she heard him lighting a cigarette. “The last show went good so far but I was hoping that you’d come to see me in London today.”
“Today?” she threw a gaze at the clock radio that was placed right next to the lamp. It was half past six in the morning and she suppressed a little yawn. “Well...I... I don’t know, you...”
“Don’t say no just yet, love!” he interrupted. “I will send a car for you at nine to take you to the airport and I will arrange everything with your flight and stuff. You’ll be picked up in London and brought to the hotel, everything’s settled, just say yes, will you?”
“O...Okay, so... maybe I should get up then and start packing.” Again she ran her hand over her face. That was impossible! Where were the strange colours, the odd lights, shadows, anything that could reassure her that this was nothing but a dream? Everything seemed so damn real!
“That’s my girl! Alright, so I will get some rest now and you, my dear, will get ready for your man. I missed you.” His voice became lower. “Damn it, I’ve missed you so much, Leni!” she heard him sigh. “Let the time pass quickly, I’ll see you this afternoon, ok? Love you baby!”
“Yes, see you. Love... you too.” She stared down at the mobile in her hands, ending the call. What the freaking hell was wrong with her? Where was she? Who was she in this dream? Now that he had called her, everything seemed even more real to her!
Like a sleepwalker she got up from the bed, randomly throwing pullovers and shirts into a suitcase she had found in a small storage room on the corridor before she took a long shower. It was the second shower she took in this bathroom but it felt equally odd. On her tiptoes she went downstairs into the kitchen, wondering a little why she tried to keep the sound intensity of her steps as low as possible. Soon she was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her ice cold hands, gazing outside into the foggy and grey morning. She found a remote on the table, switching on the TV inside the gigantic living room to distract her thoughts. Zapping through the channels, she stopped after a while to watch the news.
“Good morning!” the newsreader smiled into the camera. “It’s chilly and foggy outside but what d’you expect, folks, it’s the 22nd of December, two more days ‘til Christmas, I hope that all your gifts are already well wrapped up ‘cause shopping by now is disastrous!” again he flashed a big smile at his audience on their TV-screens. “So let’s get back to today’s news. The former minister of...”
Elena stared down at the remote in her hand. What the hell?
Yesterday had been the 22nd.
Half-heartedly following the news, she wondered again, just how real her dream was. The news were definitely not helping to distract her, so she got up after a while, zapping to a music channel while she went over to the kitchen again to place her cup on the counter. Sighing she closed her eyes, fiddling with the cord of her bathrobe. Even if it seemed real, it was only a dream! She kept telling herself, heading upstairs to get ready.
“Hm?” she mumbled, putting her arm over her eyes.
“Hey babe! Did I wake ye up? Sorry, love, of course I did!”
“Rob? D’you have any idea what time it is?” she sighed.
“Rob, hum?” A husky chuckle resounded from the other end of the line. “So tell me, love, who else is calling you babe? Confess!”
Appalled Elena sat up, all of a sudden realizing that she was speaking Finnish as well as the man on the other end of the line. “Who’s this?” she whispered nervously, running her fingers through her hair.
Again he chuckled. “Deep asleep, aren’t we? It’s your husband speaking. I just got back to the hotel, we were out after the show and I kinda missed my little wifey. Wait a sec.” She heard him rummaging around for a few seconds. “Alright, luv, I’m back. Just needed to get my shirt off. So how are you?”
Completely out of words Elena swallowed and switched on the little lamp on the bedside table, gasping in shock. She was back in the room she had dreamed about the night before! The bed was huge and she kicked the soft silken bed sheet away with another gasp. How could that be? Was she dreaming again? Puzzled she rubbed her face.
“Babe? You still there?” his soft voice resonated from the speaker again, making her clear her throat.
“Sorry.” She managed to whisper. “I’m still here.” And I’m dreaming again! She added silently, trying hard to gather herself. “So how are you?”
“Well, besides a little drunk and hungry for my lovey I’m fine.” He chuckled huskily and she heard him lighting a cigarette. “The last show went good so far but I was hoping that you’d come to see me in London today.”
“Today?” she threw a gaze at the clock radio that was placed right next to the lamp. It was half past six in the morning and she suppressed a little yawn. “Well...I... I don’t know, you...”
“Don’t say no just yet, love!” he interrupted. “I will send a car for you at nine to take you to the airport and I will arrange everything with your flight and stuff. You’ll be picked up in London and brought to the hotel, everything’s settled, just say yes, will you?”
“O...Okay, so... maybe I should get up then and start packing.” Again she ran her hand over her face. That was impossible! Where were the strange colours, the odd lights, shadows, anything that could reassure her that this was nothing but a dream? Everything seemed so damn real!
“That’s my girl! Alright, so I will get some rest now and you, my dear, will get ready for your man. I missed you.” His voice became lower. “Damn it, I’ve missed you so much, Leni!” she heard him sigh. “Let the time pass quickly, I’ll see you this afternoon, ok? Love you baby!”
“Yes, see you. Love... you too.” She stared down at the mobile in her hands, ending the call. What the freaking hell was wrong with her? Where was she? Who was she in this dream? Now that he had called her, everything seemed even more real to her!
Like a sleepwalker she got up from the bed, randomly throwing pullovers and shirts into a suitcase she had found in a small storage room on the corridor before she took a long shower. It was the second shower she took in this bathroom but it felt equally odd. On her tiptoes she went downstairs into the kitchen, wondering a little why she tried to keep the sound intensity of her steps as low as possible. Soon she was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her ice cold hands, gazing outside into the foggy and grey morning. She found a remote on the table, switching on the TV inside the gigantic living room to distract her thoughts. Zapping through the channels, she stopped after a while to watch the news.
“Good morning!” the newsreader smiled into the camera. “It’s chilly and foggy outside but what d’you expect, folks, it’s the 22nd of December, two more days ‘til Christmas, I hope that all your gifts are already well wrapped up ‘cause shopping by now is disastrous!” again he flashed a big smile at his audience on their TV-screens. “So let’s get back to today’s news. The former minister of...”
Elena stared down at the remote in her hand. What the hell?
Yesterday had been the 22nd.
Half-heartedly following the news, she wondered again, just how real her dream was. The news were definitely not helping to distract her, so she got up after a while, zapping to a music channel while she went over to the kitchen again to place her cup on the counter. Sighing she closed her eyes, fiddling with the cord of her bathrobe. Even if it seemed real, it was only a dream! She kept telling herself, heading upstairs to get ready.
The car was right on time and Elena still felt like a sleepwalker when she took her suitcase, thanking the driver and went inside the airport of Helsinki. The woman at the information desk appeared tensed. She took Elena’s id and put on a little face before she flashed a smile at her customer. “I’m so sorry, Madam, your husband called us but we have some delays because of the fog, so... would you mind waiting at the first class lounge until we can handle everything for you? You will be called up as soon as possible. I’m really sorry for the trouble we’re causing you!”
Elena shoved her comment aside with a quick gesture. “Nevermind, you can’t predict the weather, can you?”
“Thank you very much for your appreciation. Just follow the signs; the lounge is right over there.” She pointed to her left, thankfully smiling at Elena.
Sitting down on one of the comfortable leather armchairs Elena ordered a cup of coffee and a croissant from one of the waiters before she leaned back, closing her eyes. “Not real, not real!” she whispered to herself, sitting up with a start when she heard a man clearing his throat.
“I’m sorry, Miss, you were saying?” he put down his newspaper, resting his elbows on his knees to bend forward in her direction. Elena felt her cheeks blushing and quickly shook her head. “Nothing, I’m sorry to interrupt you! I was just talking to myself.”
He laughed, running his fingers through his blond hair. “Nevermind, I do the same. I’m also talking to my suitcase if it isn’t following me the way it is supposed to!”
His laughter was infectious and she felt a small giggle escaping her mouth. “I do that too. Most of the time I’m cursing her.”
“Her?” he raised his eyebrow, pointing at her suitcase next to the armchair.
She nodded with a smile, patting the small brown case. “I used it for the first time today and it is very petulant. Must be a girl!”
He laughed along with her and nodded at the waiter that was bringing their coffee. “So delay, hum?” he looked outside into the thick fog and started to stir his coffee although he hadn’t added any sugar.
She nodded with a sigh. “You too?”
He returned her nod. “I was actually supposed to have a private flight today and now I’m stuck.” He shrugged. “Well, could be worse!” he smiled at her a little ironically. “I was supposed to pick up some VIP for a flight but the company wants to wait for a bit. Can’t wait to meet that grumpy VIP though!” again he laughed. “I’m a pilot.” He explained when he saw the questioning look on her face. “Actually it was my day off, but they couldn’t find another pilot for today, so...” he sighed, sipping his coffee. “Here I am again!”
“I’m sorry to hear that! Press charges against your company! And the grumpy VIP!” laughing she offered her hand to him. “I’m Elena by the way.” She paused for a second. What was the name of this music guy again? Had she taken his name when they had gotten married? She should have checked her own id at the information before. Another giggle came over her lips. This dream was just too weird! “Elena Heikkinen... Heikkinen-Haber.” She added after a few seconds, still shaking hands with him.
“Well, I’m pleased to meet you, Elena Heikkinen-Haber. My name’s Richard. Richard von Richthofen.”
“Von Richthofen?” Elena repeated slowly. “Like this fighter pilot von Richthofen from the first world war?”
“Wow, you are quite well informed!” smiling at her in surprise he placed his newspaper aside. “His cousin was my great-grandfather. How d’you know about that?”
“Well, I...” Elena blushed again, quickly hiding her face behind her cup. “I’m actually quite a swotter when it comes to history.” She shrugged her shoulders, hoping that the normal colour of her face would return any time soon. “So you are a pilot as well, hum? Kinda family tradition, isn’t it?”
He grinned. “Well, kind of.”
The two of them started a lively discussion about the war, his family and the uselessness and environmental damages of private flights, completely forgetting about the time. After another two cups of coffee, chocolate frosted donuts and croissants he heard his name being called and frowned.
“Ok, I put this face for two reasons: First: I need to go and leave you and our lovely conversation, and second: They never manage to pronounce my name!” doing another grimace he got up. “Rhitshard voon Rickthoufin.” He imitated the voice of the woman, making Elena choke on her croissant. Giggling and coughing she got up as well, taking his outreached hand. “Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Richard von Richthofen!”
“Thank God, you’re doing it right!” laughing he threw his head back. “The pleasure was all mine, Elena Heikkinen-Haber! Have a good trip!”
“Thanks, you too!” smiling she waved at him as he passed the glass door, heading for the information desk.
Only a few minutes later her name was called and she grinned a little. It was indeed Heikkinen-Haber and she felt her smile growing wider. Obviously she had been stubborn enough to keep her family name and just add his. Still smiling to herself she got to the information desk. It was the same young woman, returning her smile in relieve. “Again, our deepest apologies for your delay and the inconvenience!”
“Please!” Elena handed her passport over to her. “How could sitting at the first class lounge, having coffee, snacks and a good conversation cause any kind of inconvenience?” she put down her suitcase. “So where do I have to check in now?” looking around the crowded airport she couldn’t help smiling again. She loved to fly. Everything about it. Even the airport itself made her feel excited like a little child.
“Patrick here’s gonna take you to your gate.” Again the woman nodded thankfully and pointed at a small man with a red uniform, sitting in a golf buggy.
“Alright then.” Elena tapped the desk before she took her passport. “Thank you very much!” swallowing down a comment about her two healthy feet, she turned over to the buggy.
Patrick gave her a quick smile. He was very young and turned red under his pimples when she returned his smile. He didn’t talk much but the way was short and soon he stopped the car in front of a door. “Mrs. Haber?” he lifted her suitcase from the backseat. “This way please.”
She followed him through the door, pulling up the collar of her coat when the cold air hit her. “Where are you taking me?” she asked the boy, trying to catch up with him on the landing field.
Astounded Patrick slowed down his pace. “That’s yer flight over there, Madam.” Pointing at a small airplane he stopped to let another car packed with suitcases pass. “Please follow me.” He quickly checked the landing field before he beckoned her over. “I’m sorry, I forgot the umbrella, Madam!” he apologized, waving at someone inside the airplane.
The pilot met them at the stairs, staring at Elena with a puzzled look on his face. Grinning Elena offered her hand to him. “You always meet twice in life, don’t you think, Mr. Von Richthofen?”
Bashfully he chuckled. “Well, you seem right Mrs. Heikkinen-Haber.” He stepped aside, taking her suitcase. “Please, come on board.”
He showed her to her seat, placing her suitcase in one of the drawers. “Please feel free to have a drink, there won’t be a stewardess on board for the flight, but everything in here is at your disposal, so get comfortable. TV is over there. We will take off as soon as possible.” Nodding at her, he turned around to head for the cockpit, but Elena stopped him.
“Would...” excitedly she swallowed. “Would you mind if I came to sit in the front with you later? I’ve never been to a real cockpit, so...”
He smiled broadly. “Well, if we can lower the uselessness of private flights and do you a favour with it, I’d be pleased!” he beckoned her over. “You can come and sit with me.”
“Ok, now I need a drink!” quickly Elena made her way over to the bar, taking a glass and a bottle of Scotch, pouring herself one inch of whisky before she added a sip of water. Slowly sipping her drink she leaned at the bar, watching Richard that looked at her with a smile on his face.
“So you are my grumpy VIP, right?” smiling broadly, he folded his arms over his chest.
“Just wait for a few more of these!” she raised her glass. “Then I might start smashing the furniture of the plane into pieces!” she promised with a wink, emptying her glass. “So!” she clapped her hands, sucking in a deep breath. “Let’s get this baby started, what d’you say?”
Far too quick the flight was
over. Elena was still over the moon, when she shook hands with Richard in the
snowy rain at the London airport. “It was a special delight to have this flight
with you, Richard!”
“Again, the pleasure was all mine, my dear grumpy VIP!” smiling he pointed at a waiting car with a man standing next to it, patiently waiting for her to approach. “This must be your ride.”
“Oh!” Elena threw a gaze at the man in his dark coat. “I hope he has not been waiting here for over two hours in the rain! He looks a little too obedient from my point of view!”
Chuckling Richard squeezed her arm. “I hope we’ll meet a third time, Mrs. Heikkinen-Haber!”
“I hope so too! Wait! Can we get you somewhere?”
“No, I’m gonna be fine. There’s another private flight back to Helsinki in a few hours, so...” smiling he waved at her. “Take good care!”
“You too! Thank you for everything!”
“My pleasure!” he put his scarf tighter around his neck and nodded at her before he rushed over to the entrance door of one of the gates.
Quickly Elena made her way over to the waiting car. “Hey!” she smiled at her driver.
He only nodded hastily, getting into the driver’s seat after closing the door behind her.
-----------------------------------------------------------
When she finally arrived at her hotel-room she lay down on the bed, closing her eyes. ‘What if I fall asleep now?’ suddenly came to her mind and she opened her eyes. ‘Would I be back at home?’
Getting up from the bed she went over to the bathroom, running her fingers over the glassy fittings that were attached to the wall after washing her hands and face. There was a toothbrush at the rim of the sink, a blue cosmetic bag with a silver label she didn’t know right next to it. Curiously Elena opened it, taking a deodorant and a perfume out to smell them. The cologne was musky and somehow smelled very male and she couldn’t help smelling it again, wondering how it would scent lingering on the neck of its owner. Suddenly her mobile rang, making her flinch. Hesitantly she picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey babe! Everything alright? Did you have a good trip?” it was Haber’s husky voice again and she felt the sound of it hitting her like a blot of electricity.
“Hey! Everything’s fine!” she felt caught red handed when she realised that she still had his cologne in her hand. Quickly she put it back, tossing the whole bag down to the floor unintentionally. “Sorry!” she started to collect his stuff and heard him chuckle.
“Clumsy as usual, aren’t we?”
“Sorry.” She mumbled again.
“So listen, love, I... actually I wanted to be back at the hotel at about four, but it seems that... well, it’s gonna take a little longer.”
She gazed at her wristwatch. It was only half past one and she had to admit to herself that she felt a little relieved that she didn’t have to face her husband just yet. “So what d’you think, how long’s it gonna take?”
“Well, I was told that I sucked at some of the latest recordings and they have to record some of my parts again. We’re starting in about an hour, no idea how long it is gonna take all in all. I’m sorry, love!”
“Nevermind, I... I’ll be waiting for you at the hotel, alright?”
“Actually I talked Riku into taking care of you. He’s gonna pop by soon, taking you out for lunch and maybe a little stroll around until I come back. I’m gonna call you as soon as I’m done ok? Gotta go now. Love you, baby!” he hung up, leaving her puzzled.
So who the hell was Riku? A bodyguard? One of his bandmates? Most probably another Sunrise Avenue-guy. Why hadn’t she asked Lilly for all of their names? Sighing Elena went over to the bedroom again, sitting down on the couch by the window. ‘It’s my dream, so let something happen!’ she thought, tucking up her legs. Right at this second there was a knock at the door, making her flinch at first. Then a grin crept up on her face. ‘Perfect dream-timing!’ quickly she got up to open the door, finding a smiling man in a blue t-shirt that somehow accentuated his eyes perfectly. “Hey dear!” he pulled her into a tight embrace. “Ready to go? Samu called me and asked me to take care of you.” Smiling brightly he stepped back, raising his eyebrow. “So are you ready to go?”
“I am!” she rushed over to the bed, picking up her purse.
“Hum.” He entered the room as well. “You wanna go like this?”
“What’s wrong with it?” she looked down at her jeans, the coat in her hand and her sneakers.
“Well, actually I was gonna take you to a fancy French restaurant, but... well you look more like grabbing a burger with some pals!” again he raised his eyebrow. “And actually.... I haven’t seen you like this for a long time! Know what,” he started unbuttoning his pants and went over to an open suitcase in a corner of the room. “Burger sounds a lot better than fancy-French!”
“What are you doing?” she asked astound when he pulled down his jeans.
He turned around and chuckled. “My suite case got lost, it will be brought here in a few hours, so I am right now borrowing something more casual and clean from yer husband! Stop staring at my knickers like you’ve never seen me like this before, I might tell someone!”
Laughing along with him she threw her free hand into the air, watching him pulling on a crumpled pair of jeans and a brown pullover. “Just do as you please!”
“Bit bigger than me, this husband of yours.” He suddenly stated as he sat down on the bed, starting to turn up the bottoms of Samu’s pants. Then he got up, hesitantly pointing at her suitcase. “But you have something fancier in there, right?”
She shrugged, remembering the way she had been packing this morning. “Well, maybe... Riku! What the hell d’you think you’re doing?” she shrieked when he took her suitcase to put it up on the bed, opening it to examine its contents. “Don’t get yer knickers in a twist, dear! I’m just checking...” turning back at her he held another pair of jeans and a casual sweater in his hands. “Are you kidding, dear? Where are your dresses? The skirts, shoes? Goodness! Did you even think about Christmas and new year’s eve?” he threw the clothes back into the open suitcase, grabbing her hand. “Samu is gonna kill you! Come on, we need to do some serious shopping right now! Ou would you please stop whining!” he interrupted her protest. “We grab some snack on the way, maybe a beer and then I’ll take you shopping for some dresses! There are too many occasions to attend, you hear me? So come on! Let’s do this!”
Smiling about his enthusiasm Elena let him drag her outside and into a waiting car. She hated shopping but the thought of food and a good beer lifted her spirits.
“Again, the pleasure was all mine, my dear grumpy VIP!” smiling he pointed at a waiting car with a man standing next to it, patiently waiting for her to approach. “This must be your ride.”
“Oh!” Elena threw a gaze at the man in his dark coat. “I hope he has not been waiting here for over two hours in the rain! He looks a little too obedient from my point of view!”
Chuckling Richard squeezed her arm. “I hope we’ll meet a third time, Mrs. Heikkinen-Haber!”
“I hope so too! Wait! Can we get you somewhere?”
“No, I’m gonna be fine. There’s another private flight back to Helsinki in a few hours, so...” smiling he waved at her. “Take good care!”
“You too! Thank you for everything!”
“My pleasure!” he put his scarf tighter around his neck and nodded at her before he rushed over to the entrance door of one of the gates.
Quickly Elena made her way over to the waiting car. “Hey!” she smiled at her driver.
He only nodded hastily, getting into the driver’s seat after closing the door behind her.
-----------------------------------------------------------
When she finally arrived at her hotel-room she lay down on the bed, closing her eyes. ‘What if I fall asleep now?’ suddenly came to her mind and she opened her eyes. ‘Would I be back at home?’
Getting up from the bed she went over to the bathroom, running her fingers over the glassy fittings that were attached to the wall after washing her hands and face. There was a toothbrush at the rim of the sink, a blue cosmetic bag with a silver label she didn’t know right next to it. Curiously Elena opened it, taking a deodorant and a perfume out to smell them. The cologne was musky and somehow smelled very male and she couldn’t help smelling it again, wondering how it would scent lingering on the neck of its owner. Suddenly her mobile rang, making her flinch. Hesitantly she picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey babe! Everything alright? Did you have a good trip?” it was Haber’s husky voice again and she felt the sound of it hitting her like a blot of electricity.
“Hey! Everything’s fine!” she felt caught red handed when she realised that she still had his cologne in her hand. Quickly she put it back, tossing the whole bag down to the floor unintentionally. “Sorry!” she started to collect his stuff and heard him chuckle.
“Clumsy as usual, aren’t we?”
“Sorry.” She mumbled again.
“So listen, love, I... actually I wanted to be back at the hotel at about four, but it seems that... well, it’s gonna take a little longer.”
She gazed at her wristwatch. It was only half past one and she had to admit to herself that she felt a little relieved that she didn’t have to face her husband just yet. “So what d’you think, how long’s it gonna take?”
“Well, I was told that I sucked at some of the latest recordings and they have to record some of my parts again. We’re starting in about an hour, no idea how long it is gonna take all in all. I’m sorry, love!”
“Nevermind, I... I’ll be waiting for you at the hotel, alright?”
“Actually I talked Riku into taking care of you. He’s gonna pop by soon, taking you out for lunch and maybe a little stroll around until I come back. I’m gonna call you as soon as I’m done ok? Gotta go now. Love you, baby!” he hung up, leaving her puzzled.
So who the hell was Riku? A bodyguard? One of his bandmates? Most probably another Sunrise Avenue-guy. Why hadn’t she asked Lilly for all of their names? Sighing Elena went over to the bedroom again, sitting down on the couch by the window. ‘It’s my dream, so let something happen!’ she thought, tucking up her legs. Right at this second there was a knock at the door, making her flinch at first. Then a grin crept up on her face. ‘Perfect dream-timing!’ quickly she got up to open the door, finding a smiling man in a blue t-shirt that somehow accentuated his eyes perfectly. “Hey dear!” he pulled her into a tight embrace. “Ready to go? Samu called me and asked me to take care of you.” Smiling brightly he stepped back, raising his eyebrow. “So are you ready to go?”
“I am!” she rushed over to the bed, picking up her purse.
“Hum.” He entered the room as well. “You wanna go like this?”
“What’s wrong with it?” she looked down at her jeans, the coat in her hand and her sneakers.
“Well, actually I was gonna take you to a fancy French restaurant, but... well you look more like grabbing a burger with some pals!” again he raised his eyebrow. “And actually.... I haven’t seen you like this for a long time! Know what,” he started unbuttoning his pants and went over to an open suitcase in a corner of the room. “Burger sounds a lot better than fancy-French!”
“What are you doing?” she asked astound when he pulled down his jeans.
He turned around and chuckled. “My suite case got lost, it will be brought here in a few hours, so I am right now borrowing something more casual and clean from yer husband! Stop staring at my knickers like you’ve never seen me like this before, I might tell someone!”
Laughing along with him she threw her free hand into the air, watching him pulling on a crumpled pair of jeans and a brown pullover. “Just do as you please!”
“Bit bigger than me, this husband of yours.” He suddenly stated as he sat down on the bed, starting to turn up the bottoms of Samu’s pants. Then he got up, hesitantly pointing at her suitcase. “But you have something fancier in there, right?”
She shrugged, remembering the way she had been packing this morning. “Well, maybe... Riku! What the hell d’you think you’re doing?” she shrieked when he took her suitcase to put it up on the bed, opening it to examine its contents. “Don’t get yer knickers in a twist, dear! I’m just checking...” turning back at her he held another pair of jeans and a casual sweater in his hands. “Are you kidding, dear? Where are your dresses? The skirts, shoes? Goodness! Did you even think about Christmas and new year’s eve?” he threw the clothes back into the open suitcase, grabbing her hand. “Samu is gonna kill you! Come on, we need to do some serious shopping right now! Ou would you please stop whining!” he interrupted her protest. “We grab some snack on the way, maybe a beer and then I’ll take you shopping for some dresses! There are too many occasions to attend, you hear me? So come on! Let’s do this!”
Smiling about his enthusiasm Elena let him drag her outside and into a waiting car. She hated shopping but the thought of food and a good beer lifted her spirits.
They stopped at a small pub on the way. Riku had asked the driver for the best shopping streets in town and she tried her best to memorize the instructions before they got out of the car, entering the pub.
“I’ll have...” studying the menu Elena felt her stomach growling. “The fried chicken with fries. Extra mayonnaise. And a Guinness please.” Smiling she closed the menu and leaned back on the wooden bench.
Riku looked at her a little confused. “Well, I... I take the steak, medium, with fries and a Guinness as well.” He smiled at the waitress. “Thank you!” leaning over the table he played with the salt shaker. “What happened to calories?” he mocked, making her snort.
“Technically calories are small and evil animals that shrink your clothes while you are asleep! So ignore them! If you ever see one though, try to kick its arse!”
He threw his head back and laughed until tears were running down his cheeks. “Damn it, girl! What has happened to you for fuck’s sake?”
Raising her pint in his direction she grinned. “I’m just having a pleasant dream and you are part of it! Here’s to you and our shopping day!”
Completely bushed she fell down onto the bed after a few hours of intensive shopping with Riku. The muscles of her stomach hurt because she had been laughing all day long. Lazily she kicked the bags with her new dresses off the bed, closing her eyes.
23.12.
“For the last time! We are taking off in half an hour! So get yer arses down here for Christ’s sake!”
Flinching Elena sat up on the bed. She was in her room, snow was falling from the sky, leaving a white frosting all over the backyard. “Cummin’, Dad!” she yelled, trying to pull herself together. She didn’t feel rested at all, turning over to her back to close her eyes again. 23.12, Granny-day.
The day was long and exhausting. Her whole family gathered at her grandmother’s place for a big family lunch. Trying hard to join the conversations Elena sipped her wine, rocking one of her little cousins on her lap. Riku came to her mind. His laughter, his shining eyes. He was definitely a handsome piece of man! Smiling to herself she emptied her glass. ‘I’m going crazy!’ she thought. ‘Now I already have hots for the friend of my imaginary dream-husband!’
When they were finally at her parents’ place again Elena was dead tired. Kissing her mother goodnight she went to bed, falling asleep without even thinking about Samu or Riku.
“For the last time! We are taking off in half an hour! So get yer arses down here for Christ’s sake!”
Flinching Elena sat up on the bed. She was in her room, snow was falling from the sky, leaving a white frosting all over the backyard. “Cummin’, Dad!” she yelled, trying to pull herself together. She didn’t feel rested at all, turning over to her back to close her eyes again. 23.12, Granny-day.
The day was long and exhausting. Her whole family gathered at her grandmother’s place for a big family lunch. Trying hard to join the conversations Elena sipped her wine, rocking one of her little cousins on her lap. Riku came to her mind. His laughter, his shining eyes. He was definitely a handsome piece of man! Smiling to herself she emptied her glass. ‘I’m going crazy!’ she thought. ‘Now I already have hots for the friend of my imaginary dream-husband!’
When they were finally at her parents’ place again Elena was dead tired. Kissing her mother goodnight she went to bed, falling asleep without even thinking about Samu or Riku.
-----------------------------------------------
“Leni! Leni, come on, let’s go!” there was impatient knocking at her door and Elena lifted her head from the pillow, feeling the speed of her heartbeat increasing. She was back at the hotel and unless she was very much mistaken, it was Riku’s voice that came from the corridor. Slowly she got up, walking over to the door. “What?” she mumbled and rubbed her sleepy eyes.
Riku’s mouth dropped open. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Leni! You are ASLEEP?” he grabbed her shoulders he turned her around to drag her inside the room before he closed the door with his foot. “Alright, you got five minutes to have a shower! Go, go, go! The car will be waiting for us in 30 minutes! Good Lord, girl, your husband will go bananas!” he ran his fingers through her messy hair. “Do something girly about this!” he demanded. “Wash it, soap it, put in some cream or whatever a girl needs to do to prevent herself from looking like a scarecrow!”
Uttering something vulgar under her breath, Elena yawned and walked over to the bathroom.
“Five minutes!” Riku yelled after her, going through her new dresses. A short black dress was one of his favourites. She had looked stunning in it! He knew, she was his mate’s wife, but it had taken his breath away when he had seen her in the shop this afternoon, turning around herself in front of a mirror, throwing insecure gazes at him. Her sight had taken him back many years and he had suddenly felt a lump in his throat. He had always loved to run his fingers over the large tattoo on her back, lilies, most of them almost the size of his palm. They started right above her left butt-cheek, making their way over her spine and her right hip up to her left shoulder. She had always been breath-taking.
Quickly he shook his head to dispel his thoughts and kept searching through the rest of the bags to distract himself from memories about soft skin and the marvellous work of art on her beautiful back. Bending down he tried to find the silver pumps they had bought together with a tiny silver purse that would match the thin stripes of silver on the upper part of her strapless dress.
With a towel around her body and in her hair Elena returned from the bathroom after no more than seven minutes, giving him the time he needed to gather himself. Quickly she combed her hair, putting cream on her face. “Alright!” she nodded at Riku to hand her dress over to her. Smirking he got up from the bed, pointing at her suitcase. “Right on time, dear! I was about to go through your panties!” giggling he gasped when she nudged him with her fist.
“You are such a little...!” blushing she pushed him onto the bed and bent down to find a slip.
“Not the huge ones, dear!” Riku giggled from behind, making her throw a pair of socks at him. With a tiny thong in her right and a comfortable lacy panty in her left she turned around. “Ou shut yer big mouth for Christ’s sake! Which one?”
Grinning he folded his arms over his chest and sat up straight. “Well, depends... D’you wanna seduce me,” he pointed at her left hand. “Or your husband?” grinning he nodded right.
“I’d better say husband now, hum?” smiling she slipped the thong over her legs, trying to adjust them under her towel. “Alright, gimme that dress! Know what, you go and find some adhesive tape for my feet.” She pointed at her new shoes. “I’m going out with those incredibly high killing-shoes for the first time, so I will definitely need some. Come on, get up! I’ll be dressed in five minutes and quickly do my make-up. Go!” she shooed him outside, taking off her towel as soon as he had closed the door. Quickly she put a lot of cream and mousse into her hair, brushing it back with her fingers.
Her heart was beating in her throat, when she slipped into her dress. She couldn’t believe what she saw when she turned around in front of the mirror. Remembering the way she had been staring at the incredible tattoo for a few breathless minutes in the dressing room of the first shop they had entered today, Elena put her hand on her left shoulder. Softly she ran her fingers over the thin black and grey lines and the shadows around the flowers. The washed outlines of her first tattoo came to her mind, a Celtic cross she and her old mate from school had decided to get after smoking too much pot and that now bedecked her left bikini line in quite a profane way. If she had ever chosen to get another tattoo but the small one on her ankle and the two black and very old snakes around her wrists, it would have been this one. It was beautiful.
But there was no time to stare at her back tonight! She ran over to the bathroom to wash her hands and apply some tinted day cream on her face. Nervously she stared at her reflection in the mirror. The day cream wasn’t enough to cover some small pimples on her chin and she sighed in annoyance, rummaging around her cosmetic bag. Hurriedly she applied some liquid make-up on her face, grabbing her powder and a soft brush, flipping it open. She wasn’t too good with make-up, so she only took a bit of dark eye-shadow to accentuate her eyes, adding silver to match her dress. She heard a knock at the door, obviously Riku was back. Rushing over to the door she opened it a slit, running back into the bathroom. Mascara, perfume, deodorant, done! Sighing she leaned back at the wall before she made her way over to the bed room. “Close it please!” she turned her back at Riku, not even realising that she left him speechless for the second time of the day with her dress. “So what d’you say?” she turned around, smiling nervously.
He swallowed hard, gesturing her to turn around again before he nodded. “Perfect, dear!” he bent down to grab her shoes. “Adhesive tape’s in your purse already.” Again he watched her closely. “Something for yer lips?” he suggested, gesticulating the form of her lips into the air.
“But I already over-painted my eyes! You don’t think that’s gonna be too much then?” she turned back to the mirror of the closet, giving herself a close look before she stared at him through the reflection. “What? Why are you laughing now?”
“Well, dear, you are everything but over-painted!” giggling he stepped closer, adjusting his tie. “Just take some gloss.” He ran his fingers through her wettish hair. “You’re beautiful, dear.” Smiling at her he took her hand. “Now take this sexy-silver shawl of yours and your coat and come on! Samu called me before; he said he couldn’t reach you. The recording went well and he’s now waiting for us at the club.”
“So where are we going?” nervously Elena ran her fingers through her hair again, putting a bit of lip-gloss on her lips before she grabbed her purse and coat from Riku’s hands. “Thank you, Riku!” she smiled at him questioningly. “Please tell me that I look good!”
“You look stunning, dear!” he helped her into her coat and offered his arm to her. “Samu might faint!” he joked on their way outside. “The club’s quite new, I don’t even know the name, but they are having a huge party tonight and we are somehow the special guests, so.... well, let’s just see what happens and have fun, what d’you say?”
“Sound’s great!” Elena lied, swallowing down the lump in her throat.
Uncomfortably she wriggled in her seat in the back of the black limousine on her way to the club. Her feet were hurting already and she tried to bent down to loosen the straps and take them off to apply some of the tapes. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” she whispered through her gritted teeth. Her dress was too tight for her to even bent down and reach her feet!
“What’s wrong, dear?” Riku leaned over from the opposite couch of the limousine. Still cursing lowly Elena pointed down at her feet. “I can’t reach my feet! How am I supposed to put on the tapes?!” with a lot of effort she tried to tuck up her legs, making Riku burst into laughter. “Let me, dear!” he sat down next to her, putting her feet up on his lap. Playfully he tickled her ankles. “So gimme that tape and get down your stockings.”
“What?”
“Your stockings!” he repeated, pointing at her legs with a giggle.
“Oh my God, can it get any worse?” Elena blushed and started to roll down the thin silver stockings. “You take ‘em off.” Softly she kicked Riku with her foot. “As I said, I can’t reach my feet!”
“Woohoo!” he pulled them off her feet. “Gatherless, nice one, dear!” chuckling he watched her cheeks turn pink when he put the stockings around his neck. “I’m looking forward to getting them back on!”
“You pervert little son of a...” Elena couldn’t help chuckling in embarrassment. “Did I just say it couldn’t get worse? Well, it can!” leaning back she closed her eyes, trying not to giggle when Riku lifted her foot.
“Back here?” he asked and touched her heel, making her twitch again.
“Here and also on the sole of both of my feet. Can you also put some around my big toes?”
“You want a bandage or what?” laughing he started to apply the tape.
“Well, I wanna see you walking around with shoes like these!” hatefully she gazed at her high-heels on the floor, making him laugh again.
“But they are so sexy!” he mocked, squeezing her little toes. “Alright! We’re done! So...” grinning he took the stockings between his fingers and stretched them, raising his eyebrow.
“Take ‘em between your teeth and do a sexy dance for me!” Elena put her feet down and laughed with him.
“Come on.” Smiling he got down on his knees. “Let me help you with it!”
“Oh my.” Elena sighed and raised her right foot in his direction. “Don’t you dare staring or touching me, Riku!”
Still chuckling he slipped the stocking over her foot. “I won’t, promise! You might tell Samu and he’s gonna beat the crap out of me if I ever again touch you anywhere above your knee!” Quickly he put on the second one as well, watching her fighting both of them up.
“If this was a really bad slapstic sketch the car would now turn and you would fall directly onto me!” grinning he got up from the floor.
She giggled. “Right! And my dress would be torn apart and then the door would open when I am lying on top of you, half naked, my arse presented to a 1000 cameras!”
Chuckling he patted her knee. “I’d be dead before I’d be able to explain any of this!”
Suddenly the car stopped, banging their heads together slightly. “Outch!” Elena put her hand onto her temple. “Now that was slapstic as well, don’t you think?” Giggling and carefully rubbing her forehead she made her way over to the door right behind Riku.
He nodded in agreement and tried to suppress his own giggles. “Come on, dear!” he took her hand and helped her out of the limousine. Instantly the flashes of hundreds of cameras hit her eyes and Elena had a hard time trying to keep them open. “Wow!” she grabbed Riku’s arm and almost stumbled across her own feet.
“Now would you please stop that slapstic, woman?” he whispered close to her ear and chuckled. “Come on, we can do this! Just keep walking and smiling! I got ya!”
With his arm around her waist Elena felt completely stabilized and started to smile into the cameras. Riku waved at the fans and quickly gave a few autographs before he slid his arm around her waist again. “Let’s go!” he whispered, guiding her over to the entrance door. They were shown to the VIP-area by a young woman in a very short dress. Elena saw Riku’s gaze running over her butt and nudged him with her elbow. “I’m the beauty-queen! Stop staring!” she whispered at him and snorted with laughter because he obeyed immediately, staring down at the floor. “I was joking, sweetheart!” she kissed his cheek. “Come on, stare!”
He blushed and slapped her bottom. “You are such a mean friend, you know that?” putting his arm around her shoulders he entered the VIP-area, peering around the room. “Here he is! Finally!” smiling he pointed at a man with broad shoulders that was standing at the bar. He had a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, leaning at the counter while he was talking to a girl that was standing right in front of him.
“Is my husband flirting?” Elena whispered over to Riku when the girl started to laugh about something Samu had said. “Ou please! He's so funny, isn't he? Cum ooon! No one’s laughing that hard!”
Riku put his hand over his lips and chuckled. “Maybe you should go there and tell her to get her hands off him!” he suggested with a little grin. “No, wait! Look!” he pointed at his friend again and Elena saw that Samu grabbed the girl’s hand when she put it on his chest. Soft but firmly he shoved her away, shaking his head, before he nodded at her, turning away from the bar with his beer in his hand.
He was indeed handsome and looked quite tall from a distance, especially for a small woman like her. Furthermore he was extremely sexy with his cigarette between his full lips and his dark pair of trousers that were tight in all the right places. His white shirt fitted perfectly and Elena couldn’t refrain from a little smile when she spotted that he had left open the first two buttons, making his chest show but only a little bit.
A smile lit up his whole face when his eyes found her by Riku’s side. Quickly he made his way through the crowd on the small dancefloor, raising his eyebrow while he approached.
“You look stunning, love!” he whispered when he took her in his arms, kissing her lips with a smile.
She recognized his voice from his calls and now that she heard it whispering close to her ear she felt her legs almost giving in. “Riku’s pick!” a little out of words she stared up at him, finding him smiling at his friend. “So you took her shopping, hum? How did you manage?”
“Well, I think I scared the crap out of her and she eventually gave in after I bought her over with beer, fries and fried chicken.” Riku patted his friends back. “You owe me a fortune by the way! And at least one dance with yer wife!”
“You’ll have it! Thanks again for today, mate! Now come on, let’s get some drinks and sit down for a bit!” he pointed to his left. “Raul’s here already and I think that I have seen Osmo around as well.”
“Where’s Sami?” Riku asked surprised when they were ordering their drinks.
“Back in Helsinki with Juliane.” Samu grinned. “He took a flight with her earlier today, because she’s having kind of a family gathering and she has been frowning and bitching for the last week to make him join her.” Still grinning he sipped his beer. “What did your parents say by the way?” he slid his arm around his wife’s waist, swaying her slowly.
“About what?” she looked up at him.
He laughed in surprise. “Are you kidding? You didn’t talk to them? You are such a lazy bone sometimes!” handing a mobile over to her, he shooed her outside. “Do it now! I wanna spend Christmas at my parents’ place this year! Yours had the pleasure last year and I promise, we will be there on the 25th to celebrate with them, ok?”
