Chapter 6 - Welcome to my Life

Chapter 6

Nicky’s POV

I was completely taken aback. Her story, the pow, soul mate. She had lost her soul mate? Well, I had certainly lost mine when the mother of my children had left me with nothing but divorce papers. It took a few seconds to settle but then I smiled at her again.

“I think I do.” I said lowly, looking straight into her eyes.

This wasn’t about me and Kim. Not at all. Not anymore. It was about me and Linnea now and I had to know it, had to know the enemy, I needed a name for this soul mate-bastard.

“Who is he? Give me the band at least.”

She furrowed her dark brows. “Why d’you need to know all of that?”

I didn’t have a clue actually. Masochism?

I had no idea, so I simply constructed something: “I want you to get rid of it. There are so many things locked up inside of you and I want you to trust me and talk about it.” I heard myself say, holding my breath. Damn, I sounded stupid and cheesy!

But from the sudden sparkle in her eyes I could tell that I had hit the bull’s eye with my touchy-feely-woman’s-magazine-blabla.

“Alright.” She closed her eyes, almost emptying her wine in one big gulp. “You know Sunrise Avenue, right?”

Pow! Welcome to my life! Only a few days ago I had actually bought two of their CD’s. Now that was a slap in the face! Right away I had the picture of this big blond guy on my mind. Hell, he was handsome and tall and definitely every girl’s wet dream with his guitar and his deep voice!

“Mhm.” I managed to enunciate.

“The guitarist is Riku. He is Jannis’ father.”

“Quite a hulk, this soul mate of yours.” Slipped from my tongue and I caught her surprised gaze.

“Pardon me, what?”

“A hulk, big guy. Eye-candy. Girl’s dream.”

“Nicky!” suddenly she squeezed my fingers a little harder. “You asked about it, I told you. Now for the love of God, stop talking! Your mouth is again disconnected from your brain, give it some time to find the wireless again, alright?”

When I looked up at her, she had cocked her head. “And no, it is not the big blond guy. Samu is really nice but definitely not my cup of tea! Take a look at his right side, there’s another guy with a guitar, that’s him. Period. D’you hear me? Is your brain booted up again?”

I nodded slowly, a little grin raising the left corner of my mouth. The killer-gaze of the old Westlife-times, absolutely heartbeat-stopping, but Linnea only smiled back.

“Alright then.” Contentedly she bent over the table, offering her spoon with Tiramisu to me. “Forget about it, I am here, I’m not with him anymore, it’s irrelevant.”

She was right. I opened my mouth, letting her feed me. I knew she was right but instead of forgetting about it and letting go, the words kept echoing on my mind. Why had she left? Had he left her? What exactly had happened between the two of them?

I would google this guy as soon as I was back at home! In a self-destructive way I needed to see his face.

Soul mate.

The sweet desert was suddenly bitter in my mouth.

We went to a bar after our dinner, because Linnea had decided that she wasn’t in the mood to go home right away. I knew that I had rained on her parade with all my questions. Now that we were at it already, I even thought about asking for the whole story because I had never been able to handle girls in emotional states. Damn, there was Kim again, right back in my head. We had been together for so long, she had known all of this. And now I was standing there like a tenth-grader, waiting for my date to finish her call with the man she lived with and that took care of her child, desperately wanting to forget about everything she had just told me and simply kiss her. Now who was emotional? Damn! I grabbed her coat a little tighter, forcing a smile when she turned around.

“Jannis is deep asleep. You are the native, where are we heading?” she smiled, taking my hand after I had helped her slipping into her coat.

“Well,” I looked outside into the cold evening. “What would you prefer: A pub and beer, cocktails…” again I gave the going-out-situation around us a good thinking. “There is also a little bar not too far from here, it is nice, they often have live-music.”

“Nice!” she nodded immediately, grabbing my hand. “Let’s go there! Come on, I wanna buy you a drink.”

Later that night we took a cab together. She was still holding my hand, her head resting on my shoulder.

I can’t really tell how or who started it, but in front of her house we kissed. A long and good kiss and I found her smiling up at me when she eventually broke it.

“Good night.” She whispered with a smile, pecking my lips again before she carefully took the stairs up to the entrance door. With her keys in her hands she turned around again, giving me another smile. “I had a great time, Nicky, thank you!”

