Where does Timetraveling take you? - Complete Story

Time. We are running out of it mostly. We don’t have much time, miss spending time with a loved one. Maybe at some stage in our life we even wished to turn back time. I certainly did too. About two times a week sometimes. But if you come to think about it, would it truly help? Turning back time for a few hours, a few days, maybe years? What would it do, what would it change? What would YOU change? Would it be possible to change your life to the better?

If you ever got the chance to turn back time, would you take advantage and do something good with it? Of course I know it is impossible, we can’t influence time. Time, the fourth dimension. But what if…? Would you try and re-live a certain wonderful moment? Maybe avoid doing a mistake?

But what happens if you are only driven by revenge? I definitely was. As the saying goes: Revenge is a dish best served cold. Well, in my case I was going to serve it hot, real hot.

Well… before everything got a little out of hand…

Chapter 1

Walking along the large white corridors of an enormous concert hall in Hamburg, I rearranged my blouse and skirt. I had chosen my clothes wisely today, hoping for the expected effect on my husband.

It was the last concert of this year’s tour and I was really looking forward to our vacation. Thanks to Gemmy, the cloakroom attendant, Riku’s bags would be packed already and I didn’t have to fuss around with all his dirty socks and the shirts he never managed to fold properly. His departure only three months ago had been enough for me already and after trying to give him a hand and him of course getting into a huff right away, I had given up like every year. He wasn’t able to arrange is stuff and pack suitably but he was too proud to admit it, even though we had been together for almost three years by now, even married for a year, and I knew him inside out. So like every time I let him finish, shutting my mouth and trying hard not to laugh when I heard the laundry machine at five in the morning because he had again forgotten to wash his two favourite pairs of jeans.

Still walking under the bright light of the disgusting neon tubes, I took out my mobile. The concert had ended only 25 minutes ago but instead of rushing to the hotel right away, the boys had decided to get their cars packed and parked right behind the hall to make their separate exits for the upcoming vacations.

A few minutes ago Riku had texted me to tell me that they would now have a shower and get dressed for a night out at a club. Inwardly sighing, I nodded at some people that were passing by. Always the same. The lads would never grow out of their celebration party after the last concert. Most probably I would be driving and taking care of everything tomorrow because Riku would be sick and whiny for the whole journey to his parents. Well, it had been his idea to take a ship to Finland, not mine.

Walking around the last corner, I heard music at the end of the corridor. Most probably they had started a shower party. A small smile crept over my face. Sometimes they were really cute.

I was about to open the door to the dressing-room, when it was suddenly yanked open and Samu popped his head outside, a bottle of beer in his right hand, a girl in his left. Quickly I tried to remember her name. He had been seeing her for a couple of weeks now, maybe she would last for the vacation. “Tammy, hey!” I nodded at her when I had finally remembered after a few seconds. “How’s life?”

She smiled back at me. “Well so far…” grinning up at Haber she raised her own bottle of beer.

Samu put a cigarette between his lips, stopping halfway when he was about to lighten it. His eyebrows furrowed and his grin grew wider. “Now look at that!” his gaze travelled over me again and it wasn’t the first time that I felt like he was mentally undressing me. “Hello you two’s.  Is it a little cold out there, sweetpie?”

With a low harrumph I nudged him with my elbow as I passed by, his chuckling following me until the door closed behind him and… Tammy, damn it! Tammy.

Breathing a sigh of relieve, I gave Raul a hug. “Still inside?” I nodded at the showers, making Raul nod and giving me a smile.

“Have you seen Juliane?” he asked, quickly buttoning up his shirt.

I shook my head no, checking my mobile. “She’ll be here in any minute.” I assured, straightening his shirt around the shoulders. “Where’s the rest?”

“Sami took off, he is picking some friends up for tonight, Osmo’s outside on the phone.”

“Rutuu was first to finish his shower?” I whistled through my teeth in surprise. “Normally he and Riku are boiling their backs together.”

“Well, one of the two sausages for boiling obviously didn’t have time for that today.” Giving me a little grin, Raul offered a bottle of local beer to me. “Have one, I really wanna leave this place asap, it is depressing!”

He was right. I threw a look around. Even though the room was quite nice and comfortable, it was in the basement and there were no windows. “The club you picked should have a nicer view.” I sipped my beer, making him grin.

“37^th floor, it better should!” he grabbed his jacket, quickly kissing my cheek. “Gonna check on Juliane, see you in a few!”

Left alone in the dressing room, I sat down on one of the couches, pushing some magazines and wet bath robes aside. Why would they never clean up a little? Only a little! Punks. It took me weeks to get Riku back to picking up his damn socks or sneakers or teabags after a long tour. I was just starting to flick through a few messages on my phone, when I heard the door. It was Samu and giggle-Tammy and I put my feet down from the table, suddenly having the strong urge to rearrange my blouse again. Maybe I should have worn a bra. I had intended to give Riku a little kick tonight, not to be picked up by Samu!

He was still grinning broadly, giving me a wink over his girlfriend’s head. If only he knew! Quickly I lowered my gaze, feeling a slight blush. Actually he had always been my favourite of the band. Unfortunately it had at all times been one of my most prominent characteristic features that I didn’t seem shy or reserved, but inwardly I had been shaking to my very core to finally stand in front of him right before a concert over three years ago. My colleague had managed to get a backstage-pass for me and he had approached me when I had waited in line with some other reporters and photographers. “Elena from…” he had squinted his incredible eyes to read the name on my pass. “Neue Woche Frankfurt?” winking at me, he had beckoned me over. “Lucky you, I got time.” Like a sleepwalker I had followed him to a table, suddenly being seated right in front of the man of my dreams and completely out of words. Luckily Riku had joined us, making my caught up words return. He had been nice and funny and we really got into talking.

Another one of my very own characteristic features: Completely speechless in front of a man I am attracted to, totally fine with a guy that is not my type, even if he is a rockstar. To my surprise they invited me to party with them and even allowed me to write about it and take some amazing pictures that above it all got me promoted to assistance of the management of my department.

Riku and I exchanged phone numbers. We stayed in contact, even met again. I liked him but I could never help blushing like a teenager when Haber suddenly turned up. His jokes made me laugh and flush every time and I was out of words whenever I was close to him. Riku on the other hand was smart and fascinating to talk to. We had a lot of interests in common and our talks on the phone kept both of us awake for nights.

Whenever I managed to meet up with the guys during our first year I was again completely taken by Riku and the way we got along as if we had known each other for years. Samu on the other hand kept teasing me. He asked for a dance or bought me a drink to have me for himself from time to time, but it always ended with him making out with a random girl he had met. So after almost two years of loose contact with the lads and frequent phone calls with Riku, I had decided to spend a vacation with them in Finland after their tour of 2011. It came as it was somehow bound to come. And only a year later I had been married to Riku, still thinking about Haber sometimes and the life I could have had by his side. But I did not have illusions about it anymore. He wasn’t the guy to settle down with. He was hot, made me laugh, made me wanna kiss him so many times when we were dancing together or fooling around a little, but in the end he had never chosen me. So I grabbed the bull by its horns and chose what I thought was best for myself. Riku.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Samu approaching, another smirk on his full lips. To my deep relieve, Riku finally exited the showers, throwing a surprised smile at me. “You’re early!” he crossed paths with Samu and quickly he bent down to kiss me.

“You’re late!” I corrected, running my fingers through his wet and tousled hair.

“I’m always worth the wait.” He shot back with a grin, his hand brushing over the thin fabric of my blouse. His smile widened and his lips were parted already when Samu suddenly made a weird noise, laughing.

“Better keep her warm, they have been staring at me intently!” he trumpeted, chuckling when he saw my blush deepen.

“I certainly will.” Riku bent down again, kissing me softly. There was a glint in his eyes, when he sat down on the armrest of the couch without taking his lips from mine. “I’ve missed you.” He whispered close to my mouth his fingertips trailing along the buttons of my blouse from my neck to my belly.

Another noise from Samu was suddenly heard. “Come on, let’s go.” He said abruptly and I saw him pulling Tammy out of the room again. “Now take a few minutes of privacy to rub her nipples warm and soft.”

Riku let out a chuckle and lifted his head from my neck. “Those nipples are mine and they will stay exactly like this for the rest of the night. I’ll personally make sure about that!” Again he lowered his lips. “Now where were we?”

Half an hour later I was sitting next to him in his newly purchased BMW, the latest model of course and I had immediately been told that I was forbidden to drive it, park it and most of all eat in it. As if I cared. My own car was all I needed and I loved the cute Mini Cooper to bits, even though Riku was right, it always was full of junk and crumbs. Leaning back in my comfortable leather seat, I put my hand on Riku’s thigh, watching the lights of the city fly by. “So what d’you think, is it too theoretical?” I asked, picking up our previous conversation about the existence of different periodic elements and inert gases because he had suddenly fallen quiet.

Looking down at me astound, he changed the gear, shrugging. “Maybe.” He answered with his mind obviously still far away. He had been acting differentially for the last hour, somehow making me feel as if he wasn’t there completely even when we had been naked together on the couch in the dressing room just before. “What’s bothering you, love?” softly I ran my hand along his thigh. “Can’t be the Ununoctium, we only decided that it doesn’t exist.” I tried to joke but he didn’t even give me a proper smile.

“Actually I… I wanted to talk to you about something.” His grip around the stirring wheel tightened and I felt the muscles of his thigh tensing under my fingers.

“What’s wrong?” I rubbed the back of his neck. “Are you alright?”

Flashing a look at me, he shrugged again. “Not quit.” He answered evasively, taking a deep breath. “I cheated on you.” He then said quietly, starring outside into the dark night.

For one second I thought I had heard wrongly, misunderstood something, but when I bent over in his direction and he avoided my gaze I all of a sudden knew it for sure. It hit me like a fist in my stomach and all the air escaped my lounges. Without making a single sound, I simply stared at him in disbelieve. “Why?” I managed to ask, suddenly realizing that my hand was still playing with the soft strands of hair on the back of his neck. Instantly I lowered my fingers, clasping the small bag on my lap. “Why?” I asked again, trying hard to remember how to breathe properly.

He looked at me for a second, turning his eyes back at the street. “Commitment issues?” he ask-answered, making me snort and finally wake up from my sudden stiffness.

“Commitment… commitment issues?” raising my eyebrow in disbelief, I bent forward. “You are telling me that you have cheated on me, your wife, the women you have willingly committed to because you have issues committing?”

“It was a while ago.” He stated, shaking his head. “Back then I… I…”

“When?” I interrupted.

“It was… it was… almost two years ago.” He fell silent again, but I didn’t give him a chance to gather himself properly.

“Are you kidding me? Two years that was… Jeez, Riku, that was around the time of our first vacation!” I couldn’t stop my hand from slapping his face even though he was still driving. “Are you seriously telling me that you cheated on me right after we got together? Why? Give me one good reason!”

“Commitment.” He mumbled again, making me snort.

“Yeah, right, Of course! I totally understand!”

“No you don’t!” he suddenly whispered through his gritted teeth. “I’ve known you for years, loved you and waited for you for months and when you were there it… it was perfect and… God!” once more he grabbed the stirring wheel, forcefully changing the gear. “We got together and it was perfect and… and I got scared.”

“But why?” I insisted helplessly. “Why did you…?”

“I was afraid of the commitment! I was scared that I had maybe made the wrong decision.”

“So you simply… you simply fucked another woman.” Disbelievingly shaking my head, I looked up at him again. “You… you proposed to me! God, Riku, we… we were friends, you… you were the best friend I ever had and… of course I agreed to marry you!” still shaking my head I grabbed his arm. “Why did you rush into our marriage then? You weren’t sure about it, why… And also, why are you telling me this? Now, after almost two years?”

He looked at me intently, all of a sudden grabbing my hand that still lay on his arm. “Elena, you… you are my best friend and you are my wife, the love of my life! That’s why I told you now. You deserve honesty. And I swear to you it was a one time event! She… she was one of Samu’s girlfriends back then and it simply happened. You should know that, you deserve to know it.”

“Honesty?” I stared at him completely speechless, trying to free my hand. “You fucking son of a rat, pull over!”

Shocked by my reaction he looked at me and back at the dark street. “This is a highway.” He stated in surprise but I cut him short.

“Pull over right now and stop the car, Riku. I am right now getting out of this car.” Loosening my seatbelt, I grabbed my jacket from the floor. “Pull over!” I yelled at him.

“Jeez, Elena!” soothingly he started to rub my arm. “I had to tell you, you are my wife!”

“Why? Why did you have to tell me?” shaking my head, I felt that I was almost ready to punch him really hard. “I know why. You wanted it off your chest. You wanted to confess and you wanted me to forgive you. It was a burden and you simply didn’t have the strength to carry it alone any longer. Guess what? That is the most egoistic and selfish thing that you have ever done. If you make a complete cock-up, suck it! Take it like a man and don’t make up some stupid bullshit about commitment two years later! You shit the bed, now lie in it!”

“You… you wanted to continue living a lie?” he asked astounded.

“I wanted to continue living our life! Now stop the fucking car and fucking let me get out of it, otherwise…”

Suddenly everything turned into slow motion. I saw Riku’s face, surprised and even enraged by now. Then all of a sudden there was a red light right in front of us and the power of the impact threw him into his seatbelt the second his airbag opened. My seatbelt had been unbuckled already and the consequences occurred to me during that one split second before I hit the windscreen, someway watching it break into a thousand pieces…

Chapter 2

I awoke with a start, sitting up straightaway. My fingers ran over my face and touched my head. Nothing. Only a bad dream. Breathing a sigh of relief, I lay down again, covering my face with my hands before I opened my eyes again, throwing a look around. I was at home. Slowly I let my gaze travel over the pictures on the walls again. I lay in my own bed under the stairs that leaded upwards into my tiny study under the roof of the little maisonette I had rented during my time at university. Carefully I sat up, walking over into the open kitchen nearby.

