Es wird langsam dunkler um Elena und ihren Riku... denn die Vergangenheit, eine längst vergangene Zeit, holt sie ein...
The time with Samu turned out to be far too nice and short and Elena felt her bad conscious gnawing when Riku finally arrived at the bar. She felt so close to Samu right at this second that Riku almost interrupted. He was a disturbing factor. Quickly she got up from her seat, nodding at Samu. “Thanks for keeping me company.” She tried to sound neutral but she almost felt her heart skipping another few beats when he got up as well, smiling down at her.
“Anytime dear!” he bent down to kiss her cheek. “You are indeed a very interesting person!” hesitantly he ran his fingertips over the thin snakes on her wrist. “You know what you should have?” he asked out of a sudden and stepped back, blushing a little. “Those snakes are too archaic for you. You should have lilies.” His mouth curved into a shy smile. “Lilies would be perfect for you.” Still smiling, he patted Riku’s back. “See you guys tomorrow!” he waved them goodbye, his eyes still focused on Elena’s face. She saw him blushing even deeper but he quickly averted his gaze and rushed outside.
Lilies? Elena felt her heart pounding in her chest. How on earth did he hit on that? A shiver ran down her spine and she suddenly felt the outlines of the lilies burning on her flesh. It was impossible! This was real life! She had only dreamed about the lily-tattoo, nobody knew about it, not even her sister or her mother!
“So...?” Riku put his arm around her shoulder. “I’m really sorry for being late!” he kissed her cheek. “But now I’m all yours.” Smiling he pulled her along. “Hungry?”
“Yes... I... Actually I’m starving!” she let out a shaky laugh and put her hand on her stomach, snapping back into reality. “Whisky on an empty stomach wasn’t the best idea I assume!”
Smiling broadly he pressed the button for the elevator. “Let me produce relief, Mylady!” he kissed her softly. “Everything is settled.”
And he kept word. His hotel room was nicely set with a table by the window, napkins, flowers and food from the room service.
“Have a seat!” he pulled out the chair for her, kissing her neck. “Again, I’m so sorry for being late!”
During dinner with him, Elena felt herself returning from her short journey with Samu. Maybe his comment about the lilies meant nothing. She was here. She was with Riku. Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. And it wasn’t weird any longer. She reached out her hand over the table, smiling and listening to Riku’s jokes, completely ignoring the strange urge to jump up and run to find Samu. There was nothing between them but a few words, a conversation, maybe deep and thoughtful, but still... She was here with Riku. He was real and he really liked her. It was written all over his face, in his smile, his voice and his laughter.
Somewhere along the way she even forgot about Samu. Riku had opened a bottle of red wine, telling her with a grin that he had actually no clue whether it was good or not, but the taste was nice, a little dry, just the way she liked it. They kept sitting at the table, talking, joking and drinking. And when Riku got up after a while, offering his hand to her with a smile, she got up without hesitating, letting him kiss her and drag her over to the huge bed.
It felt familiar to kiss him and touch him. Elena had never been more confident with a man, and he let her lead the way, obviously enjoying it. After what felt like hours of well-known intimacy, she fell asleep in his arms, her forehead rested to his shoulder. Samu seemed far away, left to his own dreams. She wrapped her arm around Riku’s chest, caressing the soft skin of his stomach. “I love you.” She whispered, feeling him pulling her closer.
“Love you too.” He whispered in response, kissing her hair.
Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be and Elena felt the soft waves of sleep rolling over her. Life was easy. So easy without weird dreams.
“What the fuck d’you mean, no results?” she suddenly heard a low voice. “She’s been in this state for almost two weeks now! I’m not a doctor, but this can’t be normal.” He sounded desperate.
“I’m really sorry, Mr Haber.” Another man’s voice came in, sounding calmative. “We still have a few tests running, but up till now we have no idea what exactly happened to your wife!”
Samu snorted. “Well go and find out then!”
“I’m truly sorry, Sir! We do everything we can! We have already screened out a couple of possibilities such as stroke or an epileptic seizure, even cerebral haemorrhage and there is nothing to be found. All her blood results are normal, so...” he obviously shrugged. “Most probably the problem is psychological. At the age of two, long ago during her childhood your wife experienced a short phase of something we call catatonic schizophrenia. It was only a onetime event right after the sudden death of her youngest sister but the predisposition is given.”