I took a small bow, grinning broadly. “Thank you Mylady. We should have breakfast together tomorrow, what d’you say?”

She broke into laughter. “Don’t you normally add ‘in bed’ now?”

I needed a second, then I laughed along with her. “Well, normally I would. But it seems that your bed is already filled with two guys, right?”

“Totally.” She blew a kiss at me. “I’ll see you at the diner. At ten?”

Waving like a toddler, I nodded. “See you then!”

                                           

She wasn’t at the diner at ten the next morning. Cate told me that Jannis was all of a sudden sick and in bed and that Linnea had to stay with him.

No breakfast out? Well, then I would bring it to her.

I had spent over an hour the night before, searching the internet for a clear photo of this Riku guy. There were many and I became more and more frustrated: no dirty linen. Passionate guitarist. Songwriter. Funny guy. Not too attractive maybe. Well, beauty was in the eye of the beholder and truth to be told, I was a little skinny myself… Damn. The only thing I found when I started digging deeper was a little note, only an aside in a magazine: A few shows of Sunrise Avenue had been cancelled, and for the last month Riku had been replaced by another guitarist due to vaguely defined health problems.

One second I felt like picking up the phone, calling her and everybody I knew to find out what exactly had happened to him. And to her. To them. Then I bit my tongue, swearing to myself that I would never open that subject ever again. I was completely torn.

Standing in front of her door I was still telling myself over and over again that I had to keep my big mouth shut.

She wore trainers, really old, navyblue ones. Her hair was a mess and her eyes tired. And she had never been more beautiful. Before I could start drooling and blurting out with something stupid, I lifted the shopping bags.

“Breakfast!” I announced, passing by the astounded young woman. She followed with Jannis up on her arm, offering help, but I shooed her away, pointing at a chair. “Sit down and wait!” I demanded, starting on my famous scrambled eggs (according to Kian fabulous). But I couldn’t help staring at Jannis secretly from time to time. Yep. The nose. The hair. This whole damn cute face. He was the spitting image of his father. And I didn’t know how to deal with it, what to say or do. Why couldn’t I simply let go?

The baby had fallen asleep on her lap when we sat together in the living room after a big warm eggs-sausage-cheese-and-bread-breakfast. Linnea sipped her coffee, resting her head against my shoulder.

“God, this was so good!” she whispered, smiling at me. “Thank you!”

“No problem.” I smiled back, still not really knowing what else to say. It was a peaceful moment and I snuggled closer to Linnea. It was all so quiet and cosy, and I felt myself getting more and more relaxed, listening to the sound of Jannis’ breathing.

“Can you prepare his milk?” Linnea suddenly whispered and I felt like waking up from a dream.

“Sure.” I whispered back, getting up carefully. “What d’you need?”

“There’s a little bottle in the fridge, just put it in the bottle warmer, I will change him and maybe we will manage to put him to bed.” Very slowly she got up as well.

We actually managed and passed with flying horses, standing on the corridor a little bashful when the little boy was asleep in his bed.

I was first to overcome my insecurity, bending over to softly kiss her lips. She moved closer, putting her arms around my neck immediately. Smiling I closed my eyes and took another half step towards her, pressing her back against the wall. Hell, this felt so good! Her unique smell was in my nose and she somehow tasted perfect. Like… what was it? Damn, it felt warm and save and perfect.

Suddenly she broke the kiss. “I should get a shower.” She whispered, avoiding eye contact.

I pulled her closer again, my lips finding hers. “I’m in.” I whispered against her mouth, making her look up at me astound.

“I…” she started, but I silenced her with another kiss.

“Come on, what d’you say, you fill the tub, I get the baby monitor and join you in a minute, alright?”

She ran her hands over my chest and neck, nodding slowly. “Are you sure about this?” again she caressed my neck, almost making me purr a little. “Because I am not.”

Smiling I kissed her lips. “Let’s give it a try.” I winked at her, acting a lot more confident than I was. In fact my heart was pounding in my throat when I leaned against the wall outside the bathroom, the baby monitor in my hand. Let go, let go, let go! I told myself like a mantra, listening to the sounds of running water and her steps. I had to let go of Kim now. And I had to forget about all my questions concerning her relationship.

