Chapter 12 - Welcome to my Life

Linnea’s POV

It was four in the afternoon and I was at the diner with Jannis, impatiently waiting for Nicky’s return. He had called me from the airport only 20 Minutes ago, telling me that he would right now take a cab and be home soon.

Smiling I kept rocking the baby. I couldn’t wait for him to see one little surprise I hadn’t even planned.

He looked tired, almost a little exhausted. Maybe his friend had needed a lot of talking and he was now shattered with a lot of missing sleep. I almost ran into him, ignoring his half-hearted smile.

“You wanna take him!” I simply stated, grinning broadly.

He laughed surprised, the clouds around his head suddenly disappearing. “Do I?” he asked, reaching out his hand to touch my cheek before he took Jannis in his arms that started to clap and cheer at the sight of him, his little hands grabbing Nicky’s pullover. “Icky!” the baby suddenly gurgled. “Icky, Icky!” and I burst into laughter when I saw the stupid broad grin that spread over Nicky’s whole face.

“Seriously, Icky?” he kissed the little boy that kept gurgling and giggling.

“It is getting better!” I interrupted after a little while, taking Jannis’ hand. “Jannis, who’s that?” I pointed at Nicky. “Who’s that?”

Jannis smiled, tapping Nicky’s face with his free hand. “Dada.” He said. “Daadady.”

From the corner of my eye I saw Nicky swallowing hard. He pulled Jannis in for a tight embrace, hugging me with him.

“Jeez, you are killing me!” he whispered, his lips searching for mine. Intensely he kissed me, holding me as close as possible and I returned both his kiss and embrace, relieved that he was back with us and that he seemed happy for the first time in days.

“You’re back early.” I whispered into his ear, placing a soft kiss on his earlobe.

He moved away a little and I could almost see the dark clouds coming back, biting my tongue. Damn! Maybe his friend’s status was getting worse! Why was I unable to keep my mouth shut sometimes?

“Come on, let’s have some early dinner and go home, what d’you say?” he rubbed my back but the sadness in his eyes was almost tangible. I nodded, snuggling my face to his neck.

“I could definitely use some relaxation time with you.”

And I got it. After some sandwiches we headed home and I surprised him with his own fridge full of groceries and bottle of good wine. I had cleaned out his place and prepared the bathroom for us to have some private time (which of course we didn’t have because Jannis insisted on joining us in the tub, but Nicky didn’t mind).

When the baby was finally asleep in one of the spare rooms, where I had put a portacrib only yesterday, he totally made up for every missing hour of the last two days. It was still weird for me sometimes to look up at the man that was making love to me, finding Nicky, smiling, kissing me so sweetly, his hands running over my skin softly, experienced and even after only knowing me for such a short amount of time almost feeling anything I needed.

Carefully I pulled him down to meet his lips, my fingers playing with his soft blond hair. He was perfect.

But there was this tiny part of my brain that without warning started firing pictures that blocked my sight. Another man, another smile. His hands rougher, with calluses from his long years of guitar playing.

Burying my face at Nicky’s neck, I tried to hide the sudden rush of emotions. All of a sudden I could almost smell and taste Riku’s skin. I couldn’t breathe, didn’t want to breathe because I didn’t want his scent in my nose. Completely thrown off track I wrapped my arms and legs tighter around Nicky before I let go, pushing the upper part of his body up with my hands. Out of breath I blinked, nictating again and again for a few heartbeats. The right picture occurred in the halflight of the room.

“Are you alright?” he whispered, all of a sudden alarmed. “Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head no, trying to smile at him.

“I’m fine.” I whispered back, running my fingers over his chest. He did the same and smiled at me. “A little wet with your milk, hum?” his smile grew wider. “Didn’t the little one drink enough?” carefully he ran his lips down my neck. “Why don’t you sit on top of me and let me have a sip of it?”

Jannis was sitting on the bathroom rug the next morning when Nicky and I had a shower together. In a weird way we had been inseparable that night and even after we had made love twice, he refused to move away only an inch. My neck was hurting from the unusual sleeping position, but it had been worth it. Cuddling closer to Nicky’s wet and warm body I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around his hips.

“He’s watching us.” Nicky suddenly stated with a smile, pointing at Jannis that had somehow managed to get on his knees and now leaned at the glass of the shower, softly tapping it and showing his first six teeth with his broad smile.

I laughed at his shoulder, peeping around him. “You’re right.” I giggled.  “Maybe we should get out and prepare breakfast.”

“Or…” he pulled me in for a kiss, swallowing another giggle with his mouth.

“Mr Byrne! Not with the baby around!” I joked, deepening the kiss.

It was almost eight when we arrived at the diner and I waved at Cate. She had been kind enough to take over the first part of my shift to give Nicky and me some time together. Grabbing my apron, I kissed Nicky’s lips. “Thank you for the lovely night.” I whispered into his ear, finding him smiling back at me and kissing me again.

“Anytime.” He whispered, running his fingers through my hair. Suddenly his mobile made a little sound and he started searching the pockets of his jacket. When he looked at it, his smile froze on his lips and he stepped back.

“Love, I… I gotta…” he threw a gaze around. “There is something I need to tell you, before…”

“Lin!” a sudden shriek made me turn my head and I found Cate sitting on the floor. For a second everything around me was in slow motion, only to snap back into real time with the force of a sledge hammer. Lou. It was Lou on the floor.

Running over to his table I combed back my hair and grabbed his hand.