“A psychological problem causes COMA?” Samu was clearly about to lose his temper. “How’s that possible?”
The other man cleared his throat. “Well, we... obviously you and Mr Rajamaa had some... well there must have been an issue between the three of you.” He tried to frame his answer as decent as possible. “You have been fighting for the last two weeks and... Well, I talked to one of our psychologists and also to... to your mother in law, and they both agreed that... most probably your wife’s brain is... her consciousness might... it might take a break.”
“A break?” Samu suddenly yelled. “Her brain is taking a break? You are kidding! Tell me you are fucking kidding!”
“Maybe you should try to sort this out first.” The doctor suggested, making Samu snort again.
“Sort it out, hum? Sort out that I convinced her to fuck my best mate? Now that’s easy!”
Elena felt a hand, shaking her. “Love? I’m sorry I convinced you to fuck Riku! Will you please come back and open yer eyes?” he cleared his throat. “Not helping.” He exhaled. “Are there some more brilliant ideas you wanna share? If not, I’d politely ask you to leave now.”
The hand was back, stroking her hair. With a low sound the door was closed.
“Love?” his voice was close to her ear now. “Please, hun, I... I’m so sorry!” he whispered, starting to sob silently.
She wanted to move, wanted to open her eyes, tell him that everything was fine, that it all had only been a bad dream, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t blink, couldn’t force her body to move, to do anything. Samu! The words formed on her mind. Samu I’m fine! Everything is fine! Samu!
She awoke with a start, gasping in shock. “Samu!” finally his name escaped her mouth and she felt her body shivering. What the hell was wrong? Schizophrenia? She had – as far as she knew – always been perfectly healthy! Mentally and physically. And now a schizophrenia-induced coma? She had not dreamed about Samu for so long and now it... it turned out that her dreams had stopped because in her dream she was... mentally ill?
“Samu!” she screamed his name
again. Her legs almost gave in when she tried to get up from the bed. Something
was very wrong! What had the doctor said? Her consciousness took a break
because it refused to face the upcoming fights with Samu and Riku? Because of a
predisposition for catatonic schizophrenia? God! She had made a terrible
mistake. Sleeping with Riku had been wrong and now...
Stop!
Right now.
It was only a dream!
She had a life. She had a life with Riku! And she enjoyed living it! She wasn’t sick, she had never been anything but healthy!!
Maybe...
Maybe all of this happened now to her dream-self because she had made her decision. She had chosen Riku. Was it possible that her choice now affected both her dreams and her life?
But how?
And why?
Why hadn’t she just... well she could have chosen Riku in her dream as well! Everything would have been fine then!
Wait. Stop. She had chosen Riku, hadn’t she? She had slept with him at the beach... but... No. She had not chosen him, but given in to her feelings. Feelings of the moment. She was bound to Riku in real life, but she had never truly chosen him in her dream. Samu. Samu was the only one she wanted.
Elena gasped with shock, realising the extent of her decision. She HAD chosen Samu. Right now, right here. In Riku’s bed. In Riku’s bed after a night of love they had shared.
It would have been fine! Everything would have been fine...
A sudden ache in her heart made her gasp and she pressed her hand to her chest, trying to breathe against the pain.
It wouldn’t have been fine.
She was convulsed with pain and sank down on her knees.
Samu
Nothing was fine as long as she loved him.
She flinched.
As long as she loved him.
His picture occurred on her mind. His shining eyes, the boyish smile and his hands, strong but yet so soft.
As long as she loved him. With a lot of effort she managed to get back on her feet. She loved him. Her heart started to beat faster, fluttering in her chest. He was her husband. The love of her life!
What the fuck...?
She tried to breathe steadily.
He wasn’t, for Christ’s sake!
He wasn’t! He wasn’t her husband!
She had only talked to him a couple of times!
He wasn’t!
Yet... she had never felt better. Whenever he was around she suddenly felt whole again. Only thinking about him calmed her down. She... she loved him...
No!
No, she didn’t!
Dream, Heikkinen! What the fuck?!
Again she gasped from the pain in her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. She sank down on the bed. Fuck.
Nothing was right.
She loved him.
No!