My legs were shaking, hell, what a dream! I rubbed my face with my hands, grabbing the door of the closet next to me to take a cup and put it under my coffee machine, stopping halfway. The machine was gone. Confused I threw another gaze around the kitchen. The stupid old yellow onion-pot was standing in the spot where only yesterday my very much beloved and expensive bean to cup coffee maker had been placed.

With my empty cup in my hands I sat down on one of the high kitchen chairs by the bar, staring at the pot. Riku had broken it over a year ago, it came to my mind and suddenly I felt numb. What the hell was going on? Starting to bite my nails, I jumped up from my chair, rushing over to the bed again to find my mobile on the nightstand. Something was very wrong here and I need to figure out why. Flipping through my address book again and again I felt cold sweat burning under my armpits. It wasn’t there, his number wasn’t there. Neither was any number of any of the lads, not even Juliane’s! Wrapping my arms around my shivering body I sank down on the bed.

Maybe I had simply jumped from one bad dream into another. Covering my body and head with the blanket, I closed my eyes. Go back to sleep, I told myself. As soon as you’ll wake up, everything’s gonna be just fine!

Unexpectedly the mobile next to my bed started to ring and I grabbed it from the floor, flipping it open. Martha. My friend and one of the editors of the magazine I worked for. Fighting with the bed covers for a second, I picked up.

“Hey.” I managed to mumble and heard a small giggle from the other end of the line. “Are you alright?” she asked, making me sit up straight and rub my face again. My heart was still beating in my throat but I tried my best to sound normal.

“Sure, I… just woke up, that’s all.”

“You know what day it is today?” she suddenly sang without responding to my words.

“Actually…” pressing my fingertips to my eyes I fell silent again, making her giggle once more.

“Elena, my friend, get your camera ready, the press ID’s just arrived and yours includes backstage and interview. Carl expects some decent pictures, well, not decent of course, try crazy. You are on at four, the concert starts at eight. Thank me tomorrow, I expect 1200 words for next week’s issue and a full report among friends on Monday!”

“Where am I… what… what concert?” God, my head hurt! What the hell was going on with me?

Again Martha only laughed. “Hun, just make some coffee, charge your camera and get to the concert hall at half past three, you are on the list for Sunrise Avenue.” She smacked a kiss over to me and hung up with another giggle.

Totally dumbfounded I stared at the mobile in my hand. On the list for Sunrise Avenue. Burying my face in the palms of my hands, I took a deep breath. What the fuck was happening? I had only been accredited for one Sunrise Avenue-concert in my life in June 2009. The big gig in Frankfurt. The day I had met them for the first time.

Feeling sick all of a sudden, I rushed over into the bathroom, turning the cold water on to squirt it into my face. There was only one way to find out the correct date right now. With wet and still shivering hands I walked over into my living room, switching on the TV set.

I still sat in front of my TV a few minutes later, unable to get up from the floor. It actually was the 24^th of June. And it definitely was 2009. Whichever way I looked at it, it didn’t make sense whatsoever. But anyway I sliced it, it was the 24^th of June 2009 and I was about to meet my husband for the very first time today. A husband that had told me that he had cheated on me. A man that had told me that he had cheated on me with his friend’s girlfriend because he had had commitment issues.

The thoughts were racing on my mind. What if…? What if – only hypothetically – some higher power gave me a little window for revenge with this? It was 2009 again, I wasn’t married, and obviously I had never met Riku before. Maybe this was my chance to undo some mistakes…

Giving my choices and opportunities a good think, I lay down on the wooden floor after a while.

Variation 1: I simply wouldn’t go. Variation 2: I could go. But without falling for Riku. Variation 3: Total revenge. Meet him, make him fall for me and kick his ass.

Hm…

I had chosen Variation 3 when I left my apartment at two o’clock. Remembering the dark jeans and a pink tank top that I had worn all those years ago, I had decided differentially, right now walking down the hallway with my favourite brown high heel sandals and a short green dress that I had once bought for a friend’s wedding. Since I knew that Riku was mad about my hair, I had washed it and pinned it back elaborately to make it fall over my naked shoulders. He would pay for it, pay for his mistake and the pain he had caused.

Smiling evilly, I put on my sunglasses, strutting past a surprised Mrs Linz from two floors below. Outside on the street, I decided to get some iced coffee before heading off to the concert hall. I couldn’t wait to finally start my little revenge-plan.

Checking my mobile, I didn’t pay attention for a second and ran into someone on the sidewalk. He grabbed my arm to prevent me from falling and I looked up into a pair of friendly brown eyes, surrounded by deep wrinkles. “I’m so sorry, are you alright?” he asked concerned and I put my sunglasses into my hair, nodding.

“Of course, I’m really sorry for bumping into you, Father…”

“Bergner.” He smiled and took my hand to shake it. “Totally fine, neither of us is hurt, right?”

“I guess you’re right.” I couldn’t help smiling back and looked at the old man in front of me. The idea came out of the blue but I didn’t hesitate when I asked him. “Father, this might sound strange, but… do you maybe have a minute? I was just about to grab some coffee, but there… there is something I would really like to talk about.”

“Of course.” He checked his wristwatch. “I have an appointment at four but there is still a bit of time left.” Cocking his head he pointed along the crowded street. “If you want, I would be pleased to offer you a cup of tea at the presbytery. We are not too far away. My housekeeper also makes a very fine iced tea.”

I nodded relieved. “That would be very nice, thank you!”

When we were sitting together in his small office, looking over the backyard of the presbytery, I suddenly realised that I was greatly relieved that I had met him. Even though I actually had no idea how to tell him about the weird things that were happening in my life.

“So,” he pointed at me with his glass. “What did you want to talk about?”

Not really knowing how to begin, I stared down into my own glass. “My husband cheated on me.” I heard my own voice all of a sudden and I looked up at the old man opposite me. He sat up at once, his facial expression changing from friendly and relaxed to serious. Compassionately he looked at me, clicking his tongue. “Go on.” He encouraged me to keep talking.

“We… we have been dating for three years, our wedding was only a year ago. But he… right after we got together, he slept with another woman. It was his friend’s girlfriend and he… only yesterday he told me about it and…” I fell silent again, not knowing how to continue.

The priest nodded and leaned forward. “And you are not sure what to do? You don’t know how to forgive him?”

“Actually…” stirring my tea with the yellow straw, I slowly shook my head. “Do you believe in destiny, father? In faith?”

“Of course I do.” He smiled and raised his hands. “What else can you believe in?”

“And do you think that it is possible that our faith sometimes… well reveals itself in odd ways?”

“So you think that there is a sign from God in this whole situation?”

“Maybe.” Again I feel silent for a few seconds and threw a look around the study. “Father I… Can I ask you… everything I am about to say must be under the seal of confession.”

“Of course, dear!” he nodded reassuring. “Just talk, I will listen, alright? Not a single word will leave this room.”

“If… if you ever had the chance to undo a mistake, would you?”

“Hypothetically? Yes. But I trust in God and for me there are no mistakes. There are events, sometimes series of events, influencing people and actions yet to come. But if…”

“In my world, Father,” I interrupted, looking at him straight. “In my world it was the 14^th of September 2013 only yesterday and… that was the day my husband told me, that he had cheated on me. We had an accident with our car because we were fighting while he was driving and… and this morning I woke up in my apartment, not hurt in any way but deep inside my heart, and the only thing on my mind right now is revenge. Today is the day I had met my husband for the first time.” I threw a quick look at the wooden clock right above the door. “In only one hour I am gonna meet my husband for the very first time but all I can think of is the way he lied to me and how much it hurt me. The thought of him with another woman and… It is so hard to know all this! I… I can’t go there and meet him with a smile, I… I only want to hurt him back for what he is going to do to me.” Letting out a shaky laughter, I shook my head. “God, I sound crazy!”

The priest had been silent for the last few moments, but now he cleared his throat. “Why would you wanna revenge something that has not taken place just yet?” he suddenly asked, bending forward. “If this is a chance for you, and I believe it is, why are you not there to prevent him from betraying you and his friend? He is your husband, or maybe he will be. You married him and surely you loved him, why would you throw this chance away for simple revenge? Revenge is only painful and it will hurt you as well as him.”

Totally astonished I looked at the old Father again, cocking my head. “I… I am telling you that I come from a distant future and you… you believe me?”

He shrugged with a smile, pointing at me with his straw. “Why would you lie to me? It does not really make sense, does it?” Bending forward in my direction again, he put his elbows on his knees. “Take this chance. Maybe God wants to tell you something. Maybe there is a possibility to undo some mistakes or at least give it a fresh start. Now go!” with a smile he shooed me outside. “Go and meet this husband of yours and live a happy life! And don’t forget to come back every once in a while and tell me about it.”

My thoughts were in a total whirlwind when I thanked the priest and left the church and the presbytery behind, walking back to my apartment like a sleepwalker. ‘Revenge is only painful and it will hurt you as well as him.’ The words from the old Father came to my mind and I knew deep inside that he was right. What was I thinking? In a weird way I had become part of a wonder and I seriously thought about wasting it.

Taking a deep breath I pulled the dress over my head, slipping into the pink tank top and my favourite jeans and a pair of flip-flops. Maybe this was my chance to change something. Throwing a quick gaze into the mirror, I nodded at myself. I was me again and my mind was all of a sudden crystal clear. I would fight for my life and damn it, I would fight for my man. 

Chapter 3

“Everybody, follow me!” an obviously gay and very happy young man with a clipboard waved his hands. “Press conference is about to start in 10 Minutes, take your seats and wait for the band. Everybody without this,” he pointed at his own backstage pass, “will be escorted outside and to the stage to wait for the band and take some pictures. I got…” checking his board again he let his gaze run over the small crowd in front of him. “Radio 7, Neue Woche and Flashlight for separate interviews and a small shooting.” With a smile of satisfaction he turned around. “Room four, be quick!” he drove the waiting reporters on like a herd of cattle.

I shouldered my bag, drawing a deep breath. Time to meet my husband.

Winking at the woman by my side, I grabbed her arm to pull her along.

“Elena, whatever you have gotten me into, I want out!” she whispered, making me giggle like an eleven year old. Luckily Martha had been quick to accredit her as well and so my younger sister was right now magazine-staff with a camera that we had borrowed from our oldest brother.

“Don’t wet yourself, it’s gonna be fun!” I whispered back, still pulling her along the corridor and into the little conference room we were shown to by the young man with the clipboard.

I had given my whole situation a few more minutes of thinking, suddenly realising, that my sister Anna had met the worst of her boyfriends at a party that very evening. So why only do something for myself? I had called her right away and invited her to join me at the concert and for the interview as my private photographer.

Of course at this instant she had ants in her pants and wanted out, but I knew for sure that the lads would win her over like they had won me so many years ago… well, that very day to be more precise.

Smiling and also a little excited I started sorting my notebook and pens on my lap, throwing little gazes at the door at the other end of the room. Soon they would walk inside. Raul first, followed by Samu, a smile on his full lips. Then Osmo and Sami, still in some conversation and then Riku, my Riku with his incredible eyes. The last time I had been in that chair, I had been so baffled, staring at Samu the whole time, but not this time, smiling to myself I looked at the door again. Oh yes, this time I would give Riku a closer look.

At least I had thought so. But when the door suddenly opened, I felt my heart skipping a few beats. My mouth went dry and all I could do for a few intense seconds was staring at Samu. He threw a look across the room, his typical smile on his face but then is eyes were locked with mine and everything else suddenly faded. Look at Riku! A little voice inside my head yelled at me. Look at Riku, he is walking by! Look!

But Samu was already seated at one of the three tables at the head of the room and somehow he held my stare. Trying hard to breathe, I managed to bite my tongue and turn my head. Damn. I still felt his intense blue eyes on me.

Riku on the other hand didn’t even waste one look which made it even harder to try and look at him. God, he was so young! Had he ever been that young? His hair was full and fluffy and he looked like a cute schoolboy!

Quickly I shook my head a little. Sami was talking already and I intended to listen, hastily making notes for the upcoming interview with Samu and Riku. “Take a few pictures!” I told Anna and she woke up from staring, lifting the camera with blushing cheeks.

It was all over in a split second and I gathered my stuff to walk over to the friendly little man with the clipboard but suddenly Anna beside me stumbled. We had just passed the conference tables where the lads were still standing and I saw a hand reaching out for her. She was grabbed and pulled back to her feet by a smiling Sami. Without letting go he slid over the table top, standing between us. “Well, hello, beautiful press-girl! Want an interview?” he said with a huge smile, pushing me further aside, whilst Riku was as well pushed farther away from us by another group of reporters. This wasn’t happening! He hadn’t even given me one proper look! Grumpily I turned on my heels, running into something that felt virtually solid. “Au!” holding my nose that definitely hurt from the contact with his ribs, I looked up into a broad grin.

“And hello to you too, sweet pie.” Holding me at arm’s length for a second, Samu looked down at me. “Neue Woche Frankfurt.” He managed to read from the little card on my top. “Well, lucky you, I got time.”

What on earth…? Staring after Riku that was already about to leave the room, I cleared my throat. “Well…” I mumbled, shouldering my backpack.