Taking a deep breath I grabbed the door handle.

The winter outside was dark and rainy which made the bathroom and the candles Linnea had enlightened even more cosy. Sitting in the tub with a lot of foam and her hair swept up, Linnea looked at me. She was obviously as nervous as I was. But actually that fact made me a little more confident. I smiled at her, quickly pulling my pullover and T-shirt over my head.

“Don’t look!” I demanded jokingly when I opened my belt. She broke into laughter, turning her back towards me.

“Maybe we should have a few drinks to make this a little easier, what d’you say?”

I was fighting with my socks, almost loosing balance. “Good idea!” I agreed, quickly stepping closer from behind. In a weird way I truly didn’t want her to see me naked right away, so I stepped into the tub behind her, sitting down carefully. She suddenly turned around, giving me a smile. “Are you alright?” she asked, making me chuckle.

“Wow, you see right through me, don’t you?” bashfully I stared down at the white foam around us. Damn!

She chuckled lowly, lying back with a sigh. “Well, you seemed nervous as well.” Again she chuckled, poking me with her toe. “Look at us! I picked you up next to a garbage bin only a few days ago!”

“Quick progress, you’re right.” Running my hand over her shin, I leaned back as well. “But in the right direction!”

“Well…” she cocked her head. “I’m still not sure about this.”

“Why?” I bent forward a little, running my fingertips over her thighs. “Usually I don’t sleep in the dirt if that’s still bothering you!”

She squirmed under my touch. “I haven’t… well, I didn’t have THAT for a while.”

Grinning I kept playing with the soft skin of her inner thighs. “Let me guess, you didn’t do it for… well, about a year?”

She burst out laughing, obviously honestly surprised. “A year? Nicky, Jannis is four months old!”

I felt my ears burning and my face turning red. So? I didn’t get it. “Well, when my wife was pregnant, we… we didn’t…”I started, feeling really stupid. Well, at least she was laughing and seemed more and more relaxed. Even though the fun was on me.

“So tell me, when did you have your last sex?” I pushed forward to cover up my own insecurity.

“Well, Jannis was born on the 23 of July, that was a Saturday.” She calculated. “I think on Tuesday.”

“WHAT?” I stared at her, completely confused. “You are kidding, right?”

“I’m not!” she giggled, her cheeks blushing. “I thought that this was normal!”

“Definitely not!” I shook my head no. “Hell, how… how did you…” trying to picture her with a huge belly, I kept shaking my head. “Are you kidding me?”

“No!” she gestured with her hands. “I… I was on top.”

Looking at each other again we both burst into laughter. “God damn it, get those pictures out of my head!” I gasped, pulling her closer to kiss her. “Please!” I begged. “Can you at least try to replace them?” When I ran my hands down her spine and put my legs over hers, she suddenly broke the kiss and moved away.

“Listen I… Nicky, I’m sorry.” She looked at me, a little gloomy all of a sudden. “I need more time for this, I’m sorry.”

“D’you wanna talk about it?” I offered, making her grin weakly.

“Thanks for that but I’m afraid that there are a few things that… well, during the last months and also… also when… when I gave birth… damn.” She fell silent again but I was too curious to put that matter to rest again.

“Damn what?” I asked softly, pulling her closer to let her snuggle her face to my chest. “What happened to you?” My voice wasn’t more than a whisper and I kept stroking her back to comfort her.

She had told me things about the birth of her son I hadn’t even imagined in my wildest dreams. With Kim and the two c-sections everything had been fine, I hadn’t seen any blood, there was no screaming, not much pain, no drama. Only the baby within a few minutes.

Now she lay on my chest, sleeping and I ran my fingers over her spine that was still a little wet from sweat. Even though she had put a few more pictures of 40 hours of contractions, bad hospitals, a car crash during her labour and a lot of cracked skin and torn up flesh into my head, there had been no way for me to resist her anymore. It had felt right, it still did when I looked down at her tousled hair. Sighing I closed my eyes, wondering for a second if HE had been there for her during labour. I decided no. There had to be a snag in it! This soul mate bastard needed to have a dark side.

And if it only was for me to feel better about him.