‘Hell, I’m about to lose my mind!’ with shivering hands she picked up the phone on the bedside table, feeling eased, that Riku wasn’t around to see her in her current state. There was a note and a rose on his pillow, but she ignored it, grabbing the telephone receiver with both of her hands. “The next flight to Helsinki.” She managed to whisper. “Credit card?” gazing around the room she got back on her feet, trying to find her purse. “Here you go, it’s...” she gave the number to the staff member of the airport. “Thanks a lot.” Still breathing heavily she got up, getting dressed. Without even thinking about it she rushed outside, waving for a cab.
She loved him...
One hour later she was sitting on a plane to Helsinki, trying her best not to fall asleep. She felt exhausted. Tired. Scared. Everything passed by in a blur. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about Samu, Riku, this whole mess. Burying her face in her hands, she tried not to freak out. She was losing her mind. Breathing against the pain in her chest, she closed her eyes. Nothing was right. Everything was upside down.
She took another cab from the airport to her parent’s house. It was only two in the afternoon and she hated the house to be empty. Slowly she walked up the stairs and put her bag in her room before she picked up her mobile to call her mother at the hospital.
“Elena! I’m sorry dear, I’m about to see a patient, can I call you back?” her mother answered the phone of her office a little out of breath. Two fifteen. Her mother’s first patient after her lunch break. Elena took a deep breath, sitting down on her bed. “I’m at home, Mum.” She whispered, feeling her voice shaking. “Came here only a few minutes ago.”
“You are... you are...? What happened? Are you alright?” her mother shrieked.
“I’m not actually. That’s why I came.” Elena lay back, putting her free hand over her face. “Listen, Caty, I... I’m gonna take one of the bikes, I’ll be at your office in 20 minutes. Can you... can I talk to you after your appointment? I really need... some advice.” She tried to sound more confident. More strong. Her mother shouldn’t worry about her. This was her own fight; it had nothing to do with her family. All she needed was some advice and maybe the phone number of one of her mother’s colleagues to have someone to talk to properly. “Listen, Mommy, don’t freak out, ok? I’m alright. It’s just... I met this guy and... his... his best friend... he... I broke up with Rob and... achhhhh! Everything’s a little upside down, so I really need someone to talk to, ok? But I’m ok, you hear me? I’m good!”
Her mother sighed with relief. “I’ll be with you at quarter past three, ok? Just... just drop by, maybe get yourself some coffee before, bring one for me and we chat, alright? Everything’s gonna be ok, you hear me, hun?”
“I hope so. Thanks, Caty!” Elena took a deep breath, still not feeling relieved. It was actually a lot more complicated than it sounded...
“Hey! Comes with the package of being Mommy and Psychy, ok?” her mother giggled. “Come over, I’m happy to have you and your little love-troubles around!”
“Alright.” Elena whispered and sat up. “Talk to you soon.”
“See you, Kitten! Don’t worry too much, will you? We will sort this out. Love you!” her mother hung up and Elena put her mobile aside, rubbing her face with her hands. She wasn’t too sure about the sorting out part, but at least her mother would be there for her. Picking her mobile up again, she tried to text Riku. Had to leave without leaving a note because I think that I’m crazy?
Tempting.
And true.
But not the words she should actually send to the man that was supposed to be her boyfriend! ‘I had to return to Helsinki.’ She paused, staring at her message. ‘Need to sort out a few things here. Talk to you soon.’ Again she paused, adding ‘sorry I had to leave so quickly’ at the beginning of her text message. A little hesitant she also added ‘love you’ in the end, pressing the sending-button.
He was quick to answer. ‘Take your time. Hope you are alright, love! Miss you around. Even more now ;)’
Slowly Elena got up, trying to balance herself with her outstretched arms.
Alright. What a lovely word. Easily used. She wouldn’t tell him she wasn’t. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose, Elena closed her eyes.
Lunatic.
Another lovely word.
And suitable. Very suitable.
“So this was... love, you... are you telling me that you are in love with this guy from your dream?” her mother raised her coffee cup, forgetting to sip it. “Or are you actually in love with the friend of your new... boyfriend?”