He laughed but it sounded surprised. “Well what? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to impose myself on you.” Stepping back he put his hands into the pockets of his pants and I was quick to grab his arm. He was still by far my best chance to make contact with Riku and for all I knew by now he was my only chance, because this was definitely not going the way I had expected it. “You didn’t.” I smiled at him, feeling the soft tingle in my stomach I always got from his amazing smile. “Come on, let’s find some private place to talk, I have loads of questions!”

“Very well then, lead the way.” Nodding at Sami that followed with Anna by his side, we left the conference room and headed for a little corner table by a window only a few corridors ahead.

“So.” Sami turned is chair around, facing us. “What secrets are you trying to extort from us?” Putting his feet on the table between us, he waved at another clipboarded young girl that came rushing along the corridor at an instant. “Can we get some coffee over here?”

Laughing inwardly at his very cool younger self, I pushed his feet aside a little. “He meant ‘I beg your pardon’ and ‘Can we get some coffee over here, please’.” I gave Sami a serious look and almost giggled, when he sat up straight, arranging his t-shirt.

“Of course.” He nodded at the assistant that was still standing next to him with big eyes and a stupid smile.

As soon as she was out of sight, he leaned over the table. “I don’t like you!” he simply stated with a half grin.

Softly I patted his arm. “You will soon enough, Sami.”

Samu broke into laughter, pulling his chair closer to rest his arm around the backrest of mine. “Well I do like you. A lot!” he gave me a smile and a wink, and I felt my stomach doing a few backflips.

At least I wasn’t close mouthed this time. I even managed to return Samu’s smile and give him a conspiratorial wink without being blown away from the familiar and intoxicating scent of his after shave. “Thanks for that.” With my pen I pointed at him. “So tell me, what is it like to be part of this band now that you finally broke through? You guys clearly broke the sound barrier during the last weeks!”

He chuckled at my word play (that I was really proud of) and leaned closer. “Well, my dear reporter-girl, it turns out that being part of this band is…”

“Really fascinating!” Sami interrupted, shooting a stern little gaze at his bandmate that had clearly been on the edge of telling me something inappropriate.

Sighing I nodded at Sami. “What changed? All the fans, hotel rooms, another town, another show every night.”

“Awesome!” was Sami’s answer, but Samu next to me snorted.

“Overwhelming and lonely.” He corrected and shot a look at Sami. “But maybe I just shut up and you give the interview, Osala. Thanks a lot, beautiful assistant!” he added, when the girl from before approached with a tray of paper coffee mugs. He gave me another wink before taking the tray and putting it in the middle of the table.

“We have visited half of Europe and will start another tour in Asia next year!” Sami kept talking enthusiastically. “Our fans are great and supportive and it is exciting to be on the road.”

“Thrilling!” Samu obviously couldn’t hold his tongue. “I love small bunks and bad food on long flights.”

“Seriously, mate?” Sami pushed one of the cups in Samu’s direction. “Have a sip and put the whiny crybaby away, will you?”

“Sorry.” Samu mumbled after a few seconds, turning back at me with a smirk on his full lips. “Standing on the stage is actually the best feeling in the world. Well maybe beside the best feeling in the world.” He gave me another wink. “Unfortunately we haven’t seen much of the cities we visited so far, most of our time is filled with work.”

“How does your schedule look like? Can you give us a little insight into your ordinary tour-day?” I was still so totally overjoyed that I was confident in the presence of my biggest and most secret heart-throb, that I picked up speed. I even moved closer to Samu a little, putting my hand on his arm.

He gave me a bright smile, bending over in my direction. “Well, Osala over there gets up at six in the morning and does 100 push ups. Then he has a healthy breakfast, gives a few autographs and consecrates the concert hall with holy candles.”

Surprised I broke into laughter, knowing exactly why this guy had somehow become a special friend of mine despite all the weird longings and feelings that came to life in his company. Nevertheless I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt his hand on the naked part of my upper back. He obviously sensed it but didn’t remove his hand and kept playing around with some strands of my hair.

“You’ll come to see us play tonight, right?”

I nodded, torn between moving away and leaning into his touch. “Really looking forward to it. Now come on,” with some bother I finally managed to lean forward again and escape his weirdly soft fingertips. “Tell me some stuff, I need to write about you guys, give me insight! We don’t have all day.”

“Why don’t you join us for some clubbing tonight?” Samu suddenly offered, his hand on my forearm now, playing with the goose bumps he caused. “Bring the camera and your very silent photographer and get your own behind-the-scenes story.”

“Sounds great!” I flashed a gaze at Sami. “Are you alright with that?” I asked as politely as possible, knowing Sami and his temper after being ignored and even mocked. “It won’t be inappropriate and I will send you a first draft to get your blessings for it.”

The frown disappeared immediately and he even gave me a smile. “Fine with me.” He said and I sent a small thank you to the Gods above for giving me the advantage of knowing all of them inside out.

“Just answer a few more regular questions, I need material, alright?” giving both of them a Sunday-smile I even went one step further and secretly brushed my hand over Samu’s knee when I bent down to pick up my little tape recorder.

Now both of them were extremely compliant. Samu for obvious reasons, still trying to keep physical contact with me, and Sami for being in charge, flattered and treated like the little price I knew he was deep inside.

Suddenly someone rushed by, stopping in his tracks and almost running into us. “Thank God, normal people!” Riku exclaimed, quickly taking Anna’s chair that was free at this moment because she had started taking some more pictures of us. “I was in some room with a weirdo that was curious about my sexual orientation and asked a lot of really inappropriate stuff about me and SM.” Inhaling deeply he flashed a bright smile at me. “Now look at that!” his smile grew even wider and he offered his hand to me. “Riku, pleased to meet you! No, wait, delighted!” the smile grew another impossible inch wider and he leaned in my direction. “Wanna find out some secrets?”

At first I had been completely staggered and out of words. My husband! Riku. Confused I stared into his beautiful eyes for a second or two, almost touching his cheek and kissing him because I was so used to doing that. With my heart beating in my throat I managed to return his smile. “Well if you could confirm the existence of the Higgs-Boson-Particle, I’d be impressed. These are indeed still a secret but I would love to discuss God-Particles with you.”

Now he laughed along with me, resting his elbows on his knees to lower his head to the level of my little clipcard. “Well, well, Elena. Beautiful and smart, what a surprise.”

“Elena just agreed to meet up after the show and join us for a little clubbing.” Samu suddenly said. “You want me to show you around backstage now?” he offered, putting his arm around the backrest of my chair again.

Riku gave him a look and his brows furrowed slightly.

“I’d love to, why don’t we all go?” trying to sound a little more enthusiastic I gave Riku a smile. “And for the clubbing, I could give you my mobile number and we set something up.”

“Sure!” Samu jumped up behind me and felt around the pockets of his jeans.

“Leave it, I got this!” Riku said with a strange undertone in his voice and I saw Samu’s brows furrow now when Riku was quick to open his mobile and type.

“Your number?” he still smiled at me, but I saw the little glance in Samu’s direction. Secretly looking up at him as well, I found an unfamiliar look on the other man’s face, trying to remember the way it had been during my first interview with them. It hit me like a bolt of electricity when I realized that it had taken place almost precisely like that. Samu had asked for my number, but I had given it to Riku because he had been quicker with his mobile.

My eyes were locked with Samu for a brief moment of silence. This was it. The point of decision. Right here I had chosen Riku. Subconsciously maybe but from this point on, Samu had been out of the picture. He had not shown any interest in me any longer and I had soon been too involved with Riku and our conversations to even see him.

It was different this time. Riku had only joined us and I had definitely had a better start with Samu. Confusing feelings washed over me and I still watched Samu that now pulled a mobile out of his back pocket. “Your number, reporter-girl.” He demanded in his husky voice that sent a shiver down my spine. With a short look at Riku over my head, he nodded firmly. “I got this.” He insisted.

Chapter 4

Soon after this next surprising turn of events, I was walking along the long white and grey corridors behind the stage with three members of Sunrise Avenue. It felt unreal but at the same time I knew these guys, knew them like the back of my hand. But things progressed in a different way than I had expected or actually awaited from my memories. Samu didn’t back off like the last time. And he made it really hard for me to exchange more than a few sentences with Riku. To my surprise it started to annoy me after a while and it was me that stepped aside or walked slower for Riku to catch up. I was here to get to know him, not Samu. To Samu everything was a game, every girl was easy and every night spent with a chick was simply another kerb in his bedpost. And I didn’t intend to become just that. I was here to fight for a beautiful life, not a good shag. And as far as I knew Samu he had never been serious with any girl he had met.

Gritting my teeth I put my hand on Riku’s arm and pulled him aside a little to ask him a few more questions about the band. I was here on a job, so I was better trying to make some use of our limited time. Riku was as charming as I remembered him and even though I felt like punching him hard for what he was about to do to me one day, I tried to return his smiles and even linked arms with him.

For over an hour they let us stay and showed us around the stage to watch the technicians do their work. We even watched them rehears and were asked about our favourite Italian food by one of the assistants because the band would have a snack before the show and apparently they had planned for us to stay.

Everything went different. But still it felt like fairy tale-wonderland and a lot better than my last first time with those five Finnish guys that had only started breaking through. Almost a little melancholic I watched the five of them, now wearing track suits and sneakers, doing their routines inside the huge empty concert hall. This would be my life for the next years. Concert halls, backstage areas, a lot of flying and traveling. Giving Anna an almost sad little smile, I looked back at Riku. Even though we had been apart so often, I had nearly always been happy with him. I had kept my job and even built a career, we had a lovely place, some places all over Europe to be more precise, and I had never missed anything. Or did I?

My gaze travelled over Haber and I found him looking back at me, forgetting his line and cursing lowly. “Can somebody please turn up the lights a little, I am not used to being stared at from the audience!” he yelled in a joking tone, making Raul slap the back of his head.

“Get in line, puppet boy!” the other man demanded, giving the technician at the mixing desk a sign to start the song once more.

“I’m glad I came here today.” Anna said suddenly and I returned her smile.

“Me too.” Putting my arm around her, I pulled her in to kiss her temple. No one would hurt my baby sister, as long as I could prevent it. “Long night out with the lads, are you in?”

“Hell, yes!” she giggled, pointing at Sami behind his drums. “He is quite cute, isn’t he?”

“He definitely is.” I agreed, sighing lowly.

Why was I unable to make up my mind about the choices that I had to make?

The later evening even held a few more surprises for us: I didn’t recall that we had actually been to a club that night, as far as my memories were correct, they had invited me to the hotel bar, that had been quiet, decent and had a good supply in vine and whisky. Even so, I was right now standing in front of a big and noisy club, lined up between hundreds of people that were waiting to finally enter. Anna by my side was nervously fiddling with her green blouse.

“They won’t let us in!” she repeated again in a whisper and I tried my best to calm her down. Girls were always waved through, they needed chicks in clubs. But when I looked around us, we were definitely the only ones with jeans. And no heels. And lack of makeup and hairspray and miniskirts. Damn. Trying to smile brightly, I stepped forward and nodded at the big Russian guy that was guarding the doors. He only flashed a gaze at us and shook his head, giving the girls in the short dresses behind us a wink and his go.

“Seriously?” I asked the bouncer when we were pushed aside by a herd of half-naked females.

He only shrugged. “Suit up suitably next time, little daisy.” He said with a remarkably deep voice and I sighed. Why was in this world nothing working out the way it was supposed to?

“Can we wait here for a second, I need to call a friend who’s inside already.” I tried one last time and he nodded reluctantly.

“Back there, you’re in the way of our customers.”

Cursing lowly and deciding not to have even one drink in this stupid club, I grabbed my mobile, for the first time really glad that Samu had not only saved my mobile number, but called me right away to make sure that he had typed the right numbers.

It was extremely noisy around him and he almost yelled at me when he picked up. “Elena? Where are you girls?”

“Outside, they won’t let us in, we are not appropriately dressed.”

He laughed heartily. “Well, maybe not inappropriately dressed!” he gave back, making me giggle.

“So, are you coming to get us or what?” I said teasingly and he laughed once more.

“On my way, Mylady!”

Grinning I put the mobile away. “He’s coming to get us.” I whispered at Anna that started clapping excitedly.

“Wait, I always wanted to do that.” Sneaking closer to the bouncer again, I waited for Samu to show up. The Russian soldier gave me a stern look.

“Didn’t I just send you two butterflies away?” he waved his hand as if to waft a few crumbs off the table. “Come back when you’re dressed suitably!”

Suddenly there was shrieking in the front rows and I spotted Samu standing in the entrance door with a white shirt that looked fabulous. He winked at me, taking a bow. “Mylady.” Grinning he beckoned us over and I gave the bouncer a sweet smile.

“I am with him.” I had always wanted to say that one out loud for once and it felt incredibly good. The Russian looked me up and down again with an appraising look, but when Samu stepped closer and took me in his arms, conspiratorially whispering ‘follow my lead!’ and even pecking my lips, the bouncer stepped back, making way. “Get her dressed properly next time!”

Grabbing Anna’s hand, Samu winked at the bouncer, giving my sister a kiss as well.

“Both mine!” he stated with a grin. “And trust me, I will UN-dress them properly asap.” With that he turned on his heels, pulling us with him.

“Nice show!” I raised my glass in his direction when he showed us to the VIP-area of the club after quickly getting a drink for both of us.

He turned around, smiling broadly. “I hate those places.” He admitted, stepping closer. “Not letting you but those girls in,” he pointed randomly into the crowd. “What a waste of space!” his hand ran along my spine. “Now come on, let’s break something and not pay for it.” Playfully he nudged me with his elbow, pointing ahead. “After you, Mylady. Drinks are free tonight, we were told that they invited us to get their little dancing arena full again, so…” his grin grew wider and he wrapped his arm around me. “Let’s see how drunk we can get, what d’you think?”

