Chapter 7 - Welcome to my Life

Chapter 7

Linnea’s POV

Even a few weeks later I couldn’t really believe that I had actually done this. I was right now dating Nicky Byrne, former Westlife singer and definitely best looking man on the island. He seemed totally mad about me and I started to enjoy the first little blossoms of new love. Before I had met him, I had been stuck, totally trapped in my past and almost certain that I would never manage to get over everything that had happened between Riku and me. Nicky kept asking me about it but I always tried to avoid the subject. It had been hard enough for me to talk about Jannis’ birth and there was no need to destroy the sweet and soft new feelings that were between us now. When I had told him about labour and the complications and severe injuries that had almost been fatal for me and Jannis, I had been sure that he would be shocked enough to simply back off and maybe consider not seeing me again, but he was obviously a lot stronger than I had expected.

We had all spent Christmas at the diner together with Cate and her boyfriend Jake. Jamie and his family had joined us as well as some friends we had made through the years. But surprisingly it also didn’t feel awkward to spend New Year’s Eve alone with Nicky and Jannis. We prepared food and watched the fireworks from his apartment window with Janis sleeping on Nicky’s arm.

Hell, this handsome blond guy made me fall for him head over feet. And it felt good.

It was February already, all cold and foggy and grey but the sun came out for me when Nicky entered the diner. He had picked up Jannis at the day-care after the morning shift at the radio station he now actually worked in three times a week.

We sat together as usual, having a little snack before he took me and Jannis home. I had not agreed to move in with him when he had asked me at New Years. It had been tempting and his apartment was definitely big enough to fit me and Jannis in but I simply wasn’t ready for it. He understood as he always did, never wanting to push me into anything. From time to time he still made some comments about us living together, maybe buying a house somewhere, but I kept rejecting it as nicely as possible. Nicky was a wonderful man and he really seemed to love me a lot. He also took care of Jannis in such a sweet way that it almost made my heart ache.

But I couldn’t. The whole way was too much for me. And Nicky surprisingly accepted it.

“Linnea?” I hadn’t realised that he had been talking to me and snapped back into reality.

“I’m sorry!” I put my sandwich down, turning a little to look into his incredible eyes. “You were saying?”

He smiled, still giving little crumbs of bread to Jannis that by now had his first teeth and was happy to finally chew something. (My nipples weren’t too fond of it to be honest but that’s a different story.)

“I am on call this afternoon.” He said, grinning broadly. “I sound very important, don’t I?”

I couldn’t help giggling. “Indeed, Mr Reporter! What is this about, being ‘on call’?”

“Actually it is not a big deal. There is this interview I’m gonna have tomorrow and the…” suddenly he was interrupted by Cate who came running over to us from behind the counter.

“Phone call for you, Lin.” She seemed irritated, furrowing her brows.

I got up astound, exchanging a gaze with Nicky that kept eating and simply shrugged.

“Who is it?”

“He said he needed to talk to you right away.” Cate put her fingers on her temples. “Deep voice, accent. Sam… Sam… Samu, Samu that’s the name, he sounded urgent. He even…”

But I didn’t listen to her anymore. From my feet up a wave of coldness swept over me like icy water. Samu. Suddenly I felt like being sick. How on earth had he found me here?

“Lin? Babe, are you alright?” someone was shaking me, I heard Jannis cry and felt a hand on my cheek.

“Are you ok?” this time the voice was softer. Nicky.

I looked up into his blue eyes that were full of compassion.

“You want me to talk to him?” carefully he helped me up from the floor – the floor? Had I lost conscience for a second without even realising? – and made me sit down on my chair again, but I shook my head.

“I… no. I have to do this myself.” Cautiously I got up again, taking a deep breath. Get a grip! I told myself, cursing inwardly. We had basically been friends for years! Yet I had not talked to him since Riku had left. And I was scared and didn’t want to hear what he was about to tell me. Maybe he even put Riku on the phone. The mere thought of hearing his voice again made my vision blurry and I grabbed Nicky’s arm for support.

“It’s fine.” I repeated, my voice throaty and low. “I can do this.”

Hopefully I could. Like a sleepwalker I went over to the counter - had it always been so quiet in here? - , taking the phone.

“Hei.” I heard myself say. “Mitää kuuluu?”

He was breathing, I could tell, but apparently I had thrown him for a loop.

“How I am?” he said eventually and I almost saw him shaking his blond head. “Girl, d’you have any idea how long it took me to finally find you?”

Well that was easy, about five months? I didn’t say it but I had to bite my tongue so the words would not slip out. Again we fell silent for a few brief moments.

Then I heard him sigh. “Damn, Lin, I am so sorry.”

Pulling a chair closer, I sat down, putting my head in my hands. “Don’t be.” I replied lowly.

“How are you? How… how is the baby?”

“Jannis. His name is Jannis.” All of a sudden I felt anger boiling in my stomach, remembering a few things Riku had called him before he had left us. “We’re good, Samu, we’re doing well, no need to worry.”

“Actually it is not you I am worried about the most. You are by far the strongest woman I know.” Samu became silent but I didn’t feel like breaking the silence and stared down at the desk.

“Lin, did… have you talked to Riku?”

My hand clenched into a fist. “Since he walked out on my and that horrible thing that came out of me? No, I haven’t!” I snapped back. “And I won’t be talking about him either, just for your information! I am happy, I moved on and I would be really thankful if you could accept that and tell it to him as well if you feel the urge to do it.” Getting up from my chair again, I ran my fingers through my hair. “Thank you for calling and checking on us.” With that I hung up, trying to regain my breath. He didn’t deserve that but he had simply caught me off guard and this little scene was the best I could do despite breaking down crying and definitely needing to know that Riku was fine. I closed my eyes, putting my hands on the counter. Slowly my forehead followed and I just stood there for what felt like an eternity.