“That’s the point, Mom!” Elena shook her head. “I have no idea!” she buried her face in her hands. “I lie awake in bed at night with him by my side and I... I really... I love him, Mom! I really do! He’s amazing! But somehow I feel like... I feel like he’s just... this whole relationship is only... it’s a lie to be honest! It feels perfect but underneath the surface, I... yes, I feel that I’m more in love with this guy from my dreams.”
“Maybe... maybe Riku, his name’s Riku, right? Maybe he’s not the one for you. Maybe this Samu-guy is!”
“MOM!” Elena let out a moan, leaning back. “That’s the whole point! We already had this! I was with Riku, breaking up with him because somehow Samu was the one for me!” she rubbed her eyes. “And that was how this whole mess with Riku in my dreams started! I tried, Mom, I tried so hard! But... somehow... I don’t know, I love him, but there’s Samu and he... He’s my husband, Mom! And he is right now sitting at my hospital bed and he is devastated because I fell into a coma after I.... because we had a fight and I... I ran away to spent the night with Riku!”
“In your dreams!” her mother affirmed. “It all happened in your dreams, dear!”
“I KNOW, Mom!” frustrated Elena threw her arms up into the air. “But somehow dream and reality seem quite close these days! Tell me: Do I see my future? Do I actually see my future in my dreams? Is it possible?”
“Please, love!” Caitlyn took her daughter’s hand. “Try to stay calm! I know it must be confusing, but you have to try to stay calm and focused, alright?” carefully she squeezed Elena’s hand and smiled encouraging. “We need to get to the bottom of this, you hear me?” she leaned forward. “I know it must be hard for you to talk about this with your mother, but I need you to tell me more, ok? Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Like what?” a little irritated Elena wrinkled her nose. “I have not smoked pot since high school if this is one of our next topics! And I never took anything else!”
“That is actually one point I needed to exclude from my list.” Caitlyn leaned back. “Would you feel more comfortable if I’d refer you to one of my colleagues in town?”
“Mom!”
“Please, love!” her mother grabbed her phone from one of the side tables next to her armchair. “This is nothing personal, I know! Maybe it would be a bit easier for you! Easier to talk to a stranger, a professional stranger of course! I have a colleague; she has a very good reputation. I’ve known her for years and she recently specialised on hypnosis as well. From my point of you this would bring you closer to the core of your problem.” She signalised her nervous daughter to be silent for a second and dialled a number. “Holly!” she leaned back in her chair. “Thank you, I’m good. Listen I need to ask you a favour. Yes. No, it’s not a big deal. Remember Elena? Yes, she finished university and is now doing her doctors degree. Listen, she just came by because she had some really disturbing dreams and I thought that she would be in good hands with you. Maybe your hypnosis technique could help her to find some answers.” Caitlyn smiled at her daughter that was now nervously twisting her hair between her fingers, chewing on her lower lip. “I could send her over right away!” she threw a gaze at her wristwatch. “Four o’clock sounds great. Thank you so much! Yes, greetings to Gregory and the kids! Sure. How about next Saturday? Just give me a call then, alright? Thanks Holly! Bye!” Caitlyn put down the phone, smiling encouraging. “Perfect timing! She will wait for you at her office at four.” Quickly she made a few notes, handing them over to Elena. “This is the address.”
“Caty, d’you really think that this is a good idea?” a little unassertive Elena moved around in her armchair. “Maybe it’s only a waste of time!”
“Of course not!” her mother leaned forward, grabbing Elena’s hand. “I can’t help you, I wish I could, but I know you too well dear! No surgeon in this world would agree to carry out an operation on his own child! I can’t do this for you, but Holly can! Trust me!” with another heartening squeeze of her daughter’s hand she got up. “Come on, try it! There’s nothing to lose for you, right? And I’ll see you at dinner. Maybe we can talk about your session. In private of course, your father doesn’t need to know, hum?” smiling she winked at Elena. “Now come on, love! Stay for a couple of days, maybe you can solve this quickly and go back to your life with everything sorted out!”
Still hesitantly Elena got up as well, staring down at her mother’s notes. “Riku will only be in London for a few more days.” She pointed out in a low voice, feeling her heart aching in her chest again. “And then I won’t be able to see him for a very long time!” looking at her mother she found Caitlyn shaking her head.