“Sounds like a plan, Mylord.” In a very good mood all of a sudden, my arm wrapped itself around Samu’s waist of its own accord and I smiled up at him. “I always wanted to dance on a table and break it.”

He saluted me with his drink, nodding immediately. “Let’s start with that, maybe I’ll figure out something even better, just gimme some time.”

We had decided not to dance on the tables since they were made of blue and dark red glass. Nonetheless it was a blast and after my fourth drink I managed to talk both Anna and Samu into joining me for some dancing on the luxurious leather couches.

The VIP-area, I had never been to one before, was actually pretty awesome. It was situated on the second floor, whilst everybody else danced and drank on the ground floors. It was also not only a room with a dancefloor, but shaped like a round going gallery from where we could see everything that was going on below us. Fascinated I stood at the rim of the balcony, watching hundreds of people move to the beat only six metres beneath. Suddenly there was a hand on my back. It slipped around my waist and I was turned around to face Samu.

“Having fun?” he grinned with a cigarette between his lips. I nodded immediately and took it from him, having a few puffs myself before I handed it back. Blowing a large cloud of smoke over my shoulder, he bent down.

“I got an idea.” He whispered into my ear, resting his hands on both sides of the rim to corner me with his body.

My heart was beating in my ears and I felt a soft tingle in the lowest parts of my belly when he brushed his lips over my earlobe.

“What would that be?” I managed to whisper back, putting my hand on his chest to push him away slightly and look up into his eyes. Big mistake! Now my heart was fluttering like a little bird. Damn, those mesmerizing ice-blue eyes!

“Surprise.” He winked at me and I could feel his warm breath on my face. “Just have to check on something.” With that he stepped back, giving me another wink. “I’ll be right back.”

With a throbbing heart and weird ringing noises in my head, I watched him making his way through the crowd around us. What was he up to? My drunken thoughts were racing on my mind. Jesus Christ, what a night. Smiling I wanted to turn around and get myself another gin and tonic, when I suddenly spotted a girl in a glittery blue dress approaching Samu at the other side of the gallery. I narrowed my eyes, not liking it one bit when she touched his arm. Even though I tried to fight the stupid feeling, I suddenly felt jealous. Especially because he bent down in her direction instantly and even put a hand on her arm.

With my teeth gritted I watched her, playing with her hair, laughing and touching his chest. He nodded suddenly, gesturing with his free hand, then pointing at the doors behind him. I felt speechless. Hadn’t we just… didn’t he… wow. Had he just invited her to join him at the loo? Completely taken aback I watched him steering towards the two large doors made of dark wood. The girl was meanwhile downing a drink with her cheering friends. Ruffling her hair and straightening her dress she gave them thumbs up and followed Samu.

Wow. Right. I had supressed the memory of him being a total jerk and the lady-killer of the group. Hadn’t he just flirted with me almost all evening? He couldn’t seriously ask another woman to join him outside, he simply couldn’t fuck around like that while he was flirting with me! Grumpily I stared at the empty glass in my hand. Now I definitely needed a drink! When I turned around totally annoyed, there was someone right behind me.

“Careful, watch it!” It was Riku. He was quick to step aside, two drinks in his hands. “Are you up for another round?” smiling he rested his back against the rim of the gallery, raising his glass in my direction.

“Thanks!” A little surprised I took the second glass from him and gulped down half of its dark red contents.

“Welcome.” He gave me another smile and nodded at the dancefloor below. “D’you wanna dance?”

“Down there?” astound I looked at him, finding him smiling broadly.

“Or back on the couch.” He offered, making me chuckle.

“Let’s finish those drinks and go slumming.”

Laughing he clinked glasses with me. “Sounds good.”

Only a few minutes later we headed downstairs and somehow it felt very natural that Riku had my hand in his. Dancing ridiculously wild and close, I suddenly realized that I had been on a completely other mission the minute I had decided to come here tonight. I wrapped my arms around Riku’s neck, moving slowly with the beat of the music. This should have been my mission all along: Winning my husband back. I gave the younger version of my beautiful spouse a smile and he returned it immediately, pulling me even closer.

“What’s your favourite movie?” he suddenly asked over the hammering bass around us and I looked up at him astound, my face only half an inch away from him.

“Life of Brian by Monty Python.” I heard myself answer and gave the choice a good thinking. There were many, but the spontaneous answer seemed right at that very moment. He simply nodded. “Favourite food?”

“Desert.”

He laughed, pulling me closer again to snuggle his cheek on mine. “Favourite music?”

“Foo fighters. No, Simon and Garfunkel… no… Kings of Leon… I don’t know.” Exhaling lowly I put my hand on his chin to make him look at me again. “Why?”

He shrugged airily. “Just askin’.” Giving me a huge smile, he ran his hand through my hair and rested it on the back of my neck. “I feel like I really wanna get to know you.” He suddenly stated, and I felt a shiver going through me.

Was it possible that I was on the perfectly right path now? Did he feel it too, our connection, the bond between us? I should have been happy over the moon but instead my eyes still scanned the gallery upstairs. I couldn’t see the doors from my spot, but I was unable not to stare in the direction where Samu had disappeared.

I was definitely not quite right in the head. Here I stood, holding my husband to be, dancing and almost dry humping him but instead of being focused on his dazzling eyes and his stunning body that was moving so close to mine, I kept throwing gazes into the upper floor, asking myself over and over why Samu had simply dropped me like a hot potato. Was he now actually banging this other chick on the toilet? The mere thought of it made me feel sick and I tried my best to concentrate on Riku again when all of a sudden I saw the white shirt from the corner of my eye. Turning my head completely, I let my gaze travel along the wooden rim of the gallery again. There he was. My heart skipped a beat and I stepped away from Riku, inwardly cursing myself. Only a minute ago he had at least been cock sucked by blue glitter dress, why should I not be dancing with someone else now? Gritting my teeth I cursed again, feeling confused like never before in my life.

I wanted to stick to the plan, and meeting Samu and trying my luck with him had never been part of it! Taking a deep breath, I tried to smile at Riku.

“You wanna get another drink?” I asked, but he looked at me in an odd way, suddenly cocking his head and looking up at the gallery.

When I turned around I found Samu standing at the railing with a stern look on his face, but Riku simply grabbed my arm.

“Drink sounds good.” He said, taking my hand to pull me through the crowd and to the opposite set of staircases.

We had only mingled with the other guests again with a fresh drink, when Riku’s mobile rang. He looked at me apologetically, gesturing towards the back doors. I nodded, quickly adjusting my top and signalling him that I would wait where I was. Smiling he rubbed my arm and made his way through the crowd. A little lost I kept standing at the bar, suddenly being grabbed roughly.

“Who’s he with? You’re with Riku, right? So tell me!” a cloud of perfume and liquor tickled my nose trills and I shrank back from the smell.

Blue glitter dress? Bewildered I looked at her and the little peer group of girls she had brought.

“Pardon me, what?” I asked, stepping back another few inches when she frowned at me.

“WHO is he with?” she repeated, her outreached index finger tipping my shoulder to emphasise her words.

“Who’s who with?” getting angry for being cornered by the very chick that had only minutes ago had the guts to take off with Samu, I pushed her away.

“Samu Haber!” she hissed, putting her hands on her hips. “He asked me to come with him but only gave me an autograph because he was here with someone! Now who’s she?” furiously she stared at me, but I couldn’t refrain from the stupid grin that spread over my face.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Still grinning I paved my way through them.

Chapter 5

He simply stood there with his back rested against a column when I found him. Looking at me with an odd smirk on his lips, he cocked his eyebrow.

“Seriously?” he stated drily, making me blush slightly.

“Well, I saw little lady sparkle follow you, so I assumed I might as well dance for a bit. Never thought you’d be that quick!” I shot back, making his brows furrow before he chuckled.

“Come with me, stupid.” He nudged me softly. “I am here with you. Why would I want a mirror ball?”

I burst into laughter, feeling the butterflies returning to my stomach.

“But we should wait for Riku to…”

“To what?” Samu gave me another smirk, boldly grabbing my hand. “Don’t worry, he’ll only be mad at me.”

Only seconds later and before I could think of a good reason to stay and wait for Riku (telling Samu that his friend was supposed to become my husband in two years didn’t seem like a good idea), we were outside on a dimly lit corridor with thick burgundy carpets.

“Over there.” Samu whispered, winking at me mischievously before he placed me right in front of a black wooden door. From the back pocket of his jeans he took a card, pushing me up against the door with his body. I was about to protest, being totally flabbergasted when his hands smoothed down my back, but he shook his head with a grin, lowering his lips to my ear.

“I wanna break this door open, you are my cover.” His hand was working on the door-closer now and I felt his mouth running over my shoulder when he bent down to throw a quick look at what he was doing behind my back. “If someone walks along this corridor now, he might assume that we are making out.” softly he bit down on my neck, making me squirm. “Come on, wrap your arms around me at least!”

I obeyed quickly, not knowing what else to do or say. But beside the butterflies there were now also a few drunken giggles in my stomach and I tried my best to keep them inside and not snort with laughter. Gladly the effort also distracted me from his touch and lips but I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard a low clicking sound.

“Open!” Samu whispered, pushing me inside the storeroom with his body. “Here we go.” Throwing a quick look around he handed a fire extinguisher over to me and I stared at it completely astounded, watching Samu running around the room, snatching a nearby chair and a large pack of toilet paper.

“What on earth are you doing?” I whispered confused, cradling the heavy extinguisher like a baby in my arms.

“Come along, sweetpie!” he only whispered back, grabbing an “out of order”-sign and quickly checking the corridor. “Second door on your left, move!”

To my surprise we entered a restroom. A very chic restroom with black tiles, dimmed lights and ornate mirrors. I put my heavy load into the black marble sink, staring at Samu, by now even a little worried.

“If your sexual interests contain this,” I pointed at the chair, toilet paper and the extinguisher, “I really don’t wanna be a part of it!”

He laughed in surprise, swiftly putting the chair under the door handle. “We wanted to break something and not pay for it.” Opening the package of toilet paper, he threw a few rolls at me. “Let’s get dirty. Come on, I know you want it just as much as I do!”

“Wait!” I stopped him when he grabbed the hose of the extinguisher. “That is marble!”

“So?” Bewildered he looked at me.

“The foam it… Carbon dioxide could destroy the marble.”

I tried to take the hose from his hands, but he simply let go, breaking into laughter.

“Goodness, you are the cutest and smartest person I ever met!” he managed to enunciate after about a minute of giggles and heavy breathing. “Come here, love.” He grabbed me by the hips and lifted me up on the sink. “If you love that marble so much, we will only spray it on the doors and the floor, alright little smarty arse?” running his hands through my hair he smiled down at me. “I really wanna spray some stuff on you too.” He joked ambiguously. “But right now…” from the back pocket of his jeans he took his packet of cigarettes.

“Also not a good idea because of the contents of the foam…” I started but he only chuckled at my little lecture, searching the package.

“Tada.” Presenting a roll-up to me, he moved closer to the rim of the sink, opening my legs with his hips. “Have a few drags from this and you will not say no to anything I suggest.”

I took the thin white cigarette from his hand, smelling it carefully. “I don’t think I will do that.” Reluctantly I handed it back. “You are trouble, Mister, nothing but trouble.”

Completely ignoring my protest he lighted the joint, simply putting it between my lips after a few drags. Hell, I had forgotten just how tasty that stuff was. With relish I leaned back, resting my spinning head against the dark wall.

“I am full of ideas.” He stated with a grin, playfully running his hand up my thigh.

Chapter 6

To be very honest, from this point on my memories became a little fragmented. We used the fire extinguisher, ran and slid around on the white foam on the floor, we decorated the whole restroom with toilet paper and did a few other things my parents would not be proud of.

Never in my life had I ever felt more alive.

And – heaven be thanked – I had no idea how I had gotten home and into my own bed, but I was there the moment I opened my eyes the next morning. Relieved I pushed the bed sheets off my half naked body, wavering making my way over to the kitchen. Jeez, what the hell… I rubbed my eyes. There was a big empty box of chocolate icecream, whipped cream and caramel sauce on the counter. The sight of it almost made me sick, but when I turned over to the living room table, my stomach made a real backflip. There were men’s clothes lying around. Not only clothes but a white shirt I knew pretty well. And suddenly I realised that the sound from the bathroom wasn’t something I only imagined: There was water running. My knees gave in and I tried to make a quick anamnesis. I had obviously taken Samu home but surprisingly I didn’t feel sore in certain places. The condoms in my nightstand were unused, maybe that wasn’t the best of news, but somehow I had the weird feeling that he had not touched me.

Suddenly the water was turned off and I felt heat rising in my cheeks. Maybe if I lay down again and pretended to be asleep he would simply take off and this would be a lot less awkward. I rushed over to the bed and jumped inside, dragging the covers over my head. With a pounding heart I waited, my eyes shut firmly. After a minute I heard his footsteps and the sound of a towel that was dropped to the floor. He approached the bed and my belly did another nice backflip when he lifted the covers to crawl down beside me. Sighing he wrapped his arm around me and I felt a lot of naked skin when he cuddled closer. Not really knowing what to do or say, I remained still, feeling a little rush of shame because I was half naked and he was quite obviously more than that.

Suddenly his phone started to ring and I felt his body moving behind me. Very carefully I turned around, rubbing my eyes. He gave me a smile and pulled me closer to his naked chest.

“Your phone.” I whispered in a croaky voice, clearing my throat. But he only gave me a grin and a shrug.