“Oh.” Elena stared down at the mobile in her hands. “Yeah, sure, I’m gonna call them!” she turned to walk over to the loo but he grabbed her and turned her around to face him again. Smirking he winked at her. “No kiss?” before she could even open her mouth to answer him he bent down, capturing her mouth completely. She gasped in surprise when he deepened the kiss, pinning her to the counter in her back. “God, I’ve missed you!” he whispered and nibbled her earlobe with his teeth. Dizzily she stared up at him, grabbing his shirt for support.
“Wow!” she whispered, touching
her burning lips.
He winked again. “Wow indeed!”
he bent down to brush his lips against hers. “Now go and call your parents and
then let’s get this party started!” quickly he grabbed the cheeks of her butt,
making her squirm.
“Public place, Samu!” Riku nudged his friend with his elbow, smirking at him.
“I’m not doing anything!” Samu smirked back, watching his wife walking over to the loo. “But honestly, I can’t wait!” leaning over the counter he ordered champagne and some more beer before he placed his arm around Riku’s shoulders. “So tell me, how was your day then?”
“Nice! We actually had a blast! I have no idea what has gotten into her, but we had loads of fun.” Even though he didn’t actually feel like it, Riku grinned and sipped his beer. “You’re one hell of a lucky bastard, Haber!”
Samu threw his head back and laughed. “Trust me, I do know that!”
They were drinking and dancing ‘til the early morning and Elena truly had a lot of fun. Ignoring the fact that it felt much too real to be touched by him, Elena sat on Samu’s lap after a while, sipping her champagne and returning his kisses whenever he pulled her down to rest his lips on hers. Dancing wild and close with him and Riku on the dancefloor, she felt her head spinning. This was so much fun! She wasn’t exactly a party-person but the music was good and she was already tipsy from the champagne Samu refilled her glass with whenever it was half empty.
It was almost four in the morning when they arrived at the hotel. Riku and Raul tried to hold each other in balance while Osmo was simply sitting down on the floor of the elevator because his legs wouldn’t carry him any longer. Stumbling and giggling along the corridor they waved each other good night, bursting into laughter again because none of them was able to open the door of his room right away.
As soon as he had finally managed to put the key-card inside the small slit above the doorknob, Samu slipped his arms around Elena’s waist, dragging her inside the room.
“Public place, Samu!” Riku nudged his friend with his elbow, smirking at him.
“I’m not doing anything!” Samu smirked back, watching his wife walking over to the loo. “But honestly, I can’t wait!” leaning over the counter he ordered champagne and some more beer before he placed his arm around Riku’s shoulders. “So tell me, how was your day then?”
“Nice! We actually had a blast! I have no idea what has gotten into her, but we had loads of fun.” Even though he didn’t actually feel like it, Riku grinned and sipped his beer. “You’re one hell of a lucky bastard, Haber!”
Samu threw his head back and laughed. “Trust me, I do know that!”
They were drinking and dancing ‘til the early morning and Elena truly had a lot of fun. Ignoring the fact that it felt much too real to be touched by him, Elena sat on Samu’s lap after a while, sipping her champagne and returning his kisses whenever he pulled her down to rest his lips on hers. Dancing wild and close with him and Riku on the dancefloor, she felt her head spinning. This was so much fun! She wasn’t exactly a party-person but the music was good and she was already tipsy from the champagne Samu refilled her glass with whenever it was half empty.
It was almost four in the morning when they arrived at the hotel. Riku and Raul tried to hold each other in balance while Osmo was simply sitting down on the floor of the elevator because his legs wouldn’t carry him any longer. Stumbling and giggling along the corridor they waved each other good night, bursting into laughter again because none of them was able to open the door of his room right away.
As soon as he had finally managed to put the key-card inside the small slit above the doorknob, Samu slipped his arms around Elena’s waist, dragging her inside the room.
“No chance to escape, love!”
he whispered, running his lips over her neck. “Get your sexy arse up on my lap
right now!” pushing her onto the bed he started to unbutton his shirt. Tipsily Elena
sat up, staggering over to him. “Would you help me with that?” she turned
around and felt his hands running down her naked back as soon as he had opened
the zipper. Quickly he turned her around again, kissing her deep and passionate
while he opened his belt. “Now come here!” he whispered and pulled her closer,
sitting down on the edge of the bed.
She could feel his kisses on her neck, his hands, cupping her breasts and his hot breath on her face. God he felt so good! Never in her life had she experienced a feeling like this. He was strong, tall, dominant and she gave in to his hungry kisses when he put her down on the bed, bending over her.
Breathing heavily she rested her forehead to his chest a few minutes later. Her mind was swirling and she couldn’t help running her fingers over his belly while she snuggled her face to his neck.
“I love you!” he suddenly whispered, placing a soft kiss behind her ear. Pulling her closer, he wrapped his arms around her and sighed.
“Love you too.” Elena mumbled, stroking his arm with a little smile before she felt her heavy eyes closing as sleep captured her body and mind.
She could feel his kisses on her neck, his hands, cupping her breasts and his hot breath on her face. God he felt so good! Never in her life had she experienced a feeling like this. He was strong, tall, dominant and she gave in to his hungry kisses when he put her down on the bed, bending over her.
Breathing heavily she rested her forehead to his chest a few minutes later. Her mind was swirling and she couldn’t help running her fingers over his belly while she snuggled her face to his neck.
“I love you!” he suddenly whispered, placing a soft kiss behind her ear. Pulling her closer, he wrapped his arms around her and sighed.
“Love you too.” Elena mumbled, stroking his arm with a little smile before she felt her heavy eyes closing as sleep captured her body and mind.
24.12.
She woke up slowly when she felt a hand running through her hair.
She woke up slowly when she felt a hand running through her hair.
“Samu?” she mumbled trying to
open her eyes. A small giggle was heard and she felt cold feet slipping under
the blanket.
“Nope. But I wish I had your dreams!” again Lilly giggled. “So tell me, was he good?”
Pushing her away, Elena blushed. “How long have you been sitting here?”
Lilly grinned. “Well, I assume long enough to see and hear the pleasure you just had in your dream! Hell, sis! What did he do to you? You were screaming his name, left alone all the other noises you made!”
Burying her burning face in her pillow, Elena pushed her again. “Get the hell out of my room, you little nag!” she mumbled, making her sister laugh even louder.
“Hell, this guy must be good! Did you even think about Rob?”
“I said out!” Elena lifted her head, pointing at the door. “OUT!”
“Alright, alright!” Lilly raised her hands defensively. “Go back to your dream and let this hulk shag you senseless!” giggling she left the room, leaving Elena completely puzzled and speechless.
24.12. Christmas.
“Nope. But I wish I had your dreams!” again Lilly giggled. “So tell me, was he good?”
Pushing her away, Elena blushed. “How long have you been sitting here?”
Lilly grinned. “Well, I assume long enough to see and hear the pleasure you just had in your dream! Hell, sis! What did he do to you? You were screaming his name, left alone all the other noises you made!”
Burying her burning face in her pillow, Elena pushed her again. “Get the hell out of my room, you little nag!” she mumbled, making her sister laugh even louder.
“Hell, this guy must be good! Did you even think about Rob?”
“I said out!” Elena lifted her head, pointing at the door. “OUT!”
“Alright, alright!” Lilly raised her hands defensively. “Go back to your dream and let this hulk shag you senseless!” giggling she left the room, leaving Elena completely puzzled and speechless.
24.12. Christmas.
It took a long hot shower for her to stop herself from shivering. ‘It was not real!’ she repeated in her thoughts, but she felt goosebumps all over her body when his hands came to her mind. God, it had felt so damn good! She knew she cared a lot about Rob and sometimes the Doc was quite imaginative but the feelings from last night had been different from anything she had ever experienced with a man. It had been so passionate!
Well, of course it had been perfect! Cursing silently Elena wrapped a towel around her body and started to rub her hair. It had been her dream, so of course Samu knew everything she needed. Yet she wondered how she could have climaxed in her dream. She had never reached an orgasm during sex and it made her wonder, how this was supposed to be possible for a woman in her dreams. Brushing her teeth, she avoided looking at her reflection in the mirror, a rush of shame running through her but she tried to shove the feeling aside. Maybe there was something missing in her life and her subconsciousness actually wanted to show her that she should take a risk and make a few changes. Still deep in her thoughts she got dressed and made her way downstairs. Perhaps she should talk to her mother about it in private first. She had always been the best address to give advices, although Elena hesitated to tell her about the sex she had just experienced.
When she entered the kitchen she found Lilly and Caitlyn preparing caramelized apples and sat down on the small kitchen table next her sister to help her cutting some more fruits. Her mother smiled at her and dried her hands with a small towel before she handed her a cup of coffee. “So, dear, Lilly just told me that you had another dream.” She couldn’t help grinning when her daughter blushed.
“Not only a dream!” Lilly smirked. “I heard her enjoying it through the wall!”
“You are such a...” Elena stared at her and gritted her teeth. Then she sighed. “Well, actually I wanted to talk about it with you in private, Mum, but since Lilly seems too amused about this whole dream thing,... well,” again she sighed. “What d’you think? I mean, I come back to the same place every night, I meet the same people, this Samu-guy is my husband and well, we... we kinda were out last night and... we ended up in bed and...” blushing she sipped her coffee. “Well, it was great! I never felt this way before! So what d’you think?”
Her mother sat down at the opposite side of the table. “Well, what d’you think? D’you have any idea what this whole dream’s supposed to mean for you?”
With a half-hearted grin Elena looked at her. “The typical shrink! What d’you think about it?” she imitated her mother and tucked up her legs, putting the cup to her cheek. “I don’t know, Mum! Maybe there’s something missing in my life, that’s what I came up with. But... well, I have a nice work, I care about my boyfriend, I’m not unhappy, you know?”
“So d’you love him?”
“Whom?”
“Rob!”
“Well, I... I don’t know! As I said, I care about him but... I don’t know if that is enough to call it love!”
“Dear, it is simple: Either you love him, or you don’t. There’s no in-betweens after two years! So maybe your dreams want to show you that you... that you need something else! That you maybe need to be with someone else, you know? This guy from your dreams, what are your feelings towards him?”
Nervously Elena swallowed. “He’s nice.” She mumbled.
“Aaand?”
“Well, he... he gives me a good feeling! It is nice to be with him. He... he is so amiable and handsome, I feel safe with him! Maybe it’s... well he’s... he has this... I don’t know, male attitude, he’s tall and he... I don’t know, I feel so comfortable with him! It scares me.”
“So we have tall and your safety,” her mother raised her thumb and her index-finger. “We have handsome and amiable and male.” Looking at her daughter with a grin, she held her whole hand into the air, presenting it to her like a trophy. “Seems like you’re looking for something like that. And now you are projecting those feelings into this other guy, what was his name again?”
“Samu Haber.” Lilly answered quickly, putting a big piece of fruit into her mouth with a smirk. “Samu, the sexy beast, Haber.” She mumbled with her mouth full of apple.
“Would you please stop that? Hell, Lilly! This is embarrassing enough for me!” Elena put her head in her hands. “So what am I supposed to do now?”
“Well, dear,” her mother rubbed her back. “Maybe you should just take your time and think about what you really want in life. Everything will be sorted out one day, just give yourself some time, will you?”
Elena nodded slowly, running her fingers through her hair. “And what about those dreams? I mean, they kept coming for three nights in a row now!”
“Maybe they won’t return tonight, love! And if they do, just keep your eyes wide open and try to figure out, what this other man can give to you that no one else seems to give you.”
“Well, I know what that would be!” smirking Lilly poked her sister with her finger. “I heard it through concrete!”
“Sometimes I really hate you, you know that?” Elena slapped her. “Use earplugs for Christ’s sake!”
Giggling Lilly got up and combed her hair back with her fingers before she swept it up with a little elastic. “Know what?” excitedly she knocked on the wooden table. “Let’s go to my room, I got some of Sunrise Avenue’s music and a few interviews and pictures and stuff. Come on, let’s have a look!”
Reluctantly Elena got up as well. “I’m not sure if I should...”
“Ou come oooon! It’s gonna be fun!” Lilly grabbed her hand and dragged her outside.
For over an hour Elena sat next to her on the bed, watching interviews and videoclips, giggling along with her sister. She had to admit that it was fun, even though a shiver ran down her spine whenever she saw Samu. The memories of his hands and lips were still so close, it felt surrealistic but nevertheless she fell silent every time he was shown on the tapes.
“So this is their music, hum?” chuckling Elena leaned back after a while. “It’s not that bad.” Trying to concentrate on an interview with Riku she laughed. “He,” she pointed at the screen. “He is so funny! Always laid back and playing dumb, but deep inside he is so funny! He had to help me with my stockings in the car and we had a great laugh. That night he told me that he once stumbled across his own feet because he was so drunk and he broke his wrist!”
“I thought you didn’t know them!”
“Well, I don’t! It’s just what I remember from my dream. He!” excitedly she pointed at Raul and jumped up and down on the bed. “He is so great! The worst jokes, always something sexual, but when I was dancing with him, he blushed! Look at this smile! He is such a little player!”
“Where did you read all that?” Lilly looked up at her a little puzzled.
“Nowhere. It’s just the way they were last night.” Astounded Elena shrugged and pointed at Osmo. “He was a little shy, but by the end of the night we had to try our best to stop him from dancing at the counter and almost had to carry him. Hell, I wish I could have such a big lot of fun in real life!” staring down at the screen when Samu was interviewed, she started biting her nails. “God! I can’t believe that I had sex with this man in my dream! God, Lilly, this stays between us, ok? He is sooo damn good!” she rolled her eyes. “I mean, those hands! Wow!”
“Trust me, I have a great imagination, sis!” smirking Lilly switched over to the next interview. “So tell me, is he big? I mean really big?” she spread her arms, making Elena giggle.
“Well, yes, he actually is. But I was too drunk to tell you how big exactly.” Elena rubbed her eyes and yawned. “You’re quite a fan, aren’t you?” she changed the subject after a while. “I mean, you have all those interviews and pics and stuff.”
Now it was Lilly’s time to blush. “Hum... maybe a little.” Bashfully she grinned. “That’s why I keep repeating: Gimme those dreams!! God, I would kill for Raul, trust me! Just one night! Even in my dream! Grrrrrrrrrrr!”
“God, you are a sick woman!” Elena giggled. “Come on, sweety, let’s go downstairs and decorate the tree, it’s Christmas!”
Lilly got up as well, switching off her laptop. “Never tell anyone that I am a crazy Sunrise Avenue-fan, alright? I’m 23, this is getting embarrassing!”
“Only if you promise to use earplugs and stop talking about me and this Haber-guy in front of everyone!”
“Deal!” Lilly offered her hand to her sister. “But you have to keep telling me about it, will you?”
“Well, now that I know your secret, I might be more compliant to share mine!” Elena took her hand and winked at her.
------------------------------------------------
It was a real Heikkinen Christmas and Elena enjoyed every minute of it. She even forgot about her dreams when she decorated the Christmas tree with Lilly and Jamie.
Later that evening they all took a walk to the church of the village and had a little snow fight on the way back home. Together with Kilian Elena helped her mother preparing dinner for them and when they all sat down around the table she couldn’t help smiling and thanking God for the family she had been born into.
“So Leni,” Lilly handed her an envelope with a big heart drawn on it. “This is for you.”
Excitedly Elena opened the envelope, taking out a ticket and a card.
“I thought you’d maybe like to see them once and when I found out that Ced got two tickets for the next concert in February, I had to give one of them to you. Actually I was supposed to give it to Allison, but luckily the concert wasn’t sold out yet, so I could get another ticket for her and now you will join us!” happily she smiled. “What d’you say? Front row, party night out with the girls?”
Elena chuckled. “I’m in!” she hugged her sister. “With you and Alli? Anytime!!”
The two girls were still giggling when they were brushing their teeth together that night. “You know,” Elena mumbled and spat out. “We’re gonna have the biggest party ever! All dressed up and stuff! Right after the concert we are heading for a club and we will dance it into pieces, I promise!”
“Yeah! And you will meet Haber and I will go home with Raul! That is gonna be soooo much fun!”
“Yah! Dream on, sis!”
“No, YOU dream on! Hell, his ears must be ringing! Just imagine, maybe he also had a few weird dreams during the last nights!”
“I don’t wanna piss off his girlfriend!” Elena felt her cheeks blushing. Actually she only wanted Lilly to tell her that Samu was single and it made her feel like a teenager with a crush on the hottest bloke at school.
Lilly grinned, knowing exactly what her sister was after. “Single, babes! Grab him!”
Chuckling Elena rinsed her mouth. “Of course! I will grab him and start a family!” quickly she kissed the younger woman’s cheek. “Night sis! Don’t forget the earplugs!”
“Already borrowed some from Lea!” her sister winked at her. “Make me proud!”
Elena was still giggling when she put on her nightie and slipped under the duvet. Although she felt like a crazy person because of her dreams she couldn’t help looking forward to how her dream would continue. It was like a daily soap and equally addicting. Sighing she closed her eyes, Samus picture on her mind. Hell, he was so handsome!
23.12. She awoke with a hangover, shivering from the cold. Quickly she pulled her blanket tighter around her naked body, lifting her heavy head.
Her gaze found Samu standing at the open balcony door with his back turned towards the bed. He was smoking, obviously untouched by the cold air. With one hand rested at the doorframe, he blew large clouds of smoke outside into the chilly morning.
Elena sat up on the bed, rubbing her cheeks with her hands. Slowly she got up and wrapped the blanket around herself again. “Hey.” Carefully she touched Samu’s back, making him flinch.
“Hey!” he turned around and smiled down at her. Even though he looked extremely tired his whole face lit up in a smile and she ran her fingers through his tousled hair, putting them back behind his ears.
She stared up at him, once more completely taken by his appearance. The glint in his stunning eyes, the messy strands of hair on his head and his beard that looked more like three-day stubbles but matched his whole attitude so perfectly that it made her shiver when he reached out his big hand to touch her. She felt another shiver running down her spine when his strong thumb caressed her lips.
“Aren’t you a bit cold?” she managed to whisper against the touch and opened the blanket to let him slip inside.
“I am actually.” He admitted and pulled her closer with a sigh. “It is so lovely to wake up with you by my side!” kissing her forehead, he buried his nose in her hair. “How will I survive the next two months without you?”
“Well,” grinning Elena cupped his firm buttocks with her hands and squeezed them softly. “Maybe we could have a bit of private time to make you forget about it.”
“Could we, hum?” Samu raised his eyebrow and bent down to meet her lips in a hungry kiss. “We should at least try our best!” he closed the balcony door, taking the blanket from her shoulders to throw it to the floor, smiling at her as she lay down on it. “So what’s your plan then?”
“Well,” Elena got up on her knees, making him gasp in surprise when she ran her hands up his thigh. “What I had in mind, involves you, me and him!” he was standing bare in front of her and she ached to touch him, feel him again. Slowly she ran her fingernails over the soft hair on his legs, her lips following the way of her fingers up to his groin. She felt his legs shivering under her touch, smiling to herself. Actually she didn’t have a lot of experience when it came to seducing a man, but Samu’s reactions made it quite easy for her to continue. His body immediately reacted to her soft tickling and she heard him gasp again when she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face into the soft hair of his lower belly.
“Want me to touch you?” she
whispered, her voice causing goosebumps all over his chest. He simply nodded,
unable to let anything but a low moan escape his mouth when she started to kiss
her way down again, cupping his balls. His knees buckled when she blew soft air
over his hard-on and he sank his fingers into her hair to pull her up and
finally meet the target of his desires.
“Take him!” he whispered
hoarsely, bucking his hips into her face when her lips made soft contact with
his throbbing hard member.
“You are definitely not cold!” she stated with a grin, running her hand along his shaft.
He let out a throaty chuckle. “With you? Never!” again he groaned when she flicked her tongue over the head of his dick.
Remembering the way she had been kneeling between his legs the night before, eagerly trying to engulf everything he had to offer, Elena clasped his dick firmly and closed her eyes as she wrapped her mouth around the pulsating girth once more. Another groan escaped his mouth and he grabbed her head, forcing her even deeper. Slipping out of her mouth after a while he got down on his knees as well, pushing her up against the nearby couch, locking her there with his body. A small whimper came over his lips when she grabbed his hard-on, pumping it in her hand.
“That’s what I wanted to hear!” she whispered and pressed her lips into his impatient kiss when he bent over, grabbing her thighs to spread her legs further.
“And that’s what I wanted to hear!” he whispered in response, making her scream and arch her back when he entered her with a few deep thrusts.
Quickly his cold skin was hot and damp and he wrapped his long arms around her firmly to press her body flat against his, before he slipped out of her, making her groan in frustration. “Turn around!” he whispered out of breath, grabbing her hips. She obeyed immediately, burying her face in the cushions of the couch when she felt is rigid dick pressed up against her throbbing entrance. She bucked backwards against him, feeling his hand sliding between her legs, his skilful fingers making her spread her legs even wider to give him full access. With the weight of his body he held her down, speeding up his pace once more. His thrusts became faster and shorter and Elena felt her head spinning as she tried to respond, a shivering mass of jelly in his arms. Suddenly he stopped again, turning her around to face him. He ran his big hands over her belly and her breasts, following the path of his fingers with his hot mouth before he wrapped her legs around his hips again, slipping inside of her. He found her lips, swallowing a little cry as he pushed himself inside her tight and welcoming walls. “Cum for me, baby!” he whispered hoarsely, groaning against her lips. “I can’t... can’t hold it!”
She couldn’t even answer him, feeling her legs trembling around her husband’s bucking hips as she climaxed in his arms, only seconds later followed by Samu that buried his face to her neck as he thrust and pounded inside of her until he found relieve with a husky cry.
Kissing her damp forehead he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her up to lie on to couch next to him.
“But Samu, the couch, we are gonna make a mess!” she protested weakly when she felt his half limp dick slipping out of her.
He let out a little chuckle. “I’m a celebrity, baby!” he bent over to kiss her swollen lips. “They expect me to do that!”
She awoke with a start when there was a soft knock on the door, realising in surprise that she was still wrapped up in Samu’s arms on the couch. Cursing lowly the naked man got up, picking up the blanket from the floor to cover her. Completely nude he made his way over to the door, finding a hangovered Riku in a black tracksuit.
“Oh!” Staring at his friend Riku stepped back. “Hell, mate, that’s a lot more than I wanted to see!”
“What d’ye want?” Samu rubbed his eyes with his big hands, resting his shoulder at the door frame.
“Actually I wanted to pick the two of you up for some very late lunch or something, but...” he blushed, gesturing towards his friend’s groin when his gaze found Elena on the couch, her hair in a complete mess and her lips and cheeks crimson coloured. “Well, you seem busy, so...” he took another step back. “See you later!”
Samu grunted. “Well, if you can wait for a bit, we might join. I think the mission’s fulfilled for now.” Grinning he threw a saucy look at Elena that blushed even more and tried to hide under the blanket. “Shower and go?” he winked at her, chuckling when she poked her tongue out at him and muttered: “Arsehole!”
“Alright then, so I guess we will meet you at the restaurant, right?”
“Ok.” Riku’s cheeks had turned purple as well. “I’ll see you then.” Quickly he turned around and rushed along the corridor.
“You are definitely not cold!” she stated with a grin, running her hand along his shaft.
He let out a throaty chuckle. “With you? Never!” again he groaned when she flicked her tongue over the head of his dick.
Remembering the way she had been kneeling between his legs the night before, eagerly trying to engulf everything he had to offer, Elena clasped his dick firmly and closed her eyes as she wrapped her mouth around the pulsating girth once more. Another groan escaped his mouth and he grabbed her head, forcing her even deeper. Slipping out of her mouth after a while he got down on his knees as well, pushing her up against the nearby couch, locking her there with his body. A small whimper came over his lips when she grabbed his hard-on, pumping it in her hand.
“That’s what I wanted to hear!” she whispered and pressed her lips into his impatient kiss when he bent over, grabbing her thighs to spread her legs further.
“And that’s what I wanted to hear!” he whispered in response, making her scream and arch her back when he entered her with a few deep thrusts.
Quickly his cold skin was hot and damp and he wrapped his long arms around her firmly to press her body flat against his, before he slipped out of her, making her groan in frustration. “Turn around!” he whispered out of breath, grabbing her hips. She obeyed immediately, burying her face in the cushions of the couch when she felt is rigid dick pressed up against her throbbing entrance. She bucked backwards against him, feeling his hand sliding between her legs, his skilful fingers making her spread her legs even wider to give him full access. With the weight of his body he held her down, speeding up his pace once more. His thrusts became faster and shorter and Elena felt her head spinning as she tried to respond, a shivering mass of jelly in his arms. Suddenly he stopped again, turning her around to face him. He ran his big hands over her belly and her breasts, following the path of his fingers with his hot mouth before he wrapped her legs around his hips again, slipping inside of her. He found her lips, swallowing a little cry as he pushed himself inside her tight and welcoming walls. “Cum for me, baby!” he whispered hoarsely, groaning against her lips. “I can’t... can’t hold it!”
She couldn’t even answer him, feeling her legs trembling around her husband’s bucking hips as she climaxed in his arms, only seconds later followed by Samu that buried his face to her neck as he thrust and pounded inside of her until he found relieve with a husky cry.
Kissing her damp forehead he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her up to lie on to couch next to him.
“But Samu, the couch, we are gonna make a mess!” she protested weakly when she felt his half limp dick slipping out of her.
He let out a little chuckle. “I’m a celebrity, baby!” he bent over to kiss her swollen lips. “They expect me to do that!”
She awoke with a start when there was a soft knock on the door, realising in surprise that she was still wrapped up in Samu’s arms on the couch. Cursing lowly the naked man got up, picking up the blanket from the floor to cover her. Completely nude he made his way over to the door, finding a hangovered Riku in a black tracksuit.
“Oh!” Staring at his friend Riku stepped back. “Hell, mate, that’s a lot more than I wanted to see!”
“What d’ye want?” Samu rubbed his eyes with his big hands, resting his shoulder at the door frame.
“Actually I wanted to pick the two of you up for some very late lunch or something, but...” he blushed, gesturing towards his friend’s groin when his gaze found Elena on the couch, her hair in a complete mess and her lips and cheeks crimson coloured. “Well, you seem busy, so...” he took another step back. “See you later!”
Samu grunted. “Well, if you can wait for a bit, we might join. I think the mission’s fulfilled for now.” Grinning he threw a saucy look at Elena that blushed even more and tried to hide under the blanket. “Shower and go?” he winked at her, chuckling when she poked her tongue out at him and muttered: “Arsehole!”
“Alright then, so I guess we will meet you at the restaurant, right?”
“Ok.” Riku’s cheeks had turned purple as well. “I’ll see you then.” Quickly he turned around and rushed along the corridor.
His heart was throbbing in his
chest and he almost felt a little light-headed. They were his friends but he
preferred not to know what they did when they were alone.
Seeing Samu naked wasn’t new, he’d seen all of his friends in the shower so many times before, but seeing him right after having sex with Elena was definitely a sight and a thought to behold. Quickly Riku went over to his own room, opening the door.
Whatever he did, whomever he dated or just shagged for simple pleasure, she was still on his mind. She was his mate’s wife, bad enough! And sometimes he felt a little itch somewhere deep inside when he saw them together, remembering that he had asked her out first so many years ago...
She had been a friend’s cousin and he had tried to talk his friend out of it at first, feeling ridiculous to be set up on a date. But when Jake had told him that she was from Finland and that her family still lived close to Helsinki, homesickness had hit him and he had agreed to meet her.
He enjoyed the fact that she was Finnish as well, when he met the lively and awesomely amusing girl at a pub in London where he had just bought his new apartment. It had been the beginning of Sunrise Avenue, the big break-through, but she didn’t give a damn about his status and within a few minutes of talking to her he felt himself opening up on a blind date that had been set up by her cousin. She was gorgeous. Never in his life had he ever had that much fun with a girl. But only a few nights later when they had been sitting, drinking and chatting away in another small pub, getting along so well, laughing along, Samu had suddenly entered the room. It felt like a change of temperature and he had stared at Elena, realising that her gaze was locked with Samu’s that still stood in the doorway, his shirt clinging to his muscular frame from the rain outside. He knew it the second Samu took his first step towards them: He wouldn’t take her home that night. Samu would. Despite the fact that she had kissed him for the first time only moments ago, he felt the sparkles of electricity between her and his best mate.
He wasn’t ready to give up on her just yet but whenever he brought Elena to gatherings with his friends, the sparkles between her and Samu started to hit in immediately. They never made a move towards each other but he found his friend staring at Elena, daydreaming so many times. There was always tension in the room whenever the two of them were together and after a few months Riku was fed up with it. He decided to put an end to it and clean the air between Samu and himself.
Samu had tried to deny the obvious attraction he felt for Riku’s new girl but his friend had stuck to his guns. It was the very beginning of his relationship with Elena, of course he wasn’t in love with her yet, Riku told himself. He had hots for her, of course. But there were no deep feelings involved. Of course not! He was young, there were many girls out there waiting for Riku Rajamaa! Why shouldn’t he step back for his friend now?
Truth to be told, the thought of continuing his subliminal competition about her with Haber drove him mad.
He was afraid to get hurt.
He was afraid about the strange competition.
And most of all he was afraid that he might look down at her one night, finding her biting her lip to prevent herself from screaming somebody else’s name while he was making love to her.
“So?” he had put his elbows on his knees, leaning in to watch Haber closely that sat on the bed, playing with his lower lip, completely lost in his thoughts. “Listen, mate, I’m not gonna wait for her to end up in your arms one night! It sticks out a mile that you have feelings for her and I’m here to talk about it!” lighting a cigarette he stared at his friend that returned his stare in shock.
“Riku, you know I’d never... I’d never betray you, mate!” he shook his head. “She’s yours, man! I’d never come between you two!”
“Well, with your first appearance on the scene you did, man. Unintentionally, of course.” Looking up at his friend Riku shook his head. “But it’s obvious.”
“It’s just a phase, Riku! I will sort this out, I promise! I won’t...”
Riku silenced him with a short gesture. “This phase has been how long now? Three months? Please, Samu, that’s not a phase!”
Samu’s head hung low. He stared at his bare feet, swallowing hard. “So what d’you suggest? You wanna gamble over her or what?” he tried to joke lamely, making Riku snort.
“Well, I don’t see a future for her with me, as long as you are around. Maybe she likes me, but you...” he paused, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna fall for her and then find her in your bed one day!”
“Riku!” Samu got back on his feet, pacing up and down the room. “I would never do this to you, you hear me? Never!! I might love her but you are my best friend!”
“You... what?” Riku jumped up as well, staring at his blushing friend. “You... love her?”
“No!” quickly Samu turned his back on him to hide the emotions on his face. “Of course not! She’s hot, that’s all!” he mumbled, making Riku snort again.
“Look at me, mate!” he demanded. “Will you look at me for fuck’s sake?” when Samu didn’t react Riku stepped closer, putting his hand on his friends shoulder from behind. “What would you do if I told you she’s yours?” he asked in a very low voice, making Samu flinch and turn his head slightly.
“I’d marry her tomorrow!” he blurted out, his cheeks turning purple. “Riku! Wait!” he grabbed the other man’s arm when Riku stepped back. “She’s yours!” he repeated. “I’m fine, you hear me? Fine!”
“Well,” Riku squeezed his fingers. “I assume that both of you will never be fine as long as I am between you. Don’t look at me like this, Samu!” he shook his head and tried to smile. “I don’t wanna have fights with you, always afraid of losing her! It has only been a few weeks, I will be fine with it!”
With that he had left Samu’s room, walking over to his own to talk to Elena. Her reaction was similar to Samu’s, she even started to cry, holding on to him firmly when he told her that was willing to give her up if she was happier with someone else.
When he had bent over her that night, kissing her lips, he knew that it was the last time he had her in his arms and he felt a lump in his throat. His feelings for her were a lot stronger than he would ever admit it to anyone, even himself, but the thought of her in his arms and her mind far away with somebody else was too much to bear. And so he let her go.
The two of them were exceptionally discrete, especially when he was around but still...
Riku slumped down on his bed. Within the last years he had built up a wonderful friendship with her, still secretly doting on her, but he knew that his decision to let her go had been the best for her sake. Half a year after her break up with Riku the press found out about her and Samu. It almost turned into a scandal because the two of them had actually gotten married secretly only two days after they had gotten together. And they had never been apart ever since. Sighing Riku folded his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe he had been broken hearted at the beginning but the pain would have been worse if he had fallen deeper in love with her.
Again he sighed, throwing a quick gaze at his wristwatch. Raul would be waiting downstairs already. Dragging himself back on his feet he left the room, closing the door behind as if he could lock up his feelings in the room. He hadn’t felt that attracted to her in a long time and even though he didn’t feel miserable about it anymore, he sometimes felt pathetic. Eight years! Fuck, Rajamaa, get a grip! He said to himself, stepping into the elevator. She was happy, that was all that counted. And he was over it, at least most of the time.
Seeing Samu naked wasn’t new, he’d seen all of his friends in the shower so many times before, but seeing him right after having sex with Elena was definitely a sight and a thought to behold. Quickly Riku went over to his own room, opening the door.
Whatever he did, whomever he dated or just shagged for simple pleasure, she was still on his mind. She was his mate’s wife, bad enough! And sometimes he felt a little itch somewhere deep inside when he saw them together, remembering that he had asked her out first so many years ago...
She had been a friend’s cousin and he had tried to talk his friend out of it at first, feeling ridiculous to be set up on a date. But when Jake had told him that she was from Finland and that her family still lived close to Helsinki, homesickness had hit him and he had agreed to meet her.
He enjoyed the fact that she was Finnish as well, when he met the lively and awesomely amusing girl at a pub in London where he had just bought his new apartment. It had been the beginning of Sunrise Avenue, the big break-through, but she didn’t give a damn about his status and within a few minutes of talking to her he felt himself opening up on a blind date that had been set up by her cousin. She was gorgeous. Never in his life had he ever had that much fun with a girl. But only a few nights later when they had been sitting, drinking and chatting away in another small pub, getting along so well, laughing along, Samu had suddenly entered the room. It felt like a change of temperature and he had stared at Elena, realising that her gaze was locked with Samu’s that still stood in the doorway, his shirt clinging to his muscular frame from the rain outside. He knew it the second Samu took his first step towards them: He wouldn’t take her home that night. Samu would. Despite the fact that she had kissed him for the first time only moments ago, he felt the sparkles of electricity between her and his best mate.
He wasn’t ready to give up on her just yet but whenever he brought Elena to gatherings with his friends, the sparkles between her and Samu started to hit in immediately. They never made a move towards each other but he found his friend staring at Elena, daydreaming so many times. There was always tension in the room whenever the two of them were together and after a few months Riku was fed up with it. He decided to put an end to it and clean the air between Samu and himself.
Samu had tried to deny the obvious attraction he felt for Riku’s new girl but his friend had stuck to his guns. It was the very beginning of his relationship with Elena, of course he wasn’t in love with her yet, Riku told himself. He had hots for her, of course. But there were no deep feelings involved. Of course not! He was young, there were many girls out there waiting for Riku Rajamaa! Why shouldn’t he step back for his friend now?
Truth to be told, the thought of continuing his subliminal competition about her with Haber drove him mad.
He was afraid to get hurt.
He was afraid about the strange competition.
And most of all he was afraid that he might look down at her one night, finding her biting her lip to prevent herself from screaming somebody else’s name while he was making love to her.
“So?” he had put his elbows on his knees, leaning in to watch Haber closely that sat on the bed, playing with his lower lip, completely lost in his thoughts. “Listen, mate, I’m not gonna wait for her to end up in your arms one night! It sticks out a mile that you have feelings for her and I’m here to talk about it!” lighting a cigarette he stared at his friend that returned his stare in shock.
“Riku, you know I’d never... I’d never betray you, mate!” he shook his head. “She’s yours, man! I’d never come between you two!”
“Well, with your first appearance on the scene you did, man. Unintentionally, of course.” Looking up at his friend Riku shook his head. “But it’s obvious.”
“It’s just a phase, Riku! I will sort this out, I promise! I won’t...”
Riku silenced him with a short gesture. “This phase has been how long now? Three months? Please, Samu, that’s not a phase!”
Samu’s head hung low. He stared at his bare feet, swallowing hard. “So what d’you suggest? You wanna gamble over her or what?” he tried to joke lamely, making Riku snort.
“Well, I don’t see a future for her with me, as long as you are around. Maybe she likes me, but you...” he paused, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna fall for her and then find her in your bed one day!”
“Riku!” Samu got back on his feet, pacing up and down the room. “I would never do this to you, you hear me? Never!! I might love her but you are my best friend!”
“You... what?” Riku jumped up as well, staring at his blushing friend. “You... love her?”
“No!” quickly Samu turned his back on him to hide the emotions on his face. “Of course not! She’s hot, that’s all!” he mumbled, making Riku snort again.
“Look at me, mate!” he demanded. “Will you look at me for fuck’s sake?” when Samu didn’t react Riku stepped closer, putting his hand on his friends shoulder from behind. “What would you do if I told you she’s yours?” he asked in a very low voice, making Samu flinch and turn his head slightly.
“I’d marry her tomorrow!” he blurted out, his cheeks turning purple. “Riku! Wait!” he grabbed the other man’s arm when Riku stepped back. “She’s yours!” he repeated. “I’m fine, you hear me? Fine!”
“Well,” Riku squeezed his fingers. “I assume that both of you will never be fine as long as I am between you. Don’t look at me like this, Samu!” he shook his head and tried to smile. “I don’t wanna have fights with you, always afraid of losing her! It has only been a few weeks, I will be fine with it!”
With that he had left Samu’s room, walking over to his own to talk to Elena. Her reaction was similar to Samu’s, she even started to cry, holding on to him firmly when he told her that was willing to give her up if she was happier with someone else.
When he had bent over her that night, kissing her lips, he knew that it was the last time he had her in his arms and he felt a lump in his throat. His feelings for her were a lot stronger than he would ever admit it to anyone, even himself, but the thought of her in his arms and her mind far away with somebody else was too much to bear. And so he let her go.
The two of them were exceptionally discrete, especially when he was around but still...
Riku slumped down on his bed. Within the last years he had built up a wonderful friendship with her, still secretly doting on her, but he knew that his decision to let her go had been the best for her sake. Half a year after her break up with Riku the press found out about her and Samu. It almost turned into a scandal because the two of them had actually gotten married secretly only two days after they had gotten together. And they had never been apart ever since. Sighing Riku folded his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe he had been broken hearted at the beginning but the pain would have been worse if he had fallen deeper in love with her.
Again he sighed, throwing a quick gaze at his wristwatch. Raul would be waiting downstairs already. Dragging himself back on his feet he left the room, closing the door behind as if he could lock up his feelings in the room. He hadn’t felt that attracted to her in a long time and even though he didn’t feel miserable about it anymore, he sometimes felt pathetic. Eight years! Fuck, Rajamaa, get a grip! He said to himself, stepping into the elevator. She was happy, that was all that counted. And he was over it, at least most of the time.
Samu closed the door, chuckling at the sight of his naked wife with her hands on her hips.
“What’s wrong with ye, Peter Pan? Want another grip at Captain Hook?”
“Awwrr!” she stomped with her foot. “You are unbearable!”
“You married me for it!” grinning he stepped closer, slapping her bottom. “Come on, join me in the shower, I got a little something for ye!” he grabbed the squealing woman and dragged her over to the bathroom. “It’s actually a big something, I hope you don’t mind!”
“Ou! Don’t give yerself too much credit, love!” she nudged him playfully before she entered the shower, closing the translucent glass door.
He was standing outside, putting his hands on the glass. “Why don’t you just admit it?” grinning he pointed at his fully erected member. “No one has ever satisfied you the way the two of us have!”
Giggling she opened the door again. “Is that so, hum?” she pulled him closer. “Prove it!” smiling she wrapped her arms around his neck.
When they finally got out of the shower, Elena felt her legs trembling. She slumped down on the bed trying to catch her breath.
“Don’t you wanna get dressed?” Cocking his eyebrow Samu softly kicked her foot that hung down from the bed.
Lifting her arms from her face, Elena tried to focus on him. “So you think that you and this Captain Hook of yours can do something like that to me and expect me to get up right after?” weakly she pointed at the bathroom door before she shut her eyes again and shook her head. “No way, boy!”