“Maybe that is a good thing, love! Take a break. There’s plenty of time after your return!” she affirmed, hugging Elena. “Now go, will you? I really wish I could do more for you.”
“You did enough, Mom. Thanks for helping me out of this mess!” Elena returned her mother’s hug, grabbing her bag and jacket. “I’ll see you guys tonight, ok?”
“Alright, love. Say hello to Holly, will you?”
“Of course.” Elena tried to smile, waving her mother goodbye when she headed for the elevator.
Caitlyn remained standing on the corridor, staring after her oldest daughter. There had never been any kind of problem with her! She had always been a good student, not as communicative and outgoing as her younger sister, but she never needed help with anything and was very self-confident and goal-oriented. The short rebellious phase during her high-school time with black hair, punk music and piercings had only lasted for a couple of years and left her with a lot more life experience and a few tattoos she still claimed to like. This was the first time Caitlyn had seen her daughter confronted with problems she couldn’t solve on her own. Dreams. Feelings. Problems of the heart and mind. Shivering all of a sudden, Caitlyn wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her shoulders. Rose came to her mind, the baby she had given birth to so many years ago and that had died only a few days later. Cedric had been old enough to talk about it and explain everything to him, almost five, but two-year-old Elena had been in complete shock when she had suddenly lost her little sister. She had been diagnosed with schizophrenia but soon they were told that she was cured completely. Only a mental shock, nothing to worry about.
Now again, Caitlyn hoped for the best. Holly was one of the finest persons and psychiatrists she knew. Maybe she could get to the centre of Elena’s problems and with it hopefully help her to avoid another seizure of schizophrenia after all those years. They had never really talked about it with Elena. The doctors had advised against it. Maybe she had to tell her sooner or later... Maybe Elena needed inpatient care for a while... Another shiver ran down Caitlyn’s spine. ‘We should have talked to her about it.’ She thought, fighting her tears. ‘About Rose and everything else that had happened before.’
Walking back into her office, Caitlyn closed the door, trying to concentrate on her next patient, but her mind was still far away working on her daughter’s problems.
Stop!
Right now.
It was only a dream!
She had a life. She had a life with Riku! And she enjoyed living it! She wasn’t sick, she had never been anything but healthy!!
Maybe...
Maybe all of this happened now to her dream-self because she had made her decision. She had chosen Riku. Was it possible that her choice now affected both her dreams and her life?
But how?
And why?
Why hadn’t she just... well she could have chosen Riku in her dream as well! Everything would have been fine then!
Wait. Stop. She had chosen Riku, hadn’t she? She had slept with him at the beach... but... No. She had not chosen him, but given in to her feelings. Feelings of the moment. She was bound to Riku in real life, but she had never truly chosen him in her dream. Samu. Samu was the only one she wanted.
Elena gasped with shock, realising the extent of her decision. She HAD chosen Samu. Right now, right here. In Riku’s bed. In Riku’s bed after a night of love they had shared.
It would have been fine! Everything would have been fine...
A sudden ache in her heart made her gasp and she pressed her hand to her chest, trying to breathe against the pain.
It wouldn’t have been fine.
She was convulsed with pain and sank down on her knees.
Samu
Nothing was fine as long as she loved him.
She flinched.
As long as she loved him.
His picture occurred on her mind. His shining eyes, the boyish smile and his hands, strong but yet so soft.
As long as she loved him. With a lot of effort she managed to get back on her feet. She loved him. Her heart started to beat faster, fluttering in her chest. He was her husband. The love of her life!
What the fuck...?
She tried to breathe steadily.
He wasn’t, for Christ’s sake!
He wasn’t! He wasn’t her husband!
She had only talked to him a couple of times!
He wasn’t!
Yet... she had never felt better. Whenever he was around she suddenly felt whole again. Only thinking about him calmed her down. She... she loved him...
No!
No, she didn’t!
Dream, Heikkinen! What the fuck?!
Again she gasped from the pain in her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. She sank down on the bed. Fuck.
Nothing was right.
She loved him.
No!
‘Hell, I’m about to lose my mind!’ with shivering hands she picked up the phone on the bedside table, feeling eased, that Riku wasn’t around to see her in her current state. There was a note and a rose on his pillow, but she ignored it, grabbing the telephone receiver with both of her hands. “The next flight to Helsinki.” She managed to whisper. “Credit card?” gazing around the room she got back on her feet, trying to find her purse. “Here you go, it’s...” she gave the number to the staff member of the airport. “Thanks a lot.” Still breathing heavily she got up, getting dressed. Without even thinking about it she rushed outside, waving for a cab.