The ringing stopped after a long while but only to start again right away. Samu sighed, putting his arm over his eyes. “Sorry ‘bout that.” He rubbed my arm.

“Don’t you wanna get it?”

“It’s Riku and I am naked.” He answered drily, making me chuckle.

“So?”

With a grin he turned to the side, facing me. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” still grinning he rested his head in his hand, groaning in annoyance when the phone started its guitar solo for the third time.

“Just stay.” With a bit of effort I managed to get on all fours, crawling by. I found the still ringing mobile in the pocket of his jeans.

“It is Riku.” I yelled over to where he was laying with his hands comfortably behind his head.

“You wanna answer it?” he shot back and I tapped my forehead.

“I’m nowhere close to you right now!” I insisted, making him chuckle when I slid down under the duvet beside him. “Seriously!” Hiding the ringing mobile under my pillow, I poked Samu’s naked shoulder with my index finger. “I don’t want you guys to make fun of me and judge me for taking you home! I don’t wanna be that girl!”

“Fine.” His face had darkened for a second but then he smiled again. “Just hand it over, I’ll make something up.” Grinning he winked at me. “Slut.” He added, making me slap his arm.

“Who’s the slut!” I hit him again when he didn’t stop giggling. “You are naked!”

“Well I… I didn’t… You promised me something from your brother, remember?” he sat up next to me, bending over to fetch the mobile from my hands. “Come on, this is getting a little annoying!” he pressed a button and suddenly the mobile was silent and he lay down again, cuddling a bit closer. “You wanted me to stay naked!” he claimed and tilted his head in my direction. “My clothes belong in the dustbin. That foam from yesterday did some bad things to them and I will certainly not try and wear that incrusted and foam coated thing that has once been my boxers. You gave me your bathrobe, remember? And you said that you had something from an older brother lie about.” Comfortably he rested his back against the wall. “Can you now try and get it for me? Feels awkward to call Riku in the nude.”

I broke into laughter again, getting up from the bed once more to walk over to my dresser. I knew I had a few things from Kilian lying around, he always left something in case he came by unannounced and stayed in Frankfurt for a few days. Searching my mostly unused upmost drawers while standing on a chair I suddenly became aware that I was still dressed in a pair of black panties and a tiny top and that he from his spot had a great view on my butt. I gritted my teeth. God! What had gotten into me? I had taken him home! Samu! Jeez, I maybe I had now squandered my chances with Riku! And above it all, he right now saw my big fat bum and a lot of cellulitis. What a perfect Saturday morning! And it wasn’t even 10 yet.

“Take this!” finally I had managed to fish a dark blue boxer short out of Kilian’s little private box and threw it at him over my shoulder. “I also got…” stepping up on my tiptoes, I pulled the box out a little to have better access, but Samu took me by surprise when he stood right behind me only a second later.

“You got…?” he asked, running his hand over my calf that unfortunately definitely needed shaving.

“A pair of jeans!” quickly I turned around with the trousers and a t-shirt in my hands. “He’s more or less your size.”

“Your ex?” he cocked his eyebrow, giving the clothes o good look. I burst into laughter.

“My older brother!”

“Ah.” Grinning he pulled the t-shirt over his head before wrapping his arms around me. “Tell him Samu says thank you.”

A little uncomfortable I became again aware of his body, his broad shoulders and the feeling of his chest against mine when he put me down on the floor very slowly and with undeniable pleasure. But before he could say or do anything else but grin down at me, his mobile started to ring again and he sighed. “Very well then!” softly slapping my bottom, he turned over to the kitchen. “I take this, you prepare coffee.”

It wasn’t a question and I narrowed my eyes, but he was simply too cute in Kilian’s ‘Nine Inch Nails’-T-shirt and a boxer short that seemed a little tight around his hips because he kept fiddling around with the waistband a little uncomfy.

“Rajamaa, what’s up?” yawning deeply he sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, winking at me when I followed him and started boiling water.

“Nah, I just… I met this girl and she took me home.” Still grinning he put his feet onto the sideboard. “Trust me, she was damn hot… yeah, just felt like it. Nah, she’s in the shower, definitely needed that after the stuff I did to her last night. Trust me Rajamaa, she was smokin’ hot. Juicy round bum and booobs, Jeez, mate, you have no idea…” I heard Riku laugh at the other end of the line, moving a little closer to hear his voice.

“So I assume you won’t be back at the hotel anytime soon?”

“Nope.” Samu ran his fingertips over my arm. “I got loads of unfinished business here.”

“Alright then…” Riku hesitated for a second. “Did you talk to Elena by any chance? We tried to call her, Anna is still with us and she couldn’t reach her all night.”

He looked at me with questioning eyes and I tried my best to enact a broken phone mimetically. It took a few futile attempts until he got it and nodded in agreement. “Her phone broke, she told me and I put her in a cab because she didn’t feel too well. Maybe Anna should try the landline? Alright, so, I will be back on that hottie, see you guys tonight!” with that he simply hung up and took the coffee cup I handed over to him. “Thanks, hottie.”

A little embarrassed I put my hair behind my ears. “I guess he bought it, didn’t he?”

“He sure did.” He sipped his coffee, slowly rolling his head from side to side. “You know, …”

Interrupted by the phone, he pointed ahead. “Go get it, most probably it’s your sister now.”

It was indeed Anna and she was relieved to finally reach me. My phone – after a bit of searching I found it in the pocket of my jeans - was off and most probably it was in fact broken from the damn foam. Quickly I tried to calm my worried sister who to my big astonishment was a lot more kinky than I had expected because she was still with Sami that had obviously taken her home that night. Perfect! So no Tom-asshole for her, I felt very satisfied. But before we could go at least a bit into detail, Samu suddenly jumped around me, giving me a weird pantomime. From what I understood, he was planning on going downstairs and finding a bakery to get some food for us. Questioningly I gave him thumbs up and he returned the gesture, grabbing my keys from the little bowl beside the entrance door.

I was unable to talk about Sami now, nervously running my hand through my hair. I had to go to the loo and I definitely intended to do that without him being around. And I needed a shower.

Jesus, he was gonna stay! He would come back, we would have breakfast and then… well, then what?

Anna interrupted my swirling thoughts by saying his name. Suddenly I was fully awake again.

“Samu what?” I asked, rushing over into the bathroom to quickly strip off my clothes. Jesus Christ, I looked like shit! Had I actually looked like that all morning?

“Aren’t you a little jealous?” My sister had lowered her voice and I stopped searching for a washcloth in surprise.

“Jealous of what?”

“He took off with that other chick, aren’t you listening to me?” she sounded annoyed. “That bastard was flirting with you all fucking night and then he takes off and bangs some slutty slut he has picked up somewhere.”

“Well, it’s his life, don’t you think?”

“Well, na-ah, it’s yours, Madame!” I hated it when she gave me the na-ha and I sighed, knowing that she was right. But as a matter of fact, it wasn’t quite as easy.

“Listen, love, I gotta go, have a great day with Sami, I need to get a shower and a lot of coffee, because I got some work to do and I still feel like a zombie, alright?”

“Promise me to call tonight!” she insisted and I sighed again.

“Of course! What are the lads up to for tonight?”

“Well, I assume some shopping and maybe packing, they are leaving town on Monday. Are you coming to meet with them for dinner at Leonhard’s?”

Leonhard’s, wow! I had only seen pictures from its roof terrace and they had been breath-taking. “Sure, I’d love to.”

“I’ll tell Riku. He definitely had an eye on you as well last night.” She said teasingly, making me blush.

“Did he, hum?”

“Well, if you hadn’t been busy with some other pair of beautiful eyes, you’d have noticed that!”

Staring at my own reflection I closed my eyes. Damn, she was so right! “I’ll be there tonight and I will not let this other pair of eyes distract me again.” I promised, sending a quick kiss to her. “See you, sweetie!”

Chapter 7

I was still sitting in my shower, considering my situation from all angles with water running over my head, when the door was suddenly opened. My head poked up. Hadn’t I locked the bathroom?

Watching Samu entering through the frosted glass of my shower, I ran my hand over my dripping face.

“Hey.” He sat down at the closed toilet seat as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “I made some more coffee, you want?” I saw him raising my red cup from before and switched off the water.

“Can… can you get me my towel?” I asked, clearing my throat.

I had come up with nothing, as much as I had puzzled my head over my situation, further plans or potential outcomes. And now I was sitting in my shower completely in the nude, waiting for Samu to get me my towel.

Important question: Why didn’t it feel as awkward as it was supposed to feel?

He had the decency not to stare even though he mockingly tried to pull down the towel a few times while I was applying my day cream.

“I got croissants, they were still warm when I left the bakery.” With his hands on my shoulders he pushed me towards the living area where he had set the table for us with croissants, coffee and even juice.

“I wanna get dressed first!” I protested weakly, but he only clicked his tongue, forcing me into a chair.

“You, madame, want a croissant. Admit it or not, all girls want croissants and they never have them because they contain too much fat.” Completely content he slumped down next to me, biting off his breakfast heartily before he offered it to me. “Do I have to feed you?” he mumbled with his mouth full of flaky pastry.

Smiling I adjusted my towel, grabbing a deliciously smelling and in fact still warm croissant from the plate. “No need to force me into eating.” I assured him, watching his smile grow wider.

All of a sudden a new idea was born. It was simply there, maybe it was due to the food.

Why…? Why not…?

I had sorted out Samu as a potential boyfriend for what reasons exactly…?

1.       His good looks and my crush on him had made me feel uncomfortable being around him

2.       He had tried to be close to me all the time and it had curbed my freedom and hemmed me in

3.       As soon as I had started talking to Riku, he had seemingly lost interest and made out with anything female crossing his path

4.       Riku and I realized quickly just how many things we had in common and it made us great friends. Which, most probably, had pushed Samu even further aside

So… looking at him over the rim of my coffee cup, I tucked up my leg without even thinking about it, putting my foot up on his chair to play around his leg with my toes. Without those weird relics from the past, was there perhaps a chance for us?

Maybe there was, but only if I truly granted him this chance. Thoughtfully I cocked my head, making him furrow his brows.

“Why so serious?” his hand ran along my calf and he moved a little closer.

Still looking at him, I took his hand in mine. What had Riku done to win my heart? And how had it started? We had been to a museum the morning after our first meeting and the little party at the hotel bar. And I had given him a guided tour through Frankfurt. Maybe I should simply do the same thing again. Maybe he would win me when I took him on the same date and if he didn’t, nothing was lost and I then knew for sure, who my soulmate was.

Smiling I played with the palms of his hands. “Are you in for a day of strolling into town and a nice sidestep into my favourite museum?” I asked, feeling his grip tighten around my hands.

He bent forward in my direction with a saucy grin. “Well I could think of a few nice sidesteps we should definitely take first, but yeah, I’m in.” his hands ran over my arms and up to my shoulders. “As long as you make a hot guide for me, I will follow you anywhere.”

And so he did. Without complaining he let me guide him through town to Goethe-House, Römer, the Old Opera and, after I had lost rock paper scissors four times, to the zoo instead of the Senckenberg Museum where I had taken Riku on our first date. To my surprise we had a blast on this almost perfect first date.

It was late afternoon when we sat together in a small café and I started again giving him a small lecture about one of the churches nearby, when he suddenly bent over in my direction and took my hands with a grin. “Mylady, you are the cutes smartarse I ever met.” Pulling my closer, he put my sunglasses into my hair. “And surprisingly I don’t get tired of listening to you.” With that he kissed me.

It simply happened.

And it felt great.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him closer, feeling his hands running over my back to even pull me on his lap.

“At some point,” he whispered into my ear after a few seconds and ran his fingertips over my thigh. “At some point it was nearly impossible to keep listening to you talking about this opera house or the penguins or whatever.” Breathlessly he chuckled. “All I wanted to do was shut you up for only a moment.”

Before I could respond, he had already cupped my face with his hands and kissed me even more intensely.

“I have to get back to the hotel soon.” Running his thumb over my lips, he scrutinized my face. “The lads are organizing some dinner stuff and I have to be there.” He smiled and kissed me again. “Will you take me home again afterwards?”

With my hands in his hair and his lips on my neck I managed to nod. “Go get dressed, I’ll meet you at Leonhard’s in an hour.” Softly I pushed him away to look into his beautiful eyes. “I can’t wait.” I whispered against his lips.

Chapter 8

It was only seven when I stepped into the elevator to take me to the highest floor with its supposedly amazing terrace. Since it was still warm and sunny, I wore a light summer dress that had a soft floral print. I did not wanted to look too sweet and since it still was 2001 when almost everything and anything had been allowed, I wore my heavy dark army-boots with it.

Breathing a shivering sigh of excitement, I stepped outside on the terrace. One of the waiters showed me around a corner reluctantly when I told him that I was in fact part of the private function under the code-name “Atlantis”.

Stopping short, I almost stumbled.

Riku.

Of course.

I could always count on my luck.

Of course he was there already with no one else around. Alone with me, a beautifully set table under a large sunshade and the warm glow of the summer sun.

When he heard steps behind him, he turned around, smiling at me. “Thanks!” he nodded at the obviously relieved waiter and made his way over to me.

“Hey!” still smiling he gave me a hug. “Lovely to see you! Are you feeling better?”

I didn’t really know what to say, feeling totally distracted by his mesmerizing eyes. I gave him a nod, quickly trying to come up with something normal, maybe even smart, but not too smart to make me interesting for him.

“Nice camera! So you got the Sony DSC… what was it again? 80?” I pointed at the camera in his hand, nodding at the open package he had obviously taken it out of only minutes ago.