“Boy?” he chuckled, sitting down next to her, gently caressing her wet hair. He couldn’t resist placing soft little kisses on her cheeks and her arm that was wrapped around her forehead.
“Do me a favour and tell Hook that I don’t intend to let his boat sail in again any time soon!” she mumbled, trying to shove him away, but he slipped his hand inside her towel, opening it to kiss his way down her neck and her belly. With a little grin he felt her arching slightly into his kisses. “So no more Hook for tonight?” he whispered and shifted his weight a little, softly running his lips over her breasts.
“I didn’t say tonight, I said any time soon!” shoving her hands into his hair she pressed her lips into his gentle kiss. “Just do me a favour and get me something sugary from the minibar, I can’t move!” sighing dramatically she put her arm back over her eyes. “I’m exhausted!”
With his arm wrapped around her firmly, Samu entered the bar of the hotel short after seven. His friends were sitting at a table in a corner, sharing chips and chickenwings, the whole table full of snacks and pints.
“Hey!” Osmo flashed a smile at the two of them, moving a little on the bench he was sitting on, making space for them.
“Have some, we ordered too much!” Raul offered, emptying his pint to refill it and two empty glasses to hand them over to his friends. “So, did you have a good time waking up?” grinning he took a few chips, stuffing them into his mouth after dipping them into a plate with ketchup. Quickly he wiped his mouth, grabbing a few more chips. “We were just planning our new year’s party a little.” He continued with his mouth full of fries. “You don’t have plans, do you?”
“We don’t.” Samu took a sip of his beer before he took one of the chickenwings. “We are at my parent’s tomorrow and hers the day after. Actually we were thinking about a little holiday, something warm, you know?”
“Maybe we could all go somewhere.” Osmo suggested. “So what’s your plan then?”
“Dunno.” Samu leaned in, brushing his salty lips over Elena’s. “Any ideas?”
“Well, we have two options.” Resting his elbows on the wooden table, Raul continued eating. “We could take a little hut somewhere in the snow and go skiing, or,” pointing at all of them with a chickenwing, he grinned. “Or we could take something warm, like the Bahamas or something.”
“Is it warm on the Bahamas at this time of the year?” Osmo asked carefully, making Raul nudge him with his elbow.
“We will figure out, right? Wikipedia is your friend!” he leaned back, tapping Riku’s shoulder. “What about you, mate? You in?”
Riku shrugged diffidently. “Dunno, maybe.” He mumbled, staring down at his pint.
“Why are you so quiet, man?” Raul shook his arm. “What’s bitten you tonight?”
“Nothing.” Quickly he shook his head, trying to hide a blush in his glass when his gaze fell on Elena for a second. “Just tired, you know?” he leaned back. “Looking forward to getting home tomorrow. But I’m in for a holiday.” Nodding he refilled his pint. “Whatever you chose, I’m in.” He drew a deep breath, looking up at a waiter that approached the table and cleared his throat.
“Excuse me,” again the young man cleared his throat. “Some of the other guests made a request if you don’t mind.”
“Sure, about what?” Osmo shifted in his seat, resting his back at the wall.
“Well, they asked whether you would maybe sing a song for them.” The waiter raised his hands. “Only if it doesn’t bother you.” He pointed ahead. “We have a piano and a guitar over there, so... if you are in the mood just let me know, ok?” he nodded politely, leaving the table.
“Well, guitar, hum?” grinning Samu tapped Riku’s arm over the table. “What’s up, mate? Wanna sing a little?”
“No way!” Riku shook his head and frowned. “I’m tired, no one’s gonna like to listen to me now.”
“Ou come on, you pussy!” Raul pushed him softly. “Go there and sing us a song!”
“Sing us a song, you’re the pianoman!” Samu sung lowly, raising his pint.
“Just gimme a few minutes, will ye?” downing half of his glass, Riku tried to smile. From the corner of his eye he kept watching Elena like he had for the last few minutes since she had entered the bar. ‘Pathetic, Rajamaa!’ he reminded himself, trying hard to remove his stare from her smiling face. God, why did she have to be so perfectly beautiful? And above it all: Why did she have to kiss Samu? Quickly he shook his head. He had to stop this right now! She was his friend! His best friend’s wife. He had given up on her long ago and there was no way for him to ever get her back. She wasn’t available. Getting up from his chair he tossed down the last sip of his beer. “Anyone up to join me?” again he frowned when they all shook their heads in unison. He tapped the table, turning around to head for the counter.
Only a few moments later he was seated on a small chair with the guitar up on his lap, running his fingers through his messy hair. “Alright. Actually I’m extremely tired, but my friend’s over there,” he pointed at the small corner table. “They wouldn’t stop bugging me, so here I am!” straightening his sweatshirt he put his fingers on the strings, drawing a deep breath before he started to play very softly.
Elena couldn’t take his eyes off him when he leaned forward a little, his soft voice resounding from the speakers of the bar. Hell, he was so sweet and handsome! Quickly she tried to remove her gaze from his face. He was beautiful with his eyes closed and his facial features lightened by the soft lights that surrounded the piano.
Hell, he was her friend! How could she have this small tingle in her stomach whenever she looked at him? Turning over to Samu, she rested her head on his shoulder, trying to suppress a little shiver when Riku continued singing ‘I am ready’ by the Counting Crows.
God, his voice!
I am colour...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptied
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
color...blind
Coffe black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am fine
I am fine
I am fine
Sighing Riku opened his eyes and cleared his throat. He got up from the small stool, taking a quick bow. “Thanks!” again he bowed when the other customers started to applaud. “Thank you very much. Merry Christmas.” Quickly he made his way over to his friend’s table, grabbing Raul’s pint to empty it in one big gulp, completely ignoring his friends protest. “Night everyone.” He put the glass back onto the table, drawing a deep breath before nodding at all of them. “See you at breakfast!”
Sipping her beer Elena remained sitting, staring after him when he left the bar. She felt tensed, his soft and husky voice was still swirling around on her mind and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Looking up at Samu she felt a small smile curving her lips. Actually he was everything she had ever been looking for in a man. She had dreamed about having someone like him by her side, actually she still dreamed about it, she reminded herself because she sometimes started to forget that she was actually lying in her bed at home, sleeping. Up ‘til now she had enjoyed every minute with him, every minute of this wonderful and ever returning dream.
What was it that attracted her so much to Riku? She had felt his eyes on her very often tonight and she wondered a little how he felt about her. She felt somehow bound to him and she couldn’t quite explain why she had all those feelings deep inside of her. Kissing Samu’s lips she got up after a while.
“Can you gimme the keys?” she
whispered into his ear, shoving a strand of hair away when he turned around to
face her astound.
“You tired, luv?”
She nodded, suppressing a little yawn. “I’m heading off to bed if you don’t mind.”
“Well, actually I do.” Smiling he pressed his lips onto hers. “Would you mind if I’d stay a little longer?”
“Of course not.” Elena smiled, rubbing the tip of her nose to his chin. “I just need a bit of rest now.” Getting up from the bench she smiled down at the three guys. “Night, my dears! Have fun, ok?” quickly she bent down to give Samu a soft kiss. “I don’t expect you to follow me any time soon, ok? Stay up for a bit, have fun.”
He returned her smile astounded. “Good to know. Thanks!” quickly he kissed her again, putting his hand on her hip to stroke it softly. “Sleep well, lovey!”
Upstairs in her room Elena felt everything but tired out of a sudden. Sighing she started pacing up and down the room, restlessly packing her suitcase for their upcoming vacation. She didn’t want to fall asleep, knowing that she would wake up only minutes after in her own bed. She wanted to stay. She didn’t wanna go back and wait for another day to see Samu again. Shaking her head she sat down on the bed after a while. She was definitely going crazy. This was a dream. Maybe she had to try to stop her dreams about Samu. But how? Maybe her mother knew something. Surely there were some medicaments to suppress her dreams, she had to ask her. This was all getting a little too close. Staring outside into the dark evening, Elena got up after a few minutes. She grabbed Samus coat and opened the balcony door, stepping outside into the cold darkness. When she buttoned up the coat she found a packet of cigarettes and a pocket lighter, playing around with it for a few seconds. She had quit smoking long ago and was now only having a cigarette every once in a while. Right at this second it felt like a perfect occasion, so she took one of the fags, lighting it. Enjoying the soft prickle of the nicotine in her body she rested her back at the doorframe.
“You’re back early.” A voice from the balcony next to hers made her flinch and she stepped forward.
“Why did you leave, mate?” the voice continued and Elena bent over the balustrade to look at Riku that stood behind the wooden fence that separated the balconies.
“Well, actually I was tired.” She rested her elbows on the cold metal, throwing a small smile into his surprised face.
“It’s you! Hey!” he chuckled nervously, taking a deep drag from his own cigarette.
“Hey.” Elena moved a little closer. “I thought you were tired as well.”
“Hum... yes, I was, but... I wanted to have a cigarette first.” He gestured with his right hand that held the fag. “So I went outside again.”
“Me too.” Elena sighed. “Life is strange sometimes, isn’t it?” she suddenly stated, inhaling deeply before releasing the smoke through her nose trills.
He chuckled again. “Tell me about it!” shaking his head he suddenly pointed ahead. “See that?”
Her gaze followed his outreached finger, pointing into the cloudy sky. “See what?”
“The star. Up there, see? Even though it’s cloudy, it is still there.”
Elena found the little bright spot he was aiming at before it disappeared again. “I see it. Venus, right?”
Riku drew a deep breath. “Well, for me it’s still your star.” He paused for a few seconds. “It’s always shining just as bright as your eyes.”
Completely taken by surprise Elena looked at him. Riku lowered his head, sighing silently. “D’you sometimes think about us?” he suddenly asked without looking at her, causing a little shiver to run down her spine.
“Do you?” she answered his question with another one, not sure about the things that had once happened between them.
“I do.” His answer came promptly. “I know it was long ago, but I still... well...” he let out a little sound through his gritted teeth, grabbing the rim of the balcony to lean back and stare up into the dark sky. “I like to keep my good memories close, you know?”
“So do I.” Elena smiled at him when his gaze met hers again, finding him smiling back.
“We had some good times, hadn’t we?”
“Sure!” again she tried to smile.
“Sometimes I can’t believe that I ever let you go.” He whispered out of a sudden, resting his arms on the cold metal of the handrail.
“Why did you?” she asked carefully, too curious not to ask him about it.
He chuckled. “Well, it was obvious that Samu had feelings for you and... well...” he made a quick gesture with his hand, throwing the stub of his cigarette down from the balcony. “You know all that!”
Elena couldn’t believe her ears. She had been with Riku first? And they had broken up because Samu suddenly had feelings for her? “You know that I’m a very loyal person, don’t you?” she stated in a very low voice, making him draw in a breath.
“I know that, Leni, that’s what you told me the night I broke up with you.”
“So... why did you?”
“Because I wanted you to be happy.” Helplessly he shrugged. “I knew you were... well, you were the perfect match for him, not for me, so...”
“You should have tried at least!” Elena felt anger rising in her stomach. That so wasn’t her! She was never unfaithful! “You had loyalty against attraction, I know the outcome of that equation!”
“Well, it didn’t end up too bad for you, right?” Riku gave her a chilly look. “You accepted his proposal the day after and only one day later you were married to him, right?”
“But...” completely out of words Elena stared at him, but he cut her off.
“Don’t but me, Leni! Please! It was for the best, ok?” he exhaled with a low sound. “I think that we both agreed on that.” Suddenly he turned around to face her, his eyes taking in every inch of her face. “I know you are loyal, Leni!” he whispered, reaching out his hand to touch her cheek. “But I didn’t want you to be mine for loyalty, I wanted you to stay for love. I wanted you to stay because you wanted it. Not for loyalty, babe.” Softly he ran his thumb over her chin. “Sometimes you just can’t have it all, right?” a small smile raised the left corner of his mouth and he moved in a little to kiss her cheek. “Goodnight.” He whispered before turning around and stepping back into his room. Elena remained standing on the balcony, her cheek still burning from his soft lips when she heard the door closing.
This dream obviously had a long history and she was still fighting to unravel the different layers of the past she seemed to share with all of the guys. Riku seemed special, their relationship was evidently differing from everything she had with the rest of the band. He had obviously sacrificed his own happiness to see her happy in somebody else’s arms. Elena felt a lump in her throat when she tried to grasp the whole extend of his selflessness, feeling uneasy considering her own quick change of mind. She had been with Riku but as soon as he had set her free she had gotten together with Samu. Not even a week had passed before they had gotten married. Staring down at the simple golden ring on her left ring finger, Elena swallowed hard. She felt tears burning in her throat and wished that Riku would come back outside to explain everything to her. Samu was of course attractive, he was a wonderful man and she seemed happy with him, but thinking back to the day she had spent with Riku, having lunch, strolling around London to find shoes and a dress for her, she felt a little aching inside her heart. They had been walking around arm in arm, sometimes even holding hands, not caring about the world. It was a perfect day. A special day. And she had felt so good with him. Closing her eyes, Elena leaned back at the wall. She needed a break from all of this but before she needed to clarify a few issues. Quickly she got back inside, shutting the balcony door. Still wearing Samu’s coat she made her way over to the door and out on the corridor. She drew a deep breath before knocking on the door next to hers carefully.
Riku’s eyes became round when he opened to find her on the corridor. “Everything alright?” he mumbled with his toothbrush in his mouth, before beckoning her over. “Just a sec!” quickly he rushed over to the bathroom to rinse his mouth. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at him when he returned.
“So...?” nervously he scratched his neck, feeling his cheeks blushing. “I... I hope I didn’t... I was too harsh, right?” Remorsefully he lowered his gaze. “Look, I... I’m sorry, Leni. I never meant to...”
He stopped astounded when Elena got up from the bed, softly putting her hand on his lips to silence him. “Shshsh.” She whispered. “You did nothing wrong, Riku.” Running her fingers over his cheek she tried to smile. “Long ago you did what you thought was best for me and I... Riku I want to apologize. I’m sorry I... God! I should have stayed. I should have fought for you.” She caressed his lips with her thumb, feeling tears welling up when she looked into his beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry Riku.” She whispered. “I want you to know that I’m really sorry.”
His lips still had a soft taste of mint when she got up on her tiptoes to kiss him goodnight. Instinctively he pulled her closer instead of stepping back, resting his lips on hers for a few intense seconds.
“I’m sorry!” she whispered against his soft mouth, the mere thought of hurting her friend, this wonderful and lovable man in front of her, ripping into the heart of her.
“Don’t be.” He whispered back with his eyes still closed, brushing his lips over hers again. “You’re happy, right?” not wanting to let go, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. “And as long as you are happy I know it was the right thing to give up on us.”
“Are you happy?” she whispered in response, softly cupping his face with her hands.
He smiled down at her. “Well,” kissing her forehead, he sighed. “Sometimes I wish that both of us had never met him, but I’m ok.” He leaned in to feel her lips one last time. “I’m ok.” He repeated, playfully nibbling her lower lip before he stepped back. “Thank you.” Forcing a little smile, he squeezed her hands. “You did nothing wrong, ok? I broke up with you.”
“But I...” Elena stepped closer again, shaking her head. “Riku, I ran off with your best mate! What could be worse?”
“You never betrayed me.” He rubbed her cheek. “You did not start something with him behind my back. That’s why we are still friends and I love you for it. Both of you.” He quickly added with blushing cheeks. “I don’t know if I would do it again though, it is a lot more painful than I expected, but I didn’t give you up for a little fling and you...” he rested his lips on her forehead. “You are happy, aren’t you?”
Looking up in those big and beautiful eyes, Elena felt her words caught in her throat. “I never meant to hurt you.” She managed to whisper after a few seconds.
He smiled down at her before pulling her into a tight embrace. “I know, baby. Your feelings for me were true, but not strong enough. I never blamed you!”
Lifting her face from his shoulder Elena looked up at him. “But I do!” she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I should have stayed!”
“You’ve been married eight years now, love. Eight years! Actually I’m glad you didn’t forget about the times we used to have so... please, stop feeling guilty! What I said outside before, I... I didn’t... I never wanted you to feel guilty! It was long ago, we’re friends, right?”
Elena nodded slowly. “We are.” She whispered back at him, softly tapping his chest. “I just wanted you to know that I am truly sorry for everything and that I never meant to hurt you in any way!”
“I know that and there’s nothing to forgive, Leni.” Smiling Riku cupped her face with his hands. “Now get some sleep, you look exhausted.”
Elena sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling her face into his warm palms. “Alright.” She whispered, hugging him again. “Sleep well, ok?” she lifted her face to kiss him goodnight before she stepped back. “Night, Riku.”
“Night, Leni.” He let go of her hand, waving her goodbye at the doorstep when she entered her own room again.
Samu was still downstairs and for the first time since she had started to dream about him, she was glad about it. She decided to go to sleep right away instead of having a shower, remembering that she had showered only a few hours ago with Samu.
Samu. Sighing she lay down on the bed. God, he was wonderful! But so was Riku and she couldn’t fight the feeling of being guilty because she had left him behind so quickly. Her head was spinning and she closed her eyes. As soon as she was awake again she would ask her mother to prescribe her some medication against her dreams. It had to stop. It was too much to bear, having two separate lives and she knew that she had to focus on her real life right now. Her work was going well, the new project sounded great and there was Rob. She needed to figure out how to deal with her real relationship instead of solving problems in a dream and feeling sorry for a person she had never met! God! This was all too much! Shutting her eyes firmly, Elena tried to force herself to sleep but it took her almost an hour to finally get her troubled thoughts under control again.
“You tired, luv?”
She nodded, suppressing a little yawn. “I’m heading off to bed if you don’t mind.”
“Well, actually I do.” Smiling he pressed his lips onto hers. “Would you mind if I’d stay a little longer?”
“Of course not.” Elena smiled, rubbing the tip of her nose to his chin. “I just need a bit of rest now.” Getting up from the bench she smiled down at the three guys. “Night, my dears! Have fun, ok?” quickly she bent down to give Samu a soft kiss. “I don’t expect you to follow me any time soon, ok? Stay up for a bit, have fun.”
He returned her smile astounded. “Good to know. Thanks!” quickly he kissed her again, putting his hand on her hip to stroke it softly. “Sleep well, lovey!”
Upstairs in her room Elena felt everything but tired out of a sudden. Sighing she started pacing up and down the room, restlessly packing her suitcase for their upcoming vacation. She didn’t want to fall asleep, knowing that she would wake up only minutes after in her own bed. She wanted to stay. She didn’t wanna go back and wait for another day to see Samu again. Shaking her head she sat down on the bed after a while. She was definitely going crazy. This was a dream. Maybe she had to try to stop her dreams about Samu. But how? Maybe her mother knew something. Surely there were some medicaments to suppress her dreams, she had to ask her. This was all getting a little too close. Staring outside into the dark evening, Elena got up after a few minutes. She grabbed Samus coat and opened the balcony door, stepping outside into the cold darkness. When she buttoned up the coat she found a packet of cigarettes and a pocket lighter, playing around with it for a few seconds. She had quit smoking long ago and was now only having a cigarette every once in a while. Right at this second it felt like a perfect occasion, so she took one of the fags, lighting it. Enjoying the soft prickle of the nicotine in her body she rested her back at the doorframe.
“You’re back early.” A voice from the balcony next to hers made her flinch and she stepped forward.
“Why did you leave, mate?” the voice continued and Elena bent over the balustrade to look at Riku that stood behind the wooden fence that separated the balconies.
“Well, actually I was tired.” She rested her elbows on the cold metal, throwing a small smile into his surprised face.
“It’s you! Hey!” he chuckled nervously, taking a deep drag from his own cigarette.
“Hey.” Elena moved a little closer. “I thought you were tired as well.”
“Hum... yes, I was, but... I wanted to have a cigarette first.” He gestured with his right hand that held the fag. “So I went outside again.”
“Me too.” Elena sighed. “Life is strange sometimes, isn’t it?” she suddenly stated, inhaling deeply before releasing the smoke through her nose trills.
He chuckled again. “Tell me about it!” shaking his head he suddenly pointed ahead. “See that?”
Her gaze followed his outreached finger, pointing into the cloudy sky. “See what?”
“The star. Up there, see? Even though it’s cloudy, it is still there.”
Elena found the little bright spot he was aiming at before it disappeared again. “I see it. Venus, right?”
Riku drew a deep breath. “Well, for me it’s still your star.” He paused for a few seconds. “It’s always shining just as bright as your eyes.”
Completely taken by surprise Elena looked at him. Riku lowered his head, sighing silently. “D’you sometimes think about us?” he suddenly asked without looking at her, causing a little shiver to run down her spine.
“Do you?” she answered his question with another one, not sure about the things that had once happened between them.
“I do.” His answer came promptly. “I know it was long ago, but I still... well...” he let out a little sound through his gritted teeth, grabbing the rim of the balcony to lean back and stare up into the dark sky. “I like to keep my good memories close, you know?”
“So do I.” Elena smiled at him when his gaze met hers again, finding him smiling back.
“We had some good times, hadn’t we?”
“Sure!” again she tried to smile.
“Sometimes I can’t believe that I ever let you go.” He whispered out of a sudden, resting his arms on the cold metal of the handrail.
“Why did you?” she asked carefully, too curious not to ask him about it.
He chuckled. “Well, it was obvious that Samu had feelings for you and... well...” he made a quick gesture with his hand, throwing the stub of his cigarette down from the balcony. “You know all that!”
Elena couldn’t believe her ears. She had been with Riku first? And they had broken up because Samu suddenly had feelings for her? “You know that I’m a very loyal person, don’t you?” she stated in a very low voice, making him draw in a breath.
“I know that, Leni, that’s what you told me the night I broke up with you.”
“So... why did you?”
“Because I wanted you to be happy.” Helplessly he shrugged. “I knew you were... well, you were the perfect match for him, not for me, so...”
“You should have tried at least!” Elena felt anger rising in her stomach. That so wasn’t her! She was never unfaithful! “You had loyalty against attraction, I know the outcome of that equation!”
“Well, it didn’t end up too bad for you, right?” Riku gave her a chilly look. “You accepted his proposal the day after and only one day later you were married to him, right?”
“But...” completely out of words Elena stared at him, but he cut her off.
“Don’t but me, Leni! Please! It was for the best, ok?” he exhaled with a low sound. “I think that we both agreed on that.” Suddenly he turned around to face her, his eyes taking in every inch of her face. “I know you are loyal, Leni!” he whispered, reaching out his hand to touch her cheek. “But I didn’t want you to be mine for loyalty, I wanted you to stay for love. I wanted you to stay because you wanted it. Not for loyalty, babe.” Softly he ran his thumb over her chin. “Sometimes you just can’t have it all, right?” a small smile raised the left corner of his mouth and he moved in a little to kiss her cheek. “Goodnight.” He whispered before turning around and stepping back into his room. Elena remained standing on the balcony, her cheek still burning from his soft lips when she heard the door closing.
This dream obviously had a long history and she was still fighting to unravel the different layers of the past she seemed to share with all of the guys. Riku seemed special, their relationship was evidently differing from everything she had with the rest of the band. He had obviously sacrificed his own happiness to see her happy in somebody else’s arms. Elena felt a lump in her throat when she tried to grasp the whole extend of his selflessness, feeling uneasy considering her own quick change of mind. She had been with Riku but as soon as he had set her free she had gotten together with Samu. Not even a week had passed before they had gotten married. Staring down at the simple golden ring on her left ring finger, Elena swallowed hard. She felt tears burning in her throat and wished that Riku would come back outside to explain everything to her. Samu was of course attractive, he was a wonderful man and she seemed happy with him, but thinking back to the day she had spent with Riku, having lunch, strolling around London to find shoes and a dress for her, she felt a little aching inside her heart. They had been walking around arm in arm, sometimes even holding hands, not caring about the world. It was a perfect day. A special day. And she had felt so good with him. Closing her eyes, Elena leaned back at the wall. She needed a break from all of this but before she needed to clarify a few issues. Quickly she got back inside, shutting the balcony door. Still wearing Samu’s coat she made her way over to the door and out on the corridor. She drew a deep breath before knocking on the door next to hers carefully.
Riku’s eyes became round when he opened to find her on the corridor. “Everything alright?” he mumbled with his toothbrush in his mouth, before beckoning her over. “Just a sec!” quickly he rushed over to the bathroom to rinse his mouth. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at him when he returned.
“So...?” nervously he scratched his neck, feeling his cheeks blushing. “I... I hope I didn’t... I was too harsh, right?” Remorsefully he lowered his gaze. “Look, I... I’m sorry, Leni. I never meant to...”
He stopped astounded when Elena got up from the bed, softly putting her hand on his lips to silence him. “Shshsh.” She whispered. “You did nothing wrong, Riku.” Running her fingers over his cheek she tried to smile. “Long ago you did what you thought was best for me and I... Riku I want to apologize. I’m sorry I... God! I should have stayed. I should have fought for you.” She caressed his lips with her thumb, feeling tears welling up when she looked into his beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry Riku.” She whispered. “I want you to know that I’m really sorry.”
His lips still had a soft taste of mint when she got up on her tiptoes to kiss him goodnight. Instinctively he pulled her closer instead of stepping back, resting his lips on hers for a few intense seconds.
“I’m sorry!” she whispered against his soft mouth, the mere thought of hurting her friend, this wonderful and lovable man in front of her, ripping into the heart of her.
“Don’t be.” He whispered back with his eyes still closed, brushing his lips over hers again. “You’re happy, right?” not wanting to let go, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. “And as long as you are happy I know it was the right thing to give up on us.”
“Are you happy?” she whispered in response, softly cupping his face with her hands.
He smiled down at her. “Well,” kissing her forehead, he sighed. “Sometimes I wish that both of us had never met him, but I’m ok.” He leaned in to feel her lips one last time. “I’m ok.” He repeated, playfully nibbling her lower lip before he stepped back. “Thank you.” Forcing a little smile, he squeezed her hands. “You did nothing wrong, ok? I broke up with you.”
“But I...” Elena stepped closer again, shaking her head. “Riku, I ran off with your best mate! What could be worse?”
“You never betrayed me.” He rubbed her cheek. “You did not start something with him behind my back. That’s why we are still friends and I love you for it. Both of you.” He quickly added with blushing cheeks. “I don’t know if I would do it again though, it is a lot more painful than I expected, but I didn’t give you up for a little fling and you...” he rested his lips on her forehead. “You are happy, aren’t you?”
Looking up in those big and beautiful eyes, Elena felt her words caught in her throat. “I never meant to hurt you.” She managed to whisper after a few seconds.
He smiled down at her before pulling her into a tight embrace. “I know, baby. Your feelings for me were true, but not strong enough. I never blamed you!”
Lifting her face from his shoulder Elena looked up at him. “But I do!” she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I should have stayed!”
“You’ve been married eight years now, love. Eight years! Actually I’m glad you didn’t forget about the times we used to have so... please, stop feeling guilty! What I said outside before, I... I didn’t... I never wanted you to feel guilty! It was long ago, we’re friends, right?”
Elena nodded slowly. “We are.” She whispered back at him, softly tapping his chest. “I just wanted you to know that I am truly sorry for everything and that I never meant to hurt you in any way!”
“I know that and there’s nothing to forgive, Leni.” Smiling Riku cupped her face with his hands. “Now get some sleep, you look exhausted.”
Elena sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling her face into his warm palms. “Alright.” She whispered, hugging him again. “Sleep well, ok?” she lifted her face to kiss him goodnight before she stepped back. “Night, Riku.”
“Night, Leni.” He let go of her hand, waving her goodbye at the doorstep when she entered her own room again.
Samu was still downstairs and for the first time since she had started to dream about him, she was glad about it. She decided to go to sleep right away instead of having a shower, remembering that she had showered only a few hours ago with Samu.
Samu. Sighing she lay down on the bed. God, he was wonderful! But so was Riku and she couldn’t fight the feeling of being guilty because she had left him behind so quickly. Her head was spinning and she closed her eyes. As soon as she was awake again she would ask her mother to prescribe her some medication against her dreams. It had to stop. It was too much to bear, having two separate lives and she knew that she had to focus on her real life right now. Her work was going well, the new project sounded great and there was Rob. She needed to figure out how to deal with her real relationship instead of solving problems in a dream and feeling sorry for a person she had never met! God! This was all too much! Shutting her eyes firmly, Elena tried to force herself to sleep but it took her almost an hour to finally get her troubled thoughts under control again.
25.12.
Elena helped her mother to prepare a late lunch the next afternoon. Working up all her courage, she looked up from the vegetables she had been chopping after a while. “Mom, I... can I talk to you about something?”
Her mother stopped stirring the sauce and dried her hands. “Sure love. What’s wrong?” she stepped closer, caressing her daughter’s cheek. “You look exhausted, are you alright? I’ve been worried about you today.”
Elena sighed and put the carrot and the knife down in the sink. “I’m not feeling well, Mom.” She admitted and turned around, resting her back against a cupboard. “I told you about those dreams I’ve had for a few nights now.” She started, kneading her fingers nervously. “It’s weird, I seem to fall asleep but I wake up in this dream only minutes after and... whenever I wake up it is the day before or even earlier and I... I seem to live every day twice. One time with you and one time with... with this man! And now... everything has become so complicated, I... I used to date one of his friends years ago and... I don’t know, everything seems so real and messed up, I... I don’t get enough sleep because I seem to be awake constantly and... I was wondering if you could maybe tell me what to do or prescribe me something for better sleeping.” She shook her head and stared at the floor. “I feel exhausted, Mom. I wanna sleep again and I don’t wanna dream for a few nights!”
Caitlyn hesitated but the pleading look in her daughter’s eyes made her nod. “I will figure something out for you, ok? I don’t wanna prescribe any anti-psychotics, but there are a few things to help you sleep.” She nodded encouraging. “I will get you something for tonight, ok?”
Elena breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Mom. I... I only want this to be over. I really need some rest!”
For a few nights her sleep was deep and dreamless and Elena started to feel a lot better. New year’s eve was coming up and she decided to go out with Lilly and Kilian. Even Cedric and Lea joined them in a local pub after all of them had enjoyed a long dinner with their parents.
The party was great and the five of them kept drinking and dancing with some of their old friends from school that had returned home for the holidays as well. It was after two and still the whole pub was full of singing and dancing people, making Elena smile. The Finnish definitely knew how to party even in the smallest places. Fighting her way over to the loo after a while she felt her head spinning. She loved beer, maybe she had loved it a bit too much tonight. Grinning to herself she grabbed the next person in reach, trying to stabilize herself. The young man reacted quickly, laughing along with her. “Ye alright, sweetheart?” he held her by her shoulders for a few seconds until she nodded with a grin.
“Guinness’s gonna be my death one day!”
Laughing he raised his pint. “As well as mine.” Carefully he released her. “Come back before, will ye?”
Elena couldn’t help giggling. “I surely will!” she promised before slowly continuing her way over to the restrooms. There was the typically long queue of girls in front of the lady’s room and Elena sighed in annoyance. Nobody was entering or exiting the men’s, so she decided to get inside after a while because she couldn’t wait any longer. Freshing up her make-up, she remained standing in front of the mirror for a few minutes, arranging her hair and her white and blue dress. Even though it was cold outside Lilly and she had decided to wear dresses over pullovers and thick woollen tights. It was a Finnish night out in Helsinki, so it had to be the flag! Quickly she checked her eye make-up one last time, cursing lowly because she had forgotten her bag with her eye shadow somewhere with her siblings. To hell with it. She looked nice enough for a drunken crowd! Nodding at her reflection she pushed herself away from the sink, reaching out her hand to grab the door handle. To her surprise the door suddenly opened and she was faced with a staggering man.
He stared at her in confusion, quickly checking the sign at the door. “Lady’s is over there!” he pointed right.
“I know, I...” Elena fell silent, gazing at him with disbelieve. “Riku?” she whispered after a few seconds of shock, still staring at the man that was holding on to the door handle for balance.
He exhaled in annoyance. “Not tonight, sweetheart! Not tonight!”
Elena felt the entire colour draining from her face. There he was. Riku Rajamaa. Her last dream came to her mind. His words, the hurt in his eyes and the kisses they had shared, innocent and soft but yet so intimate because of their long history together. Feeling her legs giving in, she stepped back, grabbing the sink in her back for support. She was completely out of words. Little stars were dancing in front of her face and she felt her vision darkening. He grabbed her when her legs gave in eventually, trying to prevent her from falling down onto the dirty floor.
Drawing a few deep breaths, Elena rested her forehead to his shoulder. It was Riku. Her friend Riku. Quickly she tried to make her own feet support the weight of her body again and stepped back. “I... I’m sorry.” She mumbled, realising in surprise that he even smelled the way he had in her dreams. Completely confused she stepped back. “I’m sorry. I might have had a few beers more than it is good for me! I gotta go back to my siblings now.” When she tried to rush over to the door he suddenly stopped her.
“Do I know you from somewhere?” he asked, resting his back at the wall to watch her with narrowed eyes.
He had obviously been drinking as well and Elena wasn’t sure what to answer. ‘Sure, we’ve been in a relationship eight years ago before you broke up with me and I married Samu. Wait, sorry, just my imagination!’ seemed a bit weird, so she only tried to smile. “We... we went to the same school. You finished high school the year before I earned my degree. One of my brothers was in Sami’s year or above, I think.”
“Oh!” suddenly a small smile crept over his face. “So you still live around here?”
“My parents. I moved to London a few years ago for my studies. But now it’s family gathering for the holidays and we all decided to stay over new year’s as well.” Elena returned his smile, feeling her heartbeat slowing down when his smile grew wider.
“You never leave Finland completely, right?”
“Never!” she even managed to wink at him before she turned over to the door again. “So have fun tonight, alright? Happy new year!”
“You too. See you around!”
She left the men’s before he entered one of the toilet cubicles, heading for the bar. She definitely needed another beer now.
“So you came back!” smiling the dark haired man from before stepped aside to give her some space at the crowded counter.
She returned his smile. “Tank is empty, space for more!” leaning over the bar she ordered another beer, chatting along with the man that introduced himself as Mike, a sales manager from Dublin on Holiday. Suddenly someone tapped her back and she turned around, astound to find Riku, smiling broadly.
“Forgot to ask your name.” He shouted at her over the loud music.
“It’s Elena. Elena Heikkinen.” She took his outreached hand.
“Alright then!” he smiled at her, throwing a quick gaze at Mike. “I’ll see you around!”
“See you!” smiling she waved at him. When she turned back at Mike he grinned.
“Friends with the celebrities, hum?” grinning he nodded in the direction Riku had disappeared into.
Elena laughed. “Not exactly, we went to the same school about a hundred years ago, so...” she shrugged. “I just bumped into him in the men’s room. What?” chuckling she shrugged again. “There was a line of 10 girls waiting in front of the lady’s and I needed to pee!”
He threw his head back and laughed. “You’re definitely special, girl! But listen, I gotta go soon, my friends want to go to a club now, d’you wanna join by any chance?”
“Actually I’m here with my siblings and we... well, I could ask, but I assume that they want to stay, it was our pub long ago, our local, you know? But go ahead, have fun! Happy new year, ok?”
“You too! Happy new year!” he gave her a hug before she waved him goodbye to find the rest of her group in the crowd.
They stayed until the pub closed down at about five. Ced collected their coats, handing them over to his siblings and his wife. “Are we complete?” smiling he hugged Lea, obviously proud that she was still standing and even though her belly was huge she hadn’t been complaining all night long. “Come on you guys, let’s get home!”
On their way outside Elena saw Riku in a group of men. She raised her hand, waving at him. He returned her gesture, walking over to her with his jacket in his hands.
“Are you going home now?” he asked, grabbing a chair to regain his balance. Elena chuckled. “We are actually. But we don’t live far, so... What are you up to?”
“Not much.” He grinned. “Going home, getting some sleep.” His gaze ran over the group in front of him. “So these are your siblings, hum?”
Elena nodded. “My brothers Kilian and Cedric with his wife Lea and my sister Lilly.”
Riku took a little bow that almost made him loose his balance again. “Nice to meet you, people!” he slurred, tapping Elena’s back. “See you around, Elena Raikkönen.”
She laughed, quickly grabbing his arms when he was about to stumble across his own feet. “It’s Elena HEIKKINEN, mate! Nevermind, you’ll have forgotten my name anyway as soon as you wake up!”
“No!” he held on to her arm firmly. “I won’t! Promise! You’re nice! You even let me pee without watching or wanting to gimme a hand! Wait!” from the pocket of his jeans he took his mobile. “Elena HEIKKINEN. Alright. Phone number.”
“What?”
“Gimme your phone number!” he looked at her, dangerously swaying from side to side. “We could meet up when I get back to Helsinki, or in London if you want to. Just a chat, a few beers, what d’you say?” grinning he winked at her. “See, I remember you told me about London.”
Completely astounded Elena looked at him. “Alright, so it’s...” she gave him her mobile number, repeating it four times because he hit the wrong buttons, cursing himself under his breath.
“Here we go!” breathing a sigh of relief he let go of her arm, stumbling back a few steps. “So have a good night then! See you around!” waving happily at her siblings, he tried to get into his jacket, failing miserably. Quickly Elena stepped closer, pulling up the zipper. She couldn’t help giggling. He was just like the man she had been dreaming about. Utterly pissed and annoyed, but totally lovable. “Goodnight, Riku!” she waved at him. “Get home safely, will you?”
“Promise!” grinning he grabbed one of his drunken friends. “As long as someone tells me where I live I’m gonna be fine!”
As soon as her group had exited the pub, Lilly grabbed her sister’s hand. “Am I blind or what???” she squealed and started jumping up and down. “That was Riku Rajamaa for fuck’s sake!”
“I know!” Elena laughed. “I bumped into him by accident and we started chatting for a bit.”
“And now he has your phone number! Fuck! D’you think that he will call?” Lilly was still jumping.
“I don’t know! Most probably he will stare at his mobile tomorrow, wondering who the hell Elena Heikkinen is!”
“Good lord, sis! At least you ARE in Riku Rajamaa’s phone book!”
“Excuse me,” Kilian pulled up the zipper of his jacket. “Who was this guy? D’you know him or are you just flirting around, Leni?”
“She’s NOT!” Lilly clapped her hands. “That was Riku Rajamaa!”
“You certainly said that, Lil, I was asking whom he was!”
“He’s the lead guitarist in a band! Remember the tickets Ced got me for Christmas? It’s for his band! Sunrise Avenue!”
“Oh. So this drunken fry was a celebrity then? Let’s get back inside and take some humiliating pictures, come on!” Kilian was about to turn around, but Cedric held him back.
“Come on, Kili! That’s not funny! I went to school with him, one of his friends was in my soccer team and actually quite nice, let him party, most probably he never gets a break!”
“God, you are such a boring lot!” frustrated Kilian kicked a pile of snow. “We could have earned a fortune! He was as pissed as a newt!”
“Boring, hum?” grinning Ced grabbed his younger brother, effortlessly throwing him over a small fence and into a big pile of snow. “Are you bored, little one?” he yelled after him, breaking into laughter when Kilian started throwing snowballs from behind the fence. Soon they were all jumping around in the deserted streets, throwing snow at each other.
It had been a perfect night and Elena realised that she was actually a little absent minded because of Riku. Her dreams were still so close and she could hardly believe that she had just met him. Savouring the smell of his cologne she smiled to herself. He was definitely a nice guy. In her dreams and also in real life. But she knew for sure that he would never call her. This was real life, they didn’t have a history together, hadn’t been dating. He was Riku Rajamaa, the rockstar. She was Elena Heikkinen, medical researcher. That was it. No history, no future. But meeting him, talking and laughing with him had been fun and she returned her sister’s grin when they were hiding behind a parked car together. “Riku Rajamaa, hum?” Lilly smirked. “So what happens to Samu now?”
“Well,” Elena tried to catch her breath. “It’s just like my dream: I was dating Riku but we broke up because of Samu.”
“Well, actually, you are still dating Doc Terrence. But I would break up with him in a split second if Riku Rajamaa wanted my phone number!”
“Don’t you be mean!” Elena nudged her sister with her elbow. “Breaking up with Rob because of Riku’s not an option, you hear me? My relationship with Rob is real, Riku Rajamaa is... well he... he’s not real!” she finished her sentence eventually, not finding the right words.