She loved him...
One hour later she was sitting on a plane to Helsinki, trying her best not to fall asleep. She felt exhausted. Tired. Scared. Everything passed by in a blur. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about Samu, Riku, this whole mess. Burying her face in her hands, she tried not to freak out. She was losing her mind. Breathing against the pain in her chest, she closed her eyes. Nothing was right. Everything was upside down.
She took another cab from the airport to her parent’s house. It was only two in the afternoon and she hated the house to be empty. Slowly she walked up the stairs and put her bag in her room before she picked up her mobile to call her mother at the hospital.
“Elena! I’m sorry dear, I’m about to see a patient, can I call you back?” her mother answered the phone of her office a little out of breath. Two fifteen. Her mother’s first patient after her lunch break. Elena took a deep breath, sitting down on her bed. “I’m at home, Mum.” She whispered, feeling her voice shaking. “Came here only a few minutes ago.”
“You are... you are...? What happened? Are you alright?” her mother shrieked.
“I’m not actually. That’s why I came.” Elena lay back, putting her free hand over her face. “Listen, Caty, I... I’m gonna take one of the bikes, I’ll be at your office in 20 minutes. Can you... can I talk to you after your appointment? I really need... some advice.” She tried to sound more confident. More strong. Her mother shouldn’t worry about her. This was her own fight; it had nothing to do with her family. All she needed was some advice and maybe the phone number of one of her mother’s colleagues to have someone to talk to properly. “Listen, Mommy, don’t freak out, ok? I’m alright. It’s just... I met this guy and... his... his best friend... he... I broke up with Rob and... achhhhh! Everything’s a little upside down, so I really need someone to talk to, ok? But I’m ok, you hear me? I’m good!”
Her mother sighed with relief. “I’ll be with you at quarter past three, ok? Just... just drop by, maybe get yourself some coffee before, bring one for me and we chat, alright? Everything’s gonna be ok, you hear me, hun?”
“I hope so. Thanks, Caty!” Elena took a deep breath, still not feeling relieved. It was actually a lot more complicated than it sounded...
“Hey! Comes with the package of being Mommy and Psychy, ok?” her mother giggled. “Come over, I’m happy to have you and your little love-troubles around!”
“Alright.” Elena whispered and sat up. “Talk to you soon.”
“See you, Kitten! Don’t worry too much, will you? We will sort this out. Love you!” her mother hung up and Elena put her mobile aside, rubbing her face with her hands. She wasn’t too sure about the sorting out part, but at least her mother would be there for her. Picking her mobile up again, she tried to text Riku. Had to leave without leaving a note because I think that I’m crazy?
Tempting.
And true.
But not the words she should actually send to the man that was supposed to be her boyfriend! ‘I had to return to Helsinki.’ She paused, staring at her message. ‘Need to sort out a few things here. Talk to you soon.’ Again she paused, adding ‘sorry I had to leave so quickly’ at the beginning of her text message. A little hesitant she also added ‘love you’ in the end, pressing the sending-button.
He was quick to answer. ‘Take your time. Hope you are alright, love! Miss you around. Even more now ;)’
Slowly Elena got up, trying to balance herself with her outstretched arms.
Alright. What a lovely word. Easily used. She wouldn’t tell him she wasn’t. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose, Elena closed her eyes.
Lunatic.
Another lovely word.
And suitable. Very suitable.
“So this was... love, you... are you telling me that you are in love with this guy from your dream?” her mother raised her coffee cup, forgetting to sip it. “Or are you actually in love with the friend of your new... boyfriend?”
“That’s the point, Mom!” Elena shook her head. “I have no idea!” she buried her face in her hands. “I lie awake in bed at night with him by my side and I... I really... I love him, Mom! I really do! He’s amazing! But somehow I feel like... I feel like he’s just... this whole relationship is only... it’s a lie to be honest! It feels perfect but underneath the surface, I... yes, I feel that I’m more in love with this guy from my dreams.”