Riku furrowed his brows in surprise, instantly beaming at me. “DSC-S85. Brandnew.” Happily he focused on me with the small digital camera. “Only got it today, how did you know?”

Well, you always had a thing for taking pictures, love.

I bit my tongue. “Just saw you standing there. My brother wants the same model.” I lied quickly, raising my hand in his direction to stop him from taking pictures of me.

“Come here, I wanna show you something!” excitedly he beckoned me over and after a few deep breaths I obeyed.

It was just like old times. We stood together, taking pictures, discussing, trying out, agreeing and disagreeing, laughing along. Damn, I missed him! I missed my best friend in the world.

But when I heard someone clearing his throat right behind us, I suddenly felt goose-bumps on my neck and my view on life promptly changed perspective.

With a small grin on his lips and freshly showered Samu made his way over to us. I felt the exact same grin spreading all over my face when he winked at me.

“Mylady.” He nodded formally. “What am I interrupting?”

“New camera.” I pointed at Riku, feeling the sudden urge to run my fingers through Samu’s wet and neatly combed hair to mess it up a little. Obviously my thoughts were as usual written all over my face because Samu gave me another mischievous smile.

“You didn’t bring her?” Riku’s voice abruptly interrupted my thoughts that had definitely gotten lost somewhere around Samu’s collarbone. What was it about that area around neck and chest that made me all fussy?

“Bring whom?” Samu sat down right next to where I was standing, secretly running his fingertips over my back.

I almost jumped out of my skin.

“That hot chick from yesterday!” Riku over-announced, observing me from the corner of his eye. Apparently he misinterpreted my little shudder as surprise and grinned confidently. “I really wanted to meet her!” he continued, but Samu waved his comment aside, shrugging airily.

“She didn’t have time tonight, bartender-job, you know.” Giving me another grin and the tiniest poke with his finger, he waved at the waiter. “Why don’t we get a drink and ease up a little, what d’you say?”

Ease up was definitely necessary, because Riku kept giving all of us a long spiel about Samu picking up the hottest chicks after every concert. It sounded more like Casanova or a complete and inconsiderate lady-killer, and I gave Samu next to me a little wink when Riku finally stopped after the main course to show his new camera to Anna and Sami.

Carefully I moved closer to Samu, softly rubbing his chest as if I was just checking on the collar of his shirt. He had been very silent for most of our dinner, at first trying to contradict his bandmate, but after a while, a lot of talking about some threesome on the tourbus and a broken-hearted Rajamaa-cousin, no, make that two, later, he had simply shut up. And he hadn’t looked at me the entire time.

Anna and I had tried to change the subject so many times, but Riku never swallowed the bait.

Still running my fingertips along the button facing of his very well fitting blue shirt, I looked up into his crystal blue eyes. He seemed surprised and covered my hand with his for a second. Sighing he rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb.

“You should be disgusted by now and on fairy-island with Rajamaa over there, riding unicorns.” He said in a very low voice, scrutinizing my face. “Why aren’t you?”

I freed my hand, looking at him closely. “Trust me, I know that.” Putting my hand on his knee under the table, I let my fingertips travel inside his shorts to touch his thigh.

He squirmed, throwing a quick look around, before he bent over in my direction. “I did every single thing he just told you about.” He whispered with his nose almost touching my ear.

I nodded, lifting my gaze to look into his eyes again. “I know.” I simply gave back, still softly rubbing the inside of his thigh.

“Then why…” confused he sucked in a breath when I relocated my fingertips upwards in his shorts.

Resting my head in my other hand on the back of my seat, I smiled at him. “Because whichever way I turn it, I want you.” I only said, making his smile reappear. “And nothing he says, nor anything you did before we met matters to me.” Tilting my head, I returned his smile. “Rajamaa’s gonna have to ride those unicorns by himself tonight.”

He laughed in surprise. “Well, you could be riding as well, little fairy.” He suggested cheekily, discreetly pointing down at my hand. “Here and now if you continue like this.”

Giggling I moved my hand even further up his loose short. “Like this?” I asked innocently, making him grab my wrist with a low yelp.

“Precisely.” He whispered out of breath, throwing a look at the rest of the band around the table. I did the same, still tickling Samu’s skin. Riku had left with Osmo, Sami and Anna to show them some of the night-functions of his camera at the beginning of nightfall. Raul was still sitting across the table but he was busy texting someone. I looked up at Samu.

“Wanna get out of here?” I whispered in his ear and he nodded immediately, boldly bending over to kiss me for a second.

“Please.” He whispered against my lips, his own hand finding its way under my dress.

“Guys!” Raul suddenly jumped up. “Glenda just texted me, she said there was a mix up with our travel plan!”

Samu moved away a few inches, when all of a sudden the whole band returned and gathered around Raul with his mobile. To my surprise he didn’t remove his hand and gave me another little wink, while secretly playing with the rim of my slip under the table.

“What is it?” he asked in Raul’s direction, bending forward to rest his chin in his free hand.

To my own surprise I felt my body moving in its seat. I even opened my legs a bit further to grant Samu’s hand perfect access to whatever he had on his mind.

“We have to be in Munich first thing in the morning.” Raul lowered his mobile and beamed at the others excitedly. “They want us live on some breakfast-television, which means that we have to be there at around 5 in the morning.”

“Let’s call it a day then.” Samu threw a quick gaze at me. “I’d love to see that chick from last night again, so I’d better leave now and be back at the hotel in two hours and we…”

“You’re not going anywhere!” Raul interrupted. “Glenda said that they would be here in ten to pick us up. Our stuff’s packed, the bus is ready, it’ll be downstairs soon.” He grabbed his drink, toasting in Anna’s direction before he raised his glass at me. “Girls, it was lovely meeting you, but duty calls!”

I had turned to stone completely. No! This wasn’t supposed to happen! Looking up at Samu, I found a similar expression on his face. His fingers grabbed my thigh and squeezed it softly.

“Right now I really regret last night.” He whispered to me over the excited voices of his bandmates. “Right now I really regret wanting more than sex from you.” Completely ignoring the rest of his friends around us, he suddenly let his fingertips glide into the waistband of my slip. “I wish I had at least the chance to kiss you properly.” One of his talented fingers suddenly found access and I widened my legs with a muffled cry.

“Fake a call.” I whispered breathlessly, throwing a look around us. They were all completely flustered, Anna was crying and holding on to Sami, Riku had even walked away and talked to Glenda on his own phone, while Raul ran around to pay the bill.

“They won’t miss us for a few minutes.” I put my hand on Samu’s face. “I’ll wait for you. Meet me at the hall-stand out on the corridor, I think they had a cloakroom.” Looking deep into his eyes I felt my heart skipping a few beats. “I’m not letting you go without a proper kiss.”

He smiled at me, quickly removing his own hand from under my dress. “Go.” He whispered before he took his cell out of the pocket of his shorts. “Sorry guys, I gotta call my chick and cancel tomorrow!” he announced and went inside with the phone on his ear.

Chapter 9

Luckily the restaurant really had a cloakroom and I sneaked inside when I saw him walking around the corner. We were good at this already and it didn’t take more than the blink of an eye for him to move one of the little dark wooden cupboards and block the door with it.

Looking down at me, he hesitated for a second, but I was quick to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in for a kiss. “You’ll regret it, if we don’t do this right now.” I whispered against his hot lips, my hands working on his belt already.

Breathing heavily, he grabbed my face to make me look into his eyes. Apparently he wanted to say something but his shorts dropped and my hand found its way into his boxers before he could even make a sound.

“I know I will.” He groaned lowly, lifting me up and placing me on the chest of drawers in front of the door. Kissing me deeply, he wrapped my legs around his hips and pushed me up against the wooden door in my back.

A soft moan escaped my lips when he simply grabbed my slip and pulled it down without breaking his kiss.

“God, Elena, I want you.” He whispered, his fingers instantly finding entrance.

Still fighting with the waistband of his boxers, I finally managed to pull it down, eagerly returning his kiss. “And I want you.” I whispered back, trying to guide him inside of me but he stepped back abruptly, leaving me stunned.

“What?” I slid down from the drawer, wrapping my arms around his neck again. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head slowly from side to side, a hesitant grin spreading over his face. “I will hate myself tomorrow but… “ he put his hand on my cheek and pulled me in for a soft kiss. “I will hate myself so much, but… I… I can’t. Not like that.” Burying his hands in my hair he deepened his kiss. “I want you, my sexy little smartarse. I want you more than anything. But I want you in my bed and I want you for more than 20 seconds.” He rolled his eyes when he let his hand travel through the wetness between my legs once more. “I know that I will most probably kill me in an hour on that damn bus, but…”

“Seriously?” in breathless anticipation I couldn’t help grabbing his hard-on, giving it a few strokes. God, he felt so good! Almost drowning in his feverish kiss, I felt his hand grasping my wrist again. He groaned loudly but nevertheless he removed my hand.

“Come visit me in Finland next month and I will show you exactly what I want.” He buried his hand between my thighs again. “We only have a week off but I will make sure that you are not leaving my bed the whole time.”

Looking up at him, I tried my best to think rationally despite his lips and fingers.

This was my second chance. My chance and my choice.

Slowly I shook my head, starting to unbutton his shirt. “I will come and visit you next month.” I interrupted when he tried to stop me again. “I promise.” Grabbing the back of his neck I pulled him down to kiss his lips as softly as I could. “I will be in your bed for a whole week, but I will not stop this right now.”

He seemed surprised and ran his fingers through my hair. “But I… there is no way for us to… get comfortable.”

Laughing in disbelief, I let my own fingers travel along his chest.

“Absolutely not.” I pulled him with me, sitting down on the small cupboard again. “But I don’t want you to massage my feet and cuddle, maybe telling me that you adore me. I don’t want you to sweet talk me and postpone everything.” My hands grabbed the blue material of his shirt. “I want you to fuck me.”

For a second he was obviously taken aback. Then his blue eyes glinted with excitement and he took hold of my thighs. “Say that again, little fairy.” He whispered with his deep voice close to my ear.

I forced him to look at me with my hand on his chin. “Fuck me.” I repeated, sucking in a breath when he responded without hesitation, filling me with a few deep thrusts.

It took both of us a minute, maybe a little more, but when he suddenly pulled out of me I felt dazed. I wiped a small drop of sweat from his forehead and he gave me a confused smile, pressing his lips on my mouth eagerly before he grabbed a scarf that was hanging on a coat hanger next to us.

“Here.” He whispered in a husky voice, wiping around the lower parts of his body with the other end of the soft silk.

I felt a little giggle escape my mouth. Poor scarf owner.

Quickly I tried to get myself cleaned up a little and pulled up my slip that hung decoratively on an umbrella stand. Trying to count the days to me next period – damn, I had only arrived in this weird parallel universe, how was I supposed to know if we had now hit a dangerous point? – I looked up at Samu that appeared a bit embarrassed.

“Do I have to ask you what’s on your mind now?” I moved closer, relieved to feel him wrapping his arms around me right away.

He chuckled lowly. “You don’t.” He whispered into my hair, placing a soft kiss on my temple. “That was amazing.”

Cuddling closer to him I sighed and rubbed my nose to his naked chest, before I looked up at him again. I put both hands on his cheeks, scrutinizing his face.

Right at this second, almost incapable to stop myself, I wanted to tell him that I loved him. That I had been waiting for this to happen, waiting for him, longing for him and for his touch. My heart was burning inside of me, it was literally painful.

Without losing eye contact, Samu bent down to kiss my lips very carefully.

The smell of his skin was confusingly familiar and I was physically unable to let go of his lips. “I…” My own voice sounded squeaky and he stopped me right away, kissing me even deeper.

“Don’t.” He simply whispered, but I tried to shove him away.

“Why not?” I whispered back, running my fingers through his messed up hair.

“I’m not that guy.” With his thumb on my lips he looked down at me and the expression on his face suddenly changed. “I… please don’t expect me to… I’m not good with all the lovey-dovey.” He fell silent, but I only grabbed the collar of his shirt again and kissed him.

“I know.” I whispered and got up on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy.” Carefully I ran my fingertips along his collarbone.

He smiled reluctantly, looking deep into my eyes before he kissed me once more. But I had seen doubt and insecurity in his gaze. “Me too.” He mumbled hesitantly and I felt the pain in my chest increasing.

It had been my choice and I was 100% sure that it had been what I wanted. I wanted him, wanted to be with him through thick and thin. But was I really what he wanted? During all the time I had known him, the player, the lady-killer, he had never admitted that he had actually wanted me and only me. Swallowing hard I tried to fake another smile. Maybe I was holding the wrong end of the stick.

He let go of me, pulling up his shorts. Then he suddenly looked into my eyes again.

“I am happy.” He repeated, obviously needing to hear it again to make it sound real. A little out of words he kept standing right in front of me, straightening out the wrinkles of my dress. Then he smiled all of a sudden, cocking his head.

“You are a real mindfuck with this dress and your boots.” He stated dryly, sounding a lot more like the Samu I knew.

I couldn’t help blushing and giggling. “You want me to bring them to Finland with me?”

He nodded with a saucy grin. “And some heels, I wanna take you from behind with nothing but heels on your sweet little feet.” Bending down, he kissed me once more. “I have to go.” He said cautiously.

“I know.” I tapped his chest. “Go, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Turning away, I tried my best to be strong. I didn’t want to make a scene, be dramatic or girly, but my heart was by now hurting with every beat.

He removed the chest of drawers, throwing a quick look outside. “You wanna run to the loo? The coast is clear.”

Shaking my head no, I touched the palm of his hand. “I think I wanna keep you for a bit.”

