Chapter 18 - Lost in the Dark

Chapter 18

When we returned to the main hut, we found a couple of men bridling horses and carrying large sacks of food.

Idun stood between them, impelling a group of slaves to hurry up.

Surprised I let go of Samu’s hand, walking straight up to the short tempered blond woman. “What is this all about?” I asked and she spun around with a sudden smile.

“We ride.” She simply stated, yelling at a girl that didn’t attach a sack of grain properly. “Yorick is in charge and well, thanks to your godly hands, and the rest of us is gonna ride for the Black Castle to back up the Jarl.” She patted my cheek. “Do not worry, we will leave protection for you. Oddgeir is too old for battle, he will stay as well and take care of everything until we return to pick you up along with the rest of us.”

“Are you sure that…” I started, but stopped short at the sight of Yorick, exiting the house. He was pale and had obviously lost weight, but instead of keeping to his bed he walked around the horses with his shirt only slung oddly around half of his body.

“What the fuck!” I mumbled, letting go of Idun to walk after him.

He smiled brightly at me, squinting when the early sun hit his sensitive eyes.

“Seeress.” He bowed joyously but his smile faded, when he saw the anger in my eyes. Instantaneously he grabbed my arm, his eyes scanning the place for Samu.

“Did he hurt you?” he hissed, pulling me even closer.

I shook my head, completely taken by surprise when I felt his hand in mine, all of a sudden gentle.

“Yorick, you …” my words were caught in my throat and I shook my head again to dispel the weird emotions that came over my so suddenly. God, this day felt like an emotional rollercoaster! Lack of sleep, a sudden assault from Samu, the experience of total and utter helplessness, because I had been unable to convince Yorick, another fight with Samu, Matias and my memories, and now all of a sudden Yorick’s hand and his behaviour, completely unexpected and tender.

“Why are you out of bed?” I asked as sternly as I could and he chuckled slightly.

“What would my men think of me?” he gave back in a joking tone, still holding my hand.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I looked up at him. “Let me at least get you bandaged and dressed properly!” I commanded and he took a playful bow.

“Whatever you demand, little Alfur!” dodging a small blow, he chuckled again, letting me guide him back inside without offering resistance.

I wasn’t dealing gently with him, when I grabbed his shirt by the bottom and pulled it over his head. “You, Monsieur, are to stay in bed until you are better!” I ranted lowly, when I pushed him to sit down at the edge of the bed.

Even though he winced for a second, a little chuckle escaped his lips.

“What did you just call me?” he asked, curiously looking up at me when I stood right in front of him with my hands on my hips and my hair in my face.

“I called you an idiot!” I hissed, removing the bandage that had completely slipped out of position. “Well, not literally, but I meant it!”

“Only a seeress as beautiful as you can show such daringly bold behaviour!”

“I still got your dagger and I am bringing it to use!” I warned him earnestly. “If you don’t hold still right now, little Jarl, I will pin you to your bed by your own ear, trust me!”

Starting over to roll up the strip of linen between my fingers, I examined his wound again. It had healed extremely well but the scar would definitely be permanent and hideous on his beautifully shaped upper body.

“Don’t worry.” He said with a grin, mockingly jabbing my hip. “The daughters of Northmen expect scars on their future husbands. I was far too smooth anyway, so you actually did me a favour by cutting me open and stabbing me with red-hot spears.”

The linen sheaf fell from my hands and right at this second I wanted to yell at Yorick and finally also swear like a trooper. Instead I stared into his still grinning face and something inside of me broke down like the barrier of a dike. At first it was only a giggle that escaped my firmly pressed together lips. But only a second later I was convulsed with laughter and lay on the rumpled bed next to Yorick. I couldn’t help it, wasn’t able to stop to even take a breath. Obviously my laughing was contagious, because after the first moment of surprise, Yorick suddenly joined in. Coughing and panting we lay together until I finally managed to get on all fours again, bending over him.

“Sit up, for Christ’s sake!” I gasped, grabbing his healthy arm to put him in an upright position. But instead of helping me, he simply broke down laughing again, covering his face with his hands.

“Good Father Odin, dearest!” he dissolved into stupid giggles once more, trying to brace himself by pressing his lips together. “Why am I laughing? For the love of all Gods, why can’t I stop?”

“You’re hysterical.” I grabbed the bandage from the floor and took hold of his upper arm, trying hard to contain myself. “It is a medical condition and it can only be healed by getting laid.”

Had those filthy and indecorous words just escaped my mouth? For a split-second I grew stiff. Jesus Christ, what was I thinking? Luckily Yorick burst out into broad laughter. After the laughing fit had subsided, he buried his face in his hands again.

“You are killing me, Seeress!” he mumbled and coughed heartily.

“The contrary is the case!” with a lot of effort, I pulled him up from the bed, trying to find the best angle to work from. “I am saving your life and I won’t stop until you decide to live it!”

Narrowing my eyes, I tried to concentrate on his wounded chest, carefully running my fingers over the still swollen skin around the scab. “You were lucky.” Turning his upper body slightly, I trailed along the backside of the wound. I had marked him for life, marked him with a cross almost the size of my hand. It would heal, of course, but it was indeed a cross to bear.

Sighing lowly, I simply remained standing, putting my hand on the torn up flesh that still felt hot on my skin.