“Maybe... maybe Riku, his name’s Riku, right? Maybe he’s not the one for you. Maybe this Samu-guy is!”
“MOM!” Elena let out a moan, leaning back. “That’s the whole point! We already had this! I was with Riku, breaking up with him because somehow Samu was the one for me!” she rubbed her eyes. “And that was how this whole mess with Riku in my dreams started! I tried, Mom, I tried so hard! But... somehow... I don’t know, I love him, but there’s Samu and he... He’s my husband, Mom! And he is right now sitting at my hospital bed and he is devastated because I fell into a coma after I.... because we had a fight and I... I ran away to spent the night with Riku!”
“In your dreams!” her mother affirmed. “It all happened in your dreams, dear!”
“I KNOW, Mom!” frustrated Elena threw her arms up into the air. “But somehow dream and reality seem quite close these days! Tell me: Do I see my future? Do I actually see my future in my dreams? Is it possible?”
“Please, love!” Caitlyn took her daughter’s hand. “Try to stay calm! I know it must be confusing, but you have to try to stay calm and focused, alright?” carefully she squeezed Elena’s hand and smiled encouraging. “We need to get to the bottom of this, you hear me?” she leaned forward. “I know it must be hard for you to talk about this with your mother, but I need you to tell me more, ok? Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Like what?” a little irritated Elena wrinkled her nose. “I have not smoked pot since high school if this is one of our next topics! And I never took anything else!”
“That is actually one point I needed to exclude from my list.” Caitlyn leaned back. “Would you feel more comfortable if I’d refer you to one of my colleagues in town?”
“Mom!”
“Please, love!” her mother grabbed her phone from one of the side tables next to her armchair. “This is nothing personal, I know! Maybe it would be a bit easier for you! Easier to talk to a stranger, a professional stranger of course! I have a colleague; she has a very good reputation. I’ve known her for years and she recently specialised on hypnosis as well. From my point of you this would bring you closer to the core of your problem.” She signalised her nervous daughter to be silent for a second and dialled a number. “Holly!” she leaned back in her chair. “Thank you, I’m good. Listen I need to ask you a favour. Yes. No, it’s not a big deal. Remember Elena? Yes, she finished university and is now doing her doctors degree. Listen, she just came by because she had some really disturbing dreams and I thought that she would be in good hands with you. Maybe your hypnosis technique could help her to find some answers.” Caitlyn smiled at her daughter that was now nervously twisting her hair between her fingers, chewing on her lower lip. “I could send her over right away!” she threw a gaze at her wristwatch. “Four o’clock sounds great. Thank you so much! Yes, greetings to Gregory and the kids! Sure. How about next Saturday? Just give me a call then, alright? Thanks Holly! Bye!” Caitlyn put down the phone, smiling encouraging. “Perfect timing! She will wait for you at her office at four.” Quickly she made a few notes, handing them over to Elena. “This is the address.”
“Caty, d’you really think that this is a good idea?” a little unassertive Elena moved around in her armchair. “Maybe it’s only a waste of time!”
“Of course not!” her mother leaned forward, grabbing Elena’s hand. “I can’t help you, I wish I could, but I know you too well dear! No surgeon in this world would agree to carry out an operation on his own child! I can’t do this for you, but Holly can! Trust me!” with another heartening squeeze of her daughter’s hand she got up. “Come on, try it! There’s nothing to lose for you, right? And I’ll see you at dinner. Maybe we can talk about your session. In private of course, your father doesn’t need to know, hum?” smiling she winked at Elena. “Now come on, love! Stay for a couple of days, maybe you can solve this quickly and go back to your life with everything sorted out!”
Still hesitantly Elena got up as well, staring down at her mother’s notes. “Riku will only be in London for a few more days.” She pointed out in a low voice, feeling her heart aching in her chest again. “And then I won’t be able to see him for a very long time!” looking at her mother she found Caitlyn shaking her head.
“Maybe that is a good thing, love! Take a break. There’s plenty of time after your return!” she affirmed, hugging Elena. “Now go, will you? I really wish I could do more for you.”
“You did enough, Mom. Thanks for helping me out of this mess!” Elena returned her mother’s hug, grabbing her bag and jacket. “I’ll see you guys tonight, ok?”