“What happened?” I whispered alarmed, yelling at everybody around to step back and call an ambulance at the same time.

“I don’t know!” Cate was close to tears. “He just… I don’t know!”

Quickly I tried to lift Lou’s legs. They were thin and felt almost weightless in an odd way. Stroke. Maybe a heart attack. Everything I knew about first aid was all of a sudden gone and I reached out my hand to touch Lou’s face. The old man was unconscious, maybe it was for the best. But it didn’t make it easy to assess his vital status. Kneading my fingers I decided to take off my pullover to fold it and put it under his head. It was all I could do right now, but at least he would be a little more comfortable.

“Ambulance is on the way.” I heard someone say nearby.

A hand was placed on my back and it was Nicky that got down on his knees next to me. He had an appalled look on his face and I was more than thankful that he didn’t try to soothe me with platitudes like “everything’s gonna be fine”.

Time dragged on like molasses on a cold winter day but finally the ambulance arrived, providing first aid.

“You go with him.” Cate suddenly demanded after I had given the doctor all the information I had on Lou. She even pushed me outside in my thin t-shirt, insisting again. “Go, for fuck’s sake! He needs a friend now and you two have been exceptionally close during the last months!”

My gaze found Nicky standing on the pavement not far from us with his mobile in his hands.

“Go.” He agreed, nodding at the ambulance where Lou was lying on a stretcher. “Call me in an hour, alright?”

I nodded quickly, grabbing the hand of the doctor to let him help me into the car.

It was only a dizzy spell but nevertheless it had almost scared me to death and I stayed with Lou for another three hours, waiting for him to wake up and keep him company for a bit. Eventually I left reluctantly, because his daughter and her kids arrived from Manchester and I wanted to give them some time as a family.

One of the nurses had brought me an old pullover and I was more than thankful for it when I left the hospital and walked over to the next bus stop. When I was sitting on the bus I tried to call Nicky, feeling a little sorry that I had not called him earlier. It was noon already. I also felt my bad conscious gnawing because Cate was on her own at the diner with Jon and right now the lunch hours were about to start. Nervously I played around with my mobile. I had to switch busses soon and it would take me at least another half hour to finally get there. Quickly I typed the landline number of the diner, but it rang ten times until Cate finally picked up. “JonsDinerCateSpeaking.” She whispered out of breath.

“Hey Cate, it’s me!” I closed my eyes, too tired to keep looking outside into the foggy day. “I’m on my way back, Lou is doing better, his family is now with him.”

“Lin.” Cate simply said, pausing far too long. “Good… that is… that is good news.” Again she paused and I could almost see that she was right now starting to bite her nails. Cate was always bad at hiding her feelings or emotions and at this moment she was a bundle of nerves, trying her best to hide it from me.

“It’s fine, Cate!” I tried to ease up the situation. “It was only a little dizzy spell, Lou’s gonna be fine within a few days.”

“Yah, right.” Cate sounded absentminded. All of a sudden I heard that she was covering the earphone, exchanging a few sentences with someone. What the hell was wrong with her today? “Cate!” I sounded sharper than I intended, but somehow I my nerves were still on the edge and I couldn’t stand my friend being weird and cryptic now. “Cate, what the hell is going on?”

“Lin, listen, I … there… you…” again the earpiece of the phone was covered but this time I heard her shouting “Shut the fuck up right now! All of you!” then she turned back at me. “Lin, I’m sorry. It is a little hard to explain, will you just come back, we have a little… situation here and you are definitely the only one to solve it.” With that she hung up on me. For the rest of the ride I couldn’t sit still, impatiently waiting for the bus to pick up his pace again after stopping at every dam bus stop in town.

Almost rushing inside the diner I threw a gaze around the place. It was full, nearly every seat taken and I saw one of the kitchen boys running around with plates while Cate was simply standing behind the bar, staring into nowhere. What the fuck? I closed the door behind, giving the room another look. All of a sudden four people got up almost simultaneously and I felt a block of ice forming in my stomach. The looks on their faces were as different as chalk and cheese. Samu looked worried and tired, Jenna on the other hand a little contrite even though she couldn’t quite supress her excitement. Nicky was pale, rocking Jannis on his arm. His lips formed a thin white line but he somehow managed to smile at me despite the man that was standing at the other end of the table, showing a thousand emotions at the same time, unable to hide anything of it. There was anger, fighting a smile. Black despair and at the same time disappointment, rage and an insecure flicker of hope.

I was rotten to the spot, not even managing to breath.

Riku.

Torn between the urge to run away, run into him or throw up right there and then I simply kept standing there, staring at them.

When Riku all of a sudden stepped forward, I stopped him by only lifting my hands defensively, shaking my head no.

“What is this all about?” I managed to get out of my mouth after a few seconds.

“I need to talk to you.” He simply said in Finnish, his voice causing goose bumps all over my lower back. But I didn’t miss the gaze he threw at Nicky that instinctively pulled Jannis closer and turned further away from the other man.

“Well, I have been waiting for this talk months ago and right now I don’t think I rather want it nor need it anymore.” I lowered my hands, shaking my head again. “You might as well leave.”

He stuck to Finnish, most probably to annoy Nicky and took off his jacket. “I think I won’t do that.”

Feeling myself getting more and more angry at him, the other three dumbasses, sitting around silently and the whole situation, I stepped back, pointing behind the bar. “Well then, backroom.” I commanded aggressively. “And don’t get lost on the way as usual!” Without waiting for his answer I turned on my heels, pushing the door open.