Yorick rested his elbows on his knees and after a while I felt his forehead sinking to my belly. He drew a deep breath, giving me a minute to gingerly examine the burned skin and by that arranging the thoughts on my mind.

“What a day.” I whispered after what felt like an eternity, carefully wrapping a lose strand of his long hair around my index finger.

“You did well.” He assured and looked up at me, his hands still placed on both sides of my waist. “Elida, I… I want to thank you.”

“Yorick.” Smiling I shook my head and started to wrap the new bandage around his upper body. “That goes without saying.”

“It doesn’t!” he disagreed, putting his healthy hand on my face. “You are a miracle. In every meaning of the word. I cannot wait to finally settle down on this island. All credit belongs to you. You came to me at the perfect moment. The perfect opportunity to finally convince my father, convince Aevarr and Bestefar Oddgeir. You changed everything for me, for all of us. And now you even claimed my body and soul back from Odin himself to give me the chance to enjoy the rest of my earthy life.” Still caressing my cheek with his thumb, he gave me the most honest smile I had ever received. “You are my miracle, Elida.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” With a grin on her lips and a long coat made of dark fur around her shoulders, Idun suddenly stood in the doorway. “The men are ready.” She nodded at Yorick. “But take your time, looks like you almost got her convinced and talked around into your bed by nearly dying on her.” With that she winked at him and left.

The spell was abruptly broken and I was quick to step back with my heart pounding in my ears.

Being so close to Yorick wasn’t a good idea at all. Suddenly I felt my bad conscious gnawing, looking at the half naked man that still sat on the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head lowered. Maybe Samu had been right after all. I had somehow managed to talk myself out of the attraction I felt, whenever Yorick was close to me. We had been through many extreme situations within such a short amount of time. Of course we somehow had a thing for each other. That’s what I had told me so many times.

Was it more? I flashed another gaze at my patient, my heart almost stopping when my eyes met his. Quickly I looked the other way, turning around to fiddle with one of the blankets that had fallen to the floor.

No, the attraction was only caused by the external circumstances. There was nothing more. He had saved me, he worshiped me. And now I had spent days saving his life, of course there was a connection. But that didn’t mean…

Of course it didn’t, I was about to leave, I didn’t have a future here, but a life to return to…

Well…

God, I needed a moment for myself, think, re-arrange my thoughts.

Stepping over to the window, I drew the pelts away and held my face into the bright sun. To be very honest, I didn’t have a lot to return to. My mother had died when I had only been a child of seven, some dreadful bone-sickness eating her away within a few months. My father had never gotten over losing her. He had been withdrawn and somehow managed to bring up me and Matias without ever being close to us, holding both of us at arms-length. The bond between me and my brother had grown extremely strong during the following years and I knew that his death had been the hardest turning point of my young life. Alvar was once more unable to take the pain and all he could do was abandoning me as well. And ever since I had been fending for myself. Since the young age of sixteen.

Sighing I rubbed my face. But now, if we actually managed to flee, I had Samu by my side. We had only stumbled upon each other here, but my feelings towards him were real. I had always day-dreamed about him, the famous singer. But in this place I had seen every facet of him. His strength and love, braveness and fear, his deepest darks and the warmest and most loving parts of his soul. 

And I loved him for every tiny piece of his personality I had become acquainted with.

Turning around again, I looked at Yorick. Rough mannered but kind. Hard-handed, maybe even cruel at times but nevertheless honest and compassionate.

And, if I was completely honest with myself: The safer choice.

Surprisingly it seemed true, whichever way I looked at it, I was more scared of leaving with Samu than I was about staying here and accepting my fate. I kneaded my fingers agitatedly. Life had never been kind to me and I was by now scared that maybe after our return Samu would simply go back to his own life, his old self, and I would be alone again. Quickly I grabbed one of the mugs that stood around, emptying the water that was inside.

In this world I had meaning and purpose. Back home I had studies to finance, a hard job as a tour guide and bills to pay.

Pressing the palms of my hands to my eyes, I rested my back against the window sill.

But wasn’t it worth a try? Maybe Samu wouldn’t change, he seemed so earnest and completely serious. And one of his arguments was outstandingly right: I was always in danger if I stayed here. What if I got sick? What if I died during childbirth? What if Yorick died in battle?

Again I flashed a gaze at him. He hadn’t moved, simply sat on the bed, staring down at his naked feet. From the way he avoided looking at me and kept still, I could tell that Idun with her blunt manners might have hit the bull’s eye. His silence was telling.

He could have laughed it away, joked about it. But instead he had fallen completely silent.

Absent-mindedly staring at him, I realized why it seemed to be so very tempting for me to stay with him: I simply was a total chicken shit. If I stayed here, all I could do was blame fate for it. Blame God, Odin, the fog, whomever. If I left and took matters in my own hands I was at the potential risk of losing Samu, the risk of us not working out. If I stayed then my life would be clear. Predictable. Foreseeable even. It was taken from me, taken out of my hands and the sudden chance to hand over every responsibility was extremely tempting.

“Elida?”

I was startled when Yorick unexpectedly touched my arm. Fighting with his shirt, he nodded towards the entrance. “We should go down and say our goodbyes.”

Quickly I helped him, closing a few small cords around his neck without looking at him properly. Then I nodded. I definitely needed fresh air.