“Alright, love. Say hello to Holly, will you?”
“Of course.” Elena tried to smile, waving her mother goodbye when she headed for the elevator.
Caitlyn remained standing on the corridor, staring after her oldest daughter. There had never been any kind of problem with her! She had always been a good student, not as communicative and outgoing as her younger sister, but she never needed help with anything and was very self-confident and goal-oriented. The short rebellious phase during her high-school time with black hair, punk music and piercings had only lasted for a couple of years and left her with a lot more life experience and a few tattoos she still claimed to like. This was the first time Caitlyn had seen her daughter confronted with problems she couldn’t solve on her own. Dreams. Feelings. Problems of the heart and mind. Shivering all of a sudden, Caitlyn wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her shoulders. Rose came to her mind, the baby she had given birth to so many years ago and that had died only a few days later. Cedric had been old enough to talk about it and explain everything to him, almost five, but two-year-old Elena had been in complete shock when she had suddenly lost her little sister. She had been diagnosed with schizophrenia but soon they were told that she was cured completely. Only a mental shock, nothing to worry about.
Now again, Caitlyn hoped for the best. Holly was one of the finest persons and psychiatrists she knew. Maybe she could get to the centre of Elena’s problems and with it hopefully help her to avoid another seizure of schizophrenia after all those years. They had never really talked about it with Elena. The doctors had advised against it. Maybe she had to tell her sooner or later... Maybe Elena needed inpatient care for a while... Another shiver ran down Caitlyn’s spine. ‘We should have talked to her about it.’ She thought, fighting her tears. ‘About Rose and everything else that had happened before.’
Walking back into her office, Caitlyn closed the door, trying to concentrate on her next patient, but her mind was still far away working on her daughter’s problems.
Right after the next session
she called her husband, telling him in a shaky voice everything Elena had just
told her. Blowing her nose she finally managed to sit down after pacing up and
down the room for the whole call. Andrew fell silent for a few brief moments.
Then he sighed. “You are right, we should have told her.” He admitted, sighing
again. “God.” He whispered. “Do you think it might be a new attack? After more
than 25 years? Is that possible?”
Slowly Cait shook her head from side to side, still trying to calm down. “I have no idea. Medically, yes, it is possible. But I’m afraid that there is more.” She took a deep breath. “We also never told her about Kylah.”
“What does Kylah have to do with it? They were unborn children, you weren’t even seven months pregnant!” Andrew interrupted, sounding rigorous.
“I know.” Cait tried to stay calm and reasonable even though her heart was beating out of her chest. “But the latest results in twin research suggest that they can feel each other, they know about the other and even communicate in very early stages of pregnancy. I’m afraid she... I’m afraid that Elena is now living two lives. One of them is completely full of studies and flowed with responsibilities in this world and the other one is full of life and love and fun. She created a whole new life, a husband, she... She created it for Kylah. And I’m afraid that she started to drift away and now descends deeper and deeper into this other life, the life she unknowingly wants her twin-sister to live.”
Again Andrew fell silent. “Is that possible?” He whispered, completely taken aback.
Helplessly Caitlyn shrugged, feeling tears welling up. “I have no idea, love.” She whispered in response, sobbing silently.
Slowly Cait shook her head from side to side, still trying to calm down. “I have no idea. Medically, yes, it is possible. But I’m afraid that there is more.” She took a deep breath. “We also never told her about Kylah.”
“What does Kylah have to do with it? They were unborn children, you weren’t even seven months pregnant!” Andrew interrupted, sounding rigorous.
“I know.” Cait tried to stay calm and reasonable even though her heart was beating out of her chest. “But the latest results in twin research suggest that they can feel each other, they know about the other and even communicate in very early stages of pregnancy. I’m afraid she... I’m afraid that Elena is now living two lives. One of them is completely full of studies and flowed with responsibilities in this world and the other one is full of life and love and fun. She created a whole new life, a husband, she... She created it for Kylah. And I’m afraid that she started to drift away and now descends deeper and deeper into this other life, the life she unknowingly wants her twin-sister to live.”
Again Andrew fell silent. “Is that possible?” He whispered, completely taken aback.
Helplessly Caitlyn shrugged, feeling tears welling up. “I have no idea, love.” She whispered in response, sobbing silently.
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