“Your name’s saved in his phone register!”
“It’s still not real! Lilly! You know what I mean, right?”
Before Lilly could answer the two girls were hit by three snowballs, jumping up squealing.
“Gotcha!” Kilian jumped up and down, dancing madly. “Hiding doesn’t help! I’m the snowball-Master! I...” he was cut off by a snowball from Lilly that hit his face.
Elena cheered. “Go Lilly!”
It took the five of them about half an hour of snowball-fighting to reach their parents’ house. Completely out of breath and wet they entered, trying to keep the noises of their steps and giggling as low as possible.
Still thinking about Riku, Elena lay down on her bed after dressing in her warm pj’s. Sweet and handsome, of course. But even after meeting him in real life she realised that he was actually as much part of a fantasy as he was during her long nights of dreaming about the Sunrise Avenue-lads. Quickly she took one of the pills her mother had given her and lay back again. Life was definitely strange sometimes.
She was about to drift away on the waves of sleep, when she heard her mobile beeping. Sleepily and surprised she sat up. Her first impulse was to ignore the textmessage her phone had just received. But maybe it was Rob. He never had the time to text and she didn’t want to ignore him, now that he actually texted her for once.
Feeling around her clothes in the floor she finally found her mobile. It was an unknown number and she narrowed her eyes, not willing to get up completely and find her glasses.
The message was short: “N8, Helsinki-girl.”, and she couldn’t help giggling. Quickly she answered: “N8, Helsinki-boy.”, before she put her mobile aside. Pensively she stared at it again, picking it up to save Riku’s number. Smiling she typed “Helsinki-boy” and arranged her pillow. She had already closed her eyes, when it beeped again. “U still awake?”
“No, I use to text in my dreams.” She answered with a grin, yawning silently. Sitting up a little she waited for his answer. Actually she didn’t like mobiles too much and she used hers only for work. But this was fun.
“Nice one! So what r u up to?”
“Sleepy in bed. Y? Wanna climb up the rain drain and join me?” she couldn’t refrain from a little chuckle. He was definitely cute and fun in her drunken state of mind.
“Don’t tempt me, Helsinki-girl! Have nice dreams, ok? See you around!” his answer came promptly and she opened a new message.
“You too, Helsinki-boy! See you in London! Sweet dreams.” Yawning again she put down her mobile. And he was definitely full of surprises.
Elena helped her mother to prepare a late lunch the next afternoon. Working up all her courage, she looked up from the vegetables she had been chopping after a while. “Mom, I... can I talk to you about something?”
Her mother stopped stirring the sauce and dried her hands. “Sure love. What’s wrong?” she stepped closer, caressing her daughter’s cheek. “You look exhausted, are you alright? I’ve been worried about you today.”
Elena sighed and put the carrot and the knife down in the sink. “I’m not feeling well, Mom.” She admitted and turned around, resting her back against a cupboard. “I told you about those dreams I’ve had for a few nights now.” She started, kneading her fingers nervously. “It’s weird, I seem to fall asleep but I wake up in this dream only minutes after and... whenever I wake up it is the day before or even earlier and I... I seem to live every day twice. One time with you and one time with... with this man! And now... everything has become so complicated, I... I used to date one of his friends years ago and... I don’t know, everything seems so real and messed up, I... I don’t get enough sleep because I seem to be awake constantly and... I was wondering if you could maybe tell me what to do or prescribe me something for better sleeping.” She shook her head and stared at the floor. “I feel exhausted, Mom. I wanna sleep again and I don’t wanna dream for a few nights!”
Caitlyn hesitated but the pleading look in her daughter’s eyes made her nod. “I will figure something out for you, ok? I don’t wanna prescribe any anti-psychotics, but there are a few things to help you sleep.” She nodded encouraging. “I will get you something for tonight, ok?”
Elena breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Mom. I... I only want this to be over. I really need some rest!”
For a few nights her sleep was deep and dreamless and Elena started to feel a lot better. New year’s eve was coming up and she decided to go out with Lilly and Kilian. Even Cedric and Lea joined them in a local pub after all of them had enjoyed a long dinner with their parents.
The party was great and the five of them kept drinking and dancing with some of their old friends from school that had returned home for the holidays as well. It was after two and still the whole pub was full of singing and dancing people, making Elena smile. The Finnish definitely knew how to party even in the smallest places. Fighting her way over to the loo after a while she felt her head spinning. She loved beer, maybe she had loved it a bit too much tonight. Grinning to herself she grabbed the next person in reach, trying to stabilize herself. The young man reacted quickly, laughing along with her. “Ye alright, sweetheart?” he held her by her shoulders for a few seconds until she nodded with a grin.
“Guinness’s gonna be my death one day!”
Laughing he raised his pint. “As well as mine.” Carefully he released her. “Come back before, will ye?”
Elena couldn’t help giggling. “I surely will!” she promised before slowly continuing her way over to the restrooms. There was the typically long queue of girls in front of the lady’s room and Elena sighed in annoyance. Nobody was entering or exiting the men’s, so she decided to get inside after a while because she couldn’t wait any longer. Freshing up her make-up, she remained standing in front of the mirror for a few minutes, arranging her hair and her white and blue dress. Even though it was cold outside Lilly and she had decided to wear dresses over pullovers and thick woollen tights. It was a Finnish night out in Helsinki, so it had to be the flag! Quickly she checked her eye make-up one last time, cursing lowly because she had forgotten her bag with her eye shadow somewhere with her siblings. To hell with it. She looked nice enough for a drunken crowd! Nodding at her reflection she pushed herself away from the sink, reaching out her hand to grab the door handle. To her surprise the door suddenly opened and she was faced with a staggering man.
He stared at her in confusion, quickly checking the sign at the door. “Lady’s is over there!” he pointed right.
“I know, I...” Elena fell silent, gazing at him with disbelieve. “Riku?” she whispered after a few seconds of shock, still staring at the man that was holding on to the door handle for balance.
He exhaled in annoyance. “Not tonight, sweetheart! Not tonight!”
Elena felt the entire colour draining from her face. There he was. Riku Rajamaa. Her last dream came to her mind. His words, the hurt in his eyes and the kisses they had shared, innocent and soft but yet so intimate because of their long history together. Feeling her legs giving in, she stepped back, grabbing the sink in her back for support. She was completely out of words. Little stars were dancing in front of her face and she felt her vision darkening. He grabbed her when her legs gave in eventually, trying to prevent her from falling down onto the dirty floor.
Drawing a few deep breaths, Elena rested her forehead to his shoulder. It was Riku. Her friend Riku. Quickly she tried to make her own feet support the weight of her body again and stepped back. “I... I’m sorry.” She mumbled, realising in surprise that he even smelled the way he had in her dreams. Completely confused she stepped back. “I’m sorry. I might have had a few beers more than it is good for me! I gotta go back to my siblings now.” When she tried to rush over to the door he suddenly stopped her.
“Do I know you from somewhere?” he asked, resting his back at the wall to watch her with narrowed eyes.
He had obviously been drinking as well and Elena wasn’t sure what to answer. ‘Sure, we’ve been in a relationship eight years ago before you broke up with me and I married Samu. Wait, sorry, just my imagination!’ seemed a bit weird, so she only tried to smile. “We... we went to the same school. You finished high school the year before I earned my degree. One of my brothers was in Sami’s year or above, I think.”
“Oh!” suddenly a small smile crept over his face. “So you still live around here?”
“My parents. I moved to London a few years ago for my studies. But now it’s family gathering for the holidays and we all decided to stay over new year’s as well.” Elena returned his smile, feeling her heartbeat slowing down when his smile grew wider.
“You never leave Finland completely, right?”
“Never!” she even managed to wink at him before she turned over to the door again. “So have fun tonight, alright? Happy new year!”
“You too. See you around!”
She left the men’s before he entered one of the toilet cubicles, heading for the bar. She definitely needed another beer now.
“So you came back!” smiling the dark haired man from before stepped aside to give her some space at the crowded counter.
She returned his smile. “Tank is empty, space for more!” leaning over the bar she ordered another beer, chatting along with the man that introduced himself as Mike, a sales manager from Dublin on Holiday. Suddenly someone tapped her back and she turned around, astound to find Riku, smiling broadly.
“Forgot to ask your name.” He shouted at her over the loud music.
“It’s Elena. Elena Heikkinen.” She took his outreached hand.
“Alright then!” he smiled at her, throwing a quick gaze at Mike. “I’ll see you around!”
“See you!” smiling she waved at him. When she turned back at Mike he grinned.
“Friends with the celebrities, hum?” grinning he nodded in the direction Riku had disappeared into.
Elena laughed. “Not exactly, we went to the same school about a hundred years ago, so...” she shrugged. “I just bumped into him in the men’s room. What?” chuckling she shrugged again. “There was a line of 10 girls waiting in front of the lady’s and I needed to pee!”
He threw his head back and laughed. “You’re definitely special, girl! But listen, I gotta go soon, my friends want to go to a club now, d’you wanna join by any chance?”
“Actually I’m here with my siblings and we... well, I could ask, but I assume that they want to stay, it was our pub long ago, our local, you know? But go ahead, have fun! Happy new year, ok?”
“You too! Happy new year!” he gave her a hug before she waved him goodbye to find the rest of her group in the crowd.
They stayed until the pub closed down at about five. Ced collected their coats, handing them over to his siblings and his wife. “Are we complete?” smiling he hugged Lea, obviously proud that she was still standing and even though her belly was huge she hadn’t been complaining all night long. “Come on you guys, let’s get home!”
On their way outside Elena saw Riku in a group of men. She raised her hand, waving at him. He returned her gesture, walking over to her with his jacket in his hands.
“Are you going home now?” he asked, grabbing a chair to regain his balance. Elena chuckled. “We are actually. But we don’t live far, so... What are you up to?”
“Not much.” He grinned. “Going home, getting some sleep.” His gaze ran over the group in front of him. “So these are your siblings, hum?”
Elena nodded. “My brothers Kilian and Cedric with his wife Lea and my sister Lilly.”
Riku took a little bow that almost made him loose his balance again. “Nice to meet you, people!” he slurred, tapping Elena’s back. “See you around, Elena Raikkönen.”
She laughed, quickly grabbing his arms when he was about to stumble across his own feet. “It’s Elena HEIKKINEN, mate! Nevermind, you’ll have forgotten my name anyway as soon as you wake up!”
“No!” he held on to her arm firmly. “I won’t! Promise! You’re nice! You even let me pee without watching or wanting to gimme a hand! Wait!” from the pocket of his jeans he took his mobile. “Elena HEIKKINEN. Alright. Phone number.”
“What?”
“Gimme your phone number!” he looked at her, dangerously swaying from side to side. “We could meet up when I get back to Helsinki, or in London if you want to. Just a chat, a few beers, what d’you say?” grinning he winked at her. “See, I remember you told me about London.”
Completely astounded Elena looked at him. “Alright, so it’s...” she gave him her mobile number, repeating it four times because he hit the wrong buttons, cursing himself under his breath.
“Here we go!” breathing a sigh of relief he let go of her arm, stumbling back a few steps. “So have a good night then! See you around!” waving happily at her siblings, he tried to get into his jacket, failing miserably. Quickly Elena stepped closer, pulling up the zipper. She couldn’t help giggling. He was just like the man she had been dreaming about. Utterly pissed and annoyed, but totally lovable. “Goodnight, Riku!” she waved at him. “Get home safely, will you?”
“Promise!” grinning he grabbed one of his drunken friends. “As long as someone tells me where I live I’m gonna be fine!”
As soon as her group had exited the pub, Lilly grabbed her sister’s hand. “Am I blind or what???” she squealed and started jumping up and down. “That was Riku Rajamaa for fuck’s sake!”
“I know!” Elena laughed. “I bumped into him by accident and we started chatting for a bit.”
“And now he has your phone number! Fuck! D’you think that he will call?” Lilly was still jumping.
“I don’t know! Most probably he will stare at his mobile tomorrow, wondering who the hell Elena Heikkinen is!”
“Good lord, sis! At least you ARE in Riku Rajamaa’s phone book!”
“Excuse me,” Kilian pulled up the zipper of his jacket. “Who was this guy? D’you know him or are you just flirting around, Leni?”
“She’s NOT!” Lilly clapped her hands. “That was Riku Rajamaa!”
“You certainly said that, Lil, I was asking whom he was!”
“He’s the lead guitarist in a band! Remember the tickets Ced got me for Christmas? It’s for his band! Sunrise Avenue!”
“Oh. So this drunken fry was a celebrity then? Let’s get back inside and take some humiliating pictures, come on!” Kilian was about to turn around, but Cedric held him back.
“Come on, Kili! That’s not funny! I went to school with him, one of his friends was in my soccer team and actually quite nice, let him party, most probably he never gets a break!”
“God, you are such a boring lot!” frustrated Kilian kicked a pile of snow. “We could have earned a fortune! He was as pissed as a newt!”
“Boring, hum?” grinning Ced grabbed his younger brother, effortlessly throwing him over a small fence and into a big pile of snow. “Are you bored, little one?” he yelled after him, breaking into laughter when Kilian started throwing snowballs from behind the fence. Soon they were all jumping around in the deserted streets, throwing snow at each other.
It had been a perfect night and Elena realised that she was actually a little absent minded because of Riku. Her dreams were still so close and she could hardly believe that she had just met him. Savouring the smell of his cologne she smiled to herself. He was definitely a nice guy. In her dreams and also in real life. But she knew for sure that he would never call her. This was real life, they didn’t have a history together, hadn’t been dating. He was Riku Rajamaa, the rockstar. She was Elena Heikkinen, medical researcher. That was it. No history, no future. But meeting him, talking and laughing with him had been fun and she returned her sister’s grin when they were hiding behind a parked car together. “Riku Rajamaa, hum?” Lilly smirked. “So what happens to Samu now?”
“Well,” Elena tried to catch her breath. “It’s just like my dream: I was dating Riku but we broke up because of Samu.”
“Well, actually, you are still dating Doc Terrence. But I would break up with him in a split second if Riku Rajamaa wanted my phone number!”
“Don’t you be mean!” Elena nudged her sister with her elbow. “Breaking up with Rob because of Riku’s not an option, you hear me? My relationship with Rob is real, Riku Rajamaa is... well he... he’s not real!” she finished her sentence eventually, not finding the right words.
“Your name’s saved in his phone register!”
“It’s still not real! Lilly! You know what I mean, right?”
Before Lilly could answer the two girls were hit by three snowballs, jumping up squealing.
“Gotcha!” Kilian jumped up and down, dancing madly. “Hiding doesn’t help! I’m the snowball-Master! I...” he was cut off by a snowball from Lilly that hit his face.
Elena cheered. “Go Lilly!”
It took the five of them about half an hour of snowball-fighting to reach their parents’ house. Completely out of breath and wet they entered, trying to keep the noises of their steps and giggling as low as possible.
Still thinking about Riku, Elena lay down on her bed after dressing in her warm pj’s. Sweet and handsome, of course. But even after meeting him in real life she realised that he was actually as much part of a fantasy as he was during her long nights of dreaming about the Sunrise Avenue-lads. Quickly she took one of the pills her mother had given her and lay back again. Life was definitely strange sometimes.
She was about to drift away on the waves of sleep, when she heard her mobile beeping. Sleepily and surprised she sat up. Her first impulse was to ignore the textmessage her phone had just received. But maybe it was Rob. He never had the time to text and she didn’t want to ignore him, now that he actually texted her for once.
Feeling around her clothes in the floor she finally found her mobile. It was an unknown number and she narrowed her eyes, not willing to get up completely and find her glasses.
The message was short: “N8, Helsinki-girl.”, and she couldn’t help giggling. Quickly she answered: “N8, Helsinki-boy.”, before she put her mobile aside. Pensively she stared at it again, picking it up to save Riku’s number. Smiling she typed “Helsinki-boy” and arranged her pillow. She had already closed her eyes, when it beeped again. “U still awake?”
“No, I use to text in my dreams.” She answered with a grin, yawning silently. Sitting up a little she waited for his answer. Actually she didn’t like mobiles too much and she used hers only for work. But this was fun.
“Nice one! So what r u up to?”
“Sleepy in bed. Y? Wanna climb up the rain drain and join me?” she couldn’t refrain from a little chuckle. He was definitely cute and fun in her drunken state of mind.
“Don’t tempt me, Helsinki-girl! Have nice dreams, ok? See you around!” his answer came promptly and she opened a new message.
“You too, Helsinki-boy! See you in London! Sweet dreams.” Yawning again she put down her mobile. And he was definitely full of surprises.
31.12.
“Baby, wake up, we are about to land.” Elena felt lips on her cheek and flinched.
Landing? What? Where? Why?
She sat up and almost fell down from her seat.
What in the world...? Dozily she stared at Samu that was sitting next to her, grabbing her astound.
“You alright love?” he asked concerned and tried to pull her up and make her sit upright. “Wanna have a drink or something?”
She closed her eyes, carefully shaking her head. “No... no, I’m... I’m fine. I’m fine.” Quickly she threw a gaze around. There was Sami with a blond girl by his side, Osmo was sitting right behind her, talking to someone. Raul. She recognized his voice and his laughter. Riku sat on the other side of the small plane with a blond girl, sleeping with her head rested to his shoulder.
She was back.
Why was she back?
How could she be dreaming again?
She shut her eyes firmly. The pills! She had taken one right before going to sleep... How in the freaking world was it possible that she was back in her dreams now?
Completely baffled she leaned over, resting her temple to Samu’s arm.
He was here, they all were. He was real, she could smell the familiar scent of his cologne.
How could this be?
She was out of words, not even realizing that the plane actually landed and they were all picked up by two cars. Driving along the dark streets, bordered with rocks, palm trees and oleander plants, she pretended to be asleep again.
Not wanting to wake her up, Samu took her in his arms as soon as the cars stopped.
Her eyes remained closed. It was impossible for her to even think about doing conversation with all of them now. She felt sick, scared and somehow she had the weird feeling of being home and safe with Samu. It was all too weird. Pretending to sleep was the best idea for now. Breathing in and out as steady and calm as possible, she listened to all the noises surrounding her. There was soft and warm wind, whispering in the bushes when Samu started carrying her along. The silent rolling of an ocean nearby.
“It’s beautiful!” the high-pitched sound of a female voice resounded from behind. “Look at the beach! Gosh, it’s awesome!”
“Up for a swim?” she suddenly heard Riku’s voice and the girl giggled.
“Well, as long as you join me and you are naked, I’m in!”
She sounded flirty and Elena felt a little itch of jealousy. Stupid feeling! He wasn’t hers, what the hell was wrong with her?
A door was opened and the sounds from the outside faded away. Samu carried her up the stairs and entered a room where he put her down on a soft bed. “Sleep well, love.” He whispered, resting his lips on her forehead. “I’ll be back in a minute.” His steps on the carpet faded and the door was closed.
Carefully she opened her eyes, gazing around the room. It was quite small, not bigger than her bedroom at home in Helsinki. She swallowed hard. Home.
Taking a deep breath she stared at the wooden panelling at the ceiling and the white and light blue walls of the room. There were two open windows and a balcony door to her right, a small commode at the wall in front of the bed. A real summer house. Warm wind blew inside through the thin white curtains, blowing them up a little. Ocean sounds. Salty smell. She sat up completely, walking over to the balcony door. The view was breath-taking. A long, white shore, some palm trees swaying in the wind. Soft waves crashing in, encountering the shore. The moon was almost full and enlightened the whole scenery with its brilliant silver shine.
She wrapped her arms around herself, realising in surprise that she wore a thin, white summer dress. She had to go back to sleep. Slowly she turned over to the huge bed made of dark wood. Everything would be in order again as soon as she closed her eyes. It would be winter again. She would be home in Finland, having breakfast with her family. Everything would be alright.
Shivering she lay down and took off her shoes, wrapping herself into one of the blankets. Everything would be fine again.
She awoke in the morning when somebody knocked at her door. “Cumin’, Lilly!” she mumbled, trying to sit up, but an arm was wrapped around her from behind and she felt a warm body moving closer.
“Let ‘em knock as much as they want!” a deep voice mumbled and Elena grew stiff in his arms.
A new morning, but still she was here! It had never been two mornings in a row at one place since the dreams had started.
Elena took a deep breath.
Trying to find any kind of algorithm in her dreams she closed her eyes. There was no point in trying to make sense of it but at least there should be some... scheme? Some calculating rule? Only something? First it had been a night/day-thing. Even if she had fallen asleep during the day at the beginning she returned home. But... It had changed. The afternoon-nap on the couch. She had still been in Samu’s arms even after sleeping there for a few hours. The pills had given her a little break but now everything seemed to start over again and was even stronger than before.
She buried her face in the pillow, feeling Samu’s body moving closer again, his hand slipping into the neckline of her dress, cupping her breast. He sighed, softly kissing his way over her shoulder and her neck.
Another knock at the door was heard. “Ou cum ooooooooon, you two!” Raul sounded annoyed. “Everybody’s having breakfast, we’re heading off for the beach soon! Cum on, join us! Last day of the year and it’s eleven already!!”
The hand was removed and Samu sighed again. Yawning he turned around to lie on his back. “Christ, have mercy! We’re coming! Jeez, mate! Chill!” he ran his hands through his hair and got up, stretching his back. Quickly he bent down again, kissing Elena’s lips.
“You can go without me, luv.” Again he kissed her, grabbing a packet of cigarettes from the bedside table. “I’ll be right with you.” Grinning he stepped outside onto the balcony. Only a split second later a yelp was heard and Samu broke into laughter, leaning over the balustrade. “Come on! It’s not like I’m having a boner or something! If you can’t handle it, Juliane, just don’t look!”
“Well, so you tell me: how am I supposed to have my sausage for breakfast when you put yours right into my face?” she yelled back up at him and laughed. “Anyway, what’s the story, morning glory?”
Slowly Elena dragged herself up on her feet and went outside. She placed herself right in front of her naked husband, making a blond woman on the terrace of the ground floor giggle and wave. “At least you are dressed, babes!”
A little unassertive Elena laughed along with her. Babes? She had never talked to this woman in her entire life. Very well then. Most probably she was her friend. Looking around the table her gaze found another woman. She was tiny, maybe even smaller than herself, sitting next to Riku with her thin white legs on his lap. Elena felt this strange little itch from last night again, quickly trying to shake it off. She wasn’t jealous! Not because of this little blond doll, eating a grapefruit for breakfast while everyone around was having sausages, bacon and eggs. Tiny doll looked up, her alabaster cheeks blushing when she saw Samu naked. Quickly she lowered her eyes but only seconds later she flashed another gaze at him and blushed even deeper.
“It’s like an accident.” Elena raised her eyebrow at the doll. “You can’t take yer eyes off it, right?”
The whole table broke into laughter when Dolly choked on her grapefruit.
Riku patted her back, trying hard to suppress his giggles. “You haven’t been introduced properly, hun! I think you were asleep when we arrived at the airport yesterday.” He smiled at Elena and squinted when the sun hit his eyes. “Elena, this is Jewell. Jewell, my dear friend Elena.”
You’ve got to be kidding me! Little precious’ name was JEWELL? Elena threw a gaze at her grinning and smoking husband. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she whispered, trying to hold back a few giggles. His grin widened and he shrugged. “Love is blind!” he whispered back, wrapping his arm around her from behind. “And certainly deaf as well!” he added, making her chuckle. Carefully he kissed the back of her neck, his fingers playing around the outlines of her tattoo. “Just imagine him on top of her, how come she’s still in one piece?”
Elena burst into laughter. “Wonder how.” Her eyes were locked with little precious that had just recovered from her coughing spell. Still her pale face was red but her gaze was curious. She looked Elena up and down, moving a little closer to Riku to wrap her arms around his neck. “Come on, the beach is waiting!” she purred and kissed him, still watching Elena from the corner of her eye.
Grinning inwardly, Elena rested her head against Samu’s chest. ‘Try not to drown with your lack of body fat!’ She thought, before heading inside to find something else to wear.
The guys were playing fussball when Elena returned from swimming up and down the beach on her own for a while. The water was cold but still the sun was shining brightly. Savouring the feeling of the warm sunlight on her wet skin, Elena sat down in the sand, closing her eyes and ignoring the stickiness of the salty water. Suddenly she heard somebody clearing her throat and opened her eyes a little irritated. It was Sami’s girlfriend. Juliane, Elena remembered quickly. “Hey there, everything alright?”
“Sure.” Juliane placed her towel next to Elena in the sand. “Just needed to get away from the little diamond over there. Do you get it? I mean, helllloooouuu! What the freaking hell is wrong with Riku? Has she fucked his brains back into stone age or what?”
“Most probably.” Elena muttered, throwing a little flat stone into the water. “I assume, I must be bisased, but for all I care my new name’s prejudice and that one,” secretly she pointed at Jewell. “That one’s skinny, stupid, annoying and shallow.”
Juliane giggled. “I agree, prejudice.” She dug her toes into the sand. “So what are we going to do about it? I mean, she’s really stupid! No, no! I mean it! I think she’s from the US, somewhere southwest, I don’t know, but she actually asked me about Lapland these days, where I was born raised, telling me that she liked the Stockholm area best because it was the sunniest part of Finland…”
“No way!” Elena looked up, finding the blond woman nodding. “We tried to talk about the war in Afghanistan this morning and all she could add was that all those Iraqi-Muslims scared her a lot with all their bombs and stuff.”
Elena chuckled, putting her face on her knees. “Oh my.” She sighed. “So what are we supposed to do now? Cut her out? Ignore her? I could easily do that, she’s not too fond of me anyway.”
“We should try our best. You think we might manage to pretend she’s not there?”
Elena nodded, patting the other woman’s leg. “Yes we can! Maybe we can just put her in the trunk of a car and drive for a bit, she won’t find her way home, don’t you think? Most probably she has no idea where we are. Bahamas sounds like a faraway fairy-land!”
Giggling Juliane sat up. Throwing a quick gaze around, she rolled her eyes. “Here we go again!” she mumbled, moving a little closer to Elena, when Jewell approached. She had been sitting close to the ball-playing men for half an hour, watching Riku, cheering and applauding for him. Well, he wasn’t a bad player but today it was impossible to watch him and his two left feet.
Little precious seemed a little more loyal.
Watching her putting down her towel right in front of the two others, Elena narrowed her eyes, realising that she was now blocking the view over the ocean completely. Obviously she needed to have an eye on Riku and the rest of the lads.
Her blond hair was annoyingly beautiful, fluttering in the soft wind and Elena ran her sandy hands through her own wet and salty hair. What the fuck? There was no need to feel intimidated by this little toy Riku had most probably brought in his hand luggage! Sitting up Elena straightened her back. ‘My brain’s a lot bigger than yours.’ She thought. ‘And so are my tits!’
“Hey!” Jewell smiled endearing. “Isn’t this beach just awe-some?”
“Try the water, it’s fantastic!” Elena nodded at the soft waves, hoping that little princess could take a hint.
Unfortunately the tiny blonde shook her head, her eyes widened in shock. “No way! It’s cold! And all the salt, I’d need my coiffeur right away! God, you are so lucky with this strong hair of yours!” her lips were still smiling, but there was something else in her blue eyes. Rivalry? Competition?
Surprised Elena cocked her head. Animosity? Because of what? Being Riku’s ex-girlfriend? She fought back a grin. ‘Wake up darling!’ she thought. ‘You were in primary school when I dated him!’
“Well,” she crossed her ankles and faced the afternoon sun. “I’m damn lucky, I know!”
“My saying.” Jewell moved a little closer, her voice becoming a bit more mellifluous. “You’re quite happy with Samu, aren’t you?”
A little surprised Elena looked at her. “We wouldn’t share our lives if we weren’t, don’t ye think?”
“Ou, you can do those accents too!” clapping Jewell giggled. “You almost sound like them! I’ve tried sooo hard but I never manage!”
“I’m not just doing it, that’s my actual dialect!”
“Oh so you are Scandinavianish as well? You lived there too?”
“Live, present tense. And I’m not Scandinavianish, I’m FINNISH! We all are. I went to the same school as Sami, Riku and Osmo. Same town, you know?”
“Ah!” she was about to say something but her head spun around when Riku called her name. At an instant she was on her feet again, running over the sand.
Juliane looked after her. “You think she memorized the Scandinavianish-Finnish-thing? Or anything else you just told her?”
“Nope.” Slowly Elena shook her head. “I think there’s a sieve below the blond hair. She knows Riku’s name, that’s all that counts.”
“Did you realise, she tried to be mean to you!” chuckling Julian waved at her boyfriend that was completely covered in sweat, emptying a bottle of water.
“Yeah I know!” Elena grinned. “That one hit me hard, trust me! Jokes about my hair! Those are taken quite serious! Most probably I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight with this whole mess on my head!”
Juliane burst into laughter. “Come on, let’s go for a little swim!” she jumped up, signalising at Sami that she was heading for the water.
Sitting in the shallow waters of the shore after a while, Elena watched Samu with Osmo up on his shoulders fighting Raul and Sami. It was hilarious and she giggled, completely relaxed. Suddenly her vision was darkened and Riku sat down next to her.
“Hej.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around his knees.
“Hej.” She returned his smile, softly nudging him with her elbow. “Why are you not fighting?”
“Count to five, I need someone to sit on for this game!” he leaned back a little, resting his weight on his hands. “But I wanted to talk to you in private for a second anyway.”
Elena raised her eyebrows. “’bout what? Everything alright with ye?”
“Sure.” He grinned. “It’s just that... well, I... I saw you talking to Jewell before.”
“Please don’t say her name, Riku!” Elena burst into laughter. “Her parents are mean, mean people!”
Riku blushed and chuckled. “Well,” he drawled, making Elena nudge him again.
“Spill it, mate!”
“Well, she... she’s a little scared you know? She... she’s a lot younger than we are and... yeah, well, I think she might be a bit intimidated by you. Ex-girlfriend, still friends... you know?”
“Sure.” Elena sighed. “You want me to be nice, right?”
“I’d really appreciate it.” He ran his fingers over her arm, causing goosebumps on her skin. “I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.” Smirking he stroked her arm with his fingertips. “Nice to see that I still have some effect on you!”
She slapped his knee. “You’d better stop this right now and take care of little precious! You two have everything ahead of you, I’m married and found my first grey pubic hair this morning!”
Riku broke into laughter, wrapping his arms around his knees again. “I have a few by now.” He admitted. “She found some. Told her they were blond.” Sheepishly he grinned. “We could go waxing.”
Snorting with laughter Elena leaned back. “Because of a FEW? I don’t wanna imagine you, sitting on a chair, getting your balls waxed!”
“You could hold my hand.”
“Come back when you are half grey, maybe we can dye them together.”
“Sounds like a plan.” He winked at her. “Thanks for being NICE!”
“Hey!” Elena raised her hands defensively. “I am actually capable of taking hints!”
His gaze ran over Jewell that stood about 30 meters away with her hands on her hips, staring at the two of them. Grinning he winked again. “Thanks anyway, luv!” he waved at the blonde. “I think I should go.”
“You should, my dear grey friend.” Waving at Jewell, Elena bit back a grin.
“Baby, wake up, we are about to land.” Elena felt lips on her cheek and flinched.
Landing? What? Where? Why?
She sat up and almost fell down from her seat.
What in the world...? Dozily she stared at Samu that was sitting next to her, grabbing her astound.
“You alright love?” he asked concerned and tried to pull her up and make her sit upright. “Wanna have a drink or something?”
She closed her eyes, carefully shaking her head. “No... no, I’m... I’m fine. I’m fine.” Quickly she threw a gaze around. There was Sami with a blond girl by his side, Osmo was sitting right behind her, talking to someone. Raul. She recognized his voice and his laughter. Riku sat on the other side of the small plane with a blond girl, sleeping with her head rested to his shoulder.
She was back.
Why was she back?
How could she be dreaming again?
She shut her eyes firmly. The pills! She had taken one right before going to sleep... How in the freaking world was it possible that she was back in her dreams now?
Completely baffled she leaned over, resting her temple to Samu’s arm.
He was here, they all were. He was real, she could smell the familiar scent of his cologne.
How could this be?
She was out of words, not even realizing that the plane actually landed and they were all picked up by two cars. Driving along the dark streets, bordered with rocks, palm trees and oleander plants, she pretended to be asleep again.
Not wanting to wake her up, Samu took her in his arms as soon as the cars stopped.
Her eyes remained closed. It was impossible for her to even think about doing conversation with all of them now. She felt sick, scared and somehow she had the weird feeling of being home and safe with Samu. It was all too weird. Pretending to sleep was the best idea for now. Breathing in and out as steady and calm as possible, she listened to all the noises surrounding her. There was soft and warm wind, whispering in the bushes when Samu started carrying her along. The silent rolling of an ocean nearby.
“It’s beautiful!” the high-pitched sound of a female voice resounded from behind. “Look at the beach! Gosh, it’s awesome!”
“Up for a swim?” she suddenly heard Riku’s voice and the girl giggled.
“Well, as long as you join me and you are naked, I’m in!”
She sounded flirty and Elena felt a little itch of jealousy. Stupid feeling! He wasn’t hers, what the hell was wrong with her?
A door was opened and the sounds from the outside faded away. Samu carried her up the stairs and entered a room where he put her down on a soft bed. “Sleep well, love.” He whispered, resting his lips on her forehead. “I’ll be back in a minute.” His steps on the carpet faded and the door was closed.
Carefully she opened her eyes, gazing around the room. It was quite small, not bigger than her bedroom at home in Helsinki. She swallowed hard. Home.
Taking a deep breath she stared at the wooden panelling at the ceiling and the white and light blue walls of the room. There were two open windows and a balcony door to her right, a small commode at the wall in front of the bed. A real summer house. Warm wind blew inside through the thin white curtains, blowing them up a little. Ocean sounds. Salty smell. She sat up completely, walking over to the balcony door. The view was breath-taking. A long, white shore, some palm trees swaying in the wind. Soft waves crashing in, encountering the shore. The moon was almost full and enlightened the whole scenery with its brilliant silver shine.
She wrapped her arms around herself, realising in surprise that she wore a thin, white summer dress. She had to go back to sleep. Slowly she turned over to the huge bed made of dark wood. Everything would be in order again as soon as she closed her eyes. It would be winter again. She would be home in Finland, having breakfast with her family. Everything would be alright.
Shivering she lay down and took off her shoes, wrapping herself into one of the blankets. Everything would be fine again.
She awoke in the morning when somebody knocked at her door. “Cumin’, Lilly!” she mumbled, trying to sit up, but an arm was wrapped around her from behind and she felt a warm body moving closer.
“Let ‘em knock as much as they want!” a deep voice mumbled and Elena grew stiff in his arms.
A new morning, but still she was here! It had never been two mornings in a row at one place since the dreams had started.
Elena took a deep breath.
Trying to find any kind of algorithm in her dreams she closed her eyes. There was no point in trying to make sense of it but at least there should be some... scheme? Some calculating rule? Only something? First it had been a night/day-thing. Even if she had fallen asleep during the day at the beginning she returned home. But... It had changed. The afternoon-nap on the couch. She had still been in Samu’s arms even after sleeping there for a few hours. The pills had given her a little break but now everything seemed to start over again and was even stronger than before.
She buried her face in the pillow, feeling Samu’s body moving closer again, his hand slipping into the neckline of her dress, cupping her breast. He sighed, softly kissing his way over her shoulder and her neck.
Another knock at the door was heard. “Ou cum ooooooooon, you two!” Raul sounded annoyed. “Everybody’s having breakfast, we’re heading off for the beach soon! Cum on, join us! Last day of the year and it’s eleven already!!”
The hand was removed and Samu sighed again. Yawning he turned around to lie on his back. “Christ, have mercy! We’re coming! Jeez, mate! Chill!” he ran his hands through his hair and got up, stretching his back. Quickly he bent down again, kissing Elena’s lips.
“You can go without me, luv.” Again he kissed her, grabbing a packet of cigarettes from the bedside table. “I’ll be right with you.” Grinning he stepped outside onto the balcony. Only a split second later a yelp was heard and Samu broke into laughter, leaning over the balustrade. “Come on! It’s not like I’m having a boner or something! If you can’t handle it, Juliane, just don’t look!”
“Well, so you tell me: how am I supposed to have my sausage for breakfast when you put yours right into my face?” she yelled back up at him and laughed. “Anyway, what’s the story, morning glory?”
Slowly Elena dragged herself up on her feet and went outside. She placed herself right in front of her naked husband, making a blond woman on the terrace of the ground floor giggle and wave. “At least you are dressed, babes!”
A little unassertive Elena laughed along with her. Babes? She had never talked to this woman in her entire life. Very well then. Most probably she was her friend. Looking around the table her gaze found another woman. She was tiny, maybe even smaller than herself, sitting next to Riku with her thin white legs on his lap. Elena felt this strange little itch from last night again, quickly trying to shake it off. She wasn’t jealous! Not because of this little blond doll, eating a grapefruit for breakfast while everyone around was having sausages, bacon and eggs. Tiny doll looked up, her alabaster cheeks blushing when she saw Samu naked. Quickly she lowered her eyes but only seconds later she flashed another gaze at him and blushed even deeper.
“It’s like an accident.” Elena raised her eyebrow at the doll. “You can’t take yer eyes off it, right?”
The whole table broke into laughter when Dolly choked on her grapefruit.
Riku patted her back, trying hard to suppress his giggles. “You haven’t been introduced properly, hun! I think you were asleep when we arrived at the airport yesterday.” He smiled at Elena and squinted when the sun hit his eyes. “Elena, this is Jewell. Jewell, my dear friend Elena.”
You’ve got to be kidding me! Little precious’ name was JEWELL? Elena threw a gaze at her grinning and smoking husband. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she whispered, trying to hold back a few giggles. His grin widened and he shrugged. “Love is blind!” he whispered back, wrapping his arm around her from behind. “And certainly deaf as well!” he added, making her chuckle. Carefully he kissed the back of her neck, his fingers playing around the outlines of her tattoo. “Just imagine him on top of her, how come she’s still in one piece?”
Elena burst into laughter. “Wonder how.” Her eyes were locked with little precious that had just recovered from her coughing spell. Still her pale face was red but her gaze was curious. She looked Elena up and down, moving a little closer to Riku to wrap her arms around his neck. “Come on, the beach is waiting!” she purred and kissed him, still watching Elena from the corner of her eye.
Grinning inwardly, Elena rested her head against Samu’s chest. ‘Try not to drown with your lack of body fat!’ She thought, before heading inside to find something else to wear.
The guys were playing fussball when Elena returned from swimming up and down the beach on her own for a while. The water was cold but still the sun was shining brightly. Savouring the feeling of the warm sunlight on her wet skin, Elena sat down in the sand, closing her eyes and ignoring the stickiness of the salty water. Suddenly she heard somebody clearing her throat and opened her eyes a little irritated. It was Sami’s girlfriend. Juliane, Elena remembered quickly. “Hey there, everything alright?”
“Sure.” Juliane placed her towel next to Elena in the sand. “Just needed to get away from the little diamond over there. Do you get it? I mean, helllloooouuu! What the freaking hell is wrong with Riku? Has she fucked his brains back into stone age or what?”
“Most probably.” Elena muttered, throwing a little flat stone into the water. “I assume, I must be bisased, but for all I care my new name’s prejudice and that one,” secretly she pointed at Jewell. “That one’s skinny, stupid, annoying and shallow.”
Juliane giggled. “I agree, prejudice.” She dug her toes into the sand. “So what are we going to do about it? I mean, she’s really stupid! No, no! I mean it! I think she’s from the US, somewhere southwest, I don’t know, but she actually asked me about Lapland these days, where I was born raised, telling me that she liked the Stockholm area best because it was the sunniest part of Finland…”
“No way!” Elena looked up, finding the blond woman nodding. “We tried to talk about the war in Afghanistan this morning and all she could add was that all those Iraqi-Muslims scared her a lot with all their bombs and stuff.”
Elena chuckled, putting her face on her knees. “Oh my.” She sighed. “So what are we supposed to do now? Cut her out? Ignore her? I could easily do that, she’s not too fond of me anyway.”
“We should try our best. You think we might manage to pretend she’s not there?”