He turned around and buried his fingers in my hair to pull my head back softly. “Good idea.” His lips brushed over mine. “A little bit of pussy smell will help me through my lonely night on the bus.” Quickly he threw another look around. “Last kiss?” he whispered, pushing me up against the doorframe without waiting for my answer.

It was painful and surreal to wave them goodbye, to simply stand there and watch the big tourbus leave. Anna had her arm wrapped around me. She was crying and I did my best not to join in. I had to be strong now. We would meet again, it was only a matter of time.

My mobile suddenly peeped and I fetched it from my purse, hoping against hope for some lovey-dovey from Samu, but instead it was Riku. “Miss you already.” He texted and I felt a lump in my throat.

Anna by my side was sobbing heavily and I pulled her along for a few steps. “Come on, sweety, let’s get you home.” I whispered soothingly. “You can crash at my place, what d’you say?”

Chapter 10

I didn’t tell anyone about me and Samu, not even Anna. It was far too fresh to describe it, talk about it or label it. First I had to find out for myself, where it was heading. 

To my disappointment it was Riku that kept texting me. Samu was indeed not the lovey-dovey kind of guy and with a heavy heart, I tried to accept that. Of course he called from time to time and whenever I heard his voice I felt butterflies in my stomach. We even spent a few hours with good telephone sex, making me realize just how much I wanted him to do all the things we told each other about secretly while I was listening to him masturbating on the other end of the line.

Anna was completely down for over two weeks. Every now and then she stepped by and slept over because she felt so lonely. To my surprise she came by one evening at the end of June while I was packing my stuff for our upcoming vacation with the lads, simply to tell me that she wouldn’t come.

I put down the new underwear I had bought for my stay in Samu’s bed, beckoning her over to sit on my couch. “What are you saying?” I asked her. “You have been devastated and waited for the time to pass by so you could be with Sami again!”

Anna snorted but it didn’t sound happy. “Ah, well, it was a crush!” she tried to downplay it. “Think about it, where will this go? Is there a future for me and Sami? I don’t think so!” she paused, looking at me questioningly. “You’ve had a good time with Riku, he really likes you, and Samu, well, you could have him too, I guess. For me, well… it would hurt too much to see him again. We had this very special night, but I need a man that is close by. I need someone to share my life. And to Sami I will most probably be nothing more than a little fling.” Suddenly a little smile crept over her lips. “But I might have found the right guy for me a few days ago.” She suddenly stated, making me raise my eyebrows.

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. Tom is a very nice guy. Very decent, good looking, stable job.” She shrugged happily. “I think that he could be the one for me.”

Too shocked to even respond, I simply stared at her.

Tom.

So Tom arsehole had somehow found his way into her life anyway. I gritted my teeth, trying to force my brain to come up with an idea to prevent her from going through hell with this cheating, unreliable fly-by-night-bastard again.

Hadn’t it all been set out perfectly in this part of reality? I had prevented Anna from going to the party she had met Tom arsehole in the first place and now it seemed that the universe was laughing right into my face and sent that bastard anyway.

Maybe there was no way to cheat, no way to trick the universe into another direction. Would I end up with Riku, because I was meant to be with him?

I wasn’t sure how far Samu was committed, but I myself still felt pretty strong about him. I didn’t want to go back, didn’t want to have my life with Riku any longer. Breathing heavily I lowered my head, staring down at my hands. This was all so confusing! Was destiny now knocking at our door? Well, was it kicking my ass for believing that I could change my future by making different choices?

Trying to gather myself I looked up at Anna again, that was bending forward in my direction with a concerned look on her face.

“Are you alright?” she asked carefully, running her fingers over my cheek.

I nodded, still not sure how to breathe properly.

“Listen, love.” I managed to enunciate after a few seconds. “Listen, I… I don’t wanna go there alone, I need you!” with a pleading gaze I pulled her closer. “You need to help me with my own decisions, do I want Riku or Samu? I can’t go there without you, I’m going insane! Just join me, have a few days with me and the lads, maybe Sami is the better choice for you after all. Just give it a try, I know that he would do a lot for you, he really likes you and he was totally shattered when you suddenly stopped returning his calls. Leave this Tom-guy be, Sami is one of the nicest guys I ever met, and if you can’t join me there to be with him, do it for me! I really need your support!”

Surprised Anna tilted her head. “Sure, I… yeah, I could come and…” she stuttered, her eyes scrutinizing my face. “So you are in heart-troubles because of the two of them?” she asked astounded. “Why didn’t you say something? Are you… are you in contact with both of them? Jeez, I was so wrapped up in myself for the last weeks, I didn’t even ask you!” a little guilt ridden she moved closer to give me a tight hug. “Riku should be the one for you, Elena. Samu is a temptation, of course, but from a guy like that you’ll get nothing more than a good shag. He’ll be cheating on you. From what Riku told us the other night, he is not capable of keeping it in his pants, you don’t want that.” She rubbed my back, and I suddenly felt the urge to tell her that I was by now far too involved with Samu to even consider leaving the idea of a life with him behind. That I had most probably lost my heart already. Looking at her with a pleading look, I cuddled closer. “Will you come?”

“Of course I will.” She sounded confident all of a sudden. “Tom will be here when I return, the ticket is paid for and you definitely need a little hand with your love-decisions.” Smiling she rubbed my back again. “I’ll be home packing, are you in the mood to have dinner with me later?”

I nodded immediately. Anything to keep her away from Tom. “Thanks, Anna.” I kissed her cheek.

“Anytime!” she smiled happily and got up. “I’ll be back around seven, alright?”

“Perfect.” Sighing relieved, I rested my back into the cushions. As soon as the door closed behind her, I took my mobile and dialled Samus number.

“I’m all packed for tomorrow.” I said when he picked up. “What are you up to?”

“Not much. What are you wearing?” he answered, making me sit up straight.

“Riku?” I asked carefully.

He chuckled.

“Yep. Samu is taking a shower, but I saw your name and picked up.”

A little out of words, I tried to come up with an excuse or at least a topic to talk about. “I just talked to Anna, she’s gonna join me. Can you tell Sami, I don’t have his number.”

“Sure thing, he’ll be pleased. It has been pretty rough on him that she almost ghosted him.”

“I can imagine. She’s scared and a little insecure, you know?” tucking up my legs, I started playing with my toenails. “She always wanted to have her man close by and start a family. That is more or less impossible with a member of Sunrise Avenue.”

Before he could answer, I heard Samu’s voice. “Is that my phone, Rajamaa?” he sounded harsh. “What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

“It’s Elena!” Riku sounded provocative. “We’re just chatting a little.”

“Gimme that!” There was low rustling, then Samu cleared his throat. “Hey. Little chat with Rajamaa, hum?” he still sounded angry and also a little offended.

“Hey.” I managed to say, feeling the speed of my heart increasing.

He didn’t respond and it almost made me bite my nails.

“I’m packing.” Damn, I sounded squeaky.

“Are you.” He only grumbled back and I fell silent again.

“Alright, so, bye then.” I forced the words out of my, by now close to tears. Why was he so grumpy? I had merely spoke to Riku before and I was sure that he was aware of the fact that his bandmate had also been texting me for the last two weeks and that we had been on the phone from time to time.

“Elena?” his voice was very low and I suddenly heard the sound of a closing door.

I waited for him to continue, not sure what to say.

All of a sudden he sighed. “Damn you.” He mumbled and I stopped pacing up and down my living room in surprise. Damn me? For what? My mouth opened, but he sighed again before I could say something.

“I wanna break his neck for texting you all the time.” Samu suddenly stated. “I hope he doesn’t get the pictures I get from you to keep me warm at night?”

Totally speechless I furrowed my brows, feeling a load taken off my mind. So Mr. Unapproachable was at least a bit jealous if not lovey-dovey.

“I bought some nice underwear and I will bring my heels, they seem to match.” I said instead of answering his question. “Are you naked?”

“Right now I am. And I will be for the whole next week with my dick somewhere inside of you.” He chuckled lowly and sighed again. “Counting the hours.”

“14 until my plane takes off, 16 until I see you, hopefully not more than 17 to wrap my legs around you again.” I responded spontaneously, making him chuckle again.

“Damn you.” He whispered once more, but this time I heard the smile in his deep voice. “You won’t be able to sit for the whole week, I will make sure about that. If you agree to be mine, you’ll have to be mine completely. And if little Rajamaa-fuck will as much as look at you the wrong may, I will break his neck.” Exhaling loudly, he cleared his throat. “And now I have a boner, only because I am thinking about you. Damn you, woman!”

“You want me to help you with that?” I asked seductively but he only chuckled.

“Not with Rajamaa sitting outside.” He sighed. “I’ll call you tonight, alright? Be naked and tell me a little story, will you? Otherwise I will not be able to last more than ten seconds in 17 hours.”

Laughing along with him, I sat down on my couch again. “God, I miss you.” I whispered, making him groan.

“Trust me, I really hate you for what you’re doing to me, woman.”

“Talk later?”

“Please.”

Chuckling I smacked a kiss over to him. “17 hours, Samu.”

“17. Can’t wait.”

With that he hung up on me and I felt a shiver. 16 hours, 47 Minutes to go.

Chapter 11

It was only half past ten in the morning when we arrived at the hotel in Helsinki where Sunrise Avenue had settled down for a week before continuing their tour around Finland and the UK.

Totally excited I ran into Sami that was already waiting for us at the reception. He didn’t waste a second and simply took Anna’s suitcase to take her to his room right away. A little lost I was standing in front of the large table, waiting for the receptionist to check me and my sister in.

“Hey!” an arm was wrapped around me from behind and I felt my heart jump when Riku happily kissed my cheek.

“Hey.” I managed to mumble back, feeling my cheeks blushing because I was in absolute “fuck me right there and then”- mode already.

Obviously my desire was noticeable. Riku’s eyes suddenly became darker and he gave me another tight hug.

“D’you wanna get some coffee?” he ran his fingertips down my spine and I felt a little shiver because all I could think of were Samus hands on me, all over me and inside of me.

Clearing my throat quickly, I tried to smile at him. “Maybe later, I really wanna check in and fresh up first.”

He nodded immediately, bending over in the direction of the receptionist’s pc.

“Which room is yours?” he asked. “I got 507 with Sami, Raul is on 509.”

“510.” The young lady behind the table smiled at him. “Opposite side on the corridor, next to 508, Haber and Ikonen.”

Feeling a stupid little tingle in my stomach from only hearing his name, I smiled at the receptionist before I turned back at Riku that was still standing far too close and rubbed my back.

“Know what, I’ll fresh up, say hello to the rest of the lads and be back with you for an early lunch.” I heard myself say, hoping that Samu and I would at least have a few minutes for intense catching up.

He returned my smile and nodded. “Alright then, most probably the rest of the guys are still asleep, we had a tiny celebration last night and I think it got a little out of hand.” Winking at me, he pointed at the restaurant to his left. “Fresh up and come back, alright? I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Will do.” I returned his smile, quickly making my way over to the elevators with my key-card in my hand. Time to give a certain someone a pleasant wake-up-call.

Still smiling I walked along the corridor on the fifth floor. Checking my own room would have to wait. Excitedly I rearranged my hair a little, knocking at the door of number 508.

It took a few knocks and quite some time before it opened and to my surprise it wasn’t Samu but a blond girl with messy hair.

“Yes?” she mumbled sleepily, running her fingers over her face.

I was completely taken aback. “I… I was looking for Samu.” I managed to say after a few seconds of total shock.

She sighed, opening the door for me and I followed her like a sleepwalker. What a mess! The whole room was full of bottles, clothes, empty bags of crisps and other garbage.

“Anyone seen Samu?” the blond girl asked loudly, making a few more heads lift from couches and pillows.

“He’s been here only a few minutes ago.” Another girl sat up on the bed, waking two of her friends that were still asleep next to her on the king-size mattress.

“Maybe he’s having a shower.” One of the girls on the couch pointed at the bathroom door where I heard water running. “Tamea went inside, maybe he joined her.”

Chapter 12

Wow. Looking around the huge mess I shook my head in disbelieve. Three on the bed, two on the couch, one in the shower and blondie standing right in front of me. Samu definitely knew how to party.

Slowly I started walking backwards, feeling my guts churn.

So this was him on tour. Right, I should have known that waiting for me would look like that in the special case of Samu Haber.

Our last phone call came to my mind. We had been so close, intimate for over an hour. God, it had been the best sex on the phone ever and now… Obviously it had not been enough for him.

Not wanting to wait for him and Tamea to exit the shower, I turned on my heels and left.

I only put my stuff into the room I would be sharing with Anna, even considering to leave right away and tell Samu to go fuck himself. Then I went downstairs again, feeling dumb, numb and somehow ridiculous.

Riku was smiling at me from afar, raising a paper coffee mug. “Are you in for a little stroll?” He asked enthusiastically and I nodded right away.

Distraction. Give me distraction or I will fall apart in no more than a second.

He guided me outside and through the hotel park. “Little walk along river Liffey for you?”

I nodded silently, my hands grasping the coffee mug for support.

Riku was quick to wrap his arm around my shoulders and softly rubbed my upper arm. “Everything alright with you?” he asked carefully and gave me a sweet smile.

I tried to return it and wrapped my arm around his waist.

Riku. My safe choice.

Sighing I looked into his beautiful eyes. Maybe this was again the universe kicking my ass. I lowered my gaze but Riku softly took my face by the chin to make me look up again.

“Are you alright?” he asked with his soothingly deep voice and I fought back my tears, nodding quickly.

“I’m good.” I whispered, resting my face on his neck when he pulled me in for a hug. “I’m good.” I repeated, feeling his hand rubbing my back.