Elena nodded, patting the other woman’s leg. “Yes we can! Maybe we can just put her in the trunk of a car and drive for a bit, she won’t find her way home, don’t you think? Most probably she has no idea where we are. Bahamas sounds like a faraway fairy-land!”
Giggling Juliane sat up. Throwing a quick gaze around, she rolled her eyes. “Here we go again!” she mumbled, moving a little closer to Elena, when Jewell approached. She had been sitting close to the ball-playing men for half an hour, watching Riku, cheering and applauding for him. Well, he wasn’t a bad player but today it was impossible to watch him and his two left feet.
Little precious seemed a little more loyal.
Watching her putting down her towel right in front of the two others, Elena narrowed her eyes, realising that she was now blocking the view over the ocean completely. Obviously she needed to have an eye on Riku and the rest of the lads.
Her blond hair was annoyingly beautiful, fluttering in the soft wind and Elena ran her sandy hands through her own wet and salty hair. What the fuck? There was no need to feel intimidated by this little toy Riku had most probably brought in his hand luggage! Sitting up Elena straightened her back. ‘My brain’s a lot bigger than yours.’ She thought. ‘And so are my tits!’
“Hey!” Jewell smiled endearing. “Isn’t this beach just awe-some?”
“Try the water, it’s fantastic!” Elena nodded at the soft waves, hoping that little princess could take a hint.
Unfortunately the tiny blonde shook her head, her eyes widened in shock. “No way! It’s cold! And all the salt, I’d need my coiffeur right away! God, you are so lucky with this strong hair of yours!” her lips were still smiling, but there was something else in her blue eyes. Rivalry? Competition?
Surprised Elena cocked her head. Animosity? Because of what? Being Riku’s ex-girlfriend? She fought back a grin. ‘Wake up darling!’ she thought. ‘You were in primary school when I dated him!’
“Well,” she crossed her ankles and faced the afternoon sun. “I’m damn lucky, I know!”
“My saying.” Jewell moved a little closer, her voice becoming a bit more mellifluous. “You’re quite happy with Samu, aren’t you?”
A little surprised Elena looked at her. “We wouldn’t share our lives if we weren’t, don’t ye think?”
“Ou, you can do those accents too!” clapping Jewell giggled. “You almost sound like them! I’ve tried sooo hard but I never manage!”
“I’m not just doing it, that’s my actual dialect!”
“Oh so you are Scandinavianish as well? You lived there too?”
“Live, present tense. And I’m not Scandinavianish, I’m FINNISH! We all are. I went to the same school as Sami, Riku and Osmo. Same town, you know?”
“Ah!” she was about to say something but her head spun around when Riku called her name. At an instant she was on her feet again, running over the sand.
Juliane looked after her. “You think she memorized the Scandinavianish-Finnish-thing? Or anything else you just told her?”
“Nope.” Slowly Elena shook her head. “I think there’s a sieve below the blond hair. She knows Riku’s name, that’s all that counts.”
“Did you realise, she tried to be mean to you!” chuckling Julian waved at her boyfriend that was completely covered in sweat, emptying a bottle of water.
“Yeah I know!” Elena grinned. “That one hit me hard, trust me! Jokes about my hair! Those are taken quite serious! Most probably I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight with this whole mess on my head!”
Juliane burst into laughter. “Come on, let’s go for a little swim!” she jumped up, signalising at Sami that she was heading for the water.
Sitting in the shallow waters of the shore after a while, Elena watched Samu with Osmo up on his shoulders fighting Raul and Sami. It was hilarious and she giggled, completely relaxed. Suddenly her vision was darkened and Riku sat down next to her.
“Hej.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around his knees.
“Hej.” She returned his smile, softly nudging him with her elbow. “Why are you not fighting?”
“Count to five, I need someone to sit on for this game!” he leaned back a little, resting his weight on his hands. “But I wanted to talk to you in private for a second anyway.”
Elena raised her eyebrows. “’bout what? Everything alright with ye?”
“Sure.” He grinned. “It’s just that... well, I... I saw you talking to Jewell before.”
“Please don’t say her name, Riku!” Elena burst into laughter. “Her parents are mean, mean people!”
Riku blushed and chuckled. “Well,” he drawled, making Elena nudge him again.
“Spill it, mate!”
“Well, she... she’s a little scared you know? She... she’s a lot younger than we are and... yeah, well, I think she might be a bit intimidated by you. Ex-girlfriend, still friends... you know?”
“Sure.” Elena sighed. “You want me to be nice, right?”
“I’d really appreciate it.” He ran his fingers over her arm, causing goosebumps on her skin. “I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.” Smirking he stroked her arm with his fingertips. “Nice to see that I still have some effect on you!”
She slapped his knee. “You’d better stop this right now and take care of little precious! You two have everything ahead of you, I’m married and found my first grey pubic hair this morning!”
Riku broke into laughter, wrapping his arms around his knees again. “I have a few by now.” He admitted. “She found some. Told her they were blond.” Sheepishly he grinned. “We could go waxing.”
Snorting with laughter Elena leaned back. “Because of a FEW? I don’t wanna imagine you, sitting on a chair, getting your balls waxed!”
“You could hold my hand.”
“Come back when you are half grey, maybe we can dye them together.”
“Sounds like a plan.” He winked at her. “Thanks for being NICE!”
“Hey!” Elena raised her hands defensively. “I am actually capable of taking hints!”
His gaze ran over Jewell that stood about 30 meters away with her hands on her hips, staring at the two of them. Grinning he winked again. “Thanks anyway, luv!” he waved at the blonde. “I think I should go.”
“You should, my dear grey friend.” Waving at Jewell, Elena bit back a grin.
Chapter Nine
Later that night Elena was preparing food with Juliane, chatting. Sami’s girlfriend was interesting. She was smart and had a lovely sense of vulgar humour that kept the two of them giggling while cooking lasagne and having a few beers.
The mood changed drastically when Jewell entered the room, placing herself on one of the sideboards with a glass of champagne in her manicured fingers. Looking over into the open living room where the lads sat around the table by the terrace, Elena caught Riku’s pleading gaze and sighed. “So Jewell,” she cleared her throat, trying to be nice and polite. “What are you doing for a living?”
The blond shrugged indifferently. “Just some stuff.” She answered, putting her hair back behind her ears. “I finished school about a year ago, but I haven’t decided what to do next. What d’you do? Riku said you are a doctor.”
“I am.” Elena continued stirring.
“For children?” Jewell asked expectantly.
“No, I... I’m in research at the moment.” Pointing at some tomatoes, Elena nodded at the girl. “Wanna cut some for the lasagne?”
Jewell wrinkled her little nose before hesitantly putting down her champagne flute. Then she nodded, taking the knife Elena handed over to her. “By the way, Elena, you... you’ve been with Riku before, right?”
“Yes?” Elena raised her eyebrow. “But that was about 100 years ago. Why?” she rested her back against the fridge, watching the blonde slowly chopping the tomatoes.
“Well, I... I was wondering, you know him quite well, don’t you?”
“I think so...”
“So has... has he always been like this, I mean... he... he’s a little cheap, isn’t he? I mean he’s stingy with his money, right? Even though he’s quite rich.”
“Wohow! Slow it down, sweety!” Elena put her hands on her hips. “Did you pay for this vacation? The flight? Your dresses? Anything? How’s that cheap?”
“Well, he... he has a lot of money and stuff, so... When I met him, I was hoping...”
Elena sucked in a breath, throwing a stern look at the girl. “You were hoping...?”
“Well, I mean, he could buy me some stuff, right? Wouldn’t hurt him, would it?” she waved her comment aside. “Well, maybe all you Scandinavianish people are a little cheap, you don’t realise.” She shrugged, but there was a little invidious glint in her eyes. “He didn’t buy YOU stuff either, right?”
With one step, Elena managed to close the gap between her and Jewell and grabbed the girl by the scruff of her neck. “Listen carefully, princess!” she hissed. “Riku’s my friend, ye hear me? My friend! And I won’t allow anyone to talk about him like that, d’you hear me? D’you understand? Never!” she raised her index finger. “Don’t you ever dare talking about him like that again!”
Suddenly Riku leaned over the counter, alarmed. “Everything alright?” he asked carefully.
Elena stepped back, letting go of Jewell. “Just making a point here.” She whispered through her teeth, furiously leaving the kitchen and heading outside. She took a few deep breaths, trying her best to calm down. Stupid little princess!
“You alright, luv?” Samu put his arm around her from behind. “What’s wrong? Fighting with little Miss The-sun’s-shining-through-my-butt-cheeks?”
Chuckling dryly Elena shook her head. “She’s a bitch!” she simply stated, making Samu snort with laughter. “Tell me something less obvious!” he paused for a few seconds, holding her tight. “She’s getting on you with Riku, right?”
“She is.” Elena sighed. “She said some really mean things and I can’t just swallow that!”
“I know.” He whispered, kissing her neck. “She’s just scared, you are a huge competition and actually the shoes she has just put on are definitely too big for her.” Suddenly he sighed. “He loves you a lot, maybe she’s stupid but she has female radar for feelings, I think she knows that he’s not over you at all even after all these years.”
Elena remained silent. There was no use in denying, it was too obvious that Riku still had a certain amount of feelings for her. As well as she had somehow kept him in her heart. “I’m sorry.” She simply whispered, not knowing what else to say.
“Don’t be.” He whispered back. “I tore you apart and trust me, it is still getting close to me as well, he’s my best friend. Unfortunately you can’t share the love of your life with someone, however close he is to your heart.” Again he fell silent, kissing her neck. “I should apologize. To both of you.”
They remained standing on the terrace for a few minutes, listening to the waves and the wind in the bushes.
“Come on, let’s get back inside and get drunk.” Playfully he bit down on her shoulder. “Let’s solve this the Finnish way.”
Elena chuckled and snuggled the back of her head closer to his chest. “I like the way you think, dear!”
Dinner became a bit of a strange issue because Jewell was obviously pissed off and sulking, but her pout was purposely ignored by everyone. The eight of them had invited a group of surfers for the night they had met earlier today and after a few bottles of wine and some homemade cocktails they were all gathering in the living room. The atmosphere was relaxed and even a few locals dropped by to join the party.
It was short after one when Osmo decided that they had all reached a certain point of drunkenness to play some games and so they sat together on the carpet of the living room to play spin-the-bottle with one of the empty champagne bottles. The tasks became more and more stupid and left them all rolling on the floor laughing. The game reached its peak when Raul had to try to fart more than three times in a row and he had to give up after two times, admitting with a drunken giggle that he would pee or shit down his pants any second. Everybody agreed to stick to truth from now on and Raul spun the bottle. It was aiming at Greg, one of the surfers. He sipped his beer and nodded. “Hit me!”
“So...” Raul bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Greg, you take a good look around and... tell us which of the girls you would prefer shagging tonight! Just once, no strings attached, just out of the blue, amnesty and hangover-excuses in the morning!”
Laughter and howling was heard and Greg blushed, flashing a gaze at Elena that was sitting between Samus legs.
“Well...” he grinned shyly. “I’m afraid of her husband to be honest.”
Sami broke into laughter, soon joined by all of them. “Well, I know at least one Riku in this room that would be pleased to take advantage!” he grinned at Riku that blushed immediately, lowering his gaze.
Another wave of laughter ran through all of them. Samu wasn’t laughing. Elena felt his grip tighten around her and his chest heaving with a sigh. Even though the games continued for almost half an hour, Samu remained close mouthed. He let out a few chuckles from time to time, but other than that he was silent, holding his wife close.
Someone had turned the music back on and soon most of them were on their feet again, dancing around the living room.
“Can you get me another beer, luv?” Samu whispered into Elena’s ear, handing his empty bottle over to her.
“Sure.” She finished her own and turned around to kiss him before she went over to the kitchen.
Talking to some of the locals she remained standing in the kitchen for a few minutes. She felt dizzy, her mind swirling from the alcohol, but it felt great. The party was fun. She didn’t feel like going home, hoping her dream vacation wouldn’t end too soon.
Her gaze found Samu standing on the stairs. She raised his beer, approaching him astound, when he beckoned her over. He slipped his arms around her and pulled her along. “Come on, let’s have some new-years private time.” He whispered with a sly smile, pushing her onto the bed inside their room, closing the door with his foot. Staggering over to the bed, he pulled his t-shirt over his head, slumping down on top of her. She giggled. “Samu! Goodness, how drunk are you?”
He kissed her with a grin. “Well, I hope that I’m not too drunk to do what I had in mind!” pushing up her dress he grabbed her panty, accidentally tearing it apart. “Ups!” he stared at the tiny pieces of lace in his hand. “I’m sorry, was that yer favourite?”
Elena broke into laughter and shook her head, squealing with shock when he pressed her into the mattress with the full weight of his body to pull down his shorts.
When he placed himself on top of her, kissing her passionately, her sense of reality immediately faded and she surrendered completely. Her body reacted to his touch in such a special way that there was no way for her to stop, no way to refuse it, to reject him. But reality hit her relentlessly when she heard somebody sucking in a breath. “Jeez, mate! What is this all about?”
Samu shifted his weight to his elbows, looking deep into Elena’s eyes before he got up on his knees, starting to button up his pants with a lot of effort.
Riku was still standing in the doorway with his beer in his hand, staring at them with disbelief. “You told me to come here because you wanted to talk to me, man!” he hissed angrily. “Do you have to fuck her right in front of me?”
“I’m sorry mate.” Samu rolled off the bed, almost stumbling across his own feet, grabbing the commode for support. “I need to talk to you. Both of you actually.” He took his beer from the nightstand, emptying it in one big gulp. “Alright, so listen.” Swaying from side to side he gave up holding his balance and rested his shoulder to the wall.
Elena sat up on the bed, trying her best to cover herself as quickly as possible. What the hell was wrong with Samu tonight? She looked up at him, throwing a questioning gaze at Riku that shrugged a little unassertive.
“Would you mind closing the door?” Samu suddenly said, gesturing towards the open bedroom door. Riku did as he was told, stepping back to rest his back at the wooden door. “So tell me, what is that supposed to mean?” he asked in a serious voice even though he was as wasted as all of them. “Are you seriously offering me a threesome or something?”
Elena gasped, gazing at Samu. “Would you mind... Samu? Say something for heaven’s sake! A threesome? That’s a bit naff and inappropriate, don’t you think?”
Samu slowly shook his head. “That’s not what I had in mind.” He said in a very low voice, folding his arms over his naked chest. “During the last couple of days... well, I... I had the feeling that something has changed between the three of us.” He raised his hands to stop them both from interrupting him. “Something has changed.” He repeated calmly. “And I did some thinking to be honest.” He fell silent, giving his best friend and his wife a close look. “Listen, I... you two... I... I tore you apart and I’m still very sorry that I got between you.” Taking a deep breath, he lowered his gaze. “That’s why I want... I want to give you two tonight as... well, I...I want you to be together tonight. You can do whatever you want I won’t ask, alright? I just... I want you to have one night together and maybe... well think about everything. Maybe... maybe we need a few changes. I wasn’t fair, I was selfish. I took her from you Riku and I kinda took him from you, baby. I wanna make this up to you. Please!” he raised his voice when Elena and Riku started arguing and yelling at the same time. “I’m leaving now, maybe I can take your little chick to bed tonight! She definitely checked me out!” he joked lamely, stepping back.
“Are you out of your mind?” Elena whispered with thunder in her eyes and jumped up. “You want... you want me to spend the night with Riku and be your wife again by tomorrow? You are nuts!”
“You don’t have to be my wife tomorrow.” He answered gently. “You could be his if you want to.”
Riku clenched his fist. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Haber?” he shouted, his face red from anger. “You need a good beating to rearrange the shit on your mind? I’m not fucking your wife, man! How... I don’t even know what to say! Fuck, mate! You’ve lost your mind! How drunk are you?”
“Tell me you don’t wanna fuck her!”
“I don’t wanna fuck her!”
“Tell me YOU DON’T WANNA FUCK HER!!!!” Samu suddenly yelled, pointing at his wife. “You love her! You love her like crazy, mate! And I took her from you! Just do yourself a favour and fuck her!”
“Fuck her and then what?” Riku yelled back. “Play Ro Sham Bo to make a decision? Rock, you have her, scissors, I take her home? What the fuck... Samu!”
“Calm down.” Samu whispered, staring at his friend with fury in his eyes. “I said fucking calm down, Rajamaa! I’ll see you two in the morning and we talk about everything. And yes, I want you to fuck! Call it a goodbye-fuck that’s fine with me! You can fuck her all night for all I care! But I want a decision tomorrow! It’s you or me!”
“Excuse me.” Elena crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you seriously telling me to fuck him? Please, tell me you’re joking! A goodbye fuck? For old time’s sake? Figuring out whether I wanna be with him or stay with you?” she pointed at him, narrowing her eyes.
“I love it when you’re smart, baby!” he answered sarcastically. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”
Completely out of words Elena shook her head. Then she pointed at the door. “Get out of my sight, Haber! Right now! Get out of my sight! You are nuts! This whole idea is crazy! Do you wanna break up this marriage? Fine, just let me know! I’ll sign your fucking divorce papers if it’s that what you’re hoping for!”
“Leni!” he interrupted, clenching his fists. “I don’t want a fucking divorce! Don’t you see it? Are you blind?”
“What?” she yelled at him. “I see my foolish husband! That’s what I see!”
“Well, I see a bit more, honey!” Samu stepped closer. “I see the woman I love and my best friend. I see my bad conscious; I have been living with it for years, always regretting that I couldn’t find another way, another girl! No, I had to take my best mate’s girl away from him! I knew you loved him! I know you still do! That’s why I wanna make it up to you by giving you a chance to talk and get closer! I want you to make this decision, love! I want you to listen to your heart because I can’t live with this mess for another year, another month or another day! Make a wish for new years, Rajamaa, I certainly made mine. Take this serious, this night belongs to you. Do as you please. Everything that brings us closer to this decision is fine with me.” Without any further word he pushed Riku aside forcefully, slamming the door behind.
There fell a deep silence. Elena sat down on the bed, covering her face with her hands in complete shock.
“He’s right.” Riku suddenly whispered and Elena lifted her head.
“With what?” she croaked, trying to suppress a little shiver.
“You have changed. We all have.” He slumped down on the floor, staring at the bottle in his hand. “During the last days, you... you were different. You... you were... you came back to where we started. You were my Elena again, not his! I haven’t been that attracted to you in years! It’s like... I don’t know... something or someone’s playing with our destiny.” He cocked his head. “I know, you love him with all your heart, but there’s this tiny place inside your soul that is still mine, am I right?”
She nodded slowly.
“Has something changed for you?” he asked carefully, trying hard not to show his excitement, to raise is hopes too high because he knew that he had once been on top, knowing that she was his, but only a second later he had been in the deepest depths he had ever experienced. He didn’t even know what to wish for.
Did he actually want her back?
Maybe the price was Samu’s friendship. A good, long friendship, one of the best he had ever had.
Maybe the price he had to pay was the band. How could they ever continue working together if... He didn’t even want to think about it.
Questioningly he looked into her eyes, waiting for her answer, somehow fearing it.
Again she only nodded.
“What?” he whispered, tightening the grip around his beer.
“I don’t know.” She whispered in response, holding his stare. “I... I like you. Most probably a lot more than I should but... God, Riku, I’m married to him! I love him!” she lay back, covering her face with her hands. Suddenly she sat up a little, resting her weight on her elbow. “It’s weird, somehow I feel like... Don’t you have the strange feeling that any second Samu and Raul are jumping inside like Ashton Kutcher, yelling ‘you have been punked’?”
Riku nodded and banged his head against the door in his back. “Actually I have, that’s why I’m still sitting here.”
Chuckling Elena sat up completely. “What are we supposed to do?”
“Well, I did something if I had a clue, don’t you think?”
“How ‘bout this: We try to find him and kick his arse.”
“Fine with me.” Slowly Riku got up. “But I have to admit, his offer was tempting.”
Elena nodded and blushed. “I know it’s weird, but yes, it was. God, I am the worst wife in the world.” She shook her head in disbelieve. “Can you believe this? I actually WANTED to sleep with you for a second!”
“Not only for a second!” He mumbled in response, feeling his cheeks blushing again.
“We are awful.”
“Hey! Don’t throw a dog a steak and tell him not to chew on it!”
“You’re not a dog, you’re a pig!” she reached out her hands. “And I am no steak! Help me up, I can’t walk.”
He stepped closer, putting his beer onto the bedside table before wrapping his arms around her to lift her up from the bed. “I will not tell you that I’m sorry for loving you.” He said in a very low voice.
She looked up at him, resting her forehead to his chin with a sigh. “I wouldn’t wanna hear it.” Again she sighed. “God, Riku! It is impossible to love two persons the way I love the two of you! It’s not fair!”
“Tell me about it!” he stepped back, carefully wrapping his arm around her waist to stabilize her.
“Maybe I should just... maybe I should leave. I... I can’t ruin your friendship, ruin the band, I... Riku, I can’t do this to both of you!”
“Schschscht!” he put his hand on her mouth, shaking his head. “You’re not leaving anyone, luv! I have been fine with this whole situation! I’ve been fine and I will be fine again. Don’t let this trouble you that much. We will figure this out! Let’s go find this mad husband of yours and tell him to fuck himself with his stupid ideas, alright?” he pulled her along as soon as she nodded hesitantly, opening the bedroom door.
Slowly they made their way downstairs. “Alright.” Riku grabbed Elena’s shoulders. “You’ll start searching the rooms, I’ll be outside looking for him. Whoever finds him first, tries to bring him to terms, alright? Can you do this?”
Still holding onto him she nodded. Then she stepped back, nodding again.
Soon she was walking up and down the corridor, asking people about Samu. Nobody had seen him. He had simply disappeared. Angry and frustrated she made her way outside after a while, trying to find Riku and set up a new plan. She didn’t have to go far: Even though he tried to keep the volume of his voice low, he almost yelled. “Why d’you fucking want it the hard way? She’s yours, mate! She’s your wife!”
Ha! The prodigal son was finally found! Speeding up her pace she rushed over the veranda as quick as her present state allowed it, turning left.
Riku.
Samu and...
A... a girl on his lap?
She stopped short, taking a deep breath.
Riku looked up. Stony-faced he stepped away from Samu. “If this is your idea of solving the problem, be my guest.” Quickly he put his arm around Elena, turning her around. “He wants us to take him serious, that’s why he’s now making out with one of the surfer-girls.” Pulling her along, he cursed silently. “I’m sorry you had to witness this.” He pulled her closer. “Come on, we... know what, you go inside grab a bottle of champagne, I go find a blanket and we go for a walk at the beach, what’d you say?”
“My... my husband is making out with another girl?” was all she could enunciate right at this second, staring up at Riku with wide eyes. “That’s not true, right? I mean he won’t... he won’t... wow.” She exhaled, realising that she had been holding her breath for quite some time. “Wow. This is like the weirdest dream I ever had!” she wrapped her arm around his hips, resting her forehead to his neck. Somehow Riku managed to continue walking in the tilted position she brought them in and entered the house. “Blanket.” He simply said, grabbing the first thing he found and put it in her hands. Opening the fridge he grabbed a bottle of champagne, turning around without saying another word.
They walked along the beach for minutes in complete silence. The wind was still warm and so was the sand underneath their feet. Still Riku held Elena close, softly caressing her shoulder with his fingertips.
“Come on.” Carefully he took the blanket from her, putting it down on the soft sand. “Have a seat, have a sip. Everything’s gonna be fine.”
She slumped down on the silky fabric of the blanket, staring up at him. “Everything’s gonna be fine?” she chuckled sarcastically. “Of course! Right at this moment my husband is most probably shagging a sexy surfer-girl, but everything else is perfectly fine!”
“Leni!” he whispered gently, rubbing her back. “He will come to his senses. Just give him some time, will you?”
Again she only chuckled dryly. “How long? Long enough to finish it? Jeez, mate, my marriage is over!” she rubbed her cheeks with her hands. “Come on, gimme some of that sparkling stuff!”
Sipping champagne from the bottle they sat together, staring into the water. After a while Riku put his arm around Elena again, pulling her closer. “We are some strange threesome, aren’t we?” he whispered, felling her nodding on his shoulder.
“We definitely are.” Sighing she took another deep swing, feeling around the back pockets of his shorts.
“You wanna touch my butt or search for a smoke?” he grinned at her, making her giggle tipsily.
“Both, actually. Must be the alcohol talking.” She squeezed his butt cheeks, one at a time, before wrapping her arm around him again. Suddenly he loosened grip, leaning back.
“Fags and,” he threw the package at her and turned to lie on his stomach. “And my butt to squeeze, if you feel like it.”
She spanked him softly, taking two cigarettes. “Want one too?”
He nodded, sitting up again. “No more spanking?” he pouted slightly, making her chuckle again. “Well, at least you are all smiles again when it comes to my butt!” he kissed her cheek. “You always had a thing for it, remember?”
“Feels good, dunno.” She lighted his cigarette, putting hers between her lips after a long sip from the bottle.
“Know what?” he took another swing as well, offering the bottle to her. “We go for a little swim now, what d’you say?”
Emptying the champagne, Elena put her hand over her lips, burping silently. “’scuse me.” She mumbled, laughing along with him.
“Come on, what d’you say?” softly he nudged her with his elbow. “Swim?”
“Dunno.” She scratched her nose. “I don’t have my bikini. Neither do I have my panties.”
“Wow, you’re going commando, making the big mistake of telling me about it???” chuckling he pulled his t-shirt over his head. “Come on! It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before!”
“But... It has been years that...”
“Shshsht! No more buts!” he started to unbutton his khaki shorts. “Afraid I might catch a glance at your grey area?”
“Gandalf the grey talking!” she giggled, shakily getting up on her knees to pull up her dress. A little shiver ran down her spine, when she felt his hand, softly stroking her back.
“Come on!” he whispered, helping her up to pull her in a soft embrace. “There’s an ocean waiting for two drunken people in the middle of new-years-night. How perfect’s that?”
She stepped back, taking his hand. “If you put it this way, it comes close to my idea of perfection.” Her gaze ran over him. “Bad light, I don’t see any grey.”
“Neither do I.” Chuckling he narrowed his eyes.
“You must be blind!” she stopped. “Get your eyes checked! It’s right here!” pointing down between her legs, she broke into laughter.
“We could count mine later on, what d’you say?” he laughed along with her, wrapping his arm around her hips. “Might take some time though.” Carefully he took another step, wading into the water. “Come on, it’s nice!” he beckoned her over when she hesitated. “It’s not that cold! Come on!”
“It’s not the cold!” she measured the temperature with her toes. “What about sharks?”
Chuckling he spread his arms. “We’ll stay right here, there’s no sharks!”
“Promise?” she took another step.
“Promise!” he nodded with a smile. “Now come on, Chucks! It’s fine, I’m here with you!” as soon as she was close enough he slipped his arms around her shoulders, slowly pulling her down into the knee-deep water. “See? No sharks at all. Only you, the grey-hound and the moon.”
“Deeper.” She demanded after sitting next to him, chatting for a while, the low waves rolling over them.
“Wrap your arms around my neck, I’ll pull you along.” He offered immediately, taking her hands.
“How deep’s that?” anxiously she wrapped her legs around him from behind after a few meters.
He put down his feet. “Chest.” He announced, turning around to face her. “Deep enough for now?”
She nodded quickly, still holding him close. “I’m really afraid of sharks!” she admitted, making him chuckle.
“I know you are, Chucky. You always were.” Running his hands up and down her back he sighed, resting his forehead onto hers. “God, why do I have to be so desperately in love with you? Why does everything...”
Softly she put her hand on his lips.
The full moon was shining brightly, illuminating the whole beach, the trees, the sand and his wet hair. Shining eyes, a soft mouth, pressed up against her fingers, irresistible. Following her deepest instincts, she replaced her hand with her own lips, kissing him gently.
Instantly he pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.
Wet skin on wet skin.
Salty lips on salty lips.
Nothing sweeter, nothing purer possible.
She was out of breath when he broke the kiss, running his dripping hand over her face, smiling and pulling her in for another breath-taking embrace.
“I love you.” He whispered, not letting go of her lips, almost effortlessly slipping inside of her when she pulled him closer, tightly wrapping her legs around him.
“Love you too.” She whispered in response, grabbing his soaking wet hair.
They didn’t have to move. All they had to do was holding on to each other, the tide of the waves moving their bodies in a slow and soft rhythm. It felt like eternity. They were part of the waves, part of the ocean, part of its rhythm. Endlessly, effortlessly, continuing indefinitely and weightless, completely careless.
After what felt like hours they lay together on the blanket, still holding and caressing each other, kissing, the dark sky and its stars looking down on them. Nothing mattered. Everything was now. Now, right at this second in their embrace. Now. In intimacy and closeness.
Even after all these years their bodies still functioned in the same rhythm. A passionate pulse of trust, a burning beat of fervour, the same perfect cadence of love.
She awoke with a start when she felt someone flinching by her side. Quickly she opened her eyes, looking up into the face of an old woman that was talking in a strange language, nudging Riku behind her with her walking stick. Narrowing her eyes she lay back, turning around to bury her face at Riku’s chest. The sun was about to rise from the ocean, everything seemed too bright, yellow and orange. Riku groaned deeply in annoyance, pulling her closer to his naked body. He wrapped the blanket around her, softly kissing her lips. “Morning, luv.” He whispered hoarsely, causing the familiar goosebumps all over her body.
Suddenly everything became quiet. She opened her eyes, but everything was dark. She gasped in fear, feeling a hand shaking her roughly.
“Wake up! You’re gonna be late for work again!” The voice faded. “Get up for fuck’s sake!”
She knew the voice...
It was...
Somehow it sounded familiar...
Rob!
Elena gasped again, carefully opening her eyes. Riku! She felt around the bed, trying to turn around. Hadn’t she just cheated on her husband and spent a night at the beach with Riku? Swallowing hard she tried her best not to throw up.
What a bad hangover!
Staggering she got up, heading for the bathroom of her apartment, where she simply slumped down in front of the toilet, vomiting. The acid was burning in her throat and she rested her back against the cold wall when she finally felt empty again.
Rob peeped around the corner, throwing a stern look at her. “Listen,” he wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I know he’s kinda your friend and you know him from school and stuff, but... do you actually have to get wasted with him every night since he came to London last Friday?”
With a lot of effort Elena lifted her head. What the hell was he talking about?
Rob stepped back. There was anger burning in his eyes. “Do you even know what happened last night? That he had to carry you home? Jeez, Leni!” he buried his hands in his dark hair. “You were full of vomit and so was he! He could barely stand or walk, it was five in the morning! What the hell is going on with you? And what the hell is going on between you two? I mean, I had to throw him out because he insisted to help me, getting you undressed and into the bathtub to wash away all that disgusting stuff! Christ! You were covered in half digested chips and beer!” he stepped back. “What the hell is going on, Leni?”
“I... I don’t know... I...” she croaked hoarsely, clearing her throat. Instantly her stomach was churning again from the bad taste in her mouth and she leaned over, coughing and gagging.
It was true. She didn’t have a clue. Since when was she back in London? What day was it? Why was Rob around? He had his own flat and most of the time he was too busy to spend a whole night at her place.
The door was shut and she was finally on her own again. After a few seconds she heard the door of her flat. It was closed forcefully.
Elena held her nose, taking a few deep breaths through her mouth before she got up, stepping into the shower. It was eight already. She wouldn’t make it in time anyway - according to Rob not for the first time this week - so she just concentrated on relaxing her muscles, trying not to think about the last night in her dream or in reality.
Riku. God, it had felt so good to be with him! He was so gentle and loving! Remembering his hands and lips she felt a shiver running down her back despite the hot water. The sex in her dreams with Samu had always been amazing but right now all she wanted was to go back to sleep to tell Riku that she didn’t regret the wonderful night they had just spent together. Slowly towelling herself off, she stared into her own pale reflection in the mirror. What the hell was wrong with her? She had never been in such a mess before!
Rob, the man she had been dating for two years.
Riku, the guy from home, a popstar she hardly knew.
Samu, her dream-husband she paradoxically loved with all her heart.
And dream- Riku, the man she was bound to far beyond friendship.
She was at her wits’ end.
Brushing her teeth over and over again she walked through her apartment. There was a bucket on the small balcony, containing her clothes that actually were full of vomit. Elena closed her eyes, quickly turning away. That was nothing she was actually capable of looking at right now.
Slipping into some jeans and an old pullover, she brushed her hair, putting them back with a hair-band because she didn’t want to use a scrunchy, knowing exactly that the hangover-pain in her head would kill her if she tried.
She took her bag and her keys, taking another deep breath before she made her way outside, locking the door. Cold winter wind blew through the streets and Elena pulled up the zipper of her coat. It was extremely cold and still everything was covered with a thin layer of snow. Carefully she took a few steps, trying not to slip on the frozen ground. The weather was definitely a perfect excuse for her delay. Unless she had been using this idea for a few days in a row now. Pulling her woollen cap down, she spread her arms, taking one step after the other. Suddenly she heard a low whistle. “Chucky?” a voice whispered and she turned around, finding someone leaning at the wall of her house, carefully looking from side to side. Chucky? She couldn’t remember this nickname. Chucky? She narrowed her eyes, feeling her legs shaking. Chuck. Chucks. Riku had called her Chucky a few times...
His hood was pulled far down, a huge scarf covering most of his face when he approached. “Hey!” he removed the scarf, bending over to kiss her. A little surprised Elena stepped closer, returning his hug and completely ignoring his lips that now kissed her cheek instead of her mouth where he had been aiming at first.
“Hey Riku.” She managed to mumble and stepped back.
He held her by her shoulders, cautiously looking down at her. “You ok, baby?” he whispered, checking the surrounding again. “I saw him leaving but I... well, I was hiding, I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me again after last night.”
Elena raised her hand, touching his black eye. “Don’t tell me this was him!”
He chuckled, softly kissing her palm. “He was a little pissed off to be honest. You had passed out and I was trying to take you home, not willing to let go of you, so... well he bawled me out and when I insisted on helping you, he planted a little punch on my face.” Again he chuckled. “A lot stronger than I expected, this boyfriend of yours!” he wrapped his arms around her tightly. “How are you now?” he whispered close to her ear, placing soft little kisses on her neck. Elena felt a little shiver and closed her eyes. God, his smell was so familiar, taking her back to the night at the beach where she had been kissing him, holding him tight, letting him make love to her several times until the breaking of the dawn. She sighed, instinctively pulling him closer. “Actually I feel sick.” She whispered back, making him giggle.
“Same here, luv!” he rubbed his nose to her cheek, resting his forehead onto hers. “D’you... d’you wanna talk about last night?” he whispered suddenly, caressing her lips with his thumb.
She looked up at him, slowly shaking her head no. “I’m not sure actually. The only thing I know is that I was completely covered in vomit and that I had to throw up two times this morning.”
“Yeah, I know.” He grinned sheepishly, still running his thumb over her lips. “Actually we were having a blast, but... well, I wanted to walk you home and... well...” out of a sudden he leaned in again, kissing her softly. “Everything was fine, until I kissed you somewhere along the way and... well, you threw up on me and... I threw up on you in return and... then you passed out and I had to carry you all the way back to your place. You’re quite heavy, little girl!”
Elena stared at him in surprise, stepping back. “We... we kissed?”
“Well, I can clearly see that it didn’t have much of an impact on you, but yes we did.” He pulled her closer again, looking straight into her eyes before pressing his lips onto hers. “Remember now?” he whispered out of breath when he pulled away.
Slowly Elena nodded, slipping her arms around his neck. “I do.” She whispered, letting him kiss her again. When she looked up into his beautiful eyes the familiar Riku from her dreams and the man standing right in front of her, smiling down at her with his arms wrapped around her, got hopelessly mixed up. Inseparably. It was Riku. This one or the wonderful man that had been sleeping right behind her on the beach, loving her, holding her close. It was him. Riku. Her Riku.
“D’you regret it?” he whispered, putting his hand around the back of her neck, softly playing with her earlobe. She shook her head, remembering his hands on her again. So gentle but at the same time demanding, claiming back, not wanting to let her go.
She cupped his face with her own hands. “I don’t.” She whispered back, kissing him when he bent down to meet her lips. Clearing her throat, she stepped back after a few seconds, putting her hand on her red lips. “I... Riku, I...” once more she cleared her throat.
“I know, baby!” instantly he stepped closer again, kissing her violently. “I know that you are with him, but I don’t care!”
“ Riku, you... you and I...”
“What?” he whispered breathlessly, capturing her mouth completely with his eager kiss. “Just tell me what you want from me, Chucky! Tell me what you need, you’ll have it. D’you actually want him? Need him?” a low moan escaped his lips when she deepened the kiss, pulling him closer. “D’you want him?” he whispered into her mouth, feeling her shaking her head and holding him even tighter. Then she loosened her grip around him, looking him square in the eyes with blushing cheeks. “But Riku, it... It’s not like we... I mean, you don’t even know me and...” he silenced her with another kiss, grinning bashfully when he broke away from her. “That’s not true actually.” Opening the zipper of his jacket, he took out his wallet, searching it. “See?” he unfolded a piece of paper. “When I met you at the pub on New Year’s Eve, I was really drunk but when I woke up the morning after it came to me like a brainstorm. Like Fizzzzzzzz! Sudden inspiration. You are one of the Heikkinen-girls from south-town! I’ve always been a little scared of your brothers actually! But when I realised who you were I went home to my parents’ place, searching the attic for my old yearbooks to make sure it was you. And guess what? The page with your picture on it wasn’t complete. I had cut this out to put it in my wallet.” He handed the crumpled and often folded piece of paper to her, making her giggle.
“You LIKED me back in high school? Hell, I looked awful! I mean look at me! This little gothic-vampire, are you kidding me?”
“No.” He took the picture back and put it inside his wallet. “From my point of view you were the coolest girl at school! But as I said,” he grinned. “I was really afraid of your brothers so I never had the guts to ask you out.”
Elena laughed. “Gosh, Riku, I didn’t even remember you!”
“Well, I was small, had a bad haircut and pimples, of course you don’t remember me!” laughing along with her he pulled her closer.
“But Riku...”
“Hum?” still grinning he kissed her cheek.
“Gosh, this is crazy! I mean... I... I can’t be with you!”
“Why’s that?” he stroked her back. “Did you forget how nice and handsome I am? No more pimples, no more bad haircuts!” he tried to joke, watching her carefully.
She giggled, resting her forehead to his chin. God, this felt so familiar! “You are never around!” she cited as an example, trying to be reasonable. “You are always somewhere doing your business and I have to be in London for my work.”
“You don’t need to work!” he simply stated, kissing her lips. “I’ll give you anything you want, Helsinki-girl.”
“I do need to work.” She insisted, softly pushing him away. “So how often would I be able to see you and have you around? Twice a year?”
“Depends.” He admitted, sighing silently. “If we are on tour it is gonna be long, but I will come to see you as often as I can.”
“Maybe that’s not enough for me.” She closed her eyes when he pulled her in for another kiss.
“Well,” he whispered. “You could also stay with this dark haired guy and whenever I’m in town you could come to my hotel and we spend a few nights together.”
“Sounds tempting.” She pressed her lips into his kiss.
“Do you really have to work today?” running his fingers down her back, he cupped the cheeks of her butt, squeezing them.
She nodded and shoved him away. “I have to.” Patting his cheek, she smiled up at him. “You wanna walk me?”
“I could give you a lift.” He pointed ahead. “I parked a few streets ahead because of your loving man.” Grinning he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Come on, let’s go.”
It was only about ten minutes to the hospital by car and Elena made Riku stop the huge Porsche Cayenne in a small street close to the back entrance. “Goodness, your car is so unobtrusive! Why don’t you get yourself a tank?”
He blushed and laughed. “Well, I wanted that one! You’d be riding in a tank right now if the little boy inside of me had wanted one!” leaning over he kissed her lips. “Come on, kiss me goodbye.” He whispered, loosening his seatbelt to move closer.
“What if anyone sees us?” she whispered back, running her fingers through his hair.
“Well, I don’t care actually.” Smiling he slipped his arms around her waist, kissing her passionately. “Will I see you tonight?”
“Pick me up at six, I’ll be waiting here.” She returned his hungry kisses. “How long will you be in town?”
“Another two weeks.” He smiled. “Plenty of time, don’t you think?”
She pulled a face, leaning in to meet his lips again. “Not really, actually. Any suggestions: How am I supposed NOT to end up heartbroken because of you?”
A small smile raised the left corner of his mouth. “I promise you won’t, alright? Come on, let me take you out for dinner tonight. No parties, no excessive drinking. You and me. Wherever you wanna go.”
She sighed, resting her forehead on his. “Alright.” She whispered, smiling at him. “I still can’t believe you had a crush on me in high school!”
“Don’t you dare telling people about it!” he raised his index finger, chuckling when she bit down on it playfully. “You hear me?” he asked strictly. “Don’t tell anyone! I’m Riku Rajamaa from Sunrise Avenue! There’s no girl I couldn’t get and I never had a crush on a girl in high school, being too shy and introvert to ask her out!”
“Of course not! You never had a crush on the little bat in your wallet!” giggling Elena cupped his face with her hands, kissing him slowly. “Six o’clock?”
“Six it is.” He whispered, softly running his lips over her neck. “See you, little bat!”
“See you, little nerd!” she winked at him, picking up her bag from the floor. Waving him goodbye she walked along the small gritted path leading over to the entrance door. He waved back, driving off as soon as she had stepped inside.
The day passed by completely blurry. Elena was tired, she felt numb. The idea that her real life had now actually turned into something weird and unrealistic scared her.
It was like at the theatre: Entrance Riku – he carries a huge bucket of mess, empties it over the protagonist – exit Riku.
Maybe she had to stop seeing him. It actually did her no good. Thoughtfully she touched her lips, still burning from his touch. He was only messing up her life, messing with her sense of reality.
She was a doctor, had a lovely family, some nice and close friends, a boyfriend she cared about... cared about... well...
On the other hand her life was definitely boring. There was no... no colour in it, no highlights. The days and weeks passed. Months and years started to run by far too fast. She was about to turn 28 this summer and still she felt that there was something missing. Some action, some adventure and excitement from time to time. Riku would surely be a big adventure, but was he actually capable of sharing a normal life with her one day? Maybe live together, quit the band, have children? They had only met and the boy she remembered dimly from high school and that was now part of a famous rockband wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, when she made plans about her future. Sighing she leaned back in her chair, staring at the screen of her computer.
Safety or adventure?
Continuing her life or living it?
Spinning her pen she closed her eyes. You can’t stick to safety all your life! She said to herself, throwing a gaze outside into the foggy and snowy afternoon. Then she picked up her mobile.
“Rob, it’s me, am I interrupting?”
“You’re not.” She heard him walking a little out of breath. “Just an ordinary day at the ICU. What is it?”
“I have been thinking...” she paused, taking a deep breath, but before she could continue he interrupted.
“Me too. So what are we gonna do?”
“Well, what did you come up with?”
“I still have some of your stuff at my apartment, most probably there’s some of mine at yours, so... if you want I can come and pick it up tonight.”
Speechless she stared down at her free hand, crumpling a post-it with her notes. “So it is definitely over for you?” she managed to say after a few seconds, feeling a sudden rush of pain and fear.
“I think it is for the best.” He simply answered, sounding cold.
“Alright then.” Elena took a deep breath. “So I will collect all your stuff then and you can just pop by and pick it up.”
“You know why I have to do this, right?” he asked, suddenly sounding a bit softer.
“Actually I don’t, but maybe I... maybe I just crossed the line during the last couple of days.” She answered in a very low voice, sorry for hurting his feelings.
“That’s not it. That was only the last straw to be honest.” He sighed. “You have changed a lot since you came back from Finland. I had the feeling that... well, you... you weren’t interested in me any longer. Something has changed and you kept pushing me away for weeks now. And maybe Riku was one of your reasons, I know you met him back home and... well, it changed you completely. All the calls from him... this closeness and then all the nights out, you’re getting wasted all the time, that’s so not you! And I think that... well, our attitudes and also our perspectives on life they... they seemed to have changed drastically!”
“Wow.” Again Elena sighed. “That is actually the bottom line of my thinking as well. So... D’you think we could still be friends?”
He fell silent for a moment. “I don’t think so.” He said pensively. “I mean, we... we don’t have anything in common really, so... what would we do? We don’t like going to the same places, we don’t have the same taste in food, in music, whatever. What would we do?”
“I just... I don’t want hard feelings, that’s all.”
“There’s no such thing as hard feelings. We tried and it didn’t work. We both agree on that. So... well, we could meet for lunch in the canteen from time to time if you want to.”
“Alright.” Torn between relief, fear and guilt, Elena leaned back in her chair. “So you’ll just come over after work, ok? Let’s say at about seven?”
“Fine with me. Ok, sorry, I have to go! I’ll call you as soon as I can tell you exactly if I can make it tonight, ok? I have to get home and collect your stuff first.”
“No problem. You could also come tomorrow morning, you’re off work this Saturday, right?”
“Alright, so... I’ll see you tomorrow, that’s actually a lot easier. See you then!”
“Bye... Rob.”
“Bye!” he hung up and Elena stared down at her mobile. This had actually been the easiest break-up of her life but somehow it had hurt her a lot more than many others before. He didn’t care. It was simply over for him, he didn’t even think about fighting for her. But that was him. He had always been straight forward. Even though he had never opened up to her completely he had always been honest. And he had never looked into her eyes, telling her the simple three words ‘I love you’. Never. Not once in two years. She had been glad about it most of the time, because ‘I love you too’ were the hardest four words for her. Especially because she had never been sure about her feelings towards him. ‘Two years of my life.’ She thought. ‘Simply wasted.’ Sighing she put her mobile aside, running her fingers through her hair. Then she picked it up again. It was only short after four but she didn’t care. “Wanna pick me up?” she simply texted.
The answer came promptly. “Gimme 10.”
Taking a deep breath, Elena got up. Alright then. Let’s have some adventure.
It didn’t even take Riku ten minutes to stop his car behind the hospital. Smiling he waved at her, pecking her lips when she closed her seatbelt. “I’ll have to take you along to the studio for a bit if you don’t mind.” He engaged the gear, driving off a little too fast.
Elena grabbed her seat with both hands. “As long as you intend to reach it alive I don’t mind at all!”
He laughed, turning up the music. “Snow chains.” He simply said, speeding up the car.
“Wohow!” she closed her eyes. “Maybe you have them, what about the other drivers?”
“I’m sorry for them, but we are in a bit of a hurry, the producers are going bananas if I don’t show up within the next minutes because they want me to record at...” he threw a quick gaze at his wristwatch. “At four fifteen.”
“But that’s now!”
“ Osmo’s in the box at the moment, he always takes a bit longer.” He took a turn roughly, driving down in an underground car park, stopping the engine. Quickly he opened his mobile. “Am I alright?” he asked, chuckling slightly. “Alright then, I’ll see you upstairs!” smiling he bent over to kiss her lips. “Raul switched places with me, we don’t have to hurry.”
She returned his smile, running her fingers through his hair. “I’m actually curious about your work now.”
“I hope you are! It is actually a bit boring, listening to the same people, singing and playing the same passages over and over again, but hey! There’s bad coffee and free donuts and afterwards we go for dinner, alright?”
“Fine with me.” Giggling she kissed him once more. “I’m glad I came.”
“Me too.” He jumped out of the car, opening the door of the passenger’s side for her. “Come on, let me introduce you to the rest of the lads.” He took her hand, heading for an elevator. “I assume you remember Sami and Osmo from school, right?”
“Not really. Sami was in my older brother’s year, right?” she linked fingers with him.
“I thought about it again and I’m not so sure. I think he was below, how old is your brother now? Wasn’t he older than the rest of us?”
“31.”
“So he must have been one year above Sami and you were the year below my class, right?”
“I think so.” Elena stared up at the jumping numbers. Suddenly the elevator stopped and Riku pulled her along.
“Alright!” smiling he wrapped his arm around her waist, opening a door on a long corridor.
The studio was a lot smaller than she had expected. There were a lot of blinking computers and mixing desks, two men sitting right in front of a huge window, randomly turning switches and pressing buttons.
“Hey guys!” Riku waved at them but they didn’t even look up properly, still concentrating on a man inside a booth, wearing headphones. Raul. She couldn’t help smiling. He was definitely nice. Well, in her dreams, she corrected, following Riku into a nearby room with couches and a TV. The rest of them was sitting around, watching an episode of ‘Friends’.
“Hey!” Riku sat down on the armrest of the couch, pulling Elena closer. “Guys, my friend Elena.” He introduced, making the three men turn their heads and pause the DVD.
“Elena Heikkinen?” Sami got up from his armchair, offering his hand to her with a smile. “He’s been talking about you a lot!!” he shook hands with her, watching her closely. Then he laughed. “Definitely Heikkinen’s little sister! I’m pleased!”
“How come I don’t remember you at all?” Osmo pushed Sami aside, reaching out his hand. “I do remember Ced, but...” he cocked his head. “You look a lot like him though!”
“Well, at school, I... I looked different. More like this...” She put down her head to mess up her hair. “It was also dyed black and I had a piercing in my nose and a lot of dark make-up.”
Osmo broke into laughter. “You’re the little bat? Snake-girl?”
Laughing along with him, she raised her hands, presenting her wrists. “Snake-girl indeed!”
“There was this rumour at school about you having another tattoo somewhere around your private area...” cocking his eyebrow, Osmo folded his arms in front of his chest. “True or false?”
Elena broke into laughter again. “Goodness! I had no idea! So you have been wondering about my private area for years now, right?”
“I have actually.” Grinning Osmo sat down on a chair. “So, will you now end my misery and tell me about this special little secret?”
“I won’t, dear. Keep thinking about it for a few more years!” She grinned, looking up when somebody cleared his throat right behind her.
“So little bat Heikkinen, I’m Samu.” He said in his deep voice, immediately causing goosebumps on her back. “And I have to say, I’m really curious about your private parts now, no offence!”
‘My chance to make a different choice.’ She thought, smiling at Riku before she turned around to take the big hand that was offered to her. “None taken. Nice to meet you, Samu!” she said, resting her back at Riku. Although she felt a little tingle in her stomach when he smiled at her warmly, she just nodded openly. This was real life! She would never hurt Riku in real life, that was one thing she was 100% sure of. She could resist the other man’s charm, because she already knew the mess this whole love triangle would create. “I’m very excited to meet you guys.” Smiling she turned her head to grin widely at Osmo and Sami. “I’m happy you made it big! Makes me proud of my hometown!”
The two of them laughed and Elena felt Riku’s arm sliding around her waist again when he pulled her down on the couch to sit on his lap.
“So d’you wanna sit around for a bit and watch TV or d’you actually want to listen to Ruutuu over there recording?” he kissed her neck, rubbing his nose into her hair.
“I think I’ll stay with you for a bit.” She decided, cuddling up in his arms. “Maybe I can listen to you and make fun later on.” She lifted her head from his chest, winking at him. “I can’t believe you became a rockband-member, nerdy!”
“Well, I can’t believe you became a woman after being a bat for so long!”
Laughing she kissed his lips. “You win.” She ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer.
He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her completely. “I do actually.”
Sami let out a vomiting sound. “Goodness, Rajamaa! Is it really cheesy-day?” he slapped his mate’s head, sitting down in his armchair again, to start the DVD.
Elena closed her eyes, listening to Riku’s heartbeat instead of listening to the TV. She didn’t look at Samu again. Better safe than sorry. She smiled to herself. This was more than enough adventure for now. With the smell of his skin close to her nose she fell asleep after a while, completely relaxed and happy.
“Chucky?” soft lips touched her cheek and she looked up sleepily.
“What?” she whispered, clearing her throat.
“It’s my turn.” Riku kissed her lips and got up very carefully. “D’you wanna sleep for a bit? You look tired! I can take you along again if you insist on listening to my singing.” Smiling he kissed her again. “Go back to sleep, I’ll be right with you.”
Elena only mumbled something and curled up on the couch again. Soon she was fast asleep.
“Thanks for keeping her warm.” She suddenly heard Riku’s voice again and opened her eyes, realising that she was actually sleeping on someone’s lap.
“Anytime.” She heard a husky voice she knew too well and flinched, quickly sitting up.
Riku bent down to kiss her. “Did you sleep well, Chucky?” he smiled, running his fingers through her messy hair. “You wanna go for dinner or d’you want me to take ye home?”
“Dun wanna go home.” She rubbed her eyes, getting up from the couch to take Riku in her arms. “Let’s go have some dinner first, okay?”
“Alright.” He smiled, biting down on her earlobe. “Whatever you want. Bye guys! See you tomorrow!”
Elena turned around to wave at the rest of them, smiling at Raul. “Oh! Hey, I’m Elena.”
“Raul.” He returned her smile. “I was actually wondering a little, when I found you sleeping on Samu’s lap before!” he chuckled. “Normally we don’t share girls!”
Elena felt her cheeks blushing. “I was out with Riku last night and... well, we had a little crash and I haven’t slept too much.” She tried to explain, making Raul grin.
“Yeah, he told us about the whole vomiting thing. You’d better keep it low tonight!”
“We will!” Elena looked up at Riku. “Very low. Dinner and sleep. No vomiting included!” she waved again, smiling at Raul, Sami and Osmo. Her smile froze on her lips when her gaze met Samu’s that was looking up at her from the couch. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.” She mumbled, averting her gaze.
“Nevermind!” she could tell from the sound of his voice that he was smiling. “Have good night’s rest, we’ll see you two tomorrow, right?”
“D’you guys maybe wanna join?” Riku suddenly offered. “A burger, some chips?”
“We’re not gonna interrupt yer date, mate!” Osmo shook his head with a grin. “And let me tell you something: It should be a bit more than a burger! Hell, Rajamaa! What are you thinking? Burger and chips? What happened to fancy hotel restaurants and French food? Take that poor girl out!”
“The poor girl likes chips, thanks a lot, mate!” Elena giggled, pulling Riku closer. “Come on, let’s go, I’m starving!”
“So where d’you wanna go?” Riku asked, closing his seatbelt.
“Do we have a chance to go to an actual restaurant and have dinner without being interrupted by crazy fans or paparazzi?” she asked, putting her hand on his thigh. He laughed and shook his head, giving her an apologetic look.
“I doubt that.”
“Then how about some Chinese take away and a movie at my place?”
“Sounds good to me!” he smiled relieved, squeezing her hand that was still resting on his thigh.
“You know what I like best about you?” Riku mumbled with his mouth full of noodles when they sat together on Elena’s couch, watching a movie.
“What?” she smiled at him, taking another spring roll.
“I can be myself. Completely. I mean,” he swallowed, sipping his coke. “You knew me back in high school when I was still a nerd and now, well... I know that you like me for what I am, that’s actually quite rare.” He took the half eaten spring roll from her hand, stuffing it in his mouth. “When I met you at the men’s room I thought, ou crap, you’re so drunk and there’s a sexy chick and she wants to get to know you! No, not you, she wants Riku Rajamaa from Sunrise Avenue. And then...” he shrugged, smiling at her. “Then you turned out to be nice and you even left and let me pee on my own! I was stunned, Helsinki-girl!” bending down he kissed her lips. “And now I’m sitting here with you, completely relaxed, having something I haven’t had in years: an ordinary relationship with a girl!” he paused, blushing slightly. “I’m sorry, you... not a relationship of course! Maybe an affair.” He furrowed his brows. “Affair sounds mean, don’t you think?”
Elena rested her face to his neck, wrapping her arm around his chest. “Call it relationship, that’s fine with me.” Kissing her way over his chin, she smiled in his surprised face. “Turns out that I no longer have a boyfriend, so... well I think we’re over with this whole affair thing.”
He returned her smile, kissing her lips again. “Alright, so... you look sleepy, maybe your boyfriend should give you some rest now.”
“Well, if he actually is my boyfriend, there’s no need to leave, right?” she cuddled a little closer, yawning deeply.
“Not at all.” He whispered back, kissing her forehead.
Again she fell asleep on his chest, realising in surprise that he had closed all the lights and carried her over to her bedroom. Carefully he put her down on the bed. “Take your time, I’ll be in the bathroom for a second. May I use your toothbrush?”
“The blue one.” She whispered, kissing him sleepily before feeling her way over the bed to find her night gown.
When she entered the bathroom a few minutes later he had taken off his t-shirt and pullover and washed his face. “Thanks!” he mumbled, taking the towel she handed over to him. Sitting down on the closed toilet seat, Elena started to brush her teeth. It felt unexpectedly normal to be with him. Just like it had in her dreams. It was, as if he had been there for a long time, as if he actually belonged to her life. Smiling she lifted her eyebrow when he sat down on the laundry machine, watching her. “What?” she got up, rinsing her mouth.
“Nothing actually. Just looking at you.” He jumped down from the laundry machine, taking her in his arms. “Sleep?” he kissed the tip of her nose.
“Sleep.” She agreed, resting her forehead to his collarbone, yawning on his naked shoulder.
Closing the door of her bedroom, she remained standing next to her closet, playing with her lower lip. “D’you want me to put on some new bedcovers?” she asked a little unassertive, opening a drawer.
“Why?” he asked astound, straightening the messed up blankets on her bed.
“Well, I... I don’t know, because of Rob?” she shrugged and tried to smile. “Remember, the guy from last night that punched you in the face?”
“Why would I care?” grinning he lay down, taking one of the pillows to shuffle it around. “I got his girl and his bed, why wouldn’t I take his blanket as well?” he opened his arms and winked at her. “Now come here and hug me!”
When he lay down close behind her she felt his arm sliding around her waist. Softly he caressed her belly with his hand and placed a light kiss on her neck. “Sleep well, Chucky.” He whispered.
“You too.” She turned her head, meeting his lips in a gentle kiss.
Actually it didn’t feel adventurous to be with him. It felt normal. And very, very good.
She awoke early in the morning, immediately cuddling up to Riku that lay on his front, his arms and face buried in his pillow. Suddenly he moved, turning around to wrap his arm around her.
“Hey.” He whispered with a smile, kissing her cheek. “Did you sleep well?”
She nodded, shoving some strands of hair out of his forehead. “Very good actually. Even though I was afraid that you might have disappeared.”
“Your sleep was very light, how would I have managed?” he pulled her closer to his naked chest, feeling her running her fingers over his shoulders and his neck. “And besides, why would I want that?” taking her hand in his, he kissed her palm before putting it on his cheek.
“It’s still early, don’t you wanna sleep a little longer?” carefully she ran her fingertips over his dark eyebrows.
He shook his head, reaching over to pick up his wristwatch from the bedside table. “It’s almost eight, maybe I can go back to my hotel soon to have a shower and get some fresh clothes.” He suggested, sitting up on the bed.
Elena chuckled, rubbing her face with her hands. “I can’t believe that I was actually about to pout and ask you to stay.” Softly she caressed his arm. “I’m getting all clingy, see? Told you!”
He laughed and bent down to kiss her. “We still have two weeks to the day, so why don’t I just grab some stuff and move in with you for a bit? I’ll spend most of my free time with you anyway.”
“Only most?” she tried to pout, but a low giggle came over her lips and she returned his kiss.
“All! Of course! Hell, you ARE clingy! Possessive little bat!”
“Told you!” she repeated, dragging herself up on her feet. “Come on, I’ll make some coffee.”
He took her outreached hands, letting her pull him over to the kitchen. Slipping his t-shirt over his head, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, following her every step without losing body contact.
“What did you dream about last night?” he suddenly asked when they sat together in her small kitchen.
She leaned back, blowing some cold air into her coffee. “I don’t remember actually.” She cocked her head and shrugged. “There was something about... dunno, a restaurant and... I think you were there.”
He chuckled, sipping his cup. “That’s nice! I already have a little part in your dreams.”
“A big one, trust me on that!” she giggled and blushed, trying to avoid his curious gaze.
“Yes...?”
“Nothin’.”
“No, please!” grinning he reached over, taking her hand. “Tell me about it! I’ve been dreaming about you from time to time during the last weeks, so please tell me!”
“Well, I...” she hesitated, staring down into her mug. “I had some really weird dreams about you and your friends for a while.” She admitted, feeling her cheeks blushing deeper.
“After we met?” curiously he rested his elbows on the table.
She shook her head. “Actually it started before.” Taking a deep breath she looked at him. “Try not to laugh too hard, ok?”
“I won’t, honour bright!” he raised his right hand. “On the bible!”
Elena sighed, playing with her cup. “It started around Christmas. I had some really weird and realistic dreams about you guys, but... well, I wasn’t with you, I was with Samu. We were married. But you... you were my best friend and... we... we had once had a relationship but we broke up because of Samu and... well...” she tried to wave her words aside. “To cut a long story short, the two of us ended up having one amazing night together.”
“So you already had me in your dreams, hum?” grinning he moved a little closer. “Do I need to have some second thoughts about Haber?”
“Not really.” She shook her head. “I will definitely not try to get any closer to him! My dreams are weird sometimes but this is real life!” taking his hand she caressed his palm with her thumb. “Maybe I wanna have some adventure but... well... I only left a man that didn’t... well, I don’t wanna impute to him that he never really loved me but... I think he didn’t and so...” she looked up from his hand. “It feels quite good that... that you actually wanna be with me so... why would I blow this up myself by trying my luck with someone else I’ve had some kinda crush on in my dream?” slowly she shook her head.
Cupping her face with his hands he leaned in to kiss her. “I actually LOVE spending time with you!” he simply stated very seriously. “But I will definitely have an eye on you and Haber!” chuckling he kissed her again. “So tell me, was I good?”
Elena blushed and rolled her eyes. “You had to come up with this, hadn’t you?” chuckling she leaned back. “No you weren’t! You were boring and I let you shag me three times, watching the stars, trying my best not to fall asleep!”
“Stars, hum? So we were outside somewhere?”
“Beach. We... well, we were quite drunk in my dream and started making out in the water at night.”
“Sounds quite nice...” he put his head in his hand, twisting his empty cup around. “As long as I was really good of course!”
Elena giggled, getting up from her chair by the window. “Well, let’s wait and see. Dreams don’t count in this place, you know? You need to prove yerself in my bed first!”
“Anytime!” he slapped her bottom in her thin black nightgown. “Just let me know as soon as.... well, it might be a little inappropriate at the moment, you only broke up with your boyfriend and I don’t wanna be a stop-gap or make-do for you!”
“I’d never use you to keep my feet warm!” she punched him slightly. “My feet are perfectly warm on their own, Mr. Right-now!”
“That’s what I wanted to hear!” chuckling he got up to wrap his arms around her. “So will I see you tonight?”
“I’ll come to the studio again if you don’t mind.” She looked up at him. “Rob’s gonna come by and grab his stuff, so... well I don’t have plans for the rest of the day.”
“Just gimme a call, I’ll pick ye up if you want.”
After he had left she started to rummage around her flat. There were a few shirts and some socks from Rob in her closet, some of his books on the shelves of the living room. She collected everything, putting it in a small box for easy take away. Cleaning out her apartment in one go, she also removed some of his pictures and put them in a separate box to store them in the basement. Maybe it had not been the relationship of her life, but still... she had always kept some of the stuff of her ex-boyfriends. Vacuum cleaning her place, she decided to bake a cake and make some coffee later on. Maybe it was over but she could at least offer him some coffee.
He called at about ten when she had already finished the dough, and told her that he would be over at eleven.
Quickly she took a shower, getting dressed in her favourite pullover and some comfortable and warm cord pants. In the kitchen she started the coffee machine, washing the two empty cups they had used in the morning before she sat down by the window, staring outside into the snow. She tried not to think about Riku but somehow his face came to her mind and she couldn’t help smiling. Her new boyfriend. Weird but true. Trying to figure out the changes he could bring to her life, she started daydreaming about him for a bit. Would he take her with him on tour one day? She had never seen Sunrise Avenue perform but she was curious. Some of their songs were played on the radio sometimes and she made a mental note to listen a bit closer the next time she heard one of it.
The doorbell rang at eleven sharp. Right on time as usual. Dragging herself up on her feet, she checked on her cake again, cutting off two pieces before she made her way over to the entrance door.
“Hey!” she smiled, stepping aside. “Come in.”
He handed a box over to her. “And your keys.” He simply said and remained standing on the corridor.
“Don’t you wanna come in? I just made some coffee.” Beckoning him over she wanted to close the door but he shook his head.
“No thanks, I’m fine.” He merely stated. “A friend of mine brought me here, the car’s waiting.”
“Oh.” Elena stepped back. “Well, ask him to come up and have a cup as well.”
“SHE’s actually not too fond of you and didn’t want to come up.” He averted his gaze.
Click! Complete picture.
“Oh. Well then, let me just grab your stuff.” Quickly she turned around, wondering for a second. Most probably it was Jane, a doctor he worked with. Jane had actually never liked her and Elena had always felt that she was after Rob, but well... not her business any longer. When she returned from the living room she found Rob leaning at the kitchen door.
“You remember I don’t like walnuts, right?” he pointed at her cake.
Right! There had been something about him and food... “It was actually for a friend, I... I just wanted to try a piece before.” She lied quickly, knowing exactly that he knew it.
“Well, I assume you weren’t alone for breakfast this morning either.” Sarcastically he grinned, pointing at the two cups she had put on the placement area of the sink.
Without responding to his little side swipe she put the box in his hands. “Have a nice weekend, Rob. Don’t forget to say hello to Jane.” She turned around, walking over to the entrance door, waiting for him to follow.
“Yeah, well, have fun with your new life then.” He nodded at her, turning around without giving her another look.
Finally. Slowly Elena walked back into the kitchen, wrapping her cake into some aluminium foil. Someone would appreciate it!
On her way to the living room she picked up her mobile, sending a short message to Riku to pick her up. Very well then. Some fun with her new life.
When Riku reached her place she was already waiting outside in the heavy snow. “Hey!” he smiled cautiously. “Everything alright?”
She only nodded, closing the door. “I’m fine. Got my stuff back and made some cake.” She lifted the plate on her lap. “Hope you guys like it!”
He laughed, apparently a little relieved. “We’re fed up with bad donuts and thin coffee, so yes, we definitely will!” still smiling he kissed her cheek. “Good to have you back!” driving off, he put his hand on her thigh. “It is definitely gonna be a looooong weekend full of fun in the studio!”
The rest of the lads were equally excited about her cake, Sami even adjourned his recordings, very much to the displeasure of the record people but after they had been handed a piece of cake they were thrilled about the break.
“God, this tastes so good!” Samu mumbled with his mouth still full, taking another slice. “Rajamaa you are a lucky bastard!”
Riku laughed self-congratulatory, pulling Elena closer. “I know! A girl baking and actually eating pie! I’m in heaven!”
After a long day of Friends, recording and pie, Riku and Elena made their way downstairs. “Ah, I completely forgot!” Riku smote his forehead. “You have to help me, I promised Ruutuu to pick him up later, he wants to buy a commode and he told me to come with him to the store to pick it up.” He opened the trunk of his car. “We need to get the back seats down for it.” He beckoned her over. “I never tried this before, so I might need a hand.” Grinning he bent over the seat.
Elena got in the car as well, trying to help him. Suddenly, when both of them leaned over the seat, pulling, pushing and giggling there was a small flash, soon followed by many others. Riku’s head spun around and he froze. “Oh!” he closed his eyes, covering them with his hand.
At first Elena was shocked, but then a small giggle came over her lips. “Wow, Rajamaa, seems like we are busted in the backseats of your tank!”
“Right now I wish it actually was a tank.” He clenched his teeth. “D’you wanna hide? I could climb over and drive off!”
“No way! That’s like a confession of guilt!” she got up from the seat. “Drive off, I’ll go upstairs again, Raul is still at the studio, I could wait for him. You wanna meet anyway, maybe he takes me along and I’ll see you at his place.”
He nodded slowly. “I don’t know... true... we... hum... He’s the only one of us with an apartment in London, I sold mine last year. But most probably they will be waiting for you at his place.”
“I’ll hide in his trunk, promise! We’ll figure something out!” smiling she squeezed his fingers, exiting the car. “Bye, Mr. Rajamaa!” she waved and rushed over to the elevator again. Flashes of light followed her but she didn’t turn around again. When she closed the doors of the lift she heard Riku driving off. Crazy new life! Still giggling she stepped onto the corridor, finding Raul and Osmo. “Hey guys!” she smiled at them.
“Elena!” Osmo raised his eyebrow. “Why are you still here? Didn’t Riku want to take you home?”
“Reporters.” She pointed over her shoulder. “We got busted in the backseats and decided that one of you should give me a lift.”
“Backseats, hum?” Raul grinned. “Do I really want to know about it?”
She laughed. “It was for your commode, Riku told me he wanted to help you.” Looking from one to the other, she folded her arms over her chest. “So would one of you please give me a lift?”
“Well, we would...” Osmo scratched the back of his neck, shrugging a little unassertive. “But now they have smelled blood I assume... so if... well, doesn’t matter whether you are with Riku or with one of us right now, your picture’s gonna be all over the tabloids!”
“Oh.” Elena grimaced. “Damn!”
“Wait!” Raul beamed at her out of a sudden. “Dan must be somewhere around, maybe we can ask him!”
“Good one!” Osmo spun around, rushing along the corridor.
“Dan’s one of the studio technicians, maybe he can wait with you for a bit and bring you to our hotel.”
Elena nodded thoughtfully, playing with her lower lip. “What if... hey, know what? This Dan-guy, he could take me to the store, where you wanna pick up your commode.”
“Hey!” Raul grinned broadly. “Rajamaa’s found himself a smart girl! Woohoo! Come on, let’s do this! I promise, we’ll be there in about half an hour at the latest, alright? It’s McGregor’s antiques, Dan knows it, he took me there in the first place.”
“Alright then, go find the little nerd and tell him about our devilish plan!” Elena nodded with a smile, waving him goodbye. He winked at her, stepping into the elevator. “I’ll distract them, promise! Maybe I’ll drop my pants!”
Chuckling Elena rested her back at the white wall. Those guys were amazing! Just like in her dreams. Sometimes she even wondered a little just how similar they were in real life.
Osmo didn’t take long. Pulling a blond man along the corridor, he smiled at her. “Here we go!” he clapped his hands. “Dan, Elena, Elena, Dan.”
Elena offered her hand to the blond. “Hey, Dan. Thank you so much for your help!”
He waved her comment aside. “No problem! Come on, my car’s outside on the car park.” Beckoning her over, he fetched his keys from the back pocket of his jeans.
It took Riku and Raul in fact almost 50 minutes to reach the small antiques store. Cursing the reporters and paparazzi, Riku slammed the door of his car. She would be mad at him. Still cursing under his breath, he circled the car, buttoning up his coat. It was dark already, heavy snow flurry inhibited visibility, covering the street and the cars nearby.
Suddenly he saw something moving from the corner of his eye. He wasn’t fast enough and a snowball hit him fair in the face. He heard laughter, wiping the wet snow from his face. There she was, quickly running into him, wrapping her arms around him. “That was for being late!” she kissed his wet face playfully before she stepped back, offering a paper bag to him. “And this is because I love you.”
Completely taken by surprise he broke into laughter, taking one of the little meat pies she had bought from a Greggs-store nearby. She offered the bag to Raul as well. “Come on, mate!” she winked at him. “I got sausage-rolls!” seductively she blinked her eyes, making Raul giggle and take one of the offered pastries.
“Sorry for being late!” Riku bent down, kissing his girlfriend with his salty lips before hungrily biting off another piece of his pie. “Sometimes I wanna run them over, but I’m still too human to kill reporters!” he took another hearty bite, realising in surprise that he had blanked out his hunger completely because he had been scared that she would make a scene for standing in the snow far too long. Smiling he kissed her again, watching her eating another sausage-roll.
“What?” she mumbled and returned his smile.
“Nothing.” He pulled her closer. “Just, well... thanks for not being mad.”
Elena broke into laughter and choked on her sausage. “Mad?” she gasped, coughing. “You’re only a few minutes late! And I can always keep myself busy, especially with food, trust me!”
“Bathtub for you!” Riku smacked a kiss on Elena’s cheek and put the paper bags from the grocery store down on the counter of the kitchen. “You deserve it!”
“Thanks.” Elena wrapped her arms around him and smiled. “You could join me you know...”
Grinning he pulled her closer. “I surely could...”
“So why don’t you?”
Still grinning he cocked his head. “Give me one minute to put this all away.” He pointed at the food. “You can arrange the bath for us, alright?”
“Waiting for you in the tub.” She winked at him, making her way over to the bathroom. When she started to light a few candles, filling the tub, she smiled to herself. Life with Riku seemed incredibly easy. She felt connected to him in a way she had never been to any man she had ever dated. They shared a lot of interests, enjoying the same music and foods. He even seemed to like having long baths on cold winter evenings. Strangely enough after only a few days but he made her feel like home. She pinned up her hair, taking off her pullover. Even the fact that she would be naked with him in only a few minutes didn’t scare her. She had been naked with him in her dreams and it had never felt odd. In fact it had felt nothing but perfectly right. Sighing she pulled down her pants and slip, sitting down in the hot water. Completely relaxed she leaned back, stretching out her legs.
Suddenly the phone rang and she opened her eyes a little annoyed. She was already about to sit up again and grab her towel, but Riku stood in the doorway all of a sudden.
“Yep, she’s right ‘ere.” He smiled at her. “It’s yer sister calling. Want me to tell her to call you back?”
She shook her head and wiped her wet hands. “Hand ‘er over. Thanks a lot, love.”
“Alright, so here you go, bye Lilly!” he handed the phone over to her, sitting down on the ceiling of the bathtub to open his sneakers.
“Put them on the heater!” Elena suggested, pointing at his shoes. “They must be soaking wet! Sorry Lil, just a sec. I also got some old newspapers if you want to dry them properly!”
He got up, carefully smelling his shoes. With a disgusted sound he lowered them, smirking at her. “Yer bath smells too nice for my stinky sneakers!” he held them away as far as possible. “I’d better take ‘em outside, I guess.”
Elena laughed. “Alright, stinky-boy, take yer time! Hey there, hun!” she turned back at her sister. “How are you?”
“How am III?” Lilly shrieked. “Is that Riku Rajamaa answering your phone calls, delivering your phone to you in the bathtub? Hell, what the fuck is going on in your life, sis?”
Again Elena laughed, leaning back. “I made a few changes.”
“Changes in what? Men? Life? Reality maybe?” still her sisters voice was a little high pitched and Elena played around with the foam in the tub.
“Well, all of it I assume.” She started warily. “I broke up with Rob.”
“And now what? Are you with Riku now?” she over-enunciated his name, making Elena giggle.
“Well, kinda. We started hanging out a little when I returned to London and Rob, he... well I guess he couldn’t handle it and well, I ended up kissing Riku and also I was told that I threw up on him as well as he... well...” she waved her words aside. “Different story. But we realised that we actually feel quite comfortable with each other, so... well, now he’s here and we will see where it takes us when he has to leave again.” She pouted at her entering boyfriend, making him raise his eyebrow.
“What d’you expect? Guess you’ll be forced to start travelling, right?” he took off his pullover. “There’s a lot of nice hotel rooms waiting for you all over the world!” starting to unbutton his pants he threw a quick gaze at her. “You mind?”
Elena burst into laughter. “About what? You getting naked?”
“He’s getting NAKED?” Lilly shrieked again. “Oh my god, you’re gonna have sex with Riku Rajamaa in your bathtub!”
“I think I won’t.” Elena cocked her head. “Are we gonna have sex in the bathtub now? Lilly wants to know.”
“I don’t intend to inform your sister when, where or how I’m gonna have sex with you!”
“That’s a yes.” Elena winked at him. “Listen, hun. I’m really tired, you mind if I call you tomorrow? I need some rest now, we’ve been at the studio all day, carrying a heavy commode for Raul and doing some late shopping, I’m knackered.”
“Well as long as you promise to tell me EVERYTHING tomorrow!” Lilly insisted. “Damn, why did I even make an effort and try to get a ticket for their show for you! You’re gonna bring us in backstage! Damn, I need to call Ally right now! Love you, hun! Bye!”
“Bye, Lil!” Elena said, but her sister had already hung up the phone. Still grinning she sat up, washing her face. “She’s very excited now.” Again she put a handful of water on her face. “You’re like the brother in law she has dreamed of all her life!”
Chuckling Riku pulled down his boxers and stepped into the tub. “Gimme some space in there, big girl!”
“I am NOT a big girl!” she smirked at him. “’s the water too cold for you, big boy?” she teased, making him snort with laughter.
“Of course you’re not a big girl, love.” He leaned over to kiss her. “And very soon I won’t be cold anymore.” Grinning he ran his fingers over her shins. Then he sat back, putting his legs over hers. “God, this feels so good!” he sighed and closed his eyes but only to open them again, smiting his forehead. “Almost forgot!” getting up he wrapped a towel around his hips. When he returned he had a bottle of red wine and two glasses in his hands. “Wanna join me for a glass?” smiling he put the glasses down on the sink to fill them, when she nodded.
They both fell asleep quickly that night, wrapped up in each other’s arms, too tired to stay awake and do anything but kissing for a few minutes.
Riku’s mobile woke them in the early morning, making Riku grunt something vulgar instead of hello when he picked up.
“I knew you were sleeping!” Sami sounded annoyed. “Get yer arse here, mate! We got an interview at nine!”
Grunting again Riku lay back. “Ye’re kidding, right?” he mumbled, feeling over the bedside table to find his wristwatch.
“I’m not, so get here quickly! Damn, Riku! She’s getting you all fuzzy and messed up!”
“Leave her you of this, mate!” Riku dragged himself up on his feet. “I’ll be at the hotel in 20 minutes.” He hung up, sighing when he looked down at Elena in her half sleep.
“You gotta go?” she mumbled, sitting up as well.
“Have to.” He shrugged apologetically. “Will I see you tonight?”
“’f course.” She yawned. “Just pop by as soon as you are done, alright?”
“I will.” Sighing again he bent down to kiss her. “I’ll bring my suitcase along for my stay at yours, alright?”
She returned his smile and nodded. “See you later!” she whispered before she closed her eyes, drifting back into her sleep.
They had been dating for almost a week. Most of the time Riku had stayed overnight but nothing serious had happened between them and Elena was torn between excitement and impatience. No doubt, she wanted him and she knew that he wanted her but somehow he had decided to give her time. Time they actually didn’t have, so Elena felt herself getting more and more impatient the more time they spent together and the more their precious time was running out.
He called in the early afternoon of the next Saturday, promising to come and pick her up around half past five. “Dress up a little we’re gonna have an early dinner.” He simply stated before he hung up the phone, leaving her standing in front of her closet completely puzzled. Dressing up? She had not dressed up in years! After trying on a couple of dresses and desperately throwing them onto the bed, she finally found the old graduation dress she had been wearing when she had finished university. It was beautiful but still casual enough to give her the feeling of not being overdressed. Slowly she turned in front of the mirror, running her hands over the small gleaming pearls of the dark blue strapless dress. Perfect. She smiled at her reflection, throwing a quick gaze at the clock on the corridor wall. Half an hour to go. Sighing she sat down on her bed. She was dressed, everything was fine.
No!
She jumped up. Nothing was fine! Hair and make-up! Damn! Half an hour to go! She rushed over to the bathroom.
Only short after half past five when she grabbed her purse, giving herself one last look before applying a second layer of lip-gloss. Her shoes were a bit too high-heeled for her taste, but they matched the dress perfectly. Hoping for a clear sidewalk she stepped outside, finding a middle-aged blond man standing in front of a dark Mercedes. He smiled at her, taking a small bow. “I’m most delighted, Miss Heikkinen.” Again he bowed, opening the door of the car for her. “My name is Jonathan. Mr Rajamaa sent me to pick you up, because he has been delayed by a few phone calls, asking your forgiveness.”
‘Asking my forgiveness?’ Elena bit back a little grin and nodded thankfully when Jonathan helped her to sit in the back of the car. Well, forgiveness for keeping her curious and now even sending a car as if she was an ambassadress! Excitedly she wrapped her coat around herself, leaning forward to watch Jonathan driving off.
He turned his head for a second. “Is everything alright, Miss?” he asked astounded, making her blush and sit back immediately.
“Sure.” She blushed even deeper. “I’m not used to sitting in the backseats to be honest!”
He let out a little laugh. “I apologise for the inconvenience, Miss! It is only going to take a few minutes, so you might just sit back and relax. I’ll take you to the main entrance and drop you off if this is agreeable to you.”
“It is.” She assured quickly, pressing her handbag to her chest flutteringly.
Another chance to make a different choice. She would go out for dinner with Riku and... most probably she would stay overnight, so... maybe it was another chance to avoid the weird threesome she had once had in her dreams. It was Riku. It had to be Riku. She would never hurt him in real life.
Wondering a little, she thought about her dream-mess again. The dreams had stopped out of a sudden. One night with Riku and puff! Everything was dark and quiet and peaceful. The whole fitfulness had been over all of a sudden. Maybe it was a sign from somewhere above. She had made the right decision by choosing Riku. Even though... some strange little part deep inside of her was mourning. It was hurting, feeling pain and grief for losing Samu. How could there be dolour? She was happy! She had finally made a profound decision by leaving her ordinary life behind and taking a risk. She had finally found a man she felt happy to be with. What was it that made her sad? A dream??
She had to talk to her mother. This wasn’t normal! And it wasn’t healthy either.
Deep in her thoughts she stared outside into the heavy snow, flinching when Jonathan suddenly opened the door of the car for her. “The Hilton, Miss.” Smiling he took a small bow and offered his hand to her to help her exit the car. “You’ll be alright, won’t you, Miss?”
“I’ll be fine. Thank you, Jonathan.” Elena arranged her coat, trying to return the driver’s smile. “Thanks for picking me up!”
“My pleasure, Miss. Maybe you could take a seat in the lobby or the hotel bar. Mr Rajamaa will be with you as soon as possible.” He took another bow before her got into the car again, driving off.
Alright. Here we go. Elena ran her hands through her hair, entering the huge hotel. The bar was easy to find and she felt like she needed a little drink right now. When she sat down at one of the centre tables she thought about having a cup of coffee, shoving the thought aside. She was far too excited to have coffee now! Ordering Scotch, she took off her coat, leaning back on the soft black leather couch. You could never go wrong with good old Scotch.
The waitress smiled down at her. “Any preferences, Miss?” she asked, giving Elena an odd smile, most probably wondering about a woman drinking Whisky.
“Glen Morrangie.” Elena tried to sound annoyed, returning the snappish smile of the young woman.
“Glen Morrangie on ice. Just a second, Miss!” she was about to turn around, but Elena stopped her by clearing her throat.
“EXCUSE me?” she gave the girl a charming smile. “Did you just say ON ICE?”
“Of course, Miss, d’you have different preferences?” the girl blushed.
“Actually I have.” Elena put her purse aside. “Double Scotch and one spoonful of table water please.” Picking up her mobile, she signalised the waitress that she wasn’t needed any longer. Stupid little pet!
Suddenly a low chuckle was heard close behind her. “The same for me please.” A husky voice yelled after the waitress and Elena’s head spun around.
Samu!
Her heart almost skipped a beat. She had met him very often during the last week. Mostly during recordings but from time to time she had joined the lads for a little party at local pubs with Riku. She had always tried to avoid Samu, trying not to be impolite, but drawing an invisible line with her behaviour towards him. Always nice and polite, but never close. Much to her disappointment he had been the perfectly good looking, charming guy she loved with all her heart in her dreams and sometimes it even made her feel like choking in his presence. He seemed to shrink a room by only being in it, and with it he seemed to minimize all the space she was fighting to keep up.
Still chuckling he sat down next to her. “Never met a girl, drinking her Whisky your way. The RIGHT way.” He added, comfortably leaning back with a little sigh. “Damn it, you look fit tonight!” he suddenly stated, making her blush.
“Thanks.” She mumbled in a thin voice and allowed herself to run his gaze over him. Damn it, he looked amazing with his lose baggy pants and his shirt with rolled up sleeves. “You too.” She added after a few seconds, making him burst into laughter.
“Thank you, Mylady!” he sat up, resting his elbows on his knees. “So, here’s the deal: You have to be satisfied with me for a while, because Riku is still busy, but I assume that we will make the best out of it, right?” he took the two glasses the waitress brought and handed one of them over to Elena. “That one’s on me.” He smiled broadly, winking at her.
Elena felt her hand shivering when she took the glass from his fingers, trying her best not to touch him. She failed miserably and the bolt of electricity shooting through her body almost let the glass slip through her fingers. Quickly she took a deep breath, trying to return Samus smile when she clinked glasses with him.
Taking a deep swing, Samu sighed again and leaned back, putting his arm around the backrest of the little couch. “So...” he smiled again, winking at her. “Tell me something about you!”
Elena tried to hide behind her glass, feeling the liquor burning in her throat. She moved away as far as possible, arranging her long dress. “Well...” she mumbled, completely out of words for a second. “I think I told you guys almost everything about me.”
He laughed, pointing at her with a grin. “You didn’t!” he simply stated, watching her closely with his intense eyes. “There’s more.”
“Well, you... you know about my work and... and my family and my life... right?” she stuttered, feeling her cheeks blushing again.
“Work and family don’t make a whole life, do they?” he ignored the distance she tried to keep between them, moving closer. “I wanna know more about what is actually in here.” His index finger touched her forehead. “Dreams, plans, life experiences. Everything.” Checking his wristwatch his smile widened. “From my point of view we have about an hour at the least, so... why don’t you just get started and we’ll see where it takes us, what d’you say?”
NO! Everything inside of her yelled instantly, but she tried to work up all her courage, emptying her glass. Quickly she signalised the waitress to bring another one. It was definitely required for this grilling Samu was about to start.
“Dreams and plans, hum?” she forced a smile, working up all her strength and courage once more, fighting against the smell of his familiar cologne. Damn, why did he even have to smell the way he used to in her dreams?? What a perfect topic, her dreams. She could surely tell him a little story! Taking a deep swing from her new glass and a breath, she turned around to face him and extend the distance between them on the small couch. “I always dreamed about travelling.” She started, relieved to have a neutral topic.
“Where?” he asked quickly, leaning back.
“Everywhere!” she chuckled bashfully. “I never had a lot of time to travel really.”
“Why?” again he focused on her face, cocking his head.
“I’ve been busy.”
“This is not a proper conversation, girl!” he laughed.
“Well, you are not helpful!” she shot back, feeling her cheeks blushing even deeper, much to her annoyance.
“I was supposed to be the interested listener in this conversation, dear!” he sipped his drink. “Please, go ahead, you were saying?”
“I have always worked far too much.” She admitted without even thinking about it properly, twisting her glass between her fingers. “School, university, PhD... it all happened so fast, you know?”
“I don’t actually. I always wanted to study more, maybe become an engineer or a doctor, but... well, I was young and then Sunrise Avenue came along, recruiting charming boys.” He threw a quick smile at her, staring down at his drink. “It’s a good life, believe me!” he added hastily, taking another sip. “But sometimes...” he left the sentence unfinished, looking at Elena.
“Sometimes.” She repeated in a low voice. “Sometimes you wish that you... well... could start over again, right?”
“What would you do if you got this chance?” he scrutinised her face. “What decisions d’you regret?”
“I don’t know.” Getting deeper into the conversation, Elena felt herself relaxing and moved a little closer. “Maybe I would work instead of doing a doctor’s degree. Maybe... well, maybe combine it with travelling... working in Africa, doctors without borders, you know? Just for a while, maybe settle somewhere in Europe for a while. Maybe have children. I don’t know. What would you do?”
“Study.” He answered without hesitation. “Make a difference. Have kids right away. Maybe join you on your doctors without borders dream and change the world. Do something with my hands.” He raised his hands, stretching his long fingers. “I’d be good at that.”
“What is it like? Being part of this band?” Elena gestured with her free hand.
“It’s... stressful... and... and nice.” He smiled warily. “Sometimes more stressful, sometimes nice overweighs the stressful part.” He shrugged. “Two sides of a coin. Flip it and hope for the best.” Again he shrugged, putting his arm around the backrest of the couch once more. “What about your plans? D’you have any for the near future?”
The time with Samu turned out to be far too nice and short and Elena felt her bad conscious gnawing when Riku finally arrived at the bar. She felt so close to Samu right at this second that Riku almost interrupted. He was a disturbing factor. Quickly she got up from her seat, nodding at Samu. “Thanks for keeping me company.” She tried to sound neutral but she almost felt her heart skipping another few beats when he got up as well, smiling down at her.
“Anytime dear!” he bent down to kiss her cheek. “You are indeed a very interesting person!” hesitantly he ran his fingertips over the thin snakes on her wrist. “You know what you should have?” he asked out of a sudden and stepped back, blushing a little. “Those snakes are too archaic for you. You should have lilies.” His mouth curved into a shy smile. “Lilies would be perfect for you.” Still smiling, he patted Riku’s back. “See you guys tomorrow!” he waved them goodbye, his eyes still focused on Elena’s face. She saw him blushing even deeper but he quickly averted his gaze and rushed outside.
Lilies? Elena felt her heart pounding in her chest. How on earth did he hit on that? A shiver ran down her spine and she suddenly felt the outlines of the lilies burning on her flesh. It was impossible! This was real life! She had only dreamed about the lily-tattoo, nobody knew about it, not even her sister or her mother!
“So...?” Riku put his arm around her shoulder. “I’m really sorry for being late!” he kissed her cheek. “But now I’m all yours.” Smiling he pulled her along. “Hungry?”
“Yes... I... Actually I’m starving!” she let out a shaky laugh and put her hand on her stomach, snapping back into reality. “Whisky on an empty stomach wasn’t the best idea I assume!”
Smiling broadly he pressed the button for the elevator. “Let me produce relief, Mylady!” he kissed her softly. “Everything is settled.”
And he kept word. His hotel room was nicely set with a table by the window, napkins, flowers and food from the room service.
“Have a seat!” he pulled out the chair for her, kissing her neck. “Again, I’m so sorry for being late!”
During dinner with him, Elena felt herself returning from her short journey with Samu. Maybe his comment about the lilies meant nothing. She was here. She was with Riku. Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. And it wasn’t weird any longer. She reached out her hand over the table, smiling and listening to Riku’s jokes, completely ignoring the strange urge to jump up and run to find Samu. There was nothing between them but a few words, a conversation, maybe deep and thoughtful, but still... She was here with Riku. He was real and he really liked her. It was written all over his face, in his smile, his voice and his laughter.
Somewhere along the way she even forgot about Samu. Riku had opened a bottle of red wine, telling her with a grin that he had actually no clue whether it was good or not, but the taste was nice, a little dry, just the way she liked it. They kept sitting at the table, talking, joking and drinking. And when Riku got up after a while, offering his hand to her with a smile, she got up without hesitating, letting him kiss her and drag her over to the huge bed.
It felt familiar to kiss him and touch him. Elena had never been more confident with a man, and he let her lead the way, obviously enjoying it. After what felt like hours of well-known intimacy, she fell asleep in his arms, her forehead rested to his shoulder. Samu seemed far away, left to his own dreams. She wrapped her arm around Riku’s chest, caressing the soft skin of his stomach. “I love you.” She whispered, feeling him pulling her closer.
“Love you too.” He whispered in response, kissing her hair.
Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be and Elena felt the soft waves of sleep rolling over her. Life was easy. So easy without weird dreams.
“What the fuck d’you mean, no results?” she suddenly heard a low voice. “She’s been in this state for almost two weeks now! I’m not a doctor, but this can’t be normal.” He sounded desperate.
“I’m really sorry, Mr Haber.” Another man’s voice came in, sounding calmative. “We still have a few tests running, but up till now we have no idea what exactly happened to your wife!”
Samu snorted. “Well go and find out then!”
“I’m truly sorry, Sir! We do everything we can! We have already screened out a couple of possibilities such as stroke or an epileptic seizure, even cerebral haemorrhage and there is nothing to be found. All her blood results are normal, so...” he obviously shrugged. “Most probably the problem is psychological. At the age of two, long ago during her childhood your wife experienced a short phase of something we call catatonic schizophrenia. It was only a onetime event right after the sudden death of her youngest sister but the predisposition is given.”
“A psychological problem causes COMA?” Samu was clearly about to lose his temper. “How’s that possible?”
The other man cleared his throat. “Well, we... obviously you and Mr Rajamaa had some... well there must have been an issue between the three of you.” He tried to frame his answer as decent as possible. “You have been fighting for the last two weeks and... Well, I talked to one of our psychologists and also to... to your mother in law, and they both agreed that... most probably your wife’s brain is... her consciousness might... it might take a break.”
“A break?” Samu suddenly yelled. “Her brain is taking a break? You are kidding! Tell me you are fucking kidding!”
“Maybe you should try to sort this out first.” The doctor suggested, making Samu snort again.
“Sort it out, hum? Sort out that I convinced her to fuck my best mate? Now that’s easy!”
Elena felt a hand, shaking her. “Love? I’m sorry I convinced you to fuck Riku! Will you please come back and open yer eyes?” he cleared his throat. “Not helping.” He exhaled. “Are there some more brilliant ideas you wanna share? If not, I’d politely ask you to leave now.”
The hand was back, stroking her hair. With a low sound the door was closed.
“Love?” his voice was close to her ear now. “Please, hun, I... I’m so sorry!” he whispered, starting to sob silently.
She wanted to move, wanted to open her eyes, tell him that everything was fine, that it all had only been a bad dream, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t blink, couldn’t force her body to move, to do anything. Samu! The words formed on her mind. Samu I’m fine! Everything is fine! Samu!
She awoke with a start, gasping in shock. “Samu!” finally his name escaped her mouth and she felt her body shivering. What the hell was wrong? Schizophrenia? She had – as far as she knew – always been perfectly healthy! Mentally and physically. And now a schizophrenia-induced coma? She had not dreamed about Samu for so long and now it... it turned out that her dreams had stopped because in her dream she was... mentally ill?
“Samu!” she screamed his name
again. Her legs almost gave in when she tried to get up from the bed. Something
was very wrong! What had the doctor said? Her consciousness took a break
because it refused to face the upcoming fights with Samu and Riku? Because of a
predisposition for catatonic schizophrenia? God! She had made a terrible
mistake. Sleeping with Riku had been wrong and now...
Stop!
Right now.
It was only a dream!
She had a life. She had a life with Riku! And she enjoyed living it! She wasn’t sick, she had never been anything but healthy!!
Maybe...
Maybe all of this happened now to her dream-self because she had made her decision. She had chosen Riku. Was it possible that her choice now affected both her dreams and her life?
But how?
And why?
Why hadn’t she just... well she could have chosen Riku in her dream as well! Everything would have been fine then!
Wait. Stop. She had chosen Riku, hadn’t she? She had slept with him at the beach... but... No. She had not chosen him, but given in to her feelings. Feelings of the moment. She was bound to Riku in real life, but she had never truly chosen him in her dream. Samu. Samu was the only one she wanted.
Elena gasped with shock, realising the extent of her decision. She HAD chosen Samu. Right now, right here. In Riku’s bed. In Riku’s bed after a night of love they had shared.
It would have been fine! Everything would have been fine...
A sudden ache in her heart made her gasp and she pressed her hand to her chest, trying to breathe against the pain.
It wouldn’t have been fine.
She was convulsed with pain and sank down on her knees.
Samu
Nothing was fine as long as she loved him.
She flinched.
As long as she loved him.
His picture occurred on her mind. His shining eyes, the boyish smile and his hands, strong but yet so soft.
As long as she loved him. With a lot of effort she managed to get back on her feet. She loved him. Her heart started to beat faster, fluttering in her chest. He was her husband. The love of her life!
What the fuck...?
She tried to breathe steadily.
He wasn’t, for Christ’s sake!
He wasn’t! He wasn’t her husband!
She had only talked to him a couple of times!
He wasn’t!
Yet... she had never felt better. Whenever he was around she suddenly felt whole again. Only thinking about him calmed her down. She... she loved him...
No!
No, she didn’t!
Dream, Heikkinen! What the fuck?!
Again she gasped from the pain in her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. She sank down on the bed. Fuck.
Nothing was right.
She loved him.
No!
‘Hell, I’m about to lose my mind!’ with shivering hands she picked up the phone on the bedside table, feeling eased, that Riku wasn’t around to see her in her current state. There was a note and a rose on his pillow, but she ignored it, grabbing the telephone receiver with both of her hands. “The next flight to Helsinki.” She managed to whisper. “Credit card?” gazing around the room she got back on her feet, trying to find her purse. “Here you go, it’s...” she gave the number to the staff member of the airport. “Thanks a lot.” Still breathing heavily she got up, getting dressed. Without even thinking about it she rushed outside, waving for a cab.
She loved him...
One hour later she was sitting on a plane to Helsinki, trying her best not to fall asleep. She felt exhausted. Tired. Scared. Everything passed by in a blur. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about Samu, Riku, this whole mess. Burying her face in her hands, she tried not to freak out. She was losing her mind. Breathing against the pain in her chest, she closed her eyes. Nothing was right. Everything was upside down.
She took another cab from the airport to her parent’s house. It was only two in the afternoon and she hated the house to be empty. Slowly she walked up the stairs and put her bag in her room before she picked up her mobile to call her mother at the hospital.
“Elena! I’m sorry dear, I’m about to see a patient, can I call you back?” her mother answered the phone of her office a little out of breath. Two fifteen. Her mother’s first patient after her lunch break. Elena took a deep breath, sitting down on her bed. “I’m at home, Mum.” She whispered, feeling her voice shaking. “Came here only a few minutes ago.”
“You are... you are...? What happened? Are you alright?” her mother shrieked.
“I’m not actually. That’s why I came.” Elena lay back, putting her free hand over her face. “Listen, Caty, I... I’m gonna take one of the bikes, I’ll be at your office in 20 minutes. Can you... can I talk to you after your appointment? I really need... some advice.” She tried to sound more confident. More strong. Her mother shouldn’t worry about her. This was her own fight; it had nothing to do with her family. All she needed was some advice and maybe the phone number of one of her mother’s colleagues to have someone to talk to properly. “Listen, Mommy, don’t freak out, ok? I’m alright. It’s just... I met this guy and... his... his best friend... he... I broke up with Rob and... achhhhh! Everything’s a little upside down, so I really need someone to talk to, ok? But I’m ok, you hear me? I’m good!”
Her mother sighed with relief. “I’ll be with you at quarter past three, ok? Just... just drop by, maybe get yourself some coffee before, bring one for me and we chat, alright? Everything’s gonna be ok, you hear me, hun?”
“I hope so. Thanks, Caty!” Elena took a deep breath, still not feeling relieved. It was actually a lot more complicated than it sounded...
“Hey! Comes with the package of being Mommy and Psychy, ok?” her mother giggled. “Come over, I’m happy to have you and your little love-troubles around!”
“Alright.” Elena whispered and sat up. “Talk to you soon.”
“See you, Kitten! Don’t worry too much, will you? We will sort this out. Love you!” her mother hung up and Elena put her mobile aside, rubbing her face with her hands. She wasn’t too sure about the sorting out part, but at least her mother would be there for her. Picking her mobile up again, she tried to text Riku. Had to leave without leaving a note because I think that I’m crazy?
Tempting.
And true.
But not the words she should actually send to the man that was supposed to be her boyfriend! ‘I had to return to Helsinki.’ She paused, staring at her message. ‘Need to sort out a few things here. Talk to you soon.’ Again she paused, adding ‘sorry I had to leave so quickly’ at the beginning of her text message. A little hesitant she also added ‘love you’ in the end, pressing the sending-button.
He was quick to answer. ‘Take your time. Hope you are alright, love! Miss you around. Even more now ;)’
Slowly Elena got up, trying to balance herself with her outstretched arms.
Alright. What a lovely word. Easily used. She wouldn’t tell him she wasn’t. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose, Elena closed her eyes.
Lunatic.
Another lovely word.
And suitable. Very suitable.
“So this was... love, you... are you telling me that you are in love with this guy from your dream?” her mother raised her coffee cup, forgetting to sip it. “Or are you actually in love with the friend of your new... boyfriend?”
“That’s the point, Mom!” Elena shook her head. “I have no idea!” she buried her face in her hands. “I lie awake in bed at night with him by my side and I... I really... I love him, Mom! I really do! He’s amazing! But somehow I feel like... I feel like he’s just... this whole relationship is only... it’s a lie to be honest! It feels perfect but underneath the surface, I... yes, I feel that I’m more in love with this guy from my dreams.”
“Maybe... maybe Riku, his name’s Riku, right? Maybe he’s not the one for you. Maybe this Samu-guy is!”
“MOM!” Elena let out a moan, leaning back. “That’s the whole point! We already had this! I was with Riku, breaking up with him because somehow Samu was the one for me!” she rubbed her eyes. “And that was how this whole mess with Riku in my dreams started! I tried, Mom, I tried so hard! But... somehow... I don’t know, I love him, but there’s Samu and he... He’s my husband, Mom! And he is right now sitting at my hospital bed and he is devastated because I fell into a coma after I.... because we had a fight and I... I ran away to spent the night with Riku!”
“In your dreams!” her mother affirmed. “It all happened in your dreams, dear!”
“I KNOW, Mom!” frustrated Elena threw her arms up into the air. “But somehow dream and reality seem quite close these days! Tell me: Do I see my future? Do I actually see my future in my dreams? Is it possible?”
“Please, love!” Caitlyn took her daughter’s hand. “Try to stay calm! I know it must be confusing, but you have to try to stay calm and focused, alright?” carefully she squeezed Elena’s hand and smiled encouraging. “We need to get to the bottom of this, you hear me?” she leaned forward. “I know it must be hard for you to talk about this with your mother, but I need you to tell me more, ok? Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Like what?” a little irritated Elena wrinkled her nose. “I have not smoked pot since high school if this is one of our next topics! And I never took anything else!”
“That is actually one point I needed to exclude from my list.” Caitlyn leaned back. “Would you feel more comfortable if I’d refer you to one of my colleagues in town?”
“Mom!”
“Please, love!” her mother grabbed her phone from one of the side tables next to her armchair. “This is nothing personal, I know! Maybe it would be a bit easier for you! Easier to talk to a stranger, a professional stranger of course! I have a colleague; she has a very good reputation. I’ve known her for years and she recently specialised on hypnosis as well. From my point of you this would bring you closer to the core of your problem.” She signalised her nervous daughter to be silent for a second and dialled a number. “Holly!” she leaned back in her chair. “Thank you, I’m good. Listen I need to ask you a favour. Yes. No, it’s not a big deal. Remember Elena? Yes, she finished university and is now doing her doctors degree. Listen, she just came by because she had some really disturbing dreams and I thought that she would be in good hands with you. Maybe your hypnosis technique could help her to find some answers.” Caitlyn smiled at her daughter that was now nervously twisting her hair between her fingers, chewing on her lower lip. “I could send her over right away!” she threw a gaze at her wristwatch. “Four o’clock sounds great. Thank you so much! Yes, greetings to Gregory and the kids! Sure. How about next Saturday? Just give me a call then, alright? Thanks Holly! Bye!” Caitlyn put down the phone, smiling encouraging. “Perfect timing! She will wait for you at her office at four.” Quickly she made a few notes, handing them over to Elena. “This is the address.”
“Caty, d’you really think that this is a good idea?” a little unassertive Elena moved around in her armchair. “Maybe it’s only a waste of time!”
“Of course not!” her mother leaned forward, grabbing Elena’s hand. “I can’t help you, I wish I could, but I know you too well dear! No surgeon in this world would agree to carry out an operation on his own child! I can’t do this for you, but Holly can! Trust me!” with another heartening squeeze of her daughter’s hand she got up. “Come on, try it! There’s nothing to lose for you, right? And I’ll see you at dinner. Maybe we can talk about your session. In private of course, your father doesn’t need to know, hum?” smiling she winked at Elena. “Now come on, love! Stay for a couple of days, maybe you can solve this quickly and go back to your life with everything sorted out!”
Still hesitantly Elena got up as well, staring down at her mother’s notes. “Riku will only be in London for a few more days.” She pointed out in a low voice, feeling her heart aching in her chest again. “And then I won’t be able to see him for a very long time!” looking at her mother she found Caitlyn shaking her head.
“Maybe that is a good thing, love! Take a break. There’s plenty of time after your return!” she affirmed, hugging Elena. “Now go, will you? I really wish I could do more for you.”
“You did enough, Mom. Thanks for helping me out of this mess!” Elena returned her mother’s hug, grabbing her bag and jacket. “I’ll see you guys tonight, ok?”
“Alright, love. Say hello to Holly, will you?”
“Of course.” Elena tried to smile, waving her mother goodbye when she headed for the elevator.
Caitlyn remained standing on the corridor, staring after her oldest daughter. There had never been any kind of problem with her! She had always been a good student, not as communicative and outgoing as her younger sister, but she never needed help with anything and was very self-confident and goal-oriented. The short rebellious phase during her high-school time with black hair, punk music and piercings had only lasted for a couple of years and left her with a lot more life experience and a few tattoos she still claimed to like. This was the first time Caitlyn had seen her daughter confronted with problems she couldn’t solve on her own. Dreams. Feelings. Problems of the heart and mind. Shivering all of a sudden, Caitlyn wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her shoulders. Rose came to her mind, the baby she had given birth to so many years ago and that had died only a few days later. Cedric had been old enough to talk about it and explain everything to him, almost five, but two-year-old Elena had been in complete shock when she had suddenly lost her little sister. She had been diagnosed with schizophrenia but soon they were told that she was cured completely. Only a mental shock, nothing to worry about.
Now again, Caitlyn hoped for the best. Holly was one of the finest persons and psychiatrists she knew. Maybe she could get to the centre of Elena’s problems and with it hopefully help her to avoid another seizure of schizophrenia after all those years. They had never really talked about it with Elena. The doctors had advised against it. Maybe she had to tell her sooner or later... Maybe Elena needed inpatient care for a while... Another shiver ran down Caitlyn’s spine. ‘We should have talked to her about it.’ She thought, fighting her tears. ‘About Rose and everything else that had happened before.’
Walking back into her office, Caitlyn closed the door, trying to concentrate on her next patient, but her mind was still far away working on her daughter’s problems.
Stop!
Right now.
It was only a dream!
She had a life. She had a life with Riku! And she enjoyed living it! She wasn’t sick, she had never been anything but healthy!!
Maybe...
Maybe all of this happened now to her dream-self because she had made her decision. She had chosen Riku. Was it possible that her choice now affected both her dreams and her life?
But how?
And why?
Why hadn’t she just... well she could have chosen Riku in her dream as well! Everything would have been fine then!
Wait. Stop. She had chosen Riku, hadn’t she? She had slept with him at the beach... but... No. She had not chosen him, but given in to her feelings. Feelings of the moment. She was bound to Riku in real life, but she had never truly chosen him in her dream. Samu. Samu was the only one she wanted.
Elena gasped with shock, realising the extent of her decision. She HAD chosen Samu. Right now, right here. In Riku’s bed. In Riku’s bed after a night of love they had shared.
It would have been fine! Everything would have been fine...
A sudden ache in her heart made her gasp and she pressed her hand to her chest, trying to breathe against the pain.
It wouldn’t have been fine.
She was convulsed with pain and sank down on her knees.
Samu
Nothing was fine as long as she loved him.
She flinched.
As long as she loved him.
His picture occurred on her mind. His shining eyes, the boyish smile and his hands, strong but yet so soft.
As long as she loved him. With a lot of effort she managed to get back on her feet. She loved him. Her heart started to beat faster, fluttering in her chest. He was her husband. The love of her life!
What the fuck...?
She tried to breathe steadily.
He wasn’t, for Christ’s sake!
He wasn’t! He wasn’t her husband!
She had only talked to him a couple of times!
He wasn’t!
Yet... she had never felt better. Whenever he was around she suddenly felt whole again. Only thinking about him calmed her down. She... she loved him...
No!
No, she didn’t!
Dream, Heikkinen! What the fuck?!
Again she gasped from the pain in her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. She sank down on the bed. Fuck.
Nothing was right.
She loved him.
No!
‘Hell, I’m about to lose my mind!’ with shivering hands she picked up the phone on the bedside table, feeling eased, that Riku wasn’t around to see her in her current state. There was a note and a rose on his pillow, but she ignored it, grabbing the telephone receiver with both of her hands. “The next flight to Helsinki.” She managed to whisper. “Credit card?” gazing around the room she got back on her feet, trying to find her purse. “Here you go, it’s...” she gave the number to the staff member of the airport. “Thanks a lot.” Still breathing heavily she got up, getting dressed. Without even thinking about it she rushed outside, waving for a cab.
She loved him...
One hour later she was sitting on a plane to Helsinki, trying her best not to fall asleep. She felt exhausted. Tired. Scared. Everything passed by in a blur. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about Samu, Riku, this whole mess. Burying her face in her hands, she tried not to freak out. She was losing her mind. Breathing against the pain in her chest, she closed her eyes. Nothing was right. Everything was upside down.
She took another cab from the airport to her parent’s house. It was only two in the afternoon and she hated the house to be empty. Slowly she walked up the stairs and put her bag in her room before she picked up her mobile to call her mother at the hospital.
“Elena! I’m sorry dear, I’m about to see a patient, can I call you back?” her mother answered the phone of her office a little out of breath. Two fifteen. Her mother’s first patient after her lunch break. Elena took a deep breath, sitting down on her bed. “I’m at home, Mum.” She whispered, feeling her voice shaking. “Came here only a few minutes ago.”
“You are... you are...? What happened? Are you alright?” her mother shrieked.
“I’m not actually. That’s why I came.” Elena lay back, putting her free hand over her face. “Listen, Caty, I... I’m gonna take one of the bikes, I’ll be at your office in 20 minutes. Can you... can I talk to you after your appointment? I really need... some advice.” She tried to sound more confident. More strong. Her mother shouldn’t worry about her. This was her own fight; it had nothing to do with her family. All she needed was some advice and maybe the phone number of one of her mother’s colleagues to have someone to talk to properly. “Listen, Mommy, don’t freak out, ok? I’m alright. It’s just... I met this guy and... his... his best friend... he... I broke up with Rob and... achhhhh! Everything’s a little upside down, so I really need someone to talk to, ok? But I’m ok, you hear me? I’m good!”
Her mother sighed with relief. “I’ll be with you at quarter past three, ok? Just... just drop by, maybe get yourself some coffee before, bring one for me and we chat, alright? Everything’s gonna be ok, you hear me, hun?”
“I hope so. Thanks, Caty!” Elena took a deep breath, still not feeling relieved. It was actually a lot more complicated than it sounded...
“Hey! Comes with the package of being Mommy and Psychy, ok?” her mother giggled. “Come over, I’m happy to have you and your little love-troubles around!”
“Alright.” Elena whispered and sat up. “Talk to you soon.”
“See you, Kitten! Don’t worry too much, will you? We will sort this out. Love you!” her mother hung up and Elena put her mobile aside, rubbing her face with her hands. She wasn’t too sure about the sorting out part, but at least her mother would be there for her. Picking her mobile up again, she tried to text Riku. Had to leave without leaving a note because I think that I’m crazy?
Tempting.
And true.
But not the words she should actually send to the man that was supposed to be her boyfriend! ‘I had to return to Helsinki.’ She paused, staring at her message. ‘Need to sort out a few things here. Talk to you soon.’ Again she paused, adding ‘sorry I had to leave so quickly’ at the beginning of her text message. A little hesitant she also added ‘love you’ in the end, pressing the sending-button.
He was quick to answer. ‘Take your time. Hope you are alright, love! Miss you around. Even more now ;)’
Slowly Elena got up, trying to balance herself with her outstretched arms.
Alright. What a lovely word. Easily used. She wouldn’t tell him she wasn’t. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose, Elena closed her eyes.
Lunatic.
Another lovely word.
And suitable. Very suitable.
“So this was... love, you... are you telling me that you are in love with this guy from your dream?” her mother raised her coffee cup, forgetting to sip it. “Or are you actually in love with the friend of your new... boyfriend?”
“That’s the point, Mom!” Elena shook her head. “I have no idea!” she buried her face in her hands. “I lie awake in bed at night with him by my side and I... I really... I love him, Mom! I really do! He’s amazing! But somehow I feel like... I feel like he’s just... this whole relationship is only... it’s a lie to be honest! It feels perfect but underneath the surface, I... yes, I feel that I’m more in love with this guy from my dreams.”
“Maybe... maybe Riku, his name’s Riku, right? Maybe he’s not the one for you. Maybe this Samu-guy is!”
“MOM!” Elena let out a moan, leaning back. “That’s the whole point! We already had this! I was with Riku, breaking up with him because somehow Samu was the one for me!” she rubbed her eyes. “And that was how this whole mess with Riku in my dreams started! I tried, Mom, I tried so hard! But... somehow... I don’t know, I love him, but there’s Samu and he... He’s my husband, Mom! And he is right now sitting at my hospital bed and he is devastated because I fell into a coma after I.... because we had a fight and I... I ran away to spent the night with Riku!”
“In your dreams!” her mother affirmed. “It all happened in your dreams, dear!”
“I KNOW, Mom!” frustrated Elena threw her arms up into the air. “But somehow dream and reality seem quite close these days! Tell me: Do I see my future? Do I actually see my future in my dreams? Is it possible?”
“Please, love!” Caitlyn took her daughter’s hand. “Try to stay calm! I know it must be confusing, but you have to try to stay calm and focused, alright?” carefully she squeezed Elena’s hand and smiled encouraging. “We need to get to the bottom of this, you hear me?” she leaned forward. “I know it must be hard for you to talk about this with your mother, but I need you to tell me more, ok? Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Like what?” a little irritated Elena wrinkled her nose. “I have not smoked pot since high school if this is one of our next topics! And I never took anything else!”
“That is actually one point I needed to exclude from my list.” Caitlyn leaned back. “Would you feel more comfortable if I’d refer you to one of my colleagues in town?”
“Mom!”
“Please, love!” her mother grabbed her phone from one of the side tables next to her armchair. “This is nothing personal, I know! Maybe it would be a bit easier for you! Easier to talk to a stranger, a professional stranger of course! I have a colleague; she has a very good reputation. I’ve known her for years and she recently specialised on hypnosis as well. From my point of you this would bring you closer to the core of your problem.” She signalised her nervous daughter to be silent for a second and dialled a number. “Holly!” she leaned back in her chair. “Thank you, I’m good. Listen I need to ask you a favour. Yes. No, it’s not a big deal. Remember Elena? Yes, she finished university and is now doing her doctors degree. Listen, she just came by because she had some really disturbing dreams and I thought that she would be in good hands with you. Maybe your hypnosis technique could help her to find some answers.” Caitlyn smiled at her daughter that was now nervously twisting her hair between her fingers, chewing on her lower lip. “I could send her over right away!” she threw a gaze at her wristwatch. “Four o’clock sounds great. Thank you so much! Yes, greetings to Gregory and the kids! Sure. How about next Saturday? Just give me a call then, alright? Thanks Holly! Bye!” Caitlyn put down the phone, smiling encouraging. “Perfect timing! She will wait for you at her office at four.” Quickly she made a few notes, handing them over to Elena. “This is the address.”
“Caty, d’you really think that this is a good idea?” a little unassertive Elena moved around in her armchair. “Maybe it’s only a waste of time!”
“Of course not!” her mother leaned forward, grabbing Elena’s hand. “I can’t help you, I wish I could, but I know you too well dear! No surgeon in this world would agree to carry out an operation on his own child! I can’t do this for you, but Holly can! Trust me!” with another heartening squeeze of her daughter’s hand she got up. “Come on, try it! There’s nothing to lose for you, right? And I’ll see you at dinner. Maybe we can talk about your session. In private of course, your father doesn’t need to know, hum?” smiling she winked at Elena. “Now come on, love! Stay for a couple of days, maybe you can solve this quickly and go back to your life with everything sorted out!”
Still hesitantly Elena got up as well, staring down at her mother’s notes. “Riku will only be in London for a few more days.” She pointed out in a low voice, feeling her heart aching in her chest again. “And then I won’t be able to see him for a very long time!” looking at her mother she found Caitlyn shaking her head.
“Maybe that is a good thing, love! Take a break. There’s plenty of time after your return!” she affirmed, hugging Elena. “Now go, will you? I really wish I could do more for you.”
“You did enough, Mom. Thanks for helping me out of this mess!” Elena returned her mother’s hug, grabbing her bag and jacket. “I’ll see you guys tonight, ok?”
“Alright, love. Say hello to Holly, will you?”
“Of course.” Elena tried to smile, waving her mother goodbye when she headed for the elevator.
Caitlyn remained standing on the corridor, staring after her oldest daughter. There had never been any kind of problem with her! She had always been a good student, not as communicative and outgoing as her younger sister, but she never needed help with anything and was very self-confident and goal-oriented. The short rebellious phase during her high-school time with black hair, punk music and piercings had only lasted for a couple of years and left her with a lot more life experience and a few tattoos she still claimed to like. This was the first time Caitlyn had seen her daughter confronted with problems she couldn’t solve on her own. Dreams. Feelings. Problems of the heart and mind. Shivering all of a sudden, Caitlyn wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her shoulders. Rose came to her mind, the baby she had given birth to so many years ago and that had died only a few days later. Cedric had been old enough to talk about it and explain everything to him, almost five, but two-year-old Elena had been in complete shock when she had suddenly lost her little sister. She had been diagnosed with schizophrenia but soon they were told that she was cured completely. Only a mental shock, nothing to worry about.
Now again, Caitlyn hoped for the best. Holly was one of the finest persons and psychiatrists she knew. Maybe she could get to the centre of Elena’s problems and with it hopefully help her to avoid another seizure of schizophrenia after all those years. They had never really talked about it with Elena. The doctors had advised against it. Maybe she had to tell her sooner or later... Maybe Elena needed inpatient care for a while... Another shiver ran down Caitlyn’s spine. ‘We should have talked to her about it.’ She thought, fighting her tears. ‘About Rose and everything else that had happened before.’
Walking back into her office, Caitlyn closed the door, trying to concentrate on her next patient, but her mind was still far away working on her daughter’s problems.
Right after the next session
she called her husband, telling him in a shaky voice everything Elena had just
told her. Blowing her nose she finally managed to sit down after pacing up and
down the room for the whole call. Andrew fell silent for a few brief moments.
Then he sighed. “You are right, we should have told her.” He admitted, sighing
again. “God.” He whispered. “Do you think it might be a new attack? After more
than 25 years? Is that possible?”
Slowly Cait shook her head from side to side, still trying to calm down. “I have no idea. Medically, yes, it is possible. But I’m afraid that there is more.” She took a deep breath. “We also never told her about Kylah.”
“What does Kylah have to do with it? They were unborn children, you weren’t even seven months pregnant!” Andrew interrupted, sounding rigorous.
“I know.” Cait tried to stay calm and reasonable even though her heart was beating out of her chest. “But the latest results in twin research suggest that they can feel each other, they know about the other and even communicate in very early stages of pregnancy. I’m afraid she... I’m afraid that Elena is now living two lives. One of them is completely full of studies and flowed with responsibilities in this world and the other one is full of life and love and fun. She created a whole new life, a husband, she... She created it for Kylah. And I’m afraid that she started to drift away and now descends deeper and deeper into this other life, the life she unknowingly wants her twin-sister to live.”
Again Andrew fell silent. “Is that possible?” He whispered, completely taken aback.
Helplessly Caitlyn shrugged, feeling tears welling up. “I have no idea, love.” She whispered in response, sobbing silently.
Slowly Cait shook her head from side to side, still trying to calm down. “I have no idea. Medically, yes, it is possible. But I’m afraid that there is more.” She took a deep breath. “We also never told her about Kylah.”
“What does Kylah have to do with it? They were unborn children, you weren’t even seven months pregnant!” Andrew interrupted, sounding rigorous.
“I know.” Cait tried to stay calm and reasonable even though her heart was beating out of her chest. “But the latest results in twin research suggest that they can feel each other, they know about the other and even communicate in very early stages of pregnancy. I’m afraid she... I’m afraid that Elena is now living two lives. One of them is completely full of studies and flowed with responsibilities in this world and the other one is full of life and love and fun. She created a whole new life, a husband, she... She created it for Kylah. And I’m afraid that she started to drift away and now descends deeper and deeper into this other life, the life she unknowingly wants her twin-sister to live.”
Again Andrew fell silent. “Is that possible?” He whispered, completely taken aback.
Helplessly Caitlyn shrugged, feeling tears welling up. “I have no idea, love.” She whispered in response, sobbing silently.
“So...” Holly Russell was small, blond and a lively woman in her mid fifties. Smiling at her friend’s daughter that was still sitting on a long brown leather couch, kneading her fingers seemingly uncomfortable, she made a few notes. “So your boyfriend is Samu Haber from the rockband Sunrise Avenue! Congratulations on that, my daughter’s a huge fan!”
“It’s not Samu, it’s Riku!” Elena whispered through her gritted teeth, cursing herself for talking too fast. When she had entered Holly’s office she had blurted out everything without drawing a breath, talking nineteen to a dozen. “Samu is my husband in my dreams.” She added, trying her best to calm down.
“I’m sorry.” Holy gave her another smile. “So Elena, what exactly d’you expect from this session? How can I help you?”
“How... how can you help me?” Elena let out a shivering giggle. “Well, I’d not be sitting here if I had a clue to be honest!” helplessly she shrugged. “Mom said that you are a specialist on hypnosis, she thought that it might help solving this whole mess.”
“You’re calling it a mess.” Thoughtfully Holly crossed her legs, playing around with her pen. “Isn’t it mostly considered nice to have good dreams about famous persons?”
“It’s not dreams!” Elena shot back immediately, sounding a lot harsher than she had intended. Quickly she raised her hands, shaking her head defensively. “It’s not dreams!” she repeated in a lower voice. “They are affecting my life! And most of the time they feel a lot more realistic than my actual life!”
“And now that you are with Riku they seem even more disturbing.” The doctor assumed, nodding with a smile when Elena gave her a quick nod.
“They are disturbing. I feel too close to Samu, I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it! This part of me that is now in a coma, desperately wanting to wake up, this part of me is in love with him, not Riku!”
“Well, when it comes to dream interpretation, your coma seems quite logical, concerning the fact that you have now chosen to be with Riku.” Holly tried softly, but Elena shook her head forcefully, immediately denying her words.
“It’s not that easy!” she whispered. “I AM in love with Samu, but not actually the man I met at the recording studio! I’m in love with my husband! And I wanna wake up, tell him that I’m sorry and that I will never ever see Riku again! But...” again she shrugged, completely out of words for a few seconds. “But then again, I... I see Riku and the time we spent together. He is so lovable, he is such an amazing friend and I really, really love him! But... but I’m afraid that I’m more in love with my husband!” she buried her face in her hands. “I must be completely insane!” she mumbled through her fingers, shaking her head in denial.
“You are not!” Holly reassured gently, leaning forward to rub Elena’s back. “Why don’t you just lay down and we start your first hypnosis session right away? Most of the time the whole confusion and discomposure fades during hypnosis. You get the chance to rearrange your thoughts and feelings. Come on dear!” smiling she got up, starting a camera that was placed on a shelf on the opposite end of the room. “I’m gonna record this session for us to have material to talk about, but don’t be afraid, no one’s ever gonna see this tape, alright?” Sitting down on an armchair behind the couch, she smiled again. “Just lie down and relax, will you?”
Elena sighed and closed her eyes. Very well then!
“Your eyes feel heavy now.” The soft voice of the psychiatrist became lower. “Imagine you are standing inside an elevator. There is comforting music playing and you are watching the numbers over the door. They are decreasing as the elevator slowly sinks. 30, 29, 28... you are feeling more and more relaxed, leaving all your troubled thoughts behind. 27, 26, 25... your arms and legs are heavy as well and you sit down on the bench inside the elevator. 24, 23, 22, 21, 20.” The doctor’s voice started to fade, tenderly reaching Elena in her dim state between sleep and complete awareness. “10, 9, 8, 7, 6. You are about to reach the ground floor. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Now the doors slowly open up. You are stepping outside, throwing a look around. What is the first thing you see?”
“Nothing.” Elena whispered in a thin voice. “Everything is dark around me. There’s a voice, talking to me.” She drew a breath. “I can’t see anything!”
“Open your eyes Elena.” The doctor’s voice whispered back. “Look around. You have to open your eyes. Open them, Elena.”
Suddenly the voice changed. It became deeper. Husky. A man’s voice. “Elena!” it whispered. “Elena, love! Open your eyes!” she felt a hand caressing her face, soft lips kissing her cheek, hair falling over her, tickling her nose. With a lot of effort she wrinkled her nose, drawing another breath. His smell... familiar. The lips on her forehead, three day stubbles brushing over her cheek. “Samu.” She managed to whisper, feeling a rush of relief running through her body. He was here! Right here by her side! “Samu!” she whispered again, opening her eyes to focus on his face. The bright afternoon light hit her eyes and she moaned, closing them again. Immediately his hands cupped her face. “Love? Can you hear me?” his voice became higher. It sounded hoarse and he cleared his throat. “Elena! Please, talk to me, baby!”
“Thirsty.” Was all she could mumble, forcing her eyes open once more. There he was. Still his image was blurry, but it was him. She tried to smile at him, feeling her dry lips splitting a little. Instantly her head was lifted carefully and a cup was put on her lips. She tried to swallow eagerly, feeling her throat burning. Coughing she moved away after a few sips, closing her eyes again.
“Please, love, open your eyes!” Samu sounded urgent. His voice was still filled with fear and his hands shivering when he ran them over her face once more.
She blinked and his face became clearer. He looked tired, completely exhausted. Dark shadows lay under his eyes, his hair was messy and obviously unwashed for days. Elena breathed deeply. “ Samu.” She raised her hand, putting it on his cheek. Aware that she most certainly did not have the time to try to explain everything to him, she put her fingers on his lips to stop him from asking questions. “Listen, love, I... you...” she felt tears welling up. Finally she was back with him, the man she loved so deeply, but most probably she had to leave him again. Maybe they only had a few seconds before the doctor would wake her up from her hypnosis. “Listen, Samu, I... there are some things I need to solve, but... I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and that I will fight my way back to you somehow, you hear me?”
He nodded without interrupting her, a questioning look on his overtired face.
“I will come back to you, I promise, everything’s gonna be alright. Just trust me, will you? Whatever happens, you have to trust me.”
“I will.” He whispered against her fingers. “I love you.”
Suddenly everything became black again and she felt an invisible wave that seemed to capture her and drag her along, sweeping her away from Samu, the hospital room and her bed. With a low sound she sat up. Her heart was pounding in her chest. When she scrutinised the room she found Holly, looking at her with an astounded look on her face.
“Elena?” she repeated the young woman’s name, kneeling down beside her. Carefully she grabbed Elena’s shoulder, shaking her. “Elena! Where have you been?” she whispered, her face pale with shock. “Where have you been?”
“At the hospital.” Elena managed to smile weakly and lay back again, rubbing her face with her hands. “I talked to him. Needed to tell him that everything would be alright again.”
“You talked to Samu? Was he there? What did he say?” alarmed the doctor got up, making a few notes.
“I told him that I was fine and that I will solve this and come back to him.” Elena felt eased. She would manage to come back. Everything would be fine. Maybe hypnosis was the key back to him. Smiling she sat up completely, stretching her arms.
Holly was still staring at her with disbelieve. “Elena, you... alright, first of all you need to... I need you to... to admit that... Elena!” her voice became serious. “It is only a dream, Elena! You need to accept that! I... I can’t help you, if...”
“Of course!” Elena said quickly and nodded. “But... but talking to him helped me... it... maybe it helps me to close this whole subject, to put an end to this!” she lied hastily, averting her gaze. Hoping that the doctor would believe her, she looked up after a few seconds. Holly nodded slowly, still staring at her with a strange look on her face.
“Well, maybe you are right.” She admitted hesitantly. “Maybe you should come back tomorrow and we continue the session. I will...” slowly she got up, walking over to her desk. “I will give you this prescription. I don’t... well, I don’t want you to take any antipsychotics. Not yet.” Her gaze travelled over the young woman on the couch. “This is something to help you sleep. Come back tomorrow, let’s say at ten? I’ll be waiting for you and we continue the session. Report any dreams you have, maybe you can write them down in the morning before you get up, alright?”
Elena nodded, taking the doctor’s note. “Thank you, Holly.” She smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, dear! Say hello to your parents, alright?”
“I will.” Elena promised, buttoning up her coat. “Bye Holly!”
Breathing a sigh of relief she left the office, heading for the next pharmacy. She knew the pills Holly had prescribed her. It was almost the same as the ones her mother had given her around Christmas. She wouldn’t take them. Maybe the dreams would return now and she could actually talk to Samu. Reality hit her when her mobile rang. Riku! Elena froze. Standing in the middle of the sidewalk she stared down at her mobile, before she picked up. “Hey.” She whispered hesitantly.
“Hey there, love!” she heard laughter in the background. “We’re having a break, how’s home?”
Elena tried to chuckle, hoping that it might sound happy at his end of the line. “It’s all white and snowy and sunny.” She answered, facing the bright winter sun.
He sighed. “Well, London’s pretty much the same, but not sunny at all without you!”
Low howling was heard from the other side and she could imagine his friends slapping him.
“Little Riku’s getting all fuzzy after a night on the looooove-boat!” she suddenly heard Raul’s voice and couldn’t help giggling.
“Hit that bastard!” she demanded. “Don’t make me come back, Ruutuu!”
Husky laughter and a few sarcastic and sexual comments were heard from his friends, then suddenly it all went quiet and she heard a door closing.
“Now.” Riku cleared his throat. “I shut them bastards out.”
“Where are you?” Elena listened a little closer. “Your voice is echoing in a weird way.”
“Locked myself into the restrooms.” He joked proudly, making her giggle again. God, he was such a sweet person! Feeling guilty and torn between her feelings for him and the deep love she had felt for Samu only minutes ago, Elena closed her eyes for a second, pressing her hand to her forehead as if this could help her to arrange her thoughts.
“How romantic!” she managed to whisper after a second, making him burst into laughter.
“Isn’t it!” he chuckled. “So how have you been? Is everything alright with you?”
“Sure.” Elena drew a deep breath, giving her situation another thought. Cards on the table or keeping it to herself? “Visited my parents, they are quite happy to have me around.” She answered, biting her nails.
Riku remained quiet for a second. “Alright.” He sounded astound. “Well, so... you went home to visit them, that’s nice.”
Without saying she heard the second half of his sentence. ‘But why did you have to leave now? I’ll only be here for a couple of days!’
“I know that you’ll only be in London for a few more days.” She said in a very soft voice, trying to sound apologetically, which wasn’t hard right at this moment. She felt sorry for leaving him, sorry for somehow playing with him without wanting it and loving him, but not completely. Sighing she closed her eyes again. “Riku?” she whispered, even more softly.
“Yes?” he had adapted the level of his voice to hers. Obviously he was waiting for an explanation, not knowing exactly how to ask her.
“I’m sorry I had to leave.” It was true and she put all her feelings for him into her words. “I never wanted to, especially after last night.”
He let out a low chuckle. “Now I start to feel better.” He admitted. “I thought I had scared you away!”
“Of course not!” she affirmed quickly and sighed. Cards on the table? Again she sighed. She didn’t have another choice but to be at least half honest with him. “I told you about those weird dreams I used to have, remember?”
“Yes?” he answered, making it sound more like a question to signalize her to continue.
“Well, when I met you it stopped all of a sudden, but... when... when I woke up this morning I was... They... Riku, they returned last night, I don’t know why or how, but... I got really scared!”
“Scared about what, love? What did you fear, I mean, the last dream you’ve had wasn’t that bad, right? It was about us, wasn’t it?”
“It was.” She agreed hesitantly. “But last night I... I found out why I had not been dreaming for such a long time.” Drawing a deep breath she rested her back against the wall of a nearby house. “Riku, I... in my dream I fell into a coma, I know it sounds weird, but... I... I didn’t know what to do and I felt that... You know, my mother’s a psychologist and I had told her everything that was going on in my weird brain around Christmas, so... well, she was the first person to go and talk to of course.” Sighing she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Riku, I... I didn’t know what to do, so I ran home like a child, asking Mummy for advice.”
“Don’t feel sorry, love!” Riku sounded calmative. “Those dreams, they seem to scare you a lot and now that you have told me about her profession, I know that your mother’s the best address to help you. We... well, we still have a lot of time after our promotion for the new album, right?” now the tone of his voice became a little helpless. He was lying and he knew that she knew it just as well.
“Hey!” she whispered. “First you need to finish the album, then you need to release it and then it is time for promotion! There must be a little bit of time somewhere in between, right?”
“Right.” There was a little smile in his voice and he sighed. “I like you a lot, you know that, crazy girl?” he whispered all of a sudden, making Elena squirm and bite her nails again. “Same here, sane boy.” She mumbled back. “Can you... please, Riku, can you try not to be worried about me? I... I’m gonna work this out and I will be back in London within a few days. Just... you’ve got my keys, you can stay at my place as long as you want. I’ll be home soon, ok?”
“Ok. Now would you please take care of yourself as long as I am not around?” he suddenly demanded in a joking tone. “I’ll expect you to be back with me within three days, you hear me? I’m leaving for France on Sunday, so you’d better be back on Wednesday!”
“Promise. Wednesday it is.” Elena threw a gaze around before crossing the street. “Now go back to your recordings, I’ll be home with you in no time.”
“Alright, talk to you later, ok? Just gimme a call before you go to sleep, I’ll call you back, ok?”
“Alright. Bye Riku! Say hello to the lads for me, will you?”
“Of course. Speak later! Love you, Elena!”
“Love you too.” She waited for him to hang up the phone and couldn’t help giggling again, when a loud thumping on the door was heard and Riku shouted something vulgar in Sami’s direction just before he hung up.
The evening with her parents became a cosy yet odd thing. They had dinner together and Elena was glad that her father felt too tired to ask too many questions about the “whys” and “hows” of her stay. In a weird way she felt watched by him that night and wondered for a second if her mother had maybe told him about her problems. But he didn’t say a word about it. Later her mother sat with her in her room, trying to analyse the session with Holly and Elena felt bad for lying to her as well. She simply couldn’t tell Cait about the idea that was forming on her mind. Her idea of going back to Samu in every new session to see him, talk to him and hopefully explain everything to him. She even daydreamed about finally being back with him.
Thoughts like these are better kept a secret and Elena knew it as well as she knew that she had to find another way back to him without her hypnosis at Holly’s practice. She had to find her own way to get there and stay as long as she could.
Even though she wasn’t tired at all she asked her mother to leave after a while because she needed some rest. As soon as she was alone, she lay down on her bed, closing her eyes. She felt nervous, uncomfortable but yet excited and happy in a weird way. Nothing in her life seemed logical at this point and Elena seriously asked herself when exactly she had crossed the thin line to madness without completely realizing it. Dream and reality. Reality in her dream. What was real, what unreal? It all felt very realistic. And she couldn’t admit – even to herself... well, especially not to herself – that everything was only a dream.
With a lot of effort she picked up her mobile, calling Riku. He called back immediately, sounding very tired and Elena was glad that she only had to whisper some sweet nonsense to wish him a good night. As soon as she hung up, she buried her face in her hands, trying to slow down her breath and her heartbeat. Samu was waiting for her. She had to find him and tell him everything she knew by now. When the noises of the old house started to fade away Elena felt eased. It wouldn’t take long...
The room she woke up in was the same she had seen during her hypnosis. An ordinary but upscale hospital room with a single bed, a few chairs and two armchairs by the window. It was still dark outside but the sun was about to rise in the dim and foggy morning light. Much to her disappointment she was on her own. The room was empty. Samu was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was asleep somewhere.
Slowly Elena sat up, throwing a quick gaze around the room. She didn’t even know where exactly she was. Was she still on the Bahamas or had Samu taken her somewhere else? Her bed was modern, reaching every European standard as well as the equipment around her. Carefully she ran her fingers over one of the consoles that was monitoring her heartbeat and vital functions. When she tried to get up from the bed, she suddenly felt her neck aching for a second, touching it watchfully. A CVL? She stared down at her arm, finding a flexible tube that had been put into her shoulder, not peripheral venous as she had expected it, but central venous from her upper arm vein up into the vena subclavia and further up close to her heart. Quickly she checked her own medication and the parental nutrition that was given to her. It was all completely standard and Elena couldn’t help grinning. She would kick that doctor’s ass and tell him to change a few things. Never try to cure a medical researcher, they know best! Slowly she put her feet on the ground, flinching when she felt the cold linoleum. Supported by the drip stand she was connected to, Elena made her way over to the window, flinching again when she suddenly heard the door open.
“Elena!” his voice sounded hoarse and Elena felt her body freezing. It was Riku. Slowly she turned around, raising her hand to keep him away but he misinterpreted the gesture, quickly running over to her to grab her hand and pull her closer. “God, how are you? Is everything alright?” he whispered into her hair. “God, baby, I’m so glad you are back on your feet!”
Stepping back, Elena drew a deep breath. “Where’s Samu?” she managed to whisper, feeling her head spinning when Riku suddenly stepped closer again, his face turning into stone.
“He’s asleep.” he whispered back, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Please, love...”
“I need to talk to him!” again she shied away from him, folding her arms in front of her chest.
There was a glint in his eyes she couldn’t interpret properly. Was it anger? Resignation? For a second his intense eyes became darker and he starred down to the ground, his teeth and fists clenched.
“I also need a few answers, Elena.” He suddenly whispered soundlessly and looked up at her with burning eyes. “And I want them now!”
Elena stumbled backwards when he approached again, his hands reaching out for her. Her back hit the wall and she felt a sharp pain rushing through the back of her head. Suddenly everything became blurry and she tried to push Riku away. “Get off me!” she whispered with all the strength she had left. “Get off! I don’t wanna talk to you!” her voice broke and she stumbled across her own feet. Then all of a sudden it went black around her. Waking up by her own scream, Elena sat up in her bed, wrapping her arms around herself to stop shivering. Jesus Christ! She fell back onto her own bed, wiping her sweaty forehead. Now she was afraid of Riku! She felt another shiver. In a bizarre way she had actually felt threatened by him. Damn it! This had to stop! Yet she had no idea what to do...
She remained close-mouthed for
the rest of the morning, not willing to tell her mother about her last dream.
God, he had been so frightening! Never in her life had she imagined to be so
scared, petrified with horror because of Riku! She knew exactly what Holly
would make of this: Of course Riku had scared her! It was her bad conscious
gnawing because she kind of was in love with one of his mates. Blabla. Grunting
angrily Elena took a long shower, washing and even blow-drying her hair to calm
down a little, impatiently waiting for her appointment at Holly’s practice. To
avoid Riku she had only sent him a short message, that she needed a bit of time
to calm down and closed her mobile right after. Right now she couldn’t confront
him. Not after her dream and the icy way he had stared at her.
She definitely needed some time without him now.
She definitely needed some time without him now.
It all happened the way she
had foreseen it and Elena had to bite her lower lip from time to time to
prevent herself from screaming at the other woman and throwing into her face
that she would never admit that her dreams and her husband weren’t real.
Unfortunately she couldn’t return to Samu, even during her hypnosis. Something seemed to block her, keep her away from the hospital room and him and when she woke up on the couch she felt frustrated.
Maybe tomorrow. She tried to tell herself. Maybe her mind needed a rest. She would come back the next morning and give it one last shot. If it didn’t work again she had to try and find another way.
Unfortunately she couldn’t return to Samu, even during her hypnosis. Something seemed to block her, keep her away from the hospital room and him and when she woke up on the couch she felt frustrated.
Maybe tomorrow. She tried to tell herself. Maybe her mind needed a rest. She would come back the next morning and give it one last shot. If it didn’t work again she had to try and find another way.
Walking around the empty house
she ended up in her mother’s private study, slowly sitting down in one of the
armchairs. Staring out into the backyard she gave her whole situation another
thought. There was no way for her to see Holly again she suddenly realised. It
was no help for her and she wasn’t in the mood to feel even more like a crazy
person. Samu was real to her. He felt real and it felt nothing but right to be
with him. She had to make a decision.
Without even thinking about it properly she got up all of a sudden, walking over to her mother’s writing table. The prescription pad had always been in the first drawer of the desk and Elena found it without searching. Throwing a quick gaze around, she listened to the quiet house before she grabbed one of the books from the shelf behind the desk. Maybe some Benzodiazepines could help her to prolong the phases of her dreaming and by that also give her more time to orientate and get everything back in order. Her fingers were shivering but Elena opened the book. Maybe it should be some Non-Benzodiazepines, she wanted to use them for a while but not get addicted quickly. Zopiclon. Perfect. Hastily she wrote two of the medicaments down on the pad, placing her mother’s rubber stamp on it. When she took one of the pens from the pencil holder to also fake her mother’s signature, she felt her bad conscious gnawing but tried to ignore it. She had to be with Samu. Only for a little while but she had to be with him.
Without even thinking about it properly she got up all of a sudden, walking over to her mother’s writing table. The prescription pad had always been in the first drawer of the desk and Elena found it without searching. Throwing a quick gaze around, she listened to the quiet house before she grabbed one of the books from the shelf behind the desk. Maybe some Benzodiazepines could help her to prolong the phases of her dreaming and by that also give her more time to orientate and get everything back in order. Her fingers were shivering but Elena opened the book. Maybe it should be some Non-Benzodiazepines, she wanted to use them for a while but not get addicted quickly. Zopiclon. Perfect. Hastily she wrote two of the medicaments down on the pad, placing her mother’s rubber stamp on it. When she took one of the pens from the pencil holder to also fake her mother’s signature, she felt her bad conscious gnawing but tried to ignore it. She had to be with Samu. Only for a little while but she had to be with him.
The little note from the
prescription pad was burning in her pocket when she took her bike to meet her
mother for lunch. Caitlyn seemed shocked and even anxious when Elena broke to
her that she wouldn’t stay in Finland for another day but take a flight back to
London the same evening. Trying to convince Elena to stay for a couple of days,
she felt again all her worries churning inside of her, almost making her feel
sick. Schizophrenic disorder. That was only one of the possible psychological
illnesses that had come to her mind during the last days with Elena. Was her
daughter sick? Did she need help? Strong, independent Elena? Her smart little
girl. Did she unknowingly suffer from the fact that she had lost her
twin-sister, her identical twin, even though she had been in her mother’s womb
for another three months? Caitlyn gave her best but there was no way for Elena
to stay. She insisted that she had to leave as soon as possible and said her
goodbyes.
She had to get out of town, buy the meds and... well, face whatever happened when she took them. Using Riku as an excuse for her quick take off, Elena took leave, her heart still pounding in her chest when she arrived in London, entering the airport pharmacy to hand over the prescription to the friendly woman behind the desk. No questions were asked and only a few minutes later she took a cab to her apartment. Riku would be out of town for another night, doing some promo-work in Bristol so she had some time on her own.
It was already after 11 but she decided to call him anyway to wish him a good night. He seemed happy to hear her voice and somehow she felt eased and enjoyed their quick chat. Her mind on the other hand was already far away, planning her next steps.
Right after hanging up, she closed her mobile, sitting down on the couch with her new pills. The instructions on the package insert were quite clear, advising to take four pills a day in case of medical anxiety or sleep disorder. Calculating the best dosage for her intentions and potential over dosage and risks from the instruction leaflet, Elena decided to take six pills as a bolus and lay down on the couch, wrapping a blanket around herself. ‘Here we go.’ She thought, nervously closing her eyes.
She had to get out of town, buy the meds and... well, face whatever happened when she took them. Using Riku as an excuse for her quick take off, Elena took leave, her heart still pounding in her chest when she arrived in London, entering the airport pharmacy to hand over the prescription to the friendly woman behind the desk. No questions were asked and only a few minutes later she took a cab to her apartment. Riku would be out of town for another night, doing some promo-work in Bristol so she had some time on her own.
It was already after 11 but she decided to call him anyway to wish him a good night. He seemed happy to hear her voice and somehow she felt eased and enjoyed their quick chat. Her mind on the other hand was already far away, planning her next steps.
Right after hanging up, she closed her mobile, sitting down on the couch with her new pills. The instructions on the package insert were quite clear, advising to take four pills a day in case of medical anxiety or sleep disorder. Calculating the best dosage for her intentions and potential over dosage and risks from the instruction leaflet, Elena decided to take six pills as a bolus and lay down on the couch, wrapping a blanket around herself. ‘Here we go.’ She thought, nervously closing her eyes.
***
“Hey, mate, it’s me!”
“What’s up man, where are you?” Samu sat up on his bed. “We’ve been worried about you guys, Raul and I have arrived about an hour ago!”
“There has been an accident, we’re stuck and I was told that this is gonna take a while.” Riku sounded annoyed, but there was also fear in his voice, making Samu get up completely.
“Are you guys alright?” he asked alarmed, sighing in relief when Riku answered promptly.
“Of course we are! Listen, I’m a little concerned about Elena. She is...” an ambulance drove by, its horn swallowing the rest of his sentence. “She came back from Finland yesterday but I can’t reach her. Her mobile’s off and she doesn’t pick up at home, so I started to worry and wanted to be home quickly but now...”
He left his sentence unfinished but Samu was quick on the uptake. “Want me to drive by and check on her?”
“That would be grand, mate! Her keys are in my room, I put them on the night stand. Thanks a lot!”
“Of course! So I’ll see you guys in the afternoon, right?”
“Hopefully! They just said on the news that the street is going to be closed, maybe there is a by-pass for us. If not I’ll see you tonight. Call me when you have talked to her, I’m on tenterhooks at the moment!”
“Give me half an hour, I’ll call you back.” Samu hung up, grabbing his wallet and his jacket before he opened the connecting door between his and Riku’s room. All of a sudden he felt nervous. Elena had been on his mind far too often during the last week. Their talk, this little special something they had shared had affected him more than he would ever admit. Every outing with his friends had been weird with her around. He had felt attracted to her in an unusual manner, not knowing what to do or say, always feeling neglected by her. Perhaps this was his chance to finally talk to her about her cool and short spoken manner towards him. Although... Did he really want to know? Did he want to hear the words “I don’t really like you” from her lips? Taking a deep breath he decided to put a sock in it and close the subject. She was Riku’s girlfriend, maybe he had once had a nice talk with her, feeling connected and bound to her in an odd way, but if she had decided to keep him at arm’s length he would not be the fool craving for her attention.
He took the keys from Riku’s night stand, rushing outside to wave for a cab.
“Elena?” slowly he opened the door of her apartment, feeling his heart racing. There was no answer, so he stepped inside, closing the door. “Elena?” he asked again on the empty corridor, loudly. Still there was no answer, but all of a sudden he felt his hackles rising. There was definitely something wrong. The place seemed deserted but his inner voice kept yelling at him, forcing him to speed up his pace and almost running inside the living room.
There she lay. A little sleepyhead! Most probably she was using earplugs and simply ignored the phone because she was tired from her journey. For a split second he felt relieved. Then another shiver ran down his spine. She seemed only far away dreaming, but there were packages of pills he didn’t know on the table. He grabbed them, his hands getting cold instantly. Damn, why did he have to be a stupid bloke from the countryside with no idea about all those ell long substances of content? Zip... Zopic... Zopiclon. He kneeled down beside her, pushing the little table away. “Elena!” he whispered, shaking with panic when he grabbed her hands, her arms and cupped her face. She was breathing, at least. Swallowing down his fear he put his hand on her neck to feel her pulse. It was slow and unsteady. Again he grabbed the pills, putting them in his pocket before he wrapped Elena into her blanket, picking her up from the couch. As fast as his legs would allow it he ran down the stairs to get into the cab again and yell at the driver to take off to the hospital.
His fingernails were bitten
down to the bottom and he felt his legs and feet still trembling nervously when
he was suddenly confronted with a tall dark haired man.
The man in his white lab coat stopped short, starring down at Samu in his chair. “It’s not you.” Looking around the almost empty waiting area he called: “Who’s waiting for Elena Heikkinen?”
“That would be me!” hastily Samu got up. “Is she alright? Can I see her?”
“Where’s that other little bugger?” The doctor’s eyes looked him over, there was a lot of anger burning inside of them. “The Popstar-Dumbass she dates now?”
“He’s not here.” Samu blurted out. “Please, is she alright?”
“Did one of you dickheads give that shit to her?” the doctor almost yelled at him, grabbing the astounded man by the scruff of his neck.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Samu stepped back, shaking the other man’s heavy hands off. “I came to check on her and found her unconscious in her apartment! I brought her here right away, what the hell d’you accuse...”
With a low and disgusted sound the doctor let go of him eventually. “Fuck.” He whispered through his gritted teeth. “Fuck all of you!” with that he turned on his heels, rushing down the corridor.
Samu remained standing, rotted to the spot in total shock. What the hell had just happened to him? Slowly shaking his head, he ran after the dark haired man but he had disappeared. A friendly nurse helped him to finally find Elena.
“She will be fine.” The woman assured him, softly tapping his back. “But I was told that she will be taken to the psychiatric unit. We have to monitor her on the locked ward.”
“You have to... why? Can you please wait for...”
“Sorry, lad, no chance. She tried to kill herself, she needs to be monitored 24/7 now until the doctors release her.”
Samu felt his legs almost giving in. Putting his hands on his head as if he could by that stop his thoughts from racing on his mind, he sat down next to Elena’s bed.
“I’m gonna give you two a minute, dear.” Again the nurse softly rubbed his back before she closed the curtains around the bed.
Without giving it a lot of thought Samu took Elena’s hands, putting his face close to hers. “Elena?” he whispered. “Please, hun, I really need you to wake up and tell me that you are alright!” breathy and low the words came over his lips and he suddenly felt himself talking to her without thinking, simply whispering all his feelings into her ear.
The man in his white lab coat stopped short, starring down at Samu in his chair. “It’s not you.” Looking around the almost empty waiting area he called: “Who’s waiting for Elena Heikkinen?”
“That would be me!” hastily Samu got up. “Is she alright? Can I see her?”
“Where’s that other little bugger?” The doctor’s eyes looked him over, there was a lot of anger burning inside of them. “The Popstar-Dumbass she dates now?”
“He’s not here.” Samu blurted out. “Please, is she alright?”
“Did one of you dickheads give that shit to her?” the doctor almost yelled at him, grabbing the astounded man by the scruff of his neck.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Samu stepped back, shaking the other man’s heavy hands off. “I came to check on her and found her unconscious in her apartment! I brought her here right away, what the hell d’you accuse...”
With a low and disgusted sound the doctor let go of him eventually. “Fuck.” He whispered through his gritted teeth. “Fuck all of you!” with that he turned on his heels, rushing down the corridor.
Samu remained standing, rotted to the spot in total shock. What the hell had just happened to him? Slowly shaking his head, he ran after the dark haired man but he had disappeared. A friendly nurse helped him to finally find Elena.
“She will be fine.” The woman assured him, softly tapping his back. “But I was told that she will be taken to the psychiatric unit. We have to monitor her on the locked ward.”
“You have to... why? Can you please wait for...”
“Sorry, lad, no chance. She tried to kill herself, she needs to be monitored 24/7 now until the doctors release her.”
Samu felt his legs almost giving in. Putting his hands on his head as if he could by that stop his thoughts from racing on his mind, he sat down next to Elena’s bed.
“I’m gonna give you two a minute, dear.” Again the nurse softly rubbed his back before she closed the curtains around the bed.
Without giving it a lot of thought Samu took Elena’s hands, putting his face close to hers. “Elena?” he whispered. “Please, hun, I really need you to wake up and tell me that you are alright!” breathy and low the words came over his lips and he suddenly felt himself talking to her without thinking, simply whispering all his feelings into her ear.
She awoke slowly. Her body
felt numb and she was dead tired and cold to her core even though someone had
placed a blanket over her shivering body.
Then she heard his voice, feeling her lips curving into a small smile. “Samu.” She whispered, trying to lift her hand and touch his cheek that was still snuggled close to hers. He took her hand immediately, pressing his face into her palm.
“Thank God, you are back, love.” He whispered, tightly grabbing her ice cold fingers.
“Of course I am.” She turned her head, kissing his lips with a bit of effort. “I told you, I would be back. Whatever happens, I will always come back to you.” Softly she ran her free hand over his chin. “So did you manage to shave and shower?” still smiling she placed another kiss on his lips. “Your hair is shorter as well!”
“ Elena, I... What are you talking about?” snapping back into reality that had almost left him when he had tasted her sweet lips only seconds ago, Samu sat up on his chair. “I didn’t...” he started again but Elena softly put her hand on his mouth to stop him.
“Please, love, it doesn’t matter. I want to talk to you, but maybe the meds were not strong enough and I won’t be able to stay for long, alright?”
“Stay... what?” confused Samu furrowed his brows, running his hand through Elena’s hair. “Where are you leaving to? Is... did you really try... but why?” he was completely perplexed, a thousand thoughts running and echoing on his mind but she only smiled at him.
“I will try to find a better way, I promise!” she whispered with a lot of effort, closing her eyes again before she took a deep breath. “Samu, love, I... I chose you, I always will! What happened with Riku was only a mistake! I was drunk and I was mad at you and totally pissed off because of your behaviour.”
“But what... why...” Samu was completely out of words. She had chosen him? Riku had only been a mistake? Never! He had seen them together, they were a great couple! Good buddies, drinking pals, intimate friends and from what Riku had told him great lovers as well... What the hell was she talking about? Again he felt her hand running over his face.
“Help me up.” She whispered and sighed with relief when he helped her to sit up. “Thank God, all those tubes are gone!” smiling she turned over to him. “Come on, give yer wifey a little hug!” she opened her arms. “And then please scratch my back, this damn tattoo is itching like hell today!” with a displeased sound she took his hand putting it between her blade bones. “Right there, damn, it is burning like a fucking sunburn, can you check on it, love?”
“You ain’t got no tattoo on your back.” He blurted out, his face still pale with shock. “Damn it, Elena! What does... what the hell is going on with you?”
Elena laughed in surprise. “Of course I go a tattoo! The lilies on my back! How could you forget about it? You saw me naked about a million times, right? Now check on it and scratch my back, I’m dying here!”
When she turned a little and opened the white hospital gown, he gasped with disbelief. He had always fantasised about seeing her naked and also seeing and touching the tattoos Riku had told him about privately. He had imagined a daedal work of art on her back. Lilies from her shoulders down to her beautiful round butt cheeks. And now... his trembling fingers ran over the outlines of the flowers. They weren’t black or made of ink. The colours were changing, blurred, almost floating, and lotic like red and yellow liquid.
He grabbed her by her upper arms, turning her around to make her look into his eyes again. “Elena!” he whispered with his teeth gritted. “What happened? I found you in your apartment! Those pills, did...” he stopped short when her eyes became wide.
“I’m still here.” She whispered, instantly feeling tears welling up. “It didn’t work, did it?”
“Elena!” Samu’s voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper. “Love, you... you’re...” he fell silent, carefully running his fingertips over her cheek to wipe away the falling tears.
Suddenly her facial expression changed. She grabbed his shirt, crying out in pain. He tried to hold her, comfort her, and yelled for the nurse to come back. Elena seemed distracted with pain, her body shuddering convulsively. Whenever she stopped screaming for a few moments, he felt her teeth biting his arm, her low sobbing almost breaking his heart.
He couldn’t tell when the nurse finally came to help her. It seemed like an eternity. His body was covered in cold sweat, his eyes blurred from his own tears.
He looked down at Elena that was still screaming and crying in agony while the nurse tried to strap her to the bed, calling for more help. And what he saw when she looked up at him almost curdled the blood in his veins. All the noises, even her screaming faded and all he could see and perceive right at that split second their gazes were locked were her intense eyes. Then suddenly and without warning he experienced the most frightening moment of his life: Something broke inside of Elena. It broke down and he saw it with his own eyes, unable to stop it, to help her, do anything. All of a sudden her face was empty and she stared up at the ceiling expressionlessly. There was nothing in her eyes anymore. No colour, no life. Her body was still lying on the white hospital bed breathing, her heart beating but he knew she was gone. Her soul, the little sparkle that made her eyes shine and her smile lighting up a room... it was gone. She was gone.
Then she heard his voice, feeling her lips curving into a small smile. “Samu.” She whispered, trying to lift her hand and touch his cheek that was still snuggled close to hers. He took her hand immediately, pressing his face into her palm.
“Thank God, you are back, love.” He whispered, tightly grabbing her ice cold fingers.
“Of course I am.” She turned her head, kissing his lips with a bit of effort. “I told you, I would be back. Whatever happens, I will always come back to you.” Softly she ran her free hand over his chin. “So did you manage to shave and shower?” still smiling she placed another kiss on his lips. “Your hair is shorter as well!”
“ Elena, I... What are you talking about?” snapping back into reality that had almost left him when he had tasted her sweet lips only seconds ago, Samu sat up on his chair. “I didn’t...” he started again but Elena softly put her hand on his mouth to stop him.
“Please, love, it doesn’t matter. I want to talk to you, but maybe the meds were not strong enough and I won’t be able to stay for long, alright?”
“Stay... what?” confused Samu furrowed his brows, running his hand through Elena’s hair. “Where are you leaving to? Is... did you really try... but why?” he was completely perplexed, a thousand thoughts running and echoing on his mind but she only smiled at him.
“I will try to find a better way, I promise!” she whispered with a lot of effort, closing her eyes again before she took a deep breath. “Samu, love, I... I chose you, I always will! What happened with Riku was only a mistake! I was drunk and I was mad at you and totally pissed off because of your behaviour.”
“But what... why...” Samu was completely out of words. She had chosen him? Riku had only been a mistake? Never! He had seen them together, they were a great couple! Good buddies, drinking pals, intimate friends and from what Riku had told him great lovers as well... What the hell was she talking about? Again he felt her hand running over his face.
“Help me up.” She whispered and sighed with relief when he helped her to sit up. “Thank God, all those tubes are gone!” smiling she turned over to him. “Come on, give yer wifey a little hug!” she opened her arms. “And then please scratch my back, this damn tattoo is itching like hell today!” with a displeased sound she took his hand putting it between her blade bones. “Right there, damn, it is burning like a fucking sunburn, can you check on it, love?”
“You ain’t got no tattoo on your back.” He blurted out, his face still pale with shock. “Damn it, Elena! What does... what the hell is going on with you?”
Elena laughed in surprise. “Of course I go a tattoo! The lilies on my back! How could you forget about it? You saw me naked about a million times, right? Now check on it and scratch my back, I’m dying here!”
When she turned a little and opened the white hospital gown, he gasped with disbelief. He had always fantasised about seeing her naked and also seeing and touching the tattoos Riku had told him about privately. He had imagined a daedal work of art on her back. Lilies from her shoulders down to her beautiful round butt cheeks. And now... his trembling fingers ran over the outlines of the flowers. They weren’t black or made of ink. The colours were changing, blurred, almost floating, and lotic like red and yellow liquid.
He grabbed her by her upper arms, turning her around to make her look into his eyes again. “Elena!” he whispered with his teeth gritted. “What happened? I found you in your apartment! Those pills, did...” he stopped short when her eyes became wide.
“I’m still here.” She whispered, instantly feeling tears welling up. “It didn’t work, did it?”
“Elena!” Samu’s voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper. “Love, you... you’re...” he fell silent, carefully running his fingertips over her cheek to wipe away the falling tears.
Suddenly her facial expression changed. She grabbed his shirt, crying out in pain. He tried to hold her, comfort her, and yelled for the nurse to come back. Elena seemed distracted with pain, her body shuddering convulsively. Whenever she stopped screaming for a few moments, he felt her teeth biting his arm, her low sobbing almost breaking his heart.
He couldn’t tell when the nurse finally came to help her. It seemed like an eternity. His body was covered in cold sweat, his eyes blurred from his own tears.
He looked down at Elena that was still screaming and crying in agony while the nurse tried to strap her to the bed, calling for more help. And what he saw when she looked up at him almost curdled the blood in his veins. All the noises, even her screaming faded and all he could see and perceive right at that split second their gazes were locked were her intense eyes. Then suddenly and without warning he experienced the most frightening moment of his life: Something broke inside of Elena. It broke down and he saw it with his own eyes, unable to stop it, to help her, do anything. All of a sudden her face was empty and she stared up at the ceiling expressionlessly. There was nothing in her eyes anymore. No colour, no life. Her body was still lying on the white hospital bed breathing, her heart beating but he knew she was gone. Her soul, the little sparkle that made her eyes shine and her smile lighting up a room... it was gone. She was gone.
Feeling sick and shivering to
his bones, Samu turned around and threw up on the floor...
Keine Kommentare:
Kommentar veröffentlichen