“I’m glad you came.” He murmured into my ear and the familiarity of his smell took me completely off guard.

What on earth had I been thinking?

This was my place, my husband to be. Trustworthy, loving and caring.

Sighing lowly, I put my hand on his cheek the way I had done it for so long. I tried to smile, but somehow it didn’t work. “Let’s walk for a bit, alright?” I said and he nodded quickly, putting his hand over mine before he turned his head slightly to kiss my palm like he always did when my hand was on his face.

Smiling he ran his fingers through my hair. “Come on, let me show you around, the city has some places I really wanna show you.”

Breathing in and out a few times I nodded, quickly taking my mobile out of my pocket to turn it off. “No distractions.” I said seriously and he nodded immediately, switching off his own phone.

“No distractions.” He agreed, pulling me in for another hug before he took my hand. “Now come with me.”

After two hours of walking and talking and an early lunch, we were still strolling around Helsinki. He took me to several wonderful old bookstores, the river and a little Whiskey-museum. Before I even realized it properly, it was early evening and I had spent one of the most amazing days with the man I had once been in love with.

Even though my heart was still hurting and in some way my brain even refused to only think about Samu, I couldn’t help touching Riku’s cheek when we stood together on one of the city’s old bridges, talking about the history of a certain part of town.

My smart, beautiful husband to be. Returning his gaze, I tried to smile. He smiled back at me warmly, carefully wrapping his arms around my waist to move closer. I was standing with my back to the rim of the bridge, unexpectedly feeling pushed up against the warm stones when Riku bent down to kiss me.

God, he was such a great kisser!

My arms were wrapped tightly around his neck on their own accord and I kissed him. Voluntarily. And even deep and passionate.

And it felt unexpectedly good. Familiar. Safe.

Not as passionate and wild as Samu’s kiss maybe, but then again…

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, right?

He didn’t stop kissing me eagerly, apparently hungry and excited about the fact that he had finally made his move towards me after giving little hints and flirting for the last weeks.

“I have a surprise for you.” He suddenly whispered without taking his lips off mine. “Actually we wanted to take you girls there tomorrow but what about you and I having some private time without the others?”

Not feeling like going back to the hotel and maybe run into Samu and one of the girls of his gang-bang, I nodded immediately. “What is it?” I whispered out of breath, running my fingers through his hair.

He smiled and kissed me again before he took a little key out of the pocket of his short. “A hut by the sea.” His eyes were sparkling with the afternoon sun. “Why don’t we take my car and go there for the night?”

Again I simply nodded. Go fuck up my life, universe. If this is the right thing to do, I will make the best of it. Time for dreams and the big butterflies is over.

I took Riku’s hand. “Take me there.” I heard myself say.

Chapter 13

Hut by the sea was a great understatement. It actually was a house with two floors, a large garden and a roof terrace. When we arrived, the sun was still shining brightly and Riku pointed at the gates and the high fence. “Even paparazzi-proof.” He said with a grin and took the bags that he had secretly fetched from mine and his room out of the trunk of his car. “Make yourself home.” He nodded at the entrance door, then at the front-pocket of his shorts. “Can you grab the keys and open?”

I couldn’t help chuckling. This was so him. I did him that little favour and rummaged around the pocket until (among other things) I got hold of the keys and unlocked the front door.

“I’ll set our room and put some stuff into the fridge, why don’t you go upstairs and check out the terrace? I’ll be with you in a minute.” Smiling he cupped the cheeks of my butt with his hands.

I returned his kiss, fighting the urge to grab my mobile, switching it back on and call Samu to simply yell at him. Trying to dispel the bad thoughts, I took off my shoes and rushed upstairs. Some sea view would clear my head and maybe the universe didn’t mean to be cruel. After all Riku had always been a good husband and this time I would prevent him from cheating and maybe safe my life and our relationship with it.

Yanking the large balcony door open, I stepped outside into the soft breeze, breathing deeply.

“I expected you earlier.” A voice suddenly said and I almost jumped out of my skin, looking around the huge terrace.

Samu? My stomach did a quick backflip and I stared at the man that approached me.

He gave me a strange look, folding his arms over his chest. “So?” he simply said, making me narrow my eyes.

So? So, you fucking son of a rat? Completely speechless I stared at him for another brief moment.

“I’ve been waiting for you at the hotel.” He suddenly stated, making me snort.

“Well, technical you haven’t.” I shot back. “There were seven half-naked, half-drunk girls in your room, but I couldn’t find you.”

He let out a little chuckle. “So that’s the way the wind is blowing. And Riku of course took good care of you and kept you company because I am a fucking arsehole, fucking everything female in reach, right?” sarcastically he nodded at me. “What did he tell you, this little fuck?”

“Nothing.” Trying hard to keep a dignified expression. “We didn’t talk about you.”

Samu laughed in surprise, throwing his head back. “Anyway, you are here to spend the night with him instead of me and I would really like to hear your explanation for that.”

“My explanation?” I was fuming all of a sudden, the picture of all the girls in his messed up room still far too close. “You had a little gang-bang last night! And I will not accept this kind of behaviour or resign myself with the fact that you are fucking around!”

“I haven’t touched another woman since you and I…” he fell silent, shaking his head in disbelief. “He didn’t tell you that I shared rooms with Sami last night, did he? Wow.” Samu stepped back, running his fingers through his hair. “We had a party, I don’t deny it, why should I? And then I left my room to those girls and Osmo and I found another place to sleep.” Gritting his teeth he shook his head. “I have been waiting for you, Elena! My balls were aching and I was drunk enough to bang them all last night, but I didn’t! Because I waited for you! Because the only pussy I want is yours, for fucks sake! And now you…” he gestured towards the house in my back. “Now you simply… you let him talk you into this shit and even agree to come here with him for the night?” shaking his head, he looked at me furiously. “I know quite well that he would be the better man for you, the better choice. It drove me mad for the last weeks that he has somehow managed to bond with you, get close with you in his own fucking smart and nice ways, but I never expected that you would fall for shit like that!”

I was speechless. Completely out of words, looking at the ranting man in front of me. This beautiful, wonderful man, my choice in this damn parallel world. I felt guilty for not taking him to task first thing in the morning. For spending the whole day with Riku and agreeing to come here with him as if Samu and our time together had never existed. I felt stupid, guilty and sorry, all at the same time.

“I kissed him.” I heard myself say while I was standing there, looking up at him in complete shock.

Samu groaned in annoyance, rubbing his face with the palms of his hand. 

“Of course you did!” he barked at me. “Because Rajamaa is giving you the lovey-dovey shit and I am the bad, unromantic guy that is unable to keep it in his pants!” Turning away from me, he walked over to a group of chairs by the rim of the terrace.

Without even thinking about it, I followed him, putting my hand on his back, but he moved away.

“Seriously?” he looked down at me with his dark brows furrowed. “Rajamaa gets to first base with you just like that?”

“Well, I assumed that you had a few homeruns yourself last night and I wasn’t in the mood to face you and loose it completely because it hurt so much that I wanted to punch you in your crown jewels!”

“So you simply switch off the phone and hit it off with Rajamaa?” accusingly he pointed at the house again. “You come here to let him fuck you even though you told me only yesterday that you can’t wait to have me back? How’s that even possible?” he shook his head. “I want an answer right now. Are you mine? I never said it would be easy, but if you can look me in the eyes and promise me that you are mine, I am gonna be yours for the rest of my life. But if you only waver for a second, I am done with you.” His eyes had darkened and he even looked dangerous right at this very moment, but I didn’t hesitate.

“It’s you. It has always been you.” I mumbled and tried to swallow down the lump in my throat.

“He might be the better man.” Samu insisted, grabbing my chin to force me to look in his eyes.

“Maybe.” I whispered, trying hard to hold his stare. “But I want you.”

He gave me another intense look, then he stepped back and nodded, still not totally convinced. “If you ever again feel distrust towards anything that happens in my life, come talk to me before you run off and think about letting Rajamaa shag you.” Again he gritted his teeth. “Damn it I can’t believe that he almost… Fuck, Elena, how could you…” he turned his back on me, walking away a few steps.

I couldn’t blame him. He was right! I would have slept with Riku in only a few minutes. I would have done it, believing that it was my destiny, believing that Riku held my future.

Swallowing hard I tried to make up my mind. I would never forgive myself, wondering if Samu would manage. After a deep breath I squared my shoulders.

“Tell me one thing and don’t answer too quickly.” I put my hands on his chest. “Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me that I kissed him, that I almost slept with him because I was so shocked by all those girls in your bed and so unbelievably mad at you? Can you forgive me or will this stand between us from now on? Because if it does, I will right now leave this place, leave Finland and delete both of your phone numbers.”

He squinted, stepping back to look at me closely. For a moment that felt like eternity he fell silent. Then he only nodded without saying a word.

“There is a fire escape over there.” He pointed ahead. “Show daring and good will and climb it down.”

Taken aback I looked up at him, but he simply pointed to his right again. “Climb down.” He demanded and I obeyed without any further comment.

When we reached the ground, he simply grabbed my arm, pulling me along and through the backyard. “My car is parked a few minutes up the beach, move it.”

We walked for a while in complete silence. The house was soon out of sight and it became cold as the sun went down. I shivered mutely, not wanting him to see that I was shaking both from the cold and the churning feelings inside of me.

He suddenly stopped, letting out a breath that he had obviously held for quite some time. Looking closely at me in the dim light of the sunset, he abruptly grabbed my neck.

Shrieking in surprise I tried to remove his hand, but he held onto me firmly, pulling me closer and in the direction of a little bench nearby.

“Your slip.” He simply stated, reaching out his free hand, even shaking me slightly when I didn’t react right away. “Gimme your slip!” he repeated and I obeyed, watching him opening and removing his belt.

“I wish that this would come to use now because I really wanna slap your cute little ass for almost sleeping with Rajamaa.” He said very seriously, slapping his hand with the hard leather before he pulled down his pants and sat down on the bench with me on his lap.

Another small cry escaped my lips and I tried to bite my tongue to prevent myself from making another noise when he pushed himself inside of me forcefully.

Clasping my neck again, he made me look at him while he was moving my hips up and down. It was painful, I wasn’t ready for it and so confused that I was torn between hitting him and crying. I grabbed his arms for balance, trying my best to hold his stare but I didn’t succeed.

Looking at him was impossible right now. Maybe I deserved to be punished for what I had done, but I couldn’t believe that he now in fact punished me by having sex with him.

Grabbing hold of his arm again, I actually felt tears welling up. I couldn’t breathe properly, feeling a lump in my throat. What was this damn universe doing to me?

Samu stopped moving all of a sudden, wrapping his arms around me. With a low sigh he buried his face on my neck. He sat like this without a word, still breathing deep and heavily. When he lifted his head again, he looked up at me, putting his hand on my face.

“I can’t even anger-fuck you.” He whispered. “I am so angry right now, but…” he sighed again, lowering his gaze. “Do you want me to take you back to the house?” he asked hesitantly, softly rubbing my thighs that were still straddling his lap.

I was fighting my tears and shook my head slowly. “No.” I croaked with a lot of effort.

He let his hands travel up to my face and lifted it cautiously to meet my eyes. “I am so angry and jealous and…” he exhaled. “God, Elena.” Shaking his head in disbelief, he pulled me down to rest his lips on my forehead. “I’m so… I’m sunk! I know you didn’t sleep with him, but I feel betrayed by you.” His grip around me tightened.

“I never wanted to feel this way.” He suddenly said in a very low voice. “Never. Not about you or any other person in my life. I never wanted to fall so hard and now you …” When he lifted his head again, his green eyes almost pierced through me, making me feel pain that wasn’t mine deep inside my soul. “And now …” he shrugged pensively, staring down the windy beach.

I felt my legs wrapping themselves around him tightly. “Samu.” I whispered into his ear, shoving his hair back to kiss my way down his neck. My lips caused goose bumps on his skin and I returned his embrace, slowly starting to move my hips again. With my hands in his hair I managed to pull his head back and make him look at me.

“I chose you.” I whispered, kissing his lips to make the sceptical look on his face disappear. “In whatever version of reality, I wanna be yours and only yours.”

“No maybes, no chances!” he demanded, sitting up a little to grab my hips.

“None.” I looked deep into his eyes. “It will always be you.” I promised, hoping against hope that I had finally found my place, my home and my reality with this decision. Somewhere deep inside of me, I was scared that the universe would hit me again and that I would all of a sudden wake up being my old self. Being married to a man that was no more than a fantastic friend, longing for the one man that kept rejecting and hurting me by screwing around.

“I am yours, Samu.” I whispered shakily, burying my face on his neck and praying for the universe to finally cut the crap and stop interfering.

He smiled at me, kissing me keenly. “Now you are.” He whispered back.

Epilogue

Sometimes I wake up during the night, shaking like a leaf. I somehow know that I don’t belong here, don’t belong to this place, this time. And every now and then in the darkest of hours during my nights it freaks me out completely. With my heart pounding in my ears I then stare into nowhere, watching the man by my side sleeping.

I am still here. Still with Samu. And sometimes I find spontaneous refuge in his embrace even though he is asleep.

But I’m afraid, I don’t belong here.

And maybe some random day, I will disappear as unexpectedly as I had once appeared. Another accident maybe. Or maybe I will simply wake up again one morning and find myself back home. Another home. A good one perhaps, but not the place where my heart belongs.

With a throbbing somewhere in the pit of my stomach I listen to the silence around me. Samu is deep asleep, I can clearly hear his steady and slow breathing. I’m still here.

Carefully I cuddle closer to his warm shoulder and shut my eyes firmly.

